Chapter 29
ERYX
It’s Christmas Eve, and the school is dead silent.
Just how I like it, empty and still. I’ve always liked the quiet.
I told Mom I was staying back this year.
I know she wasn’t happy to hear that, as we always make plans for a feast and make the most of it.
Roman and Caine went instead. She misses her son’s; Caine is practically hers, too.
Going back home would have been a great distraction from it all, but none of it would’ve worked. Not when my head is filled with her.
Anastasia.
I couldn’t go anywhere knowing she was staying here all alone. I’ve been trying to outrun the way her name makes my heart clench, but the more I push her away, the more I crave her. Like blood to a wound. Sweet, dangerous addiction.
I told myself I’d leave her alone during break.
Give her space. As if I haven’t been giving her just that this past few weeks.
But I can’t stay away anymore. The itch to find her creeps around the edges of my self-control, fraying it.
I checked her dorm. Empty. The library. That weird bench by the waterfall that's now become her favorite spot. Nothing.
My little raven is hiding out. I decide I need to hide out too and I find my way down to the pool-house. I smell the chlorine before I see her. That sterile, clean scent mixed with something sweeter. Her shampoo, maybe. Coconut and jasmine.
She’s in the water, floating like some siren under the stars. The pool lights are off, but the moon casts this soft silver glow through the glass ceiling. She looks peaceful, too peaceful. That scares me more than I’ll ever admit.
Then she sinks down. Not like someone swimming. Like someone surrendering. I tense, my instincts kicking in. One heartbeat. Two. Three. She stays under long enough for my blood to run cold. I take a step forward, ready to dive in and drag her out, but then she brakes the surface with a gasp.
Alive.
But something about the way she looks around... she’s not just catching her breath. She’s running from something inside. And then she sees me.
“You have a death wish?” I say calmly, trying to hide my panic. But fuck, the fear has me on edge. I was ready to jump in after her. She scowls, all attitude and bite. Her armor she wears so well is back up. “What are you doing here?”
I don’t answer right away. I just stare at her, chest heaving, skin glistening, eyes like fractured glass. Beautiful and broken and mine in a way that terrifies me. “I asked you first.”
“And what if I do?” she shoots back.
Gods. She always does this. Always fights. And yet I know, I know, that fight is what keeps her alive.
“What a shame,” I mutter. That she’d even consider leaving this world.
That she can’t see what I see when I look at her.
She launches into some half-baked insult, trying to push me away again, but I won't let her. Not tonight. Not anymore. I step closer to the edge of the pool, the anger in me unraveling into something more raw. She keeps speaking, but all I hear is the desperation under it. She’s trying to provoke me.
Trying to make me hate her so she can justify hating herself.
“Why do you do that?” I ask.
“Do what?”
“Deflect.”
That stops her for a beat. Confused. Vulnerable.
Gods, I love and hate how soft she looks in this moment.
And I know right then, I can’t stay out of the water.
I have to be closer. Feel her. Ground her.
I strip off my shirt and joggers and watch her eyes light up with fire behind them as she realizes what I'm doing.
It's reckless and wrong. But she’s the only thing that feels real.
It’s stupid how easily she unravels for me.
How one glance from her turns the hollow rage I live in, into heat, tension, and need.
I didn’t plan to touch her. I never planned it.
But as I lower myself into the water and wrap her legs around my waist, suddenly I’m not just standing in a pool.
I’m drowning in her. As her hand slips underneath the water and finds me, my control splinters.
She should feel like danger. But all I feel is peace. Raw, trembling peace in the shape of a girl who knows what it means to stay behind and pick up the pieces, because no one ever stayed for her. And for the first time in a long time, it doesn’t feel like I’m fighting alone.
Anastasia
I really hate this time of year. Christmas break started a few days ago and mostly everyone went home to be with their families.
Ro invited me to go with her, and maybe I should have taken her up on the offer.
After all, they were headed off to the Maldives and man how I’d die to be on a beautiful beach right now, soaking up the sun.
But I’ve been in a mood all week and the holidays only make it worse.
