Chapter 12 #2
Then I slowly close my notebook and turn fully toward him. “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but whatever fantasy you’ve built up in your head? You can go ahead and kill it now.”
There’s a flicker of something mean behind his eyes, but he masks it again with that same smug smile. The one that says he thinks he’s still in control.
“Relax,” he says, hands up like I’m the one being dramatic. “Just saying hi. You don’t have to get all wound up.”
I look him over once, slow and deliberate, like he’s dirt under my shoe. “Don’t mistake my silence for fear, Jason. I just don’t waste my breath on things that are beneath me.”
And with that, I turn back to my notes. Ignore the heat crawling up my neck. The shaking in my fingers I won’t let him see.
I can feel him watching me for another minute. Maybe two.
Then finally he shifts, leans back, and shuts the hell up.
For now.
But the tension still lingers. Like smoke in the air.
And in the back of my mind, a darker thought creeps in:
How the hell does he know who I am?
I moved seats and continue jotting down notes. After about an hour I start getting tired and hungry and tell myself I’ve had enough, and I start to collect my things.
The library empties out slowly, chairs scraping against the floor, the low murmur of students dying off as the door clicks shut behind the last one. Or so I think.
I'm putting my notebook away when I hear the door lock.
Click
I turn, stomach tightening. Jason’s leaning against the door now, one hand on the knob, the other tucked into his pocket like he has no care in the world.
My nerves are on ten, I don't have a good feeling about this. I hurry to the door, “What are you doing?” I say flatly.
He smiles, head tilting, that same condescending tilt that makes my skin crawl. “You used to be nicer, you know. What happened to you?” He take a step closer to me.
“I don’t know you,” I snap, each word clipped. “And you don’t know me. So let me say it again, get the hell out of my way.” I take a step back to try and keep my distance.
He’s still grinning, but it’s mean now. Meaner. “You should’ve stayed gone, you know. Back in that little freak house. What was it called again?” He tilts his head mockingly, “Blackridge Institute?”
My breath catches. Ice floods my veins.
How the fuck does he know about that?
I try to keep my face blank, but it’s too late. He sees the crack.
“Bingo,” he says, smile wide. “Knew that name would hit a nerve. Did they give you pills to keep the voices quiet, Stassi?”
“Shut up,” I whisper. My pulse is a thunderstorm.
My blood runs cold. How does he know about that place?
All the reports and my records are supposed to be sealed.
No one’s supposed to know about that. Not here.
Not unless I decide to share that story.
Not in this place where I’m already fighting just to breathe and stay above water.
I feel the floor shift under me, like I’ve been sucker punched in the gut. But I don’t let it show. I can't.
I laugh, bitter and sharp. “Is that supposed to scare me? Bringing up my past?”
“No,” he says, stepping closer. “Just reminding you where you belong.”
He leans down, too close, his breath brushing the side of my cheek. Repulsion hitting me in the face. “You think you’re better now? You’re still the broken little freak they had to lock up. The one who talks to herself and wakes up screaming.”
I stiffen.
"Do you still think about him? What was his name..Thoren? Or maybe you want to pay mommy dearest a visit?
He knows too much. How does he know?
He steps back like he’s done something noble. “You should go back there. Honestly, it was probably the only place that could deal with someone like you. You’re not stable. Everyone can see it. After all… you're the whole reason he's dead.”
My voice shakes but it’s cold. Like frost biting back. “If you ever say that name to me again, I swear to God—”
“Oh?” he sneers, voice dipping low, slick with venom.
“What are you gonna do, Stassi? Cry about it? Carve it into your skin like last time? Throw one of your infamous breakdowns?” He clicks his tongue like he pities me.
“Everyone’s just waiting for it. Tick, tick.
One bad day from Blackridge all over again. ”
He steps in closer, invading my space with a fake tenderness. “Poor little Anastasia, fragile as glass, always one breath away from shattering.” He lifts my hand and presses a blade to my palm, almost gently. “Why don’t we speed it up? I’ll even help. It’s what you want anyway, isn’t it?”
My free hand tightens around the strap of my bag like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded and I drop the blade he placed in my other.
“Move.”
His gaze drops to my hand, then back up. Calculating. Enjoying every second of this. And then, just like that, he shrugs and unlocks the door.
“See you around, freak.”
