Chapter 8 Nia
With the heater running in the living room, the temperature in the house is warm and inviting, which helps dissipate some of my annoyance towards whoever it is that decided to ring my doorbell today. Small mercies and all.
My alarm went off an hour ago, but because I’m an avid sleep-lover, I didn’t feel like leaving my bed and going to the shop today. And also because I’m exhausted from all the extra hours Noah and I have had to put in because of the increasing demand of coffee due to the weather here.
I unlock the door before opening it, and almost close it back again when I see Cass leaning against the wall to his right.
With his dark jeans, blue crewneck sweater, and black leather boots, along with his piercing gaze and that effortless man-bun of his, he looks just as put together as I look disheveled.
As I shift on my feet and hope to God that he isn’t getting a first-hand whiff of my unwashed hair and damp armpits, he gives me a lazy once-over, then breaks into an amused grin when our eyes meet.
“Why do I always find you leaning against walls?” I ask him, just so things don’t get awkward the longer we stand and stare at each other. “Is this a style thing, or have you developed a hip problem or something?”
He puts his tongue to his cheek and narrows his eyes at me. “If I tell you it’s both, what then?”
“I’ll pity you, of course. But then I’ll shrug and shut the door in your face.”
“But why haven’t you shut the door on me already?”
“I’m waiting for you to tell me why you’re here,” I say. “And once you do, you’ll have itched my curiosity, and I’ll have the perfect prompt to close the door on you.”
“Wow; good morning to you, too,” he deadpans as he steps forward, then glances at my head. “I see we’re favoring the crow’s nest today,” he adds, making my nostrils flare.
“You–” I barely get a word out before he wraps his calloused fingers around my throat and takes my mouth in an unrelenting kiss.
I fist his sweater and try to push him back, but he grabs my ass in a painful grip and continues to fuck my mouth.
“Mmm…” I don’t realize it’s me who made that sound until Cass smiles against my lips and kisses me faster, harder.
“Have you been fucked in the ass, Nia?” he asks, his voice like sandpaper. He traces my face with gleaming, all-showing eyes. “Have you?”
I’m out of breath as I answer him. “That’s none of your business.”
“I know, but I want it to be,” he says easily.
I just…stare at him in incredulity.
“Are you being serious right now?” I sneer before moving out of his hold.
“Do you really think it’s that easy, Cass?
Do you think I’m going to let you in and ruin me all over again?
Do you really think I’m that…gullible that I’ll let you take away my newfound normalcy from me?
” I push back my hair and try not to look him in the eyes when his expression turns from lustful to hurtful.
“I just…I don’t get what you’re trying to achieve here,” I admit.
“You follow me home after returning to town, kiss me on my porch and leave me shocked and confused, then come back here days later to do exactly that, hoping I’ll give in completely this time.
And for what – to get a rebound before you leave for good?
To know that you’ve still got what it takes to fool me? Is that what it is for you?”
“Nia.” He tries to touch me, but I jerk away from him. “You’re making it harder than it should be.”
“Am I?” I glare at him. I’m so pissed at myself for letting him get to me again. So fucking disappointed.
Cass’s jaw hardens. “You are.” He steps into the house and shuts the door with a bang. “Why is it so goddamn difficult for you? Why does everything with you have to be so dramatic and complicated?”
“Me?” I sneer at him. “Look who’s talking.
Complicated should be your second name.” I point a finger at him.
“You don’t know what the fuck you want. You don’t know how hard it is for me.
You don’t know how I wasted months of my life pining for you – praying you’d come back. You. Don’t. Know. Anything.”
He has the audacity of looking surprised. “Do you seriously think I’m that dense? Do you honestly think I felt – feel – nothing?”
I clench my hands and grit my teeth. “Leave.”
“No.” He walks closer to me.
I stand my ground and look up at him. “Leave, Cass.”
His chest rises and falls unsteadily. “And what if I don’t?”
I’m angry. So fucking angry.
Angry at the easy question I’m incapable of answering.
At the vulnerability on his face.
At the desire I feel so deep in my gut that it’s hard not to let it cloud my thoughts.
I turn and head for my bedroom, because really, I need to create as much distance between us as I can, but he grabs my hand and pulls me to him, making me stumble against his hard frame.
