Chapter 17
I wanted to turn this damn car around, but I knew what this was when I went into it. I knew she had some kind of situation back home. If I’m being honest with myself, things here have gone too far. All I could do now was trust her father would protect her, if ole boy got out of hand. If the situation was different, things would have been handled differently.
I couldn’t get the look in her eyes when she asked me to go out of my head the entire drive. It wasn’t until I pulled into my parents’ driveway and my mother walked out with the brightest smile did things clear up. I released a breath, then got out of the car, heading for my mom.
“Hey, Ma,” I said.
Then, I leaned in to give her a hug and kiss on her cheek. When I released the hold I had of her, she never released hers. I allowed myself to take in the comfort she always brought me. She began rubbing circles against my back before pulling back.
“I can tell something is wrong. Take a walk with me. I haven’t done my daily walk.”
She looped her arms through mine while directing me back down the steps. I nodded and followed her lead. Silence covered us as the birds chirped and the wind whistled.
“You know, when you’re upset, you get that same blank look as your father. It’s like your mind is trying to reason with you or something. But, like I told you when you were a kid, it’s best to have someone you can tell anything to, so you aren’t just holding it in. You have to release it, son, so it doesn’t cause too much strain on you. Now, tell me what’s going on? I figured when I saw you today, you would be the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” She reminded me.
I released another breath, then looked down at her. I recounted the moment for her and even gave her a little background on the situation. I didn’t want her to think negatively of Willow. She stayed quiet throughout the story and even a few moments after I finished. She stopped her pace and turned to face me.
“Son, I’m going to be honest with you. This was a very messy situation and could have ended worse than this. You don’t know anything about that man and he doesn’t know a thing about you. I know you have been enjoying Willow’s company, and she sounds like a nice woman. But you have more to think about than just yourself. Usually, I don’t have to tell you that. I understand this time around that this is a first for you.”
I opened my mouth to say something, and my mother shook her head before continuing.
“I gave you a chance to speak without interrupting, so you will give me that same respect. Understood?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am.” I replied.
“Now, I’m not saying I want you closed up like you have been. I’m glad that Willow has brought you out of your shell. But next time, and I say next time, because this isn’t the end for you by far with this woman. But, because of Charlie, you need to make sure this situation is done and that no confusion is in place. Willow holds some blame, but you hold a big part because you knew she still had one foot in and the other out of her previous situation. I will not continue to lecture you, but you make sure she knows where she wants to be before you go putting yours and Charlie’s life in limbo. Understood?”
I couldn’t say much because she was right. I knew from the start when she came by the shop to apologize. However, the connection we built without either of our permission made it damn near impossible to ignore.
“Yes.”
She nodded, then looped her arm back through mine.
“Now, walk me back to my house so you can pack that busy child of yours up. I need some alone time with my man, and that daughter of yours is like birth control.”
I laughed for the first time since the incident and shook my head.
“Not too much on my child, Ma. Nobody told you and pops to be trying to do grown folk stuff.” I said, then glanced down at her with a smile.
She lifted a brow and smirked at me. “Grown folk stuff brought you here.”
“Uh huh, none of that.”
She threw her head back as she laughed. The rest of the walk back to the house was filled with light conversation. Charlie was sitting on my pop’s knee with her bags on the porch. The moment I came into view, Charlie shot off the porch and into my arms. I kissed her cheek and picked her up.
“I see your grandparents are trying to get rid of you.” I told her.
She shook her head, causing her ponytails to swing and almost pop me in the eye. My father stood up from the porch and straightened out his pants.
“Nah, my baby can stay here for however long she wants. She saw your truck and started packing her own things. Then brought me in on it, by instructing me to place the bag on the porch.”
I didn’t have to question his story because Charlie didn’t appreciate being away from me too long. Not to mention, we talked this morning with Willow. She probably thought Willow was with me, which would have been a bonus for her.
“Dad, where is Ms. Willow?” she asked.
“I took her home. She had a few things she had to handle.” I told her.
She shrugged and then laid her head against my shoulder.
