Chapter 70
KAI
“Kai?” Diana’s arms wind around me. She kisses my head, her groggy voice whispering against my skin. “What’s wrong?”
I can’t rip my eyes off the calendar hanging on my bedroom wall. “It’s been four years now.”
She looks confused until she follows the line of my sight and sees today’s date glowing under the sliver of light filtering in from the blinds. Diana hugs me tighter. My hands cover hers, squeezing them for comfort.
“I still keep expecting media requests to blow up my phone. I can still feel the latex gloves f-from all the doctors poking a-and prodding at me—”
The panic sinks inside of me.
It’s been four years, and I still feel as helpless as I did back then.
My lungs tighten. A prickling sensation bursts from my gut and then I’m spiraling. I shoot to my feet, my heartbeat growing louder and pounding harder until I swear the strings are gonna snap.
I need to keep it under control. I’m gonna die if I don’t.
But the thought only makes my heart race even more. I press my hand to my chest, my breaths sawing in and out as I pace the room.
Five things, Kai. Just try to find five fucking things.
My focus flails. I can’t stop my eyes from darting everywhere. It all blurs together no matter how hard I try to escape the dread I’m drowning under.
“Kai.”
The buzzing rupturing in my ears chokes out all noise except my pounding heart.
“Kai.”
My stomach lurches and twists as if I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, one breath away from dropping into an oblivion I can’t claw myself out of.
“Kai!”
Hands cup my face. Warm and grounding, they wrest my attention back down. My eyes settle on Diana who stares back at me, determined and slightly breathless. Even when there’s no color in this room, she burns like a star.
“You’re okay.” The buzz in my ears goes quiet as her voice grows louder and stronger with each word she says.
“Your phone isn’t blowing up with media requests, because it’s been four years.
You will never have to step through those medical clinics again, because it’s been four years.
You are safe, right here in your bedroom, next to a room full of boys who will be there for you for the rest of your life. You’re okay. You’re safe, Kai.”
My hands shake as they hold onto her. “C-Can you repeat that?” I whisper. “Please?”
Diana repeats the words over and over until the storm inside quiets down. I collapse into her on the bed. She cradles my head. Sweat gathers in my curls, but she still keeps me close, mentally anchoring me from dropping off the edge of the cliff.
“You’re okay,” Diana whispers. She kisses my forehead, her fingers caressing my hair. “I love you so much.”
I swallow hard. My throat is so dry I can’t make the words out no matter how much I want to say them.
I love you so much. You’re the home I’ll always run to when my whole world is collapsing.
“Do you want some water, honey?”
I nod my head. Diana hands me the glass of water on the nightstand and passes me my anxiety meds. The combination relieves the aching knots binding under my skin. I settle back into the pillows. Diana lays her head on my chest. I breathe in the faded scent of her flowery, vanilla perfume.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
There’s no words. Just a whirlpool of emotions spinning and swallowing me up.
I don’t realize I’m crying until Diana kisses my tears away. She whispers how much she loves me between every kiss, stirring up the urge to lose myself in her and get out of my own damn head for just a little a while.
“Hey, princess?”
“Yes?”
I gulp. “Would it be weird if I asked for some stress relief right now?”
She smiles, slow and wicked. “Kainoa Mason-Maiau, are you asking me to do you?”
I chuckle faintly. “I don’t think I’m alone in that, am I?”
Diana left the HMG a week ago and I know she’s been worrying about what her father might do to retaliate.
She shakes her head before her words caress my skin, warm and tempting. “Absolutely not.”
Desire burns hot in my blood as Diana kisses up my neck. Her lips hover and brush over mine. Her hand trails beneath my sweats, coaxing a deep groan out of me. She giggles. “We can say it’s for old times’ sake.”
I smile into the kiss. Diana yelps when I hook her legs around my waist. Then she’s kissing me again.
My hands draw off her shirt before the rest of our clothes come off.
Quietly, under the light of the early morning, Diana empties every thought out of my head until all I can feel and comprehend is her.
It was enough to keep me steady and calm by the time the Frozen Four rolled around.
Adrenaline runs high at Niketas Stadium.
Built into the middle of the football field is a hockey rink that’s styled like the NHL Stadium Series: the grass area surrounds the plexiglass and the stands stretch up high.
Vipers and Griffins fans scream and wave their pom poms, cowbells, and posters that clash around us in a sea of green and red.
Luke, Rowan, and I warm up by passing the puck back and forth. My focus sharpens every sense, every reflex when I catch the words flashing on the bright screens surrounding the stadium.
Frozen Four 2025.
All eyes are on this game. General managers of every major team in the NHL are going to be watching us tonight, which means it’s my last shot to prove a point and fight for the life I’ve always dreamed about.
Memories of Coach Clark’s pre-game speech fuel the fire under my skin.
Like I told you boys at the start of this season, there is no one else like you. Through pain and struggle, you still fought, you still persevered. Tonight, gentlemen, you are going to claim it all!
With only five minutes left in warm-up, Rowan and Luke skate over to me.
Rowan grinds to a stop beside me and bumps my shoulder. “How are you feeling, man?”
Grief weighs heavy in my chest when I look back at the boys. “Tonight is our last game together.”
Their faces fall.
Because Rowan took time off in third year to do a co-op, he and Luke still have two more semesters at DHU. After that, they’re going to play for the Vancouver Phoenix. Any chance of us playing together on the ice past this point is going to become impossible.
I don’t fucking know how time passes so fast that we go from scraped-up kids begging our parents for new hockey sticks to playing our last game together.
