Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
“Fancy seeing you here.”
I turn to the gentle voice that approaches from my side. Still wearing her riding gear, Evelyn settles beside me on the grass, looking at her son’s headstone with a soft smile.
“Just having a chat,” I say, looking back at his name etched in the stone, my lips thinning in the best smile I can muster for her.
“Yes, he’s a good listener.”
I turn my head to offer her a playful glare at her horrible attempt at a joke, but my eyes immediately start to well up. I purse my lips, sucking back the emotion.
“Yeah,” I whisper, with a wobble to my words.
Evelyn leans her head on my shoulder. “What do you think he’d be doing today?”
I drop my head back, looking up at the clouds, and blow out a breath. “Probably telling me about his latest idea for a cool business.”
Evelyn laughs under her breath. “Convincing you to buy a private island for the two of you to put matching castles on.”
“Yeah, him and his castles. He loved that idea.”
“He loved you,” she says.
A defiant tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away. Mad at myself. Mad at the world.
“Do you think he’d have a partner?” Evelyn asks.
August was never one for relationships. He was a charismatic guy who loved to meet people, but in his short life, he never had anyone who was just for him.
“I always imagined he’d meet someone on vacation. He’d be partying it up in Tokyo or Budapest or something and meet someone as impulsive and full of life as him,” I say.
“That’s a nice thought.” I can feel her cheeks move against my arm in a smile.
“Then he’d tell me to get my head out of my arse and meet a good woman myself.”
“Have you met someone?” Evelyn pulls her head off my arm, looking at me intently.
I chew my lip, thinking of Isabelle with a noncommittal hum.
“Gage! Tell me.” She shakes my arm with a chuckle.
“It’s nothing.” I shrug. “Just someone working on the new bar.”
“And? You’ve been on a date?”
“What? No!”
Her face falls. “Why the hell not?”
I run a hand through my hair and clutch the back of my neck, squeezing. “She works with my brother. She’s working on Smoke and Barrel.”
“So?”
“And she’s good friends with Beth.”
“You’re making excuses, Gage.”
I blow out a breath, my eyes locking on the name in front of me. If August were here, I would confide in him. If he were here, I also wouldn’t have such debilitating feelings of inadequacy.
The way I failed him, killed him, only serves as a reminder that I don’t deserve the happiness I robbed him of.
“She can do better than me.”
“Gage.” Evelyn sighs. “I don’t know why you think anyone would feel unlucky to have you as a partner.” Her hand squeezes my bicep. “You’re hardworking, you value family, you’re kind and polite. You’d be a wonderful provider and protector.”
I scoff. “Protector. Sure.”
“Gage.” Her soft words turn stern. “You do protect people. August died in an accident, one that wasn’t your fault.”
A tear runs down my cheek, turning cold in the breeze. “I was behind the wheel.”
“And if it were the reverse situation, how mad would you be if August still carried guilt ten years later? What would you want him to be doing with his life?”
I wouldn’t want him to have lost that zest for life that made me love him. I would hope he still found time to laugh, be daring, adventurous.
“I don’t know how to let people in, Evelyn,” I whisper.
“So why is this the first time you’re questioning it? You’re feeling guilty for wanting more because August isn’t here to experience the same things? If he were here, he’d be telling you to go for it.”
“She would still deserve someone better than me. You should see her, so beautiful and sweet. She’s so full of life.”
“Sounds like the exact kind of person you need.”
“When she looks at me, sometimes I feel like a person she could need.”
A grin slowly breaks out across Evelyn’s face, before she looks back at the headstone and tilts her chin at my friend’s marker. “I think you’re right, he’d tell you to pull your head out of your arse.”
“I feel nervous around her. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“I love this for you. You know, I heard from Kit the other day,” Evelyn says, mentioning August’s baby sister.
“Yeah, where’s she now?”
A few months after August died, Kit decided to go off travelling. Scared the hell out of her mum and me when we didn’t hear from her for five whole months. She’d been backpacking around Australia.
Ever since, she’s never stayed put in Heart City for longer than a week or two.
“She’s been in Puerto Vallarta, working at a medical clinic.”
“She can do that without a medical degree?” I ask.
“She was helping with admin stuff, learning the language. Said she really liked the medical side, though.”
“How did she sound?” She struggles with grief like me. The loss of her big brother is probably harder on her. The reason August and I were even in the car that night was to pick Kit up from a party that had gotten out of control.
“She’s coming home next week.”
I nearly pull my neck out with the speed at which I turn to look at Evelyn. “For Christmas?” Kit rarely comes home, but she’s avoided Christmas in Heart City since August died.
There’s a hopeful smile on Evelyn’s face as she nods. “Yep.”
“Shit.” I gasp.
“I know. My baby’s coming home for Christmas.”
I wrap an arm around Evelyn’s back, hugging her into me. “That’s good. Right?”
“She sounded good. Maybe she’s found something to live for, something that makes her excited about life again.” She looks up at me with bright hazel eyes. “It’s never too late to start living.”