Chapter 16 Run, Ling, Run #2
She simply drove with a determination that would have surprised anyone who knew her.
She had spent her entire life calculating consequences.
Today she didn't have time.
She thought about the possibility of Orm leaving without her seeing her.
The thought was unbearable.
She imagined waking tomorrow and knowing that the person who had become the centre of her ordinary life was on another continent.
She imagined her office without Orm.
Her lunch without Orm.
Her phone without Orm.
Her apartment without Orm.
She had already experienced a version of that emptiness.
It had lasted weeks.
She had hated every second of it.
She didn't want to go back.
Not now.
Not when she finally understood.
Ling pulled into Orm's neighbourhood.
She parked badly.
She didn't care.
She grabbed her bag and hurried toward the building.
The security guard looked up.
Recognition crossed his face.
"Khun Ling?"
"Orm."
The guard smiled.
"She's upstairs."
"Thank you."
Ling entered the elevator.
The doors closed.
She stared at the numbers.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Her heart was pounding.
When the doors opened, she walked quickly down the corridor.
She reached Orm's door.
Stopped.
For the first time since leaving Veyra, doubt returned.
What if Orm had changed her mind?
What if she wanted the job more than she wanted Ling?
What if Ling had arrived too late?
She raised her hand.
Knocked.
Nothing.
She knocked again.
"Orm?"
Silence.
Ling's heart dropped.
She knocked harder.
"Orm."
The lock clicked.
The door opened.
Orm stood there.
For several seconds, neither woman spoke.
Orm looked tired.
Her hair was loosely tied back.
She wore an oversized shirt and soft trousers.
There was a suitcase behind her.
And somehow that suitcase hurt more than anything Ling had seen all day.
"You came."
Ling nodded.
"I said I would."
"I didn't think you would."
"Why?"
Orm looked down.
"Because you're Ling."
Ling almost smiled.
"What does that mean?"
"It means you're usually very good at choosing the sensible thing."
"I've decided to stop."
Orm stared at her.
Ling stepped inside.
"I left a major meeting."
Orm's eyes widened.
"You did what?"
"I left."
"Why?"
"Because you were leaving."
Orm laughed in disbelief.
"You abandoned a business meeting because of me?"
"Yes."
"Was it an important meeting?"
"Very."
"Are you going to get in trouble?"
"Probably."
Orm shook her head.
"You really are insane."
Ling smiled.
"Maybe."
?
The apartment was filled with the quiet evidence of departure.
Half-empty shelves.
A few photographs already removed.
Books stacked into boxes.
Clothes folded into the suitcase.
The small things Orm had accumulated since moving there were being reduced to what could fit into luggage.
Ling hated it.
She hated the sight of it because it made the possibility real.
Orm was actually leaving.
Not metaphorically.
Not someday.
Tonight.
Ling turned toward her.
"How long?"
Orm understood.
"The job?"
Ling nodded.
"At least a year."
A year.
Ling swallowed.
"That's a long time."
"I know."
"You didn't tell me."
"I tried."
"You mentioned the job."
"I told you I applied."
"You didn't tell me you were leaving."
Orm looked at her.
"I didn't know if you would care."
Ling's expression changed.
"How could you think I wouldn't?"
Orm laughed softly.
"Because you didn't say anything."
Ling looked down.
There was no defence.
Orm was right.
Ling had been silent.
She had assumed there would always be another day.
Another conversation.
Another opportunity.
She had believed love could wait while she figured out how to handle it.
Now she knew better.
"I was afraid."
Orm looked at her.
"Of what?"
"Of needing you."
Orm's eyes softened.
"And now?"
Ling took a step closer.
"Now I'm more afraid of losing you."
Silence settled between them.
?
Orm turned away.
She walked toward the suitcase.
"I wanted this job."
"I know."
"I still want it."
"I know."
"It's important to me."
"I know."
Orm looked at her.
"Then why did you come?"
Ling's answer came without hesitation.
"Because I love you."
Orm's lips parted.
Ling continued.
"I'm not here to ask you to give up your future."
She took another step closer.
"I'm here because I want you to know that if you go, I'm still going to love you."
Orm's eyes filled.
"And if I stay?"
Ling smiled faintly.
"Then I'll probably annoy you every day."
Orm laughed through her tears.
"You already do."
"I know."
Orm looked down.
"I don't want to choose between you and my career."
"You shouldn't have to."
"Then what do we do?"
Ling reached for her hand.
"We choose both."
Orm looked up.
"Long distance?"
"We'll figure it out."
"You hate uncertainty."
"I do."
"You're terrible at long distance."
"I've never done it."
"Exactly."
Ling smiled.
"Then we'll learn."
Orm stared at her.
She couldn't believe how different this woman was from the Ling who had once sat across from her and criticised every part of her proposal without blinking.
