Chapter 30
KAI
“What the hell is this?”
I delete another word in my presentation for the Pacific Observer, except every other word I choose after that makes even less sense. How do you exhaust nearly all the words in the English language just for nothing to sound right?
I bite my lip and rake my hands through my hair.
Maybe I’m overthinking this.
But with the threat of getting sacked from the internship lingering over my head, I have to overthink this.
I shut my eyes and breathe out, fighting to keep my thoughts from spiraling.
This is what the rest of my Saturday has been looking like. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, my parents video call me five minutes later.
“Ia Orana, mon c?ur!”
“Ia Orana.”
Sunlight streaks across mama’s face, as she sits in the passenger seat of papa’s car. I keep my own camera turned off because Diana’s coming in fifteen minutes, and I don’t want mama to see her in case she gets here earlier.
But generally, I’m glad I made that decision because they can’t see how irritated I get when papa starts talking about setting me up with another girl.
“Lori Kauahi is a great girl, you know. She just got her degree for business creation and management at the University of French Polynesia.”
I shut my eyes. I’m already exhausted from the fight I know I’ll have to put up to make them back down from this.
“In that case, tell Lori I’m happy for her.”
“You can tell her that yourself when you come back home for the summer,” Mama chimes in.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “For the last time, you don’t need to set me up with girls.”
“I think Lori would be good for you, Kainoa. She’s a respectable girl who is connected to our culture,” Mama reasons. “What other girl could you possibly want?”
The door cracks open.
I look up from my laptop to see Diana walking in. Her dark hair falls in soft waves down her back. Some of the strands brush up against her cheeks to emphasize the warm, bronzy hue of her makeup and the brass jewelry decorating her ears and wrists.
The tension inside me grows into a burning want that lashes at my self-control.
“Kainoa? Mon c?ur, are you still there?”
I blink and stutter over my words, “Uh, y-yeah! I’m…I’m here.”
Diana catches me staring. That wicked little smile slinks across her lips before she comes over to me. My arm wraps around her waist.
“It wouldn’t hurt to give her a chance,” Papa pushes.
“Uh huh…”
Diana’s hands rise up my chest. She licks my neck and kisses it softly. I clench up under the moan I’m trying to hold back.
“You never know, Kainoa. Lori could be the one,” Mama chirps.
My breath catches as Diana’s hand trails down my waist.
“L-Look.” I swallow hard. My French becomes broken and scattered from the feeling of Diana’s lips on my skin, and her hand rubbing over my cock. “I have a business presentation to prepare for. Can we, uh, can we talk about this later?”
“Alright,” Mama relents. “Goodnight, mon c?ur. We love you.”
“I love you guys, too. Bye.”
I put my phone aside and pull Diana in. “Come here.”
I kiss her hard. My stress strips away, leaving behind an insatiable hunger to taste her lips over and over. Our hook up in the locker room lounge burns into my memory like a brand and I don’t know how I was able to go two weeks without kissing and fucking her.
I bend down and hitch her legs around my waist. Diana gasps into the kiss.
I carry her to my bedroom and pin her back against the door, shutting it closed.
Soon enough, Diana’s cries and my grunts fill the room. My stress sinks into oblivion with every thrust I make. Diana tugs on my hair as she clings onto me. Her hair mats against the sweat on her skin and she glows like a goddess I’d get on my knees for.
My grip on her thighs tightens before my pace gets rougher.
The door thuds and shudders behind Diana.
Shameless moans push out of her gaping mouth.
My self-control snaps. Something about watching Diana, this proper heiress who always wears designer clothes and always has perfect etiquette being nothing more than an outlet for me to rail and use makes me lose my goddamn mind.
I fuck her until I’m drowning in my own lust. Until I go brain dead from how tightly Diana’s pussy wraps around my cock. Until we’re both tensing and finishing together with a sharp cry and a low groan.
She gushes all over me, panting and limp.
“Oh my god,” I whisper.
Diana chuckles breathlessly. Her head slumps against my chest. “Better?”
“Much better.” I smirk and brush her hair back. “So…ready to listen to me talk about KPI and environmental scans?”
“If we take a look at the performance metrics, we see…uh, we see a seventy-two percent increase in the Pacific Observer’s engagement when they posted short clips on their website versus when they posted full length videos.”
I present my part of the presentation to Diana. She sits on my bed, fully dressed in the designer jeans and sweater she came in with, while jotting down her feedback in a notepad.
I try to stay focused. But my anxiety circles back to the thought of screwing this up. If I do, I’ll lose the internship, upset my family, and who knows what other fucked up rumor might come out of me getting kicked off the business and marketing internship?