They remind me of how alone I really am now. Everyone that mattered is gone.
The past few weeks have been so confusing.
Eryx has my mind in shambles, I just don’t get him.
One moment he’s climbing through my window, showing me this sweet side that seems reserved only for me, giving me the best birthday I’ve had in a really long time, and the next its like we're back to hating each other. He hasn’t spoken to me since my birthday, and I’m left wondering what I did.
I just don’t get it. Why am I never enough?
He makes me want to scream, he brings so much anger out of me, but he also calms me like no one has before. Well, one other person. When he’s around, the nightmares stay away. I don’t wake up with cold sweats or in a panic. I don’t feel like drowning myself in my pills.
When he’s not there with me, I wake up feeling like I'm reliving the accident all over again.
It feels so real and it scares me. I can feel the glass breaking across my skin.
My arm shattering. My head bashing against the window and the blood running down my face.
I stare at the scar going down my arm. A reminder of what happened.
I can never forget. My mind won't let me.
It's nearing midnight and I fancy a swim. The school has an indoor pool, and swimming a few laps might help clear my head a bit. I grab a small duffle, I put my bathing suit, a towel, and pool shoes, cause–gross. I head out towards the pool area. There’s a set of stairs in the showers that head down to the pool, so it won't be too hard to sneak down there at this hour.
Once I’m down by the lockers, I start undressing so I can slip into my swimsuit. It's a basic black bikini, a triangle top with a cheeky bottom. I put my hair in a braid and stuff my things in the locker before heading out.
I set my towel down on one of the chairs and lower myself into the warm water.
Not only is it an indoor pool, but it's heated too and feels like absolute heaven right now.
I take a few laps, remembering the lessons Thoren gave me when I was little.
Feeling the water move through me as I bring my arms over and down.
Left, right, breathe. Left, right, breathe. Left, right, breathe.
I stop in the middle of the pool and float on my back looking up.
I left the lights off, and with the pool having a glass ceiling, the stars shine bright above me and the moon illuminates the room.
Such a majestic view. It's so peaceful being here alone, yet the voices in my head always seem to turn up the volume and won't leave me alone.
I take a deep breath and dive down, letting out the air I’m holding so I can stay sitting at the bottom.
Just a bit. Enough to clear my head. Enough to feel that panic and that burn.
That yearning to breathe again. After a minute, I push up from the bottom and sprint to the top gasping for the breath I’ve been craving.
A shadow in front of me catches my eye. Eryx.
“You have a death wish?”
“What are you doing here?” I scowl at him.
“Answer me.”
“And what if I do?”
“What a shame,” there’s a look of disappointment on his face.
“Why do you care? And not that it's any of your business, but I’m just here to relax and clear my head.” Why do I always get so angry around him?
Calm down, Stassi. Deep breaths. “What are you even doing here? Don’t you have a family to go home to, or are they glad to finally get a break from you?
” Gods, you just can’t stop, can you, Stass.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Deflect.”
Deflect? What the hell does he mean, deflect?
That's not what I’m doing, I’m just trying to relax, and he’s ruining my mood.
Does he have to stand there looking like a damn God?
Looking down on me with those menacing eyes.
He looks like he wants to eat me. Wait! Is he taking his shirt off? Why, is he taking his shirt off?
“Wh–What are you doing?” I ask him as he takes off his shirt and joggers. He slips into the water.
“Well, I thought I’d enjoy the pool, maybe clear my head since you know I don’t have a family to go to,” he inches his way closer to me.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you. That was mean. And you don’t deserve that,” I look away from him, unable to meet his gaze.
“You’re right, it was.” He grabs my chin, making me face him, “But I quite like that mouth of yours.”
He brings my legs to wrap around his waist and moves forward until my back hits the edge of the pool.
He’s trapped me. One hand rubs circles under my right thigh, while the other grips my waist. He holds me close, making me feel his hardness beneath me.
Asshole. How do I keep getting myself in these situations?
Me, pressed against him, him getting me all bothered until I finally give in and let him give me the best orgasm of my fucking life.
“Eryx,” damn I already sound breathy. Get it together Stass!