THIRTY-FOUR
EMMA
After my coffee date with Liv, I enter my new apartment—a thought that makes me chuckle.
My new apartment.
Wow. I don’t even know how often I was about to give in to Jack’s request to move in together. It just never seemed like the right thing to do. I never wanted to make it harder for him to change his mind about how much he would be involved; I didn’t want him to feel obliged toward us. But the determination he continually showed made me change my mind in the end.
“Jack? Are you home?”
When no one answers, I grab a glass of water from the kitchen and walk into the living room. I smile at the rearranged furniture. Jack was quite the busy bee, making room for the baby equipment.
With a deep sigh, I sit on the couch and check my phone to see if Jack texted where he went. He didn’t, so I send him a message asking where he is. I lean back into the comfy cushions and let out a long breath of air. I stroke over my belly and realize that the peanut has been a little quiet these past few days, but that can happen toward the end.
Even though my due date isn’t for another two weeks, I don’t think the peanut will wait that long. I’ve had some false labor, so I saw Susan today. As it turns out, the baby is already positioned head down and needs to sink slightly lower. For me, that’s an additional indication that it won’t be much longer.
I grimace when my belly hardens with another Braxton Hicks contraction. While it’s not painful, something feels strange. It’s an uneasy sensation that I can’t quite explain.
I call Jack to hear his soothing voice, but it goes straight to voicemail. Hmm, weird. My unease grows. I need to talk to someone now, so I call Rob, who’s out of town for a conference.
Luckily, he answers my call right away. “Hey, Em! Is everything okay?”
I chuckle. “Yes, why wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t know. Why are you calling? Not that I don’t love to hear from you, but I know that you know I’m attending a conference and don’t usually have time for chit-chat.”
I snort. “Chit-chat! Pfff!” But then I sigh, which he picks up on.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Emma.”
The worry in his voice makes me frown. “I’m not sure. I feel weird.”
“Weird? What do you mean?”
“I can’t explain it. I’ve had more Braxton Hicks contractions today. I saw Susan this morning; the ultrasound and CTG were normal, but still …”
“Em, if you feel weird, you should see Susan again.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Promise me you’ll make Jack take you to the hospital if it gets worse, okay?”
“Okay, I promise. ”
“Sorry, Em, I have to run, but message me if anything happens.”
“I will. Bye, Rob.”
After ending the call, I rise from the couch to get another glass of water, but once I’m standing, I have to squeeze my eyes shut and draw in a deep breath when a wave of vertigo makes me sway.
I head to the bedroom, where my blood pressure monitor is. I sit on the bed and check my blood pressure, and I sigh when I see it’s too high.
Shit.
I lie down for a moment or two to calm down. My heart beats faster than it should, and the weird sensations won’t disappear. Nothing seems to help: no breathing exercises, no putting my feet up.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when I finally decide that I need to do something. I lost count of how many texts and voice messages I sent Jack, and it worries me, too, that I can’t reach him.
The throbbing beneath my temples worsens, just like the dizziness. Everything feels like a blur, and panic takes hold of me—time to act. I rise from the couch to grab my phone from the coffee table, and after taking a couple of steps, something warm runs down my leg. Damn, did my water break?
I look down and gasp. No, that’s not amniotic fluid—it’s blood. My breath hitches in my throat, and I’m not sure how I even manage to call an ambulance and, after that, Liv.
I try Jack’s phone again, but he still doesn’t answer. I leave him one last message before everything goes black.
Being unconscious is a peculiar state. Silence surrounds me, but I know there should be noise and commotion. I should be sobbing and crying because I’m in so much pain, not only physically but also emotionally. Something is wrong with my baby, and we both need medical assistance. But I’m lying on Jack’s living room floor, and I have no idea how anyone will find me.
Reality loses its grip on me as I slip further into unconsciousness, so I’m not sure if the voices I hear and the touch I feel are actually there.