My chest feels tighter, my heart pounds faster, and sweat builds at the back of my neck. By the end of the presentation, I feel like a fucking wreck.
“Well, that’s it,” I conclude. “You can rip into me now.”
Diana cocks her head and smiles so endearingly at me, the panic inside loosens its grip a little. “And what makes you think I’m going to rip into you?”
“Your aggressive writing gave it away.”
Diana giggles.
I chuckle through my words. “I swear I could hear the sound of the pen writing down the words ‘Kai can’t give good presentations to save his life.’”
“If it makes you feel any better, I added the sentence, ‘he looks dashing while he’s at it,’” Diana assures.
“Am I still dashing if I do this?”
I tackle her onto the pillows. Diana bursts out laughing. She thwacks me with her notebook.
“Kai, this is serious! We have to focus!”
“Alright, alright! Fine.” I surrender and drop back against the headboard. A smile still lingers on my face when I look at her. “Go ahead.”
Diana shyly looks down at her notepad and pushes herself up onto the pillows. “Well, the only note I have is that you need to speak with more conviction. You have the data, the facts, and the analysis to back up your points, but you spoke as if you were questioning every word.”
“Yeah…” I toy with the strings on my hoodie. “I tend to do that a lot.”
She frowns. “Why?”
Usually, I hesitate to talk about my parents.
But when it comes to Diana, the words that used to be so hard to say rush out of me like water.
“When I was growing up, my parents doubted every decision I made, and it fucked with my sense of judgment for a while. Uncle Manu helped a bit with that. Sometimes, I’m confident.
Especially if there’s a reason. But there are also times when people doubt what I’m doing, and it just reminds me that I’m still standing on fragile ground that can cave in any second because I haven’t learned how to hold myself up. ”
Diana’s shoulders fall. “I can’t imagine how crushing it’d be not to be signed after enduring that.”
“No, it’s…it’s fine.” I rub the crease between my brows. “Even if I don’t get signed, I’m cool with being a coach or an instructor. That’s what I’ve been trying to convince my parents to let me do.”
Her eyes search my face. “You’re not okay with doing that.”
“I have to be.”
Except the thought drains me more than it fuels me.
Diana catches the look on my face and gently pushes on. “I’ve seen you play and talk about the game, Kai. You want to be on the ice playing for a team. You’re only okay with working as a coach because it’s a safe option you can settle for if going after what you want feels too terrifying.”
I know she’s right. I love teaching at the hockey club.
But the thought of doing it forever makes me ache for that other reality of playing for a team.
Except I’m not blind to the shitty parts of that reality.
There’s going to be media scrutiny ten times more intense than what I deal with now.
I’m going to be hazed and humbled by older, experienced players, while I fight to uphold a city’s pride on my shoulders.
At the same time, I don’t want to spend my whole life aching for what I really want.
It’s as if Diana can read the words in my mind, because there’s a conviction on her face that quiets down the fears clashing in my head.
“What you want and what you think matters, Kai. I hope one day you can finally believe that and build the life you can’t stop thinking about.”
“Did your grandmother tell you that?” I ask.
“No.” Sadness dulls the light in her eyes, yet Diana smiles through it. “When you grow up having to defend every choice you make, it teaches you a few things.”
She doesn’t need to elaborate. I know enough about the Huangs that my anger spikes at the thought of them and what they’ve done to her.
“You know, I could always knock out your family and hitch them to the back of Wallace’s zamboni.
You can watch them get dragged across the ice. I’m sure Wallace won’t mind.”
Diana tosses her head back and laughs. Her dark eyes glimmer through her lashes, and her cheeks turn pink. I can’t look away. All I want to do is see her laugh like that over and over.
For a moment, everything goes quiet between us. Her gaze on me is soft and patient.
I wonder what would’ve happened if I had met her and dated her in first year. I wonder if we would’ve had nights like these: me in my sweats, Diana with her hair all loose, and we’re passing time in my bed.
I wonder if we would’ve had a chance.
Against my better judgment, my hand rises to reach for her.
Diana clears her throat and backs away. “I should go.”
Even though she’s whispering, it feels like knives to my gut.
“Yeah.” I gulp. My hand falls away. “Sorry. I—”
“It’s okay,” she says, even though she hardly looks okay.
Regret grips me in a chokehold the second she leaves. What the hell was I thinking?
On the first night we fucked, Diana made it clear that her feelings toward me have changed. Even if they haven’t, there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m not a guy who’s living a normal university life. I’m chasing something so much bigger than myself and so is she.
Our paths won’t cross past graduation. I need to get that through my head before the secret of us tumbles out.