33. Tatiana
33
TATIANA
“ N atasha!” I call as soon as I step into the vaulted entryway of Killian’s Seagate mansion. I’m getting too comfortable with showing up unannounced, but I really need my sister right now.
“We’re in here!” I hear from the general direction of the kitchen.
Heels rapping sharply against the marble floor, I head briskly toward the sound of her voice, doing my best to wipe the tears from my cheeks and pull myself together. But try as I might, they just keep coming. I can’t help myself. I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams, and I don’t know where else to turn.
“Oh my God, Ti!” Natasha gasps, jumping up from her bar stool as soon as she sees the state I’m in.
Her sister-in-law, Quinn, the cute-as-a-button freckle-faced nurse who stitches grown men back together like it’s a hobby, rises from her bar stool as well, her green eyes widening in shock.
“What happened? Are you alright?” Natasha asks, demanding my attention as she stops in front of me, grasping my hands. She searches me from head to toe as if looking for the injury that’s made me cry, but we both know it’s my heart that’s bleeding openly. And my sister pulls me into a hug.
She’s always been the petite one—even if she’s incredibly strong—and she gives my middle a tight squeeze as if trying to keep me in one piece.
“W-where’s Killian?” I stutter, glancing around. “And Lance?”
“They left a few minutes ago to take care of some business. I just finished telling them all about the fight with Saturo…Is that what this is about? Do you need me to call them back? Because if something’s happened…” Fury flashes across my sister’s face as she seems to come to some conclusion. “Did Lucian do something?” she demands, accusation sharp in her tone.
“Jesus, Natasha, give her a second to breathe,” Quinn says with exasperation, joining us at the kitchen doorway. “You want to come in and sit down? I just made a pot of tea.”
“Y-yeah, that sounds nice,” I say, releasing a shuddering breath.
“Sorry,” Natasha murmurs, grasping my hand firmly as she walks me to a chair. “I just don’t know that I’ve ever seen you this upset. Not even after Papa…”
She doesn’t have to finish the statement. I did my best not to let her see me cry after our parents died because I knew we would both fall apart if I did. I had to be the strong one, to hold it together so Natasha would be alright. But now, it feels like all those pent-up tears are coming out in full force.
“I’m s-sorry. I just didn’t know where else to go.”
“You’re always welcome here,” Quinn reassures me, setting a steaming mug of what smells like peppermint tea before me as Natasha guides me into a chair.
“First things first, are you in danger? Should we call Killian and Lance?” Natasha asks, keeping a firm, reassuring grip of my hand.
“N-no, no. It’s nothing like that,” I assure her, wiping the tears from my cheeks again as I take several deep, steadying breaths. “Sorry. I’m such an emotional wreck.”
“You never need to apologize,” my sister assures me. “It’s just…you seemed fine when I left you this morning. I mean, you took down Saturo Takumi today. I honestly thought that would be more than enough drama for one day.”
I nod, releasing a shaky laugh. “Me too.”
“Congratulations by the way,” Quinn pipes in. “From what Natasha told me, that’s been a long time coming.”
“Saturo deserved what he got,” I confirm. “The world will be a better place without him.” I fiddle with my mug, wondering if peppermint tea is something I should avoid if I’m pregnant. I really need more guidance on the matter. It’s been exhausting trying to figure it out on my own while keeping it a secret from Lucian, and a wave of relief washes over me when I think about telling Natasha and Quinn about it. I need to talk to somebody.
“So,” Natasha says gently. “You ready to tell us what’s going on?”
I nod, keeping my eyes fixed on the steaming liquid as I sniffle. I know the words I want to say, but it’s honestly terrifying to say them out loud—to my sister of all people. But she deserves to know. “I’m…” I swallow the lump in my throat, taking another fortifying breath. “I’m in love with Lucian,” I whisper, and a fresh sob rips from my throat.
Natasha and Quinn both look stunned, their eyes wide and unblinking as they sit speechless.
“God, what is wrong with me?” I wail, covering my face with my hands as I start crying uncontrollably again.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Natasha soothes, and both she and Quinn rub my arms as if trying to warm me.