Everything seems like a dream. I hear more distant voices. I see bright lights and feel lots of commotion going on around me. I lose track of time and space; maybe hours pass, maybe mere seconds.
And what is that? Was that a baby crying?
There are more voices, but I don’t hear the one voice I’m longing to hear; I don’t hear Jack.
More commotion.
Then silence.
And I feel nothing. No pain, no unease, no fear. I can finally drift off into a peaceful sleep.
The first thing I notice is someone gently squeezing my hand, followed by a low murmur. I can’t make out any words until one person says they’ll be back in a little while.
“Okay, see you.”
That voice! I know that voice, and I know that touch. All of a sudden, I’m hyper-aware of him. His familiar scent envelops me, and a pleasant shiver runs down my spine when he places a tender kiss on my knuckles. Finally, it’s my Jack.
I want to check where I am, but my eyelids are way too heavy. I try to lift my hand, but again—too heavy. I want to groan in frustration, but no sound comes from my mouth.
“Emma?” Jack’s soft voice soothes me at once, and my lips stretch into a tiny smile. “Emma? Are you awake? Please wake up, Peach. We need you.”
We? My heart races, and finally, my body obeys. I squeeze Jack’s hand and manage to open my eyes—slowly but surely. I need a few moments to adjust to the light, but once I’m conscious enough to take in my surroundings, I breathe a sigh of relief. I gaze at Jack, who stands beside my bed, and smile. “Jack,” I croak.
A huge grin spreads across his face, and he places his hand on my cheek before he leans down to kiss my forehead. “Oh, Emma. Finally!”
I need to gather my thoughts before I ask, “What happened?”
Jack’s expression turns somber, and he frowns. “You had a placental abruption and lost a lot of blood, so you needed a transfusion. They had to perform an emergency c-section—”
I gasp, and my hands fly to my stomach, which is flat—well, flatter —and definitely holds no baby anymore. “Jack! The baby!” I try to sit up, but Jack holds me back.
“Easy, Peach. The baby is fine. He’s fine.” He helps me up more slowly and adjusts the bed so I can lean back in a sitting position. Then he steps aside, and my gaze falls on the baby crib behind him.
I cover my mouth with my hand, and my eyes fill with tears as I watch Jack pick up the tiny bundle wrapped in a blue blanket and place it in my arms. “Here, big guy, meet your mom.”
There are no words to describe what I’m feeling right now. I stare at this peacefully sleeping baby, at his tiny nose and his small hands with the little fingers. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
I let out a half sob, half laugh. “Hey, Peanut. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I take his hand, and he wraps his fingers around my thumb. I lift my gaze to Jack. “He’s so handsome.”
“He is,” he murmurs before pressing his lips on mine for a lingering kiss. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“I can’t stop staring at him,” I say. “He’s perfect.”
“Your mom says he looks just like you.”
I gape at Jack. “My mom is here?”
“Yes, your parents and your brother flew in as soon as they heard. They all love him so much already, but especially your mom.”
I let out a long breath of air. “Wow. When did all of this happen? How old is he now?”
Jack checks his watch. “It’s been a little over twenty-four hours since he was born, and ever since the doctors gave their okay, the two of us have been resting on that couch”—he points behind him—“waiting for you to wake up. ”
I look around. “Is this a private room? I’m not sure I can afford this.”
Jack chuckles. “Your dad is taking care of that. He told me to tell you not to contradict him.”
I nod. He won’t take no for an answer. “So, um—” I meet Jack’s gaze. “What exactly happened?”
He runs his hand over his face. He looks as exhausted as I feel. “I’ll fill you in, but we should call a doctor first.”
And that’s what he does. A doctor comes to examine me and to tell me what went down, how the placenta separated from the uterus, which caused severe bleeding. Luckily, Liv and Ethan arrived at Jack’s apartment just in time—along with the ambulance. They brought me to the hospital so they could perform a c-section before my baby boy could take any harm. And fortunately, he’s fine—a happy and healthy newborn. And with some rest, I’ll be fine soon as well.
