23. Mason
Chapter twenty-three
I’ve been replaying what happened at the house with Callie yesterday ever since we were interrupted.
I’ve been with a lot of girls, but I actually haven’t spent a lot of time on foreplay.
Not on someone else, at least. I’ve been the recipient because women have always fallen to their knees for me.
I don’t think I was a selfish lover, but my previous partners and I just had different priorities at the time.
Getting off. That was the start, middle, and end of it.
There was a baser need to fulfil, but it wasn’t this primal urge to devour them.
With Callie, I needed her all around me.
I needed to drown in her, and just one taste wasn’t enough. One kiss. One touch.
The way I wanted her was so entrenched in my veins, I could have torn the skin off my bones just to have her, and now I can’t think straight.
It’s why I’ve been circling her block for the better part of an hour, and now that the sun’s gone down, I’m concerned I’ve entered stalker territory, but I can’t get myself to turn off the car and knock on her door.
My heart was in my throat last night, when we were messaging and I told her I liked her.
There was nothing at stake the last time I dated.
It was easy to move on when my high school girlfriend said she only wanted money and status.
With Callie, though, it is not just my feelings at risk, but her security.
There’s no way she’d continue working for me if we crossed that line and it all turned to shit.
But I’ve never had these kinds of feelings for anyone else.
I didn’t even think it was a remote possibility to feel this way. I’d worry I was obsessed if it weren’t for the fact that my brothers look, talk, and act the same way about their wives.
Somehow, that scares me more.
What if Callie doesn’t feel the same? What if it’s just a crush on her side? A fleeting moment of fun? I don’t know how to trust the way she makes me feel seen, makes me feel brave enough to be reckless and vulnerable, but at the same time, I can’t ignore it.
I pass the end of her driveway yet again.
There’s a single light on upstairs, and more light coming through a window on the ground floor.
I feel marginally better that I didn’t have to peek into our employee records for her address, already knowing she lives in her brother’s house and that he lives next door with his girlfriend, Maevyn.
I’ve been to Westley’s house once or twice before Callie lived in the city when I invited him, Lee, and Tristan to a football game.
I have a weird talent for remembering how to find places I’ve only been to once before, and birthdays, but I’ll forget every meeting on my calendar.
Slipping into a parking spot along a park just up the road from Callie’s, I realise I can’t make this decision on my own.
ME:
I might be about to make a mistake, but I can’t find it in me to stop…
My head flops against the seat as I exhale a tight breath, waiting for one of my siblings to reply.
BETH:
I’ve told you a thousand times, you won’t pull off blond. Back away from the bleach.
ME:
I can pull off anything I set my mind to!
GAGE:
Did Grams tell you that?
ME:
Jealous, cos I’m the favourite?
CALEB:
I don’t know, Gage and Iz gave her the first great grandchild, you may have been dethroned.
ME:
SACRILEGE!
BETH:
Do you even know what that word means, Mason?
GAGE:
Let’s not derail the conversation before it starts. I’m about to give B a bath. What’s up, Mase?
ME:
I like my assistant
My stomach unclenches as soon as the text goes through. Wow, it feels nice to get that out there.
BETH:
Duh… and?
ME:
What?! Why are you being so casual, this is a big deal!
BETH:
I knew you liked her from the day of her interview. You looked at her differently.
ME:
Differently, how?
BETH:
Ugh, I hate that I even know what this looks like, but you’ve got this smugness about you if you’re looking for a hook-up. With Callie, it was like you were more interested in what she had to say, and not hanging off her words, more like hanging off her existence.
I didn’t realise I’d been that obvious around Callie. With every day we spend together, she feels more embedded in my soul. Not in a way that fills the empty spaces, but like a puzzle. It was always meant to be her that completed the picture.
CALEB:
What is it you want to do that you think is a mistake?
My older brother has always been the logical one. Gage is the quiet observer, and Beth is all emotions, though she’d probably deny it.
ME:
We hooked up yesterday.
BETH:
WHAT?!?!?!?! Where?!?!?!
ME:
When we were working at the house. It just happened, but I wouldn’t say we were caught up in the moment, when it was a moment I’d been wanting since the first time I saw her. I can’t stop thinking about her, even more than I was before I got to know what it was like to kiss her.
BETH:
Awww, Mason!
ME:
I want more with her, but I’m scared to ruin what we have. I’m worried she doesn’t feel the same.
