Chapter Five
Hannah
Dumb, dumb, dummy...
I shouldn’t have lied about the interview.
I don’t even know why I did it. It’s not as though Vik expects me to stay here for a few nights and then disappear. But given everything he’s doing for me, part of me wants to make him proud. To show him I’m trying my best to get my life back on track.
The way Vik cornered me this morning confused me and I said some things without thinking. Now that I’m alone, again, I’m less startled but more confused. I wonder why, when I was with Vik, I let my mind wander somewhere it absolutely shouldn’t have.
When his clothes brushed against my skin and the warm rush of his breath fanned across my face, I felt something other than fear. Twisted thoughts flooded my mind while he stood over me.
I wanted... something else.
I wanted to reach out and touch him.
To feel the hard muscle beneath his shirt.
To trace his old scars with my fingertips while I wondered how he got every single one.
I felt so small beside him. So fragile. Twisted ideas leapt to my mind when his sheer size towered over me. How tiny and weak I was next to him. If he’d wanted to, he could have thrown me over his shoulder and carried me wherever he pleased without breaking into a sweat.
Somehow that thought drowned out everything else.
I’d imagined his hands on my body. Holding me. Touching places his hands have no business touching. All while I breathe in the warm, oaky scent of his cologne.
Goodness.
After breakfast, I jump in the shower and get ready for my “interview.”
I settle on wearing a black blouse and a grey plaid skirt. I add a light touch of makeup and a pair of black heels. It’s almost exactly what I wore to my interview at the hospital, where I last worked.
Then it’s back to waiting.
Time crawls when there’s nothing to do but sit on your hands. Every minute stretches into its own little eternity.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Just before noon, when I’m about to leave, my phone rings.
After weeks of its silence, the sound nearly sends me tumbling off the bed. For one ridiculous second, I let myself hope it’s someone calling with a job offer.
It isn’t. It’s Lindsey Holte.
We were good friends before everything happened. Now, I’m surprised she has called at all. She was one of the people who turned their backs on me.
Still, we manage a short conversation and make plans to meet for lunch.
I accepted her suggestion without hesitation, for more than one reason.
First, it helps keep my lie to Vik alive.
Second, getting out of this house is probably the smartest thing I can do right now.
Sitting alone in my room has given me too much time to think. What happened this morning shouldn’t have excited me.
Vik wanted to intimidate me. To make sure I understood where the boundaries were. My body simply refused to listen.
No matter how often my thoughts drift back to what it would feel like to touch him, I must bury those fantasies. He thinks I haven’t noticed the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. But I have caught his glances.
And if I’m not careful, I might end up getting exactly what my imagination keeps asking for.
I also have no idea what either of us would do if those dangerous thoughts ever became reality.
***
I don’t drive, though I probably should at my age. Taking a taxi from Vik’s house into the city is a long trip and the fares are going to add up quickly.
But the thought of driving terrifies me. It has, since the accident.
Handing the responsibility to someone else eases the burden for me a little, yet I still find myself gripping the armrest too tightly or slipping into a quiet panic whenever I’m in a car.
I suppose that’s inevitable after seeing firsthand what one mistake can do.
Even so...
I can’t blame the driver for what happened that night.
I can only blame myself.
“You doing alright back there?” the cabbie asks.
The honest answer is no. Everything feels unsettled. If it’s not Vik himself doing the unsettling, then it’s the fact that I can’t stop thinking about him. Worse still, those feelings never arrive when they should. Never in the heat of the moment, but afterward, once I’ve had time to calm down.
Then they hit me all at once.
I should have felt this in the kitchen this morning. Not during a quiet taxi ride through the city.
“I’m fine, thank you,” I answer. “Just a little nervous.”
“Don’t be.” He smiles warmly. He is an older man, and his calm voice settles my nerves.
“You’re going to do great.”
I frown, opening my mouth to ask how he knows where I am going, but no words come.
He chuckles at my confusion.