Within the next couple of hours, my family, and also Jack’s, come by for a quick hello, so it seems like forever before Jack, the baby, and I are finally alone again.
Jack sits on the bed with his arm draped around my shoulder while I try to nurse my son. It’s not going too well yet, but I was told to be patient.
“Hey, Jack?” I ask when I’m done nursing for now.
“Hm?”
“When the doctor congratulated you on your amazing son … I know we’ve talked about this … that you’re his father … but, um, that was a while ago … and— ”
“Peach.” His lips stretch into a broad smile when he interrupts my rambling. “I told them I was his father so I could be with you during the birth and go with him when they had to take him to the NICU for a couple of hours. I didn’t want him to be alone, and I haven’t changed my mind about this since we last talked.”
A warm and pleasant sensation takes hold of me when I hear his words. “I agree, you are his father,” I tell him, grasping his hand.
He smiles at me. “Good.”
I return his smile before looking at the baby. “The peanut needs a name.”
Jack nods. “What do you think? Do any of the names we put on the list sound right?”
“Yes, actually. One name popped into my head when I first saw him.”
“Which one?”
My smile widens when I stare at this little human being in my arms and say, “Finn.”
Jack laughs softly and leaves a fleeting kiss on my lips before stroking the baby’s head and says, “Hello, Finn.”
We sit in comfortable silence until I remember something I have to ask him. “Hey, um, what happened before they brought me to the hospital? Where were you, and why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Jack rises from the bed with a heavy sigh and paces up and down, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Jack?”
He stops and turns to me with a frown. “I’m so sorry, Emma. I should have been there for you; none of this should have happened. I would have never forgiven myself if something had gone wrong with you or Finn. ”
“Jack, calm down. It’s okay. We’re fine, so don’t do that to yourself. But you didn’t answer my question.”
He takes a deep breath and then another before he finally tells me what happened. How Kate showed up after I had left and how she told him she didn’t believe he would be a good father or a loving partner. He tells me about the kiss, how it messed with his head, and that he needed to meet with Paul to talk about it. And last but not least, he recounts how his phone had died and he didn’t get any of my messages until it was almost too late.
I listen to Jack without saying a single word. I’m not sure what to say or even think. What he tells me unnerves me in the worst kind of way. I sigh as I place a sleeping Finn on my chest. I close my eyes, rub his head with my nose, and inhale his scent. Is it going to be just him and me, after all?
When I lift my gaze to meet Jack’s, my eyes fill with tears. “That messed with your head? Does that mean you’re not sure anymore if you want to stay with us?”
With a sigh, Jack sits on the bed, facing me. He grasps my hand and gives me a gentle smile that dispels my worries at once. “Emma,” he says. “After only one day with him, I already love Finn with all my heart, with my entire being. Just as much as I love you, and I could never walk away from you because that would undoubtedly kill me. It almost killed me when it still wasn’t certain if you would make it. I realized that every shitty thing that happened brought us closer. Every fight, every misunderstanding, and everyone who wanted to come between us made us stronger. We can overcome any obstacle as long as we face it together. Never could I leave you. I was there when Finn took his first breath, and I want to be his father until I take my last. And I want to be your boyfriend and one day your husband for the rest of my life. Does that answer your question?”
Tears incessantly stream down my cheeks, and I have to try hard not to sob uncontrollably and disturb Finn in his sleep. “Yes,” is all I manage to utter.
Jack chuckles, takes our son from me, and places him in his crib. He sits back on the bed and cups my face with his hands. “I love you, Peach. Forever,” he breathes before capturing my lips in a passionate kiss that’s just as reassuring as his little speech.
And all I need is his touch to know that he’s right. As long as we stick together, no one and nothing can bring us down. And I love him too—forever.