“Is that such a bad thing?” Quinn asks gently.
Shocked to hear the question coming from her of all people, I lower my hands to look at her. “How can you even ask that after what he did to you?” I murmur, baffled.
“Well, I just think…I mean, you’re a good person. If you’ve fallen in love with him, then that must mean you see something good in him too, right?” she reasons. “What his men did to me…” Quinn licks her lips nervously. “Well, it was terrifying, but I don’t know that Lance and I ever would have ended up together if it didn’t happen. So, would I take a single second of that fear back if I could? No.”
I hadn’t really thought about it that way before. Not that it excuses Lucian from what happened. But Quinn is safe and sound and happily in love with Lance because of it. But she’s not the only one Lucian captured. He might not have hurt my sister, but he did threaten her life—and he killed our parents—so I’m scared of what I’ll find when I look at her.
But when I finally work up the courage to meet her eyes, I don’t see the betrayal I expected there. Instead, her gray eyes are soft and heart-wrenchingly sad.
“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” she suggests, trying for a smile.
I nod, looking down at my tea again, but I’m afraid to drink it just yet. “I didn’t want to hurt you. You have to know that,” I insist. “When I agreed to marry Lucian, I did it to protect you—and to stop the fighting. I couldn’t stand to watch our father’s men dying, Killian’s men. So many men lost their lives trying to avenge Papa, and at first, I wanted to crush Lucian because I was so angry. I thought it would honor our father’s memory to bring down the villain who killed him. But then, I started to realize that sacrificing the brothers he worked so hard to bring to his side wasn’t the right way to honor his memory. He taught you what you know, Natasha, so fighting wouldn’t be necessary. He might never have admitted it, but I think Papa wanted peace as much as I do.”
“You’re stalling,” Quinn points out, her lips curving into a sweet smile, and it makes me laugh.
“Am I? I guess I just wanted you to know,” I say, turning my eyes back to my sister. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I would never betray the family, and I love you so much?—”
“Hey, hey. You haven’t betrayed anyone,” Natasha insists, jumping up from her chair to pull me into another hug. “I know how much you’ve given up for me, for the men. You don’t have to be miserable for the rest of your life to convince me of that. Okay?”
Sniffling, I nod, and Natasha slowly lowers back into her seat.
“I don’t know when it happened—or even how exactly. All I know is that I was so angry with Lucian. I hated him for everything he’s done. I was awful to him. I said awful things. I pushed him away every chance I could get, but he just kept coming back for more. I don’t know. It’s like…I built him up to be this horrible villain in my head, a man who couldn’t have a single redeeming quality. But from the moment we said our vows, he’s been nothing but good to me. He’s…respected me. He’s listened and seemed to actually value my opinion. He’s treated me not just like his equal but like someone he would do anything for. He’s smart and funny and playful—he knows how to make me take myself less seriously. And God, these big, ridiculous romantic gestures, they used to infuriate me. I couldn’t possibly think they were genuine after what he did. But then, in Italy…I don’t know. It changed. I lost it on him that first night—like really lost it. I told him just how much I hate him, and he got on his knees and apologized .”
Quinn and Natasha both look stunned once again as they sit with rapt attention.
Shaking my head, I look down at my hands. “After that, I just couldn’t seem to hold onto that anger like I had before. I knew I shouldn’t forgive him. He doesn’t deserve it. He took something from us that we’ll never get back. But every time I turned around, Lucian was doing something kind or making me laugh. He can be so affectionate and charming and…”
“Hot?” Quinn suggests.
“ Yes, ” I groan, dropping my head onto the table. Then I slowly look up at them. “I’m pregnant,” I murmur. “I’m carrying his child.” My chin wobbles dangerously, and I swallow hard to keep myself together.
Two gasps echo back to me, making my stomach knot, and I nod.
“I found out a few days before the deal with Saturo went south, but I never told Lucian.”
“Why not?” Natasha asks, her eyes gentle.