“Ma, did she take her nap yet?” I asked.
“I don’t think so, but I’m sure she is ready. Come give grandma kisses before you go.” My mom told Charlie.
I placed her back on her feet, then grabbed her bag to place in the car while she said her goodbyes. Once she finished, I helped her into her car seat, then waved to my parents, letting them know I would talk to them later. Before we made it halfway down the street, she was asleep. It made for a quiet ride outside of her little snores and gave me a chance to clear my mind before we made it home.
I pulled in front of the shop instead of pulling around back to check in on Tami; she had a tattoo scheduled for today. I wanted to make sure she was cool before I made my way upstairs. After parking, I walked around to grab Charlie out of the car. She had to be exhausted because she hadn’t stirred, even with me holding her.
When I walked through the door, Tami glanced up with a confused expression. She appeared to be close to finishing with her client’s tattoo, who was looking down at her phone.
“I knew you had an appointment today, so I wanted to come in to check on you before I made my way upstairs. You need anything?” I asked.
She paused and turned the needle off.
“You haven’t been upstairs all this time?” she asked.
I lifted a brow because I wasn’t used to her asking me this many questions.
“Nah, I’ve been gone for the last couple of hours. What’s up?” I asked.
“I figured maybe Charlie was running around and playing. I mean, we rarely hear her, but we also barely have appointments on Sunday. It’s been a lot of thumping and noises coming from up there. If I had known, I would have called the cops, Benny.” She said with wide eyes.
I glanced over at the couch and laid Charlie down. Before storming into my studio to grab my gun. Then walked back towards the front.
“Call the cops, because whoever in my shit is leaving in a body bag. You mind watching Charlie for me?” I asked.
Tami nodded quickly before pulling out her phone. She turned to her client and cleaned her up. I could tell she was more than likely letting her know they would need to reschedule. I made my way through the shop so I could take the back door that led to the stairs. I glanced over at the door that I could have taken outside, only to see the lock broken and the door cracked open. If I had taken this way earlier with Charlie, I would have known something was off.
I checked the chamber on my gun to make sure it was on go. I crept up the stairs and tapped on my door, causing it to swing open slightly. Now that I had made it into my apartment, I could hear glass shattering and screaming. But the screaming and mumbling sounded familiar. A sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach, but I ignored it as I advanced towards the noise that headed for my room.
I passed Charlie’s room, and it was just as wrecked as the rest of the house. Her teddy bears were stabbed and sliced open, so was her comforter. Charlie’s TV looked as if it had taken a few swings from a bat. My baby was going to be broken when she saw this shit. I continued down the hall and through the crack in my bedroom door. Clothes were flying everywhere.
“I hate this muthafucka!” I heard screaming.
I stopped in my tracks immediately and put the safety back on my gun. I didn’t need to guess who had fucked up my house. I stepped into my room and Tierra was wearing one of my shirts. Her hair was wild as fuck around her head, makeup running, and her eyes looked as if they couldn’t focus. I could tell she was high off something stronger than liquor. I wanted to wring this damn woman’s neck.
“What the fuck are you doing!” I yelled.
Startled, she glanced over her shoulder in my direction, then smiled.
“I was just sprucing up our place. You don’t like it?” she asked, then giggled.
I turned away from her for a moment before returning my attention back to her.
“Hell nah, I don’t like it! Get the fuck out now and take my shit off.”
She smiled and laid across my bed, spreading her legs to show me she didn’t have any panties on.
“That’s all you had to say! Is this where you fucked that uppity bitch? I saw her here. Why the fuck was she here?” she asked with a sneer.
I couldn’t do anything but chuckle because I really wanted to knock this bitch’s head between the washer and the dryer, but I was raised better than that. I hated even associating her with the word bitch, but no other word fit. I walked over to the bed and snatched her ass out of it, and led her out of the room.
Tierra kicked and screamed the entire way. She tried reaching out to scratch my face, but I leaned out of her reach. I released my hold on her the moment we got to the living room. I glanced around the room, broken by the amount of damage she had caused. She had broken every glass surface in the room and stabbed my sofa, along with the pillows and paintings.
