Chapter 20 Until We Stop Pretending #2
"Do you ever think about how different everything could have been?"
Ling looked at her.
"All the time."
"If you hadn't interviewed me..."
"I was the only one who interviewed you."
"I know."
"You nearly walked out."
"I considered it."
"You hated me."
"I did."
"You still took the job."
Orm smiled.
"Because I needed the job."
Ling laughed.
"That too."
Orm looked down.
"I was scared."
"Of me?"
"Of failing."
Ling's expression softened.
"You weren't going to fail."
"You didn't know me."
"I knew your work."
"That's not the same."
"No."
Ling took her hand.
"But I knew there was something there."
Orm smiled.
"Even when you criticised it?"
"Especially then."
Orm laughed.
"That's such an executive director answer."
Ling smiled.
"You've known me long enough to know that's how I am."
"I do."
There was a pause.
Orm squeezed her hand.
"Do you remember the first time you thought I was more than just a colleague?"
Ling didn't answer immediately.
She looked toward the window.
Then back at Orm.
"The first time you were angry with me."
Orm looked surprised.
"Really?"
"You were furious."
"I was."
"You stood in my office and told me exactly what you thought."
"I remember."
"You didn't care that I was your boss."
"You were being impossible."
"I know."
Orm smiled.
"You liked that?"
"I respected it."
"And then?"
Ling smiled.
"Then I realised I looked forward to arguing with you."
Orm laughed.
"That sounds unhealthy."
"It probably was."
"Probably?"
"Definitely."
They laughed together.
Then Ling's expression softened.
"But I think the moment I really knew..."
She paused.
Orm waited.
"It was when you stopped being afraid of me."
Orm's smile faded slightly.
"I was afraid of you."
"I know."
"I thought you hated me."
"I never hated you."
"You looked like you did."
"I was trying to keep my distance."
"Why?"
Ling looked at her.
"Because you were getting too close."
Orm's heart tightened.
"And that scared you."
"Yes."
"Why?"
Ling smiled faintly.
"Because I liked you."
Orm stared.
"How long?"
"Long enough."
"That's not an answer."
"It is."
"You're impossible."
Ling laughed.
"You already knew that."
Orm leaned closer.
"Tell me."
Ling sighed.
"Somewhere between your terrible coffee habits and the first time you fell asleep on my shoulder."
Orm's eyes widened.
"I did not."
"You did."
"When?"
"During the campaign meeting."
"I was tired."
"You were asleep."
"For five minutes."
"Twenty."
Orm groaned.
"You should have woken me."
"I didn't want to."
Orm smiled.
"Why?"
"Because you looked peaceful."
Silence.
Orm's expression softened.
"I think I loved you then."
Ling's eyes warmed.
"I think I loved you too."
?
Later, they ordered dinner.
Orm insisted on cooking.
Ling immediately objected.
"You said you'd learn."
"I have learned."
"What?"
"How to follow instructions."
"That's not cooking."
"It counts."
Ling watched her prepare the ingredients.
Orm was enthusiastic.
The problem was that enthusiasm did not necessarily translate into skill.
At one point, she nearly dropped an entire bowl.
Ling caught it.
Orm stared at her.
"That was intentional."
"Of course."
"Testing your reflexes."
"Naturally."
"You passed."
"Thank you."
Orm smiled.
"You can stay."
"I live here."
"I know."
"Then why are you inviting me to stay?"
"Because I'm romantic."
Ling laughed.
"You're ridiculous."
"Still love me."
"Unfortunately."
Orm smiled.
"Very unfortunate."
The cooking continued.
It was chaotic.
There was flour on the counter.
Something was burning.
Orm insisted it wasn't burning.
Ling insisted that smoke was generally a bad sign.
They argued over seasoning.
They tasted the sauce three times.
Orm added too much salt.
Ling fixed it.
Orm stole vegetables from the cutting board.
Ling slapped her hand away.
Orm stole another.
Ling gave up.
Eventually, they sat at the table with a meal that was imperfect but edible.
Orm looked proud.
"See?"
Ling took a bite.
She nodded solemnly.
"It's good."
"Really?"
"Really."
Orm smiled.
"You're lying."
"Maybe."
"Then we're even."
Ling laughed.
They ate.
And Ling realised that this was the kind of evening she had once thought was too ordinary to want.
No restaurant.
No event.
No cameras.
No reason to dress up.
Just two plates on a small table.
A terrible attempt at cooking.
A woman sitting across from her.
And happiness.
Real happiness.
?
After dinner, they washed the dishes together.
Orm washed.
Ling dried.
It was domestic in a way that would have terrified the woman Ling had been six months earlier.
She looked at Orm standing at the sink.
Hair tied loosely.
Sleeves rolled up.
Singing badly under her breath.
Ling smiled.
Orm noticed.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You're looking at me again."
"I like looking at you."
Orm smiled.
"Still?"