“The way you’re dressed tells me you’ve got something important going on. I’ve been driving cabs long enough to recognize the signs. Whatever it is, you’re going to do great. Believe in yourself.”
I wasn’t expecting kindness—or even wisdom—from a taxi driver this morning. Least of all, in the final few blocks of the journey.
But I appreciate it all the same.
We don’t speak again before we arrive at Coco’s, the restaurant Lindsey chose, but every so often I catch him smiling at me in the rearview mirror. It’s a warm, fatherly smile that suits his weathered face.
I’d have liked to leave him a bigger tip, but I simply can’t afford it. I thank him anyway, and as I climb out of the taxi, I find that our brief conversation left me feeling just a little lighter.
Lindsey is already waiting outside Coco’s.
She greets me with a bright smile and a half-hug before we fall into easy small talk.
It doesn’t last long.
As soon as our drinks arrive, the real conversation begins.
“God, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you, Hannah,” Lindsey says, fiddling with the long straw sticking out of her Strawberry Daiquiri.
“Don’t be.” I smile, instinctively reaching across the table to give her wrist a reassuring squeeze. “There wasn’t much either of us could have done.”
“Have you been doing okay?” That question lands differently.
It’s no longer just polite conversation. She isn’t asking how I am because she’s expected to. She wants the truth.
And I hate it.
“I’m doing better now. My stepbrother’s helping me out.” I glance away before my face gives anything away.
Vik has left me in a very strange place. Part of me wants to get closer to him. The other part wants to run.
Somehow, I think that’s exactly where he wants me. Balanced between curiosity and fear. Maybe that’s why he keeps invading my space whenever I start to feel uncomfortable. As though he enjoys having that kind of power over me.
Snap out of it.
“Good.” Lindsey lets out a quiet sigh after another sip of her drink. “Being with family during the hard times is always for the best.”
“What happened to Matthew?” I ask, desperate to steer the conversation somewhere—anywhere—else.
Matthew is the man I tried to help. Lindsey probably doesn’t remember his name, but she’ll know who I mean.
“I’m not sure.” She looks away. “They discharged him not long after you were fired.”
The words hit harder than I expect. Everything I tried to do ended in disaster.
Somewhere out there, Matthew is probably still living with the same pain he had before I intervened.
“You can’t keep blaming yourself, Hannah,” Lindsey says softly. “You did everything you could. You eased his suffering, even if it was only for a little while.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Maybe.” She grins over the rim of her glass. “But I know exactly what’ll chase those thoughts out of your head.”
“Getting drunk at one o’clock in the afternoon?” Despite everything, I smile. “I’ve definitely heard worse ideas.”
“Afternoon?” Lindsey laughs. “Baby, this party’s going all night.”
She reaches into her handbag and slides a sleek black card across the table.
THE CRUCIBLE
“A nightclub?” I stare at her as though she’s completely lost her mind. “I really don’t think that’s where I should be right now.”
“Which is exactly why you should go.” She points at me with her straw. “Dance. Forget everything for a few hours. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always alcohol and a couple of hot guys.”
It’s a terrible idea.
Especially now that I’ve only just moved into Vik’s house.
He’s bound to have questions. Questions I don’t know how to answer.
But getting away does sound tempting. Maybe a different environment will help me make sense of everything that’s happened.
“Fine,” I say with a reluctant sigh. “But you’re buying the first round.”
Lindsey beams.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
After lunch, we stop by Lindsey’s place so she can pick up a few things before she drives me back to Vik’s house to get ready.
The closer we get, the more anxious I become. How am I supposed to explain this? How do I turn a fake job interview into a night out?
As it turns out, I don’t have to.
Relief floods through me when we step inside and discover Vik isn’t home. For a moment, I wonder where he is. Then I remember this morning.
Maybe that’s just the stubborn part of me refusing to let him win.
Either way, sneaking out is going to be much easier now.
As we walk through the house, my eyes drift once again to the locked doors.
I know I shouldn’t. I know better. But what could he possibly be hiding behind them?
Whatever it is...
It was enough to make him lose control this morning.