“You think this shit right here gone bring me back in your life?” I asked, pointing at all the damage she has done.
Tierra looked around as if it was her first time seeing the shit she had done. Her hands flew to her mouth while her eyes widened.
“I—I can fix this, Benny! I can get new stuff. We can buy new things and start fresh. Long as you leave that bitch alone, she doesn’t know you like I do. I’m the one who gave you a daughter! Not her!” she pointed at herself, jamming her finger into her chest.
“If you thought there would be you and me, those drugs have really rotted your fucking brain. The police on the way. If I were you, I would try to get a head start before they come pick yo ass up.”
Before she could say a word, Charlie was walking through the door, rubbing her eyes as if she had just woken up. I cursed beneath my breath because how the fuck did Tami allow her to get up here?
“Daddy, why did you leave me downstairs? I want to get into my bed. I’m sleepy.” She said before finally looking up and taking in her surroundings.
Charlie looked between Tierra and me, then back at the mess her mother had caused unbeknownst to her.
“Mommy—is that you?” she asked, her voice cracking.
Tierra brushed a piece of her wild hair behind her ear and smiled. Then squatted down to her height. I glanced down at the ground and noticed a knife by Tierra’s foot. I didn’t want to think Tierra would do anything to hurt Charlie, but I couldn’t put it past her with the way she had fucked this place up. I took a few steps at a time while Tierra focused on Charlie.
“You see what you’ve done! Now my daughter doesn’t even recognize me. That’s alright, we gone fix that. Come to your mom, Charlie, now!” she yelled.
Charlie glanced up at me. I could clearly see the fear in her eyes. Tears were now rolling down her cheeks, and she shook her head no, then took a few steps back. Her movements caused Tierra to snatch the knife from the ground and grab Charlie’s arm.
She turned and pointed the knife at me while Charlie screamed.
“Back the fuck up, Benny! You’re going to give me some space. I’m taking my daughter! You wanted me to spend time with her and that’s what I’m going to do. Charlie, shut the hell up with all that screaming!”
“Mommy, no, please let me go. Daddy, I don’t want to go! Please, daddy.” She cried as snot was coming down, mixing in with her tears.
I kept moving towards Tierra, not trying to make any sudden moves that would scare her into hurting Charlie. I said a silent prayer, asking that God got my child out of this unharmed. It was my fault that my baby was going through this. If I had just waited to have a baby with a woman who actually wanted her, this wouldn’t be happening. The sound of my baby pleading with me would be burned into my brain forever.
“Benny, stop fucking moving! I don’t want to stab you, but I will!” Tierra yelled.
“Mommy, no!” Charlie cried.
Tierra gripped Charlie’s wrist harder and shook her. “Shut up!”
“You aren’t even mad at her. It’s me, so let her go and focus on me. I’m the one who made you have a baby. I’m the reason you’re on drugs, right? I’m the one who has moved on while you’re struggling,” I said in the calmest tone I could muster.
I noticed that Tierra’s grip on Charlie’s wrist visibly loosened.
“You hear that, T? It’s sirens. How can we fix this if you don’t run now? You can’t take Charlie with you, you’ll be caught. Just go now,” I told her.
Her wild eyes searched mine until she saw what she wanted to see. She glanced down at Charlie, then dropped the knife and ran. I rushed over to Charlie and pulled her to my chest. Her body shook lightly as she cried into my shoulder. For the first time since all this started, I could breathe easier. Unfortunately, I knew we had a long road ahead of us.
The sound of footsteps pounding on the stairs had me ready to pull my gun until I saw it was Tami.
“Charlie! There you are!” She panted heavily, her face visibly concerned. “I’m so sorry, Benny. I took my eyes off her for a second to go to the bathroom and?—”
I held up a hand to silence her. I couldn’t say anything because if I did, I couldn’t take it back. The cops appeared in the doorway, looking around at the big ass mess of an apartment.
“Charlie, baby, go with Ms. Tami. I promise I’ll be right there once I talk to the police.”