He leaves first, the heavy door creaking shut behind him.
I don’t move for a few seconds. I can’t. My body’s frozen, lungs squeezing tight like there’s no air left in the room. My eyes sting with fresh tears. My breath getting shorter and shorter.
He knows about Blackridge. About Thoren.
He knows, thats it’s my fault. I'm the reason he's dead.
No matter how hard I try and run from my past, to put it behind me once and for all and finally move on. It finds a way to catch up with me. I will forever be haunted by that night. I can still hear that loud bang ringing in my head on a loop.
I head to my room and switch into some running shorts. Maybe going for a run through one of the paths behind the school will help clear my head.
Once inside I get out of this damn skirt and boots.
And put on my shorts, hoodie and runners.
I grab my headphones and lock my door. The university is in an interesting location.
While the East side has a coastline, the west side is surrounded by a forest. There’s a few marked trails and supposedly a waterfall that leads back into the ocean.
I take the hallway through the dorms and downstairs through the dinning hall.
The tree line starts about a hundred yards past the quad.
Shina is sitting outside and I jog up to her. “Hey Stass, whats up?”
How does she do it, always this upbeat attitude? Maybe if I knew I wouldn't be so messed up inside. “Just going for a small run, where’s Ro?”
“You know we have a gym right?” Shina snickers, “And I’m not sure, I think she mentioned something about extra credit for her psych class.”
“Yeah, but the fresh air might do me some good. Just heading up to one of the trails. One leads up to a waterfall right?”
“Uhh, yeah, but Stass, it’s getting pretty late. You sure thats a good idea?” There’s concern in her tone.
“I’ll be fine, see.” I show her the pepper spray and flashlight I have clipped to my shorts, “I just need to clear my head.” I smile back.
“Everything ok, you know you can talk to me right?”
Everything is not alright, but I can’t tell her all the dark thoughts clouding my head right now.
She doesn't need to know how messed up I really am. How I struggle to make it through everyday. How I have to force myself out of bed every morning. I don’t want her to see how broken I am and decide I’m not worth the trouble of keeping as a friend or helping out.
She’s doing enough helping me with the issue of my mom’s accident.
Her and Ro were the first ones to show me some kindness, and part of me knows they will understand.
But I’m not ready to share everything yet.
So I don’t say any of that. I hate how one conversation from stupid Jason brought me so far back, and into that dark space again.
“Yeah, I know. And I will… Just.. I need to clear my head. We’ll talk later, yeah?”
“Yeah, ok.” And I start jogging to the trail.
I make it to the tree line and the trail marker reads, five miles to the waterfall, then it looks like it loops around to the coast side and back up to the school from there. Sounds easy enough.
Headphones on, I take my phone and tap on my music app.
I scroll and land on my daylist—Silent Fury, Monday Glory.
Perfect, how do they match the names to the mood so perfectly?
CULT by Magnolia Park starts playing. Volume on 22, cause even numbers, and I take off.
The cool breeze on my face feels nice. Being so close to the ocean the air is humid.
I zone out the first three miles, just getting lost in the music and my thoughts.
I’m halfway through my playlist when I stop near a fallen log, to tighten my laces and look at my phone to see how much further I have, since the sun is quickly setting.
I’ve been out here thirty minutes now. I pause my music and thats when I hear it, faint whispering, a grunt, and.
.moaning? I might have my pepper-spay but I’m not ready to fight a bear.
Or wolf? Who knows what’s out here. Then a figure comes into view in the distance.
Roman. I squint my eyes. Then another figure. Ro.
I thought Shina mentioned she was doing extra credit.
Well,.. I guess she is. Get it girl. He has her pressed against a tree, her back to me so she can’t see me.
I’m obscured by the other tree’s and too far away.
He has one hand wrapped around her neck, the other on her thigh as he holds her up.
I swear me and Roman make eye contact for a brief moment.
A smile on his face as he turns back to Ro and kisses her deeply while he thrusts into her.
The move full of passion. OK, Stassi time to go. Stop being a creeper.
I jump as I hear a something snap behind me and turn towards the sound. My hand steady on my spray as I turn around.
“Lost princess?”
Caine.
“Wow there killer, want to lower that hand?”
“WHAT THE FUCK CAINE! Trying to kill me?” I place my other hand over my heart, to calm myself with the fright he just gave me. And lower my other.