That Ling had needed control.
This Ling was asking for trust.
?
They sat together on the floor beside the suitcase.
Orm leaned against the side of the bed.
Ling sat beside her.
For a while, they didn't speak.
Then Orm said quietly,
"I was scared too."
Ling turned.
"Of what?"
"Of staying."
Ling waited.
"I was scared that if I stayed because of you, one day I'd resent you."
Ling nodded slowly.
"I understand."
"And I was scared that if I left, I'd regret it."
Ling looked at her.
"You don't have to choose based on fear."
Orm smiled sadly.
"Neither do you."
"I know."
"Then why did it take you so long?"
Ling thought about it.
"Because I thought being rational meant never letting anyone become important enough to hurt me."
Orm's expression softened.
"And now?"
Ling looked at her.
"Now I think being brave means letting someone matter anyway."
Orm's eyes filled.
She leaned her head against Ling's shoulder.
"I hate you."
Ling smiled.
"No, you don't."
"No."
Orm closed her eyes.
"I really don't."
Ling wrapped an arm around her.
"I love you."
Orm whispered,
"I love you too."
?
They stayed like that for a long time.
Eventually, Orm pulled away.
"You should know something."
"What?"
"I haven't finished packing."
Ling looked at the suitcase.
"That's obvious."
"I mean..."
Orm hesitated.
"I couldn't."
Ling understood.
"You couldn't finish because you didn't want to leave?"
Orm nodded.
"I didn't know what I wanted."
Ling took her hand.
"You still have time."
"Not much."
"Enough."
Orm smiled.
"You're staying until I leave?"
Ling nodded.
"Of course."
"Even if it's difficult?"
"Especially then."
?
The next few hours passed strangely.
They ate together.
Orm reheated food she had forgotten about.
Ling complained that it was too spicy.
Orm laughed because Ling had always pretended she could handle spicy food.
They folded clothes together.
Ling was terrible at folding.
Orm told her so.
Ling insisted she had never needed to fold clothes professionally.
Orm laughed.
At one point, Ling held up a shirt.
"Do you need this?"
"No."
"Then throw it away."
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"Because I like it."
"It's falling apart."
"It's comfortable."
Ling looked at her.
"You've had this since university."
"Exactly."
"You're emotionally attached to clothing."
"You're emotionally attached to control."
Orm's eyes widened.
Ling smiled.
"Fair."
They laughed.
For a few hours, the fear disappeared.
There was only them.
The ordinary intimacy of two people doing nothing important.
And perhaps that was what Ling loved most.
Not the grand moments.
Not the campaign photographs.
Not the first kiss.
Not the confession.
This.
Orm sitting on the floor surrounded by clothes.
Ling trying to fold a shirt.
The music playing softly in the background.
The suitcase open.
The future uncertain.
And somehow, despite all of it, feeling like they were exactly where they were supposed to be.
?
When it was finally time to leave, the apartment became quiet.
Orm zipped the suitcase.
The sound seemed louder than it should have been.
She stood there with her hand resting on the handle.
Ling looked at her.
"Ready?"
Orm nodded.
"Not really."
"Me neither."
They walked downstairs together.
Ling carried the suitcase.
Orm carried her handbag.
Neither wanted to say goodbye.
At the car, Ling opened the trunk.
The suitcase went inside.
Orm stood beside her.
"Are you sure?"
Ling looked at her.
"About what?"
"About us."
Ling didn't hesitate.
"Yes."
"Even when I'm far away?"
"Yes."
"Even when we're busy?"
"Yes."
"Even when I'm annoying?"
Ling smiled.
"Especially then."
Orm laughed.
Then her expression softened.
"Promise me something."
"What?"
"Don't disappear into work again."
Ling nodded.
"I promise."
"And if you're scared?"
"I'll tell you."
"If you miss me?"
"I'll tell you."
"If you want me?"
"I'll tell you."
Orm smiled.
"Good."
Ling stepped closer.
"And you?"
Orm nodded.
"I'll do the same."
?
At the airport, everything became real again.
Announcements echoed through the terminal.
People hurried toward gates.
Suitcases rolled across polished floors.
Families hugged.
Friends said goodbye.
Ling hated airports.
She had always considered them places of unnecessary emotional complications.
Now she understood why.
Orm stood in front of her.
Her flight was boarding soon.
Ling looked at the departure screen.
Then at Orm.
She reached for her hand.
"I don't want to let go."
Orm smiled sadly.
"You have to."
"I know."
"But?"
Ling squeezed her fingers.
"But I'll be here when you come back."
Orm nodded.
"I know."
They hugged.
Ling held her tightly.
For a moment, she allowed herself to feel everything.
Fear.
Love.
Sadness.
Hope.
She had spent so long trying to control all of it.
Now she simply let it exist.