“Please don’t leave me!” she begged. “What if she comes back!”
“I’ll sit in the living room with her,” Tami offered. “That way you can keep an eye on him, Charlie. Okay?”
She was hesitant to go to Tami, but her grip loosened and she reached for her. Tami carried her into the living room and sat on the couch, rocking her from side to side. I turned to the officers with a heavy sigh, ready to get this over with.
* * *
We finally made it back to my parents’ house with the few things Tierra hadn’t ruined. It wasn’t much, so I knew I would have to buy all new things soon. Charlie cried the entire way to my parents’ place until she fell asleep. I parked in the driveway and grabbed Charlie from the backseat. I decided I would come back out to get our things since we were staying here for a while.
Before I could ring the doorbell, the door was pulled open. My parents looked as angry as I felt. They stepped out of my way and then my mom led me to the back room.
“I pulled a few towels out for you to get cleaned up.” My mom said.
The moment I laid Charlie on the bed, her eyes peeled open, searching the room frantically.
“I’m right here, baby.” I told her.
I took a seat on the edge of the bed and brushed back her hair. Then leaned forward to place a kiss against her cheeks, then her forehead. She snuggled deeper into the blankets and closed her eyes again. I couldn’t move from my place next to her, even if I tried. Today was a close call my baby would pay for.
I hadn’t realized my mother was still in the room until she tapped my shoulder and nodded her head for me to leave the room. Then, she took the seat I had previously occupied. I took each step down to the living room slowly; I knew I was running on autopilot. The moment I stepped into the living room, my father was on the couch with two glasses of bourbon in front of him. No words needed. I took the seat beside him and lifted my glass.
We sat in silence, sharing space and acknowledgment. My father had always been this way, allowing me to find my words without pushing. I couldn’t look up at him as the words that had become burned into my head came out of my mouth.
“I couldn’t protect my child, dad. For the first time, I didn’t have the answers that a father was supposed to have. My child’s life was in danger because of me.”
The moment I finished, I burst into tears. My father wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to cry on his shoulder the same way I did for Charlie. My shoulders shook with the force of my emotion. Reality had finally set in. Tonight could have ended worse than it did.
“I could have lost her, pops! I could have lost her, man, and I just stood there!” I cried. “I failed as a man and as her father?—”
“Listen to me,” he interrupted me and pulled back so I could look into his eyes.
His eyes glistened with tears matching mine.
“Fathers don’t have all the answers, son. You did what was best. If you had flown off the handle with her, what impression would that have made on Charlie? I know it was a scary situation and as a man in those kinds of situations, it can rock your ego. But, you put your daughter over showing you could overpower a woman. I couldn’t be more proud to call you my son. Your actions also saved my heart and your mother’s. You and Charlie mean so much to us. Charlie’s life wasn’t the only one on the line.”
He paused for a moment before continuing.
“You saved your own life, too.”
I heard what he was saying, but it was still hard for me to see the bright side.
“It was all my fault, though, pops. If I hadn’t forced her to keep Charlie?—”
My dad shook his head, stopping any other words.
“No sir, what I will not allow you to do is have a pity party. If you didn’t fight for that little girl up there, we wouldn’t have that sweet spirit to brighten all our lives. You can’t control the actions of someone else. You’ve been very clear with Tierra. You know I don’t get into the ins and outs of your situation, but your mother tells me. This incident lies on only one person’s shoulders and that’s Tierra’s. She is fighting her own demons. The only thing you can do is put things in place to keep you and Charlie safe. You let that go, because after tonight, pity is no longer allowed.”
I heard him loud and clear. He pulled me back into his chest and held me like he used to when I was a child. I hadn’t realized my mother came into the room until she began rubbing circles onto my back. I don’t know what I would have done without them, but I am blessed that I didn’t have to figure it out. I silently thanked God for allowing my daughter and me to make it to another day. Then, finally, for the parents he loaned me to; without them, starting over didn’t seem like a hill I could get over.
But for Charlie, no hill was too high.