2 A.M. — November 22, 1996 #10
“You can go ahead and write all the songs you want, but we’re not going to play them,” Mike said, removing his hand to grab a cigarette from Steven’s carton. He held it between his fingers and gestured toward Zane. “That’s an honor that belongs to the big dog.”
The two men exchanged a look that reminded Claudia of her parents when one of them had touched a nerve, but they couldn’t say anything because her grandparents were visiting.
Dean cleared his throat. “Zane writes the music these days. It’s an arrangement with Full Moon.”
Claudia masked her disappointment with a smile. “Of course, I’m not here to upset the apple cart. I’m here to help.”
Dean sat forward in his chair, looking eager to change the subject.
“Anyway, we’re getting ahead of ourselves with all this talk about touring.
We’ll start you off easy. The next few months will be spent in the studio recording a greatest hits album.
That means days only, no overnighters. No time crunches. ”
Warmth radiated through her. She, little Claudia Crawford of Nebraska, was going to have her voice on a greatest hits album that would be heard by millions of people.
Before she could enjoy the moment too long, Dean said, “That’ll give us some time to work on your look.”
Her heart sunk. “My look?”
“Yeah, you know,” he answered, putting out his cigarette.
“You looked like Madonna at the first audition and today you’re a flower child.
This is much better, in my humble opinion, but anyway, we’ve got a great stylist who will help you nail that down.
” He sniffed. “And you’ll have some time to get in shape. ”
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, but she forced them to stay put. “Sure, yeah.”
Dean looked panicked. “Oh, hey, I’m not saying you need to lose weight or anything. I just mean that performing is physically taxing, especially night after night. You’re on your feet, dancing and moving the whole time, and you can’t run out of breath.”
Zane gave Dean a warning look. “Anyway, don’t worry about that. We rehearse for weeks before we tour. That’ll get you stage ready. But for now, we record.”
Wanting to sound like she knew all about ‘the biz,’ she said, “So you’ve decided to rerecord rather than remixing?”
“Yeah, Zane here is a perfectionist,” Steven told her. “He keeps coming up with ways to improve stuff we put out years ago,”
Zane was the picture of modesty with a slight shrug. “It’s a curse. It means I’m never quite satisfied.”
She smiled at him, her eyes locking on his. “I’m the same way. It’s probably why I’ve never tried to record a song. They never feel like they’re done to me.”
Steven held up his shot glass and grinned at her. “Claudia Crawford, a woman not easily satisfied…”
Mike leaned toward her and touched his shoulder to hers. “You clearly haven’t been with the right guy yet.”
She did that thing women have done since the beginning of time—she laughed and pretended to be flattered.
Well, the truth was she was a little flattered.
How could she not be? The man could have anyone he wanted.
Beyond that though, she was disappointed because he was treating her like a conquest instead of a fellow musician. But at least she was here.
“All right, Mike, don’t make me get the fire hose out. We need to keep everything professional,” Zane told them. “For this to work long term, Claudia needs to be like a sister to us.” He smiled at Claudia. “So, Claud, what kind of songs do you write?”
She blushed at him and shrugged. “Ballads mostly. I’m sure none of them are any good though.”
“I bet that’s not true,” he answered.
Shaking her head, she said, “Seriously. Everything I write ends up sounding very whiny or overly dramatic.”
Zane gave her that look again—the one that could melt an iceberg down to nothing in under a minute. “People love dramatic.”
And in that moment, she found herself believing in a world where people heard her songs.
They turned up the radio and sang their hearts out in their cars on their way to work.
They slow-danced in their kitchens (or maybe even at their weddings) with someone they loved while she sang words that came from her soul.
“I’d love to hear your stuff sometime,” Zane said. “When you’re ready.”
“Sure.” She already was.
NOVEMBER 24, 1996
SIENNA
Kylie arrived on Sunday night after Parker and Poppy were asleep.
Ivy was still awake but was in the shower when Sienna swung open the door and sunk into her best friend’s arms. Sienna let herself sob for nearly a minute without saying a word while Billie tried to squeeze her wiggly happy body between the women.
It had been a messy, horrible weekend. She and Zane sat the kids down at the kitchen table on Friday after school to announce he was moving out for a while.
They tried to make it sound as if it was a good thing.
It’s not because we don’t love each other, because we do.
Very much. Your dad just needs some downtime.
He’s been so busy for so many years that he needs time to sleep and read and think.
For a moment, Sienna thought they’d get away with the glossed-over version, but then Ivy, who was wiping tears away with the palms of her hands, spoke up.