"Always."
Orm turned off the tap.
She dried her hands.
Then walked toward Ling.
"Come here."
Ling raised an eyebrow.
"Why?"
"Just come here."
Ling stepped closer.
Orm wrapped her arms around her.
Ling smiled.
"You smell like garlic."
"So do you."
"Romantic."
"Very."
Ling kissed her cheek.
Orm laughed.
"You really do like me."
"I do."
"How much?"
Ling pretended to think.
"Enough."
"Enough?"
"More than enough."
Orm smiled.
"Good."
She rested her head against Ling's chest.
Ling held her.
For a while, they simply stood there.
No conversation.
No need for one.
?
That night, they found themselves back on the sofa.
Orm had discovered an old photograph from the Aurelia campaign.
It was a behind-the-scenes image.
Ling was sitting at a table with her laptop.
Orm was standing beside her, arguing about something.
Fluke was visible in the background, apparently laughing.
P'Cherry was speaking to someone off-camera.
Khun Dew stood near the production team, looking as though she was trying to solve three problems simultaneously.
Orm studied the photograph.
"We look miserable."
Ling laughed.
"We were."
"Look at your face."
"I was working."
"You were glaring at me."
"You were arguing."
"I had a point."
"You usually do."
Orm smiled.
"Look at us."
Ling looked.
She saw two women who hadn't known what was coming.
Two women standing at the beginning of something neither had asked for.
Neither had planned.
Neither understood.
She looked at Orm.
"We had no idea."
Orm shook her head.
"No."
"Would you have believed me if I told you?"
"That we'd end up together?"
"Yes."
Orm laughed.
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"Because I thought you couldn't stand me."
Ling smiled.
"I thought you couldn't stand me."
"You criticised my proposal."
"Again with the proposal."
"You started it."
"I know."
Orm leaned against her.
"Would you change anything?"
Ling thought carefully.
"No."
"Not even the contract?"
Ling smiled.
"Maybe I'd remove one rule."
"Which?"
Ling looked at her.
"No falling in love."
Orm laughed softly.
"Why?"
"Because it was never ours to control."
Orm's expression became thoughtful.
"You're right."
Ling kissed her temple.
"Some things aren't meant to be controlled."
?
A few weeks later, they returned to the Aurelia office for a meeting.
It was strange walking into the building again.
The campaign had ended.
The project team had moved on.
New campaigns covered the walls.
New ideas filled the conference rooms.
The world had continued.
But for Ling and Orm, the place still carried memories.
Orm stood near the hallway.
"This is where you criticised me."
Ling laughed.
"You really remember everything."
"This is where I decided you were terrifying."
"And here?"
Orm pointed.
"Here is where we argued."
"And there?"
"Where you made me stay late."
"You were already staying late."
"You made it worse."
Ling smiled.
They continued walking.
At the end of the corridor, there was an old campaign photograph.
Aurelia.
The two of them standing together.
The photograph that had once been part of the campaign.
Orm looked at it.
Ling stood beside her.
"Funny."
"What?"
"That picture was fake."
Ling looked at the photograph.
"Was it?"
Orm looked at her.
"At the time."
Ling smiled.
"Maybe."
They stood together.
A younger version of themselves stared back from the photograph.
Two women who had been pretending.
Two women who had no idea what was coming.
Orm reached for Ling's hand.
Ling took it.
"Would you do it again?"
"The campaign?"
"The pretending."
Ling smiled.
"No."
Orm laughed.
"Why?"
"Because I wouldn't want to pretend."
"Fair."
Ling looked at her.
"But I'd still choose you."
Orm smiled.
"Good answer."
?
That evening, they returned home and found the old contract still sitting in the wastebasket.
Orm picked up the pieces.
Ling watched.
"What are you doing?"
"Throwing it away."
"You already did."
"I mean properly."
Orm walked to the bin.
Then stopped.
She looked at the torn pieces.
One piece had the words:
NO UNNECESSARY TOUCHING.
Another:
NO JEALOUSY.
Another:
NO FALLING IN LOVE.
Orm laughed.
"We really were idiots."
Ling smiled.
"Yes."
Orm held the pieces.
Then paused.
"Wait."
"What?"
She reached for a small box on the shelf.
She placed the torn pieces inside.
Ling looked at her.
"I thought you were throwing them away."
"I changed my mind."
"Why?"
Orm smiled.
"Because maybe someday we'll want to remember how ridiculous we were."
Ling laughed.
"Fair."
Orm closed the box.
Then placed it back on the shelf.
Not framed.
Not displayed.
Just kept.
A reminder.
Not of the rules.
But of how far they had come.
?
That night, they went onto the balcony.
The city was bright below them.
Orm curled against Ling.
Ling wrapped an arm around her.
"Are you happy?"
Orm asked.
Ling didn't hesitate.
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Even with everything?"
"Especially with everything."
Orm smiled.
"I am too."