“Because I’ve been too scared to admit that I’m falling in love with him. I kept holding on to the idea that I would come up with some way to defeat him—that if I just bided my time, I could think of a plan that would bring him to his knees, and that would make up for these traitorous feelings I have. But when I realized I was pregnant, all of a sudden, none of it mattered. All that matters is doing what’s best for this child.”
“And that’s not Lucian?” Natasha asks. There’s no judgment in her voice, no opinion, she genuinely wants to know what I think.
I shake my head. “No. That’s the thing. Everything that’s happened since Saturo knocked me out has made me realize that he is what’s best for this child.”
Quinn frowns. “Now I’m confused. If you’re in love with Lucian, you want to be with him, you want him to be the father of your child, and you’re already married to him, why are you here crying instead of telling him he’s going to be a father?”
When she puts it that way, it sounds silly. But they didn’t see him in his office just now. They didn’t hear the things he said to me. Something deep inside me tells me he didn’t mean what he said—or at least not all of it. But I truly believe he said those things to hurt me. And I’m terrified that it’s because I’ve been so stubborn that he’s finally given up on me. I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m in love with him, but it might be too little too late.
Rolling the mug between my palms, I can’t bring myself to look either of them in the eye. “Lucian’s been distant this whole last week. I thought it might be because I was hurt and he was worried, and then I thought it could be because he was so dead set on teaching Saturo a lesson. But after the fight today, he…told me we could stop pretending to be a couple. That I can go back to Manhattan, and he’ll stay in Queens, and we can rule separately.” A tear escapes my eye, and I brush it impatiently away. “Is this safe to drink?” I demand, lifting the mug of peppermint I’ve been avoiding this whole time.
Quinn’s head jerks back in a startle response. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I’ve been terrified to eat or drink anything that might hurt the baby, but I can’t just go buy a baby book when I’ve been hiding it from Lucian all this time, and I’m starting to realize just how little I know about babies. All I know is that there’s a slew of things that I could do to hurt it, and I’m freaking out a little.”
“Easy,” Quinn says, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze. “Yes, the peppermint is perfectly fine. It could actually be helpful with any nausea you might be experiencing. And I’ll put together a list for you about foods you should avoid. But seriously, Tatiana, you’ll be fine if you just think about anything you’re unsure of in moderation. Okay?”
Releasing a breath, I give her a grateful smile. “Thanks.”
She nods, giving my arm one last squeeze before she gets up to start shuffling through the kitchen drawers.
I turn my attention back to my sister, needing some kind of guidance. “Have I ruined it? Should I even want to fix it if I have?”
Natasha gives me a kind smile. “One, you haven’t ruined anything. If Lucian’s not man enough to survive the firecracker you are, then he shouldn’t have signed you up to be his wife in the first place,” she says, holding up her finger for each item on her list. “Two, you deserve to be happy. After sacrificing so much to protect this family, how could you think you should have to settle for anything less? And if he’s the man you want, then who am I to stand in your way? You supported me when I fell in love with Killian, even though neither of us thought it was a good idea. Remember?” Natasha smirks as Quinn releases a bark of laughter. “And three, Lucian will come around. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I saw the way he looked at you today . If you tell him everything—that you’re in love with him and carrying his child—there’s not a chance in hell he’ll walk away.”
“She’s right,” Quinn says, returning to the table and tucking a small, folded piece of paper into the palm of my hand. “I put my number on there as well. Call me if you need anything, day or night. I love talking baby stuff.” Then she winks at me, her hand coming to rest on her abdomen.
My heart leaps. “Are you … ?”
Quinn nods, her face splitting into a radiant smile.
“Oh my God, congratulations!” I’m out of my chair and pulling her into a hug before I can decide if we’re really at that level of close.
But Quinn giggles and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. “We can be baby bump buddies!” she says, making me laugh.
“Alright, is there anything else we need to clear up before you go home and get your man?” Natasha asks.
Relief floods my veins as the massive crushing weight I’ve been carrying for so long lifts from my shoulders, and as I release Quinn, I pull my sister in for one last hug. “Just this,” I murmur. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”