Rowan claps a hand on my shoulder with a fierce, unwavering strength. “Look, I know today marks four years since the rumors broke out. But if this is the last game we’re playing together, I want you to know I’m proud of you, Kai.”
“So am I,” Luke says. “No matter how many times you and Row decimate my pride.”
“I don’t care if the media or the fucking general managers don’t notice your performance. You’ve worked hard through everything that has tried to keep you off the ice,” Rowan continues. “You deserve to be here, and you deserve to go even farther.”
“Wherever you end up, we’re gonna support you one hundred percent,” Luke promises.
At that moment, I realize that it’s not the trophies and the titles that make the game worth playing. It’s the boys.
There’s no hockey without them.
A smile breaks across my face. “Thank you for being the best brothers in the world.”
Luke sniffles and he doesn’t care who sees. “I love you motherfuckers.”
We bump our fists together and clobber each other in a group hug. Through our foggy visors, I can see our families cheering us on in the front row.
There’s Ron, Aunt Edie, Uncle Manu…and my parents.
I stare back at them in shock as they wave their leis. I don’t know what’s come over them, but they’re here and they’re supporting me, and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
Wallace, Shelby, Stella, and Diana sit above them. When she smiles at me in her Griffins jersey, I’m ready to risk it and call out her name.
She’s my girl. After everything, she’s here and she’s all mine even if no one else knows.
I peek up at the very top. With his hands in his pockets, Matthias stares me down from the glass windows of the private suite. I shouldn’t give him my attention. But I want him to see that after all he’s done to take me down, I fight my way back onto the ice every time.
“I gotta say, mutt, I’m feeling a little sentimental.” Simon skates towards me with a sweaty grin. “This is going to be my last chance to make you bleed on the ice.”
I chuckle bitterly. “If you keep running your mouth like that, you’ll be the one bleeding, Valdis.”
Simon’s face darkens. His lips curl, trembling and ticking. I swear he would’ve throttled me right then and there if we didn’t have to stand for “O’Canada” a few seconds later.
When the last note hits, the air in the stadium shifts. The strobe lights disappear and the fluorescents flash on for the first period of the Frozen Four.
Anthony Benigno comes forward with the puck.
“Good luck, boys.” He nods at Simon. When he turns to me, he holds out his hand. I take off my glove to shake it. My confidence builds at the conviction in his voice.
“You got this,” he whispers.
“Thanks, Anthony.”
He smiles and claps my shoulder.
I push out a deep, steadying breath before I crouch down for the puck drop.
Suddenly, a buzz erupts.
I think my ears are ringing until Anthony recoils back. “What the hell is going on?”
Suddenly, all the screens in the stadium go black.
Then my voice blasts through the speakers, “Someday, things are all going to work out and we’re gonna have a million more dates and a million more photos together.”
The screens flash back on.
Every single one shows video footage of Diana and me talking on the hood of my car, of us kissing in the orange tunnels after Mellonbaum’s exam, and of us in my car in the parkade. My moans and her gasps echo all over the stadium.
Nausea wracks my body until I’m wavering on my skates.
“No, no, no.”
People jeer and holler. Flashes of light flicker on as phones record videos that play on the screens in a loop.
“Turn it off!” Anthony shouts. “Come on!”
Movement jerks in the corner of my eye. I look up at the private suite, and my blood grows cold when I see Edward, Gregory, and Jonathan walking in to stand by Matthias.
Diana.
My eyes snap to her. She sits with Stella’s arms around her, forced to take it all in as people taunt her.
“Di!” I skate towards the tunnels before the linesmen push me back.
“Stay put, son. We’re resolving this now.”
“Let me go!” I shout, “Please! I need to—”
“You’re not going anywhere.”
I swing my stick against the wall. I hopelessly look back at her. Diana shakes her head, her stare steadfast and determined. With her head held up high, Diana pats her heart three times.
Her message is clear: I love you. Stay and play the game.
I grip my stick tight and tap my heart three times back.
I fight to tune out the sounds and noises flickering around me as I skate back onto the ice.
Simon laughs. “Jesus, mutt, I didn’t think you could cuff a girl after Andrea! Asians aren’t my type, but maybe I should steal her next.”
Rage twitches in my hand. This is my last game with the boys and I’m not going to let Simon take that away from me because I ended up beating his head into the ice.
“Are we going to play the game or not?”
“If I get her, I’ll make sure to record it for you,” Simon taunts. “Seems like Diana enjoys being on a screen.”
I grab his jersey, tugging it hard until he chokes against my grip.
“Listen to me closely, Simon. If this is going to be my last game, you are going to watch the Griffins win,” I hiss. “I want you to get it in your fucking head that you and your dad can break me as many times as you want, but you will never be able to keep my name off of that scoreboard.”
I shove him away and skate back into position.
Tonight, I’m not just playing to prove Simon and Matthias wrong. I’m playing for Uncle Manu, for Diana, for the boys, for the little French Polynesian kid inside of me who always dreamed I’d make it here despite everyone telling him he couldn’t.
I’ll never forget what Uncle Manu told me earlier in the locker room.
“When I tell you to be proud until the end, I don’t say that lightly. Injuries and old age are gonna get you one day, Kainoa. Every hockey player will play their last game no matter what. Let go of what you can’t control and enjoy being a Griffin for as long as you can.”
The screens finally go black. The sound disappears. All that’s left is the roar of the Griffins fans demanding a win.
“Soyez fier jusqu'à la fin,” I whisper.
One last time as a Griffin, I crouch down for the face-off. I turn to Anthony and nod.
“I’m ready.”