“You’re lying! I heard everything. I know about the baby.
” She glared at her father with enough force to stop the tides.
“I know you’re paying Claudia off to pretend it’s Mike’s! ”
Zane’s jaw dropped at the same rate as Sienna’s heart, and she knew in an instant that her perfectly drawn map for the future was about to be torched.
Parker, who looked mildly worried up to that point, let his head snap back. He yelled, “What baby?!” at the same time that Sienna raised her voice to ask, “What exactly did you hear?”
Ivy ignored them both, her gaze fixed on Zane. “Tell them, Dad. Tell them what you did. They deserve the truth!”
Zane squeezed his eyes shut, then turned his head away from his eldest child. “I can’t.”
“Fine. I’ll do it,” Ivy said, each word like the snap of a whip. She turned to her two younger siblings. “Dad had a baby with Claudia.”
Poppy’s face scrunched up. “Wait? Claudia had a baby? Nobody tells me anything!”
“Yes, Claudia and Dad had a baby and now Dad’s moving out because Mom can’t stand the sight of him,” Ivy said. “And if you ask me, he can’t move out fast enough.”
“Stop saying that!” Poppy shouted back. “That didn’t happen because Dad is married to Mom. That means he has babies with her!”
“It did happen, you moron,” Ivy answered. “It’s called cheating, and Dad did it.”
“Ivy! That’s enough,” Sienna said. “There’s no need to be mean to your little sister just because she doesn’t know that some men cheat on their wives.”
Zane let out a strangled moan, and buried his face in his hands, while Sienna stared at him, appalled that she’d be forced to take control of a situation that was his to handle.
“Goddammit, Zane, pull it together,” she muttered, fury swelling inside her chest. She took a deep breath, taking on a soothing tone.
“All right, here’s the truth. Claudia and your father had a baby.
But we are keeping it a secret, for the good of the family, and for the baby’s sake too.
The world will be cruel to him if they know, and we don’t want that.
He’s innocent in all of this, just like you. ”
“What you’re doing is blackmail,” Ivy said with all the authority of someone who’s not quite eighteen.
“It’s not blackmail,” Sienna snapped.
“What’s blackmail?” Poppy asked.
“It’s when you force someone to do something they don’t want to do by threatening them with something terrible,” Ivy told her.
Poppy gasped. “You threatened Claudia?”
“Nobody threatened anybody,” Sienna snapped. “We simply found a solution to a terrible problem. Claudia doesn’t have any money, and now she has a baby to take care of. Mike didn’t have any family left, so now his share of the money from the band can go to the baby.”
“So, like a bribe?” Parker asked, looking very confused.
“It’s not a bribe,” Sienna answered. “It’s a gift to her—one she happily accepted. And it’s our only chance to save the band and our family. Because if people find out what your father did, they won’t buy their records anymore, and we’ll lose all our money.”
Poppy and Parker both wore matching shocked expressions, their eyes wide, while Ivy turned to Zane for confirmation.
Zane suddenly snapped back into the conversation. “That is not true.”
Sienna narrowed her eyes at him. “Isn’t it?”
“Don’t listen to that, kids. No one’s going to take our money from us. We’ll always be rich.”
“But the world will stop loving you, and you know it,” Sienna said, her tone icy.
Zane nodded. “Yeah, they might.”
“There’s no might about it! Mike was your best friend since before you were Parker’s age. And you screwed his girlfriend!” She felt a pang of regret at her words, but a tiny, dark part of her soul was enjoying the fact that the children would now know what their father had done.
“He was already dead!” Zane boomed, the veins in his neck protruding.
A terrible silence followed, allowing his words to echo through the kitchen.
Finally, Ivy spoke up, her tone matter-of-fact. “Well, I guess it makes it okay then.” She turned to her mother. “Hey Mom, when Dad dies, you should screw Steven. He’s hot for an old guy.”
Zane glowered at his eldest child while Poppy burst into tears. “Dad’s going to die?”
Sienna got up and quickly rushed to her little girl, picking her up. “No, sweetie, Dad’s not going to die. Ivy was just trying to hurt his feelings.”
Parker sat across the table with his arms crossed, his jaw set, tears in his eyes. “So, are we going to get to meet our brother?”
“Not right now,” Zane said. “Someday, sure, but right now, it’s a little complicated, buddy.”
“Don’t call me buddy, you asshole.”
“Parker!” Zane barked. “Do not speak to me that way.”