BETH:
She sooo does! Trust me! I really don’t think she’s the type of girl to hit it and quit with her boss, she’s one of those sensible people.
ME:
Ummmm, I don’t want to give you specifics, but we were NOT professional in my house yesterday. Repeatedly.
BETH:
Yeah, that’s enough of that thanks. I’ll just take your word that it was a beautiful exchange of fate. You’re building that house for her… are you not?
ME:
I feel like an obsessed loser. Cale, I could really use more of your advice.
CALEB:
Excuse me, are you calling me an obsessed loser when it comes to my undying love for my woman?
ME:
yes
GAGE:
Yes
BETH:
Your picture is in the dictionary under the definition
CALEB:
I should leave this chat, but since I’m a good brother I’ll give you my advice, Mase.
I waited too long to go for what I wanted with Lex, it was torture holding myself back, denying what I knew I wanted.
Even if I didn’t know how she was feeling.
If I had a chance to do it all again I would have pursued her even more relentlessly.
I knew from the second I laid eyes on her, I couldn’t live without her.
I don’t know Callie, and we all have fears and doubts from past relationships but, it’s infinitely better to work through them together than hide from them until we think we’re perfect enough for them.
GAGE:
I second what Cale said. I’m not perfect, but the right person sees your flaws and fears and loves you because of them.
BETH:
I have no advice, because I am single as fuck, and now I’m going to drown my sorrows in a pint of cherry garcia because no one will love me the way you love your women *crying-emoji*
GAGE:
I thought you were happy waiting for the guy who met your ‘standards’
BETH:
Well I didn’t think he’d take this long!
GAGE:
Be sure to tell him that when you meet him. You deserve to have someone who will love you the way you want.
BETH:
Make that two pints of Cherry Garcia. I love you guuyyyyyss
CALEB:
Mase, has that answered your question?
Kind of, but that echo of doubt is still ringing in my mind.
ME:
Yeah. Thanks. Love you, guys.
I bring up Beth’s contact, calling her directly instead.
“Hey.” She sniffles through the phone.
My chest squeezes. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” she assures me. “I’m just frustrated.”
“About?” The line is silent, save for a clink of cutlery hitting a bowl. I’m guessing she wasn’t lying about that ice cream.
“I want a man to obsess about me.” The words are almost unintelligible through her tears.
“Beth, you will. I’d bet money that when you find your one, he’s gonna put Caleb to shame with how much he adores you.”
“Unlikely. Cale is a total sap. He tattooed Lex’s name on his chest. Gage did the same for Izzy.”
That’s a good point. Maybe I should tattoo Callie’s name somewhere on me. No, definitely too soon for that.
“When you find the guy, I’m happy to give him a hint that a personalised tattoo is something you’d like.”
Beth chuckles, followed by a snot-rattled inhale. “Thanks. So, you and Callie?”
“I haven’t done this before, Beth,” I say, my fingers tapping against the steering wheel.
“She’s been hurt before. Her dad and her ex, they played games with her trust. They disappointed her, and I really don’t want to be another guy on that list. I have to consider Navie too.
That’s not a deal-breaker, it’s just that if I let them both in, it means I risk losing them both. ”
“The alternative is not trying and always regretting it,” Beth says.
“I—” She pauses, her deep breath rustling through the speaker.
“I think you shouldn’t let fear of hurt or failure stop you from going after what you want.
I think you should always speak up, and don’t assume you know what’s going on in the other person’s head. ”
When we were growing up, I would have bet good money that my sister would be the first to get married.
She loved the idea of love and being swept off her feet.
When she started dating and realised men thought she had nothing to offer but money and connections, she made it harder for anyone to get too close.
She took feelings off the table whilst keeping her expectations high.
My sister is unapologetic and demands the best for herself.
But now I’m worried she’s created some impossible idea of Prince Charming in her head.
“Has something happened that you haven’t told me about?”
“Just having a moment of out-loud introspection. My brothers have inspired me.”
They’ve inspired me, too, and Beth has always been the one I was closest to.
“I gotta go.” I check my side mirrors and pull out of the parking spot, hooking around to go back to Callie’s house. “Are you good?”
“I’m good. Are you going to get the girl?” I can hear the smile she’s no doubt wearing.
“Yeah. I’m getting my girl.”
I won’t let my doubt smother my feelings any longer. They were awakened when I first laid eyes on her, flourished as I got to know her, but when we kissed, they were set free. Now they’re out there, unable to be contained. They’re unbound and untroubled. They’re unstoppable.