Chapter 26 #2
I don’t have a good response to that. Hearing my logic repeated back to me from someone else’s mouth, it sounds less noble and more like what it probably is: self-sabotage dressed up as selflessness.
Maybe my parent’s divorce affected me even more than I have ever realized.
I wrap my hands tighter around my mug, wishing the warmth could reach the cold place that’s taken up residence in my chest.
“And even if Victoria does stick around,” Sophie continues, clearly on a roll now that she’s started, “that doesn’t mean Theo wants her back.
You said yourself he told you he has no feelings for her.
That he’s never been more sure of anything than he is about you.
You’re blowing up your relationship based on a hypothetical that isn’t even real. ”
I finally look up at her, and I can feel the tears threatening again. She’s right. But knowing something and feeling it are two different things entirely, and right now I feel like I’m standing at the edge of something terrifying with no idea which direction is safe.
Sophie must see something shift in my expression, because her face softens.
“Em, I get why this is scary. You’ve never been this serious about anyone.
You’ve never had a relationship where a kid was involved, where walking away means losing more than just the guy.
The stakes feel impossibly high, and your instinct is to protect yourself by leaving before you can be left.
And I know you care about the kid and are trying to be thoughtful.
I just don’t think you’re right on this one though. ”
I blink hard, refusing to cry in public, refusing to be that person sobbing over a latte in a trendy coffee shop.
“Ugh, I just don’t know. I wish this didn’t feel so complicated, or that I wasn’t making it so complicated.
I don’t know if I’m more scared of being right, or being wrong.
What if he takes this week to really think about it and decides I was right? “
“Then he’s an idiot,” Sophie says simply. “But I don’t think he’s an idiot. I think he’s probably sitting in Dark River right now, missing you just as much as you’re missing him, waiting for you to come to your senses.”
I want to believe her, but I feel as though I can’t see clearly what is right or wrong here. We end up spending the rest of Saturday together doing normal sister things that feel both comforting and strange given the circumstances.
Sophie doesn’t push about Theo and just gives me space to exist without constantly analyzing everything, and it helps. By the time we’re walking back to her apartment in the early evening, I feel slightly more human. Slightly less like I’m going to shake apart at the seams.
I can’t face returning to Dark River and my empty apartment, so I sleep over.
We curl up in her bed like we used to when we were kids, talking into the night the way we always have, bouncing between updates about our lives and giggling at stupid memories and comfortable silences that don’t need to be filled.
Eventually the conversation drifts to our family, because how can it not?
“Sloane’s pushing through more algorithm changes despite all the bad press,” Sophie says, picking at a thread on her comforter.
“She finally backed off about trying to force us out once she realized she legally can’t, but she still has the votes to keep moving forward with all her engagement bullshit.
If it’s up to her, this’ll end with two-year-olds spending six hours a day watching cereal commercials on our so-called educational apps.
” She sighs. “Morgan and Erica are backing her up, same as always.”
I stare at the ceiling. I’ve been avoiding even thinking about KidStream and the upcoming board meeting, shoving it into some mental box.
“The big vote is coming up,” Sophie continues. “The one that decides everything. Unless we can get Erica or Morgan on our side, we’re screwed.”
Theo’s words from weeks ago drift through my mind, the conversation we had about my family, about caring from a distance versus actually showing up. About how sometimes the brave thing is being present even when it’s hard, even when you’re not sure it’ll make a difference.
“I’m thinking about coming,” I tell her, surprising myself as much as her.
“To the vote, I mean. I know our shares alone won’t change anything, but maybe if I’m actually there, face to face with Erica and Morgan, I can make them listen.
Maybe they need to see that this matters enough for me to show up. ”
Sophie’s face lights up in the darkness. “Oh my god, Em. That would be amazing. I mean, it’s a total long shot, but having you there, making the case together instead of me alone against the three of them...” She rolls onto her side to face me. “You really think you could get through to them?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Erica and I used to be close, before everything.
And Morgan’s not as far gone as Sloane, she’s just conflict-averse.
If we can show them the actual data on what these features are doing to kids, make it personal instead of just business.
..” I trail off, not wanting to promise something I’m not sure I can deliver.
“It’s worth trying. I’m tired of caring from the sidelines and pretending that counts for something. ”
Sophie reaches over and squeezes my hand in the darkness. “Whatever happens with the vote, I’m really glad you’re coming. I’ve missed having you in my corner for these things.”
“I’ve missed being there,” I admit. “I thought leaving was the right thing, but I think I was just running from how crummy it all felt.”
We’re quiet for a while after that, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
The city sounds filter through Sophie’s window, distant traffic and the occasional siren, so different from the quiet of Dark River where the loudest nighttime noise is usually the wind in the trees, an owl in the forest, or the water lapping against the shore.
“You’re going to figure this out,” Sophie says eventually, her voice drowsy. “The family stuff. The Theo stuff. All of it. You always do.”
“You sound very confident for someone who called me completely insane earlier today.”
She laughs softly. “Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. You can be an insane person who figures her shit out. That’s basically your whole brand.”
I smile despite everything, feeling something loosen in my chest for the first time in days. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am definitely right.”
I smile and we lie there in the kind of silence that doesn’t need to be filled. Sophie’s breathing evens out beside me after a few minutes, soft and steady, and I let myself drift off next to my sister, grateful for the first peaceful moment I’ve had all week.