“Don’t walk away from me again,” he whispers. “Don’t do what you did all those years ago.”
“You don’t have the right to–”
“Leaving you behind was torturous, Nia, can’t you fucking understand that?
I had no choice. I wanted more, and for that, I sacrificed you.
I sacrificed everything you and I had. But I don’t regret it, and if this – this moment we’re sharing – is my chance to fix what I so selfishly let go, then I’ll take it; I’ll try my best to make it okay. ”
“You don’t deserve it.” I shove him away. “You don’t deserve a second chance, a new path, or even a single moment. You don’t deserve anything. You don’t deserve me.”
“I like to think that I do. Everyone deserves a new page, a fresh start.”
“But what’s the point of it if you’re just going to leave that chapter incomplete and bail out of the chance I give you?” I yell. “What then, huh? What happens then?”
He swallows. “Why don’t you try me; give me a fair shot.”
I can’t help the crude laugh that leaves me. “I don’t trust you.”
“You don’t have to trust me to put me to the test,” he counters. “What we had, Nia, isn’t something that just goes away. If anything, it ages with time and becomes stronger. Don’t you feel what I’m feeling right now – that pull, that raw need to taste, to consume, and to earn?”
Goosebumps prick my scalp at his words. My nipples harden; my pussy throbs. The effect he has on me is insane, but is it even valid anymore?
Do I even care if it isn’t?
I shake myself out of the absurd idea. Of course I care. He left me once, and I wouldn’t put it past him to do it again.
“You should go,” I tell him. “Please, just…just go, Cass. I cannot and will not do this to myself a second time.”
“Why are you so scared?” he questions. “Why are you so fucking hesitant? You’re single; I’m single. We can at least try things again, baby.”
“Don’t call me that,” I spit out.
I see anger – clear and hot – on his face. “Only if you tell me you don’t want me.”
“Fuck you.” I swallow the lump in my throat and sniff against the burning in my nose.
“Well, I’m not leaving until I know for sure what you want, Nia,” he pushes.
I clench my jaw as I glare at him, but my anger once again fails to shield me from him when he looks down at me with pure admiration in his eyes.
My breath hiccups in my throat; I really don’t know what to do or say right now.
Cass notices it, of course. And so, with his gaze fixed on me, he inclines his head in my direction. “Take off your clothes,” he commands.
I blink. “What?” The word is barely a whisper as it slips past my lips.
“Your clothes – take ‘em off,” he states. “Either that, or ask me to leave. Anything, Nia. Give me anything.”
I swallow again, but this time, it feels as though thorns have clawed their way up to my throat. And then I say something that I’m pretty sure I didn’t intend to say out loud. Oh well.
“I want you to take off your clothes first.”
Cass’s brows furrow for a brief moment, but then a sinister sort of look takes over his face. He clutches the hem of his sweater, then pulls the soft fabric up and over his head before letting it fall to the floor.
My mouth quite literally dries out as I look at his smooth skin, at his lean waist and his cut-to-precision abs. At the V of his hips and the patch of dark hair behind the waistband of his jeans.
I watch, spellbound, as he unbuckles his belt and throws it to the side. I can’t move. My body has lost its ability to function. Watching Cass as he undresses himself is the only thing I can think of doing.
He unbuttons his jeans, and when he pushes both it and his underwear down before getting to his full height, my pussy clenches as I see his cock.
“Fuck me,” I all but breathe the words as I stare at the curved barbell with two large, silver beads on each end, pierced on the underside of Cass’s jutted length.
“Oh my…” I shift a little. “Umm…wow.”
He laughs. “Weren’t expecting this, were you?”
I shake my head. “No…” I bite my lower lip. “And I’m not going to act shallow and ask if it hurt, because I know for sure that it must have. But…can I ask why, though? I didn’t think you were into something like this.”
Cass starts walking towards me, at complete ease with his nudity.
My gaze momentarily lands on the piercing again, and then on his face.
“An impulsive decision, made after a few glasses of whiskey and a raunchy threesome,” he confesses.
Questionable rage and jealousy flare through me. “I see.”
He cants his head to the side. “You don’t like it?” he asks.
“Don’t like what?”
“The piercing, Nia,” he states coolly.
“It’s not the piercing I mind; it’s the reason behind it,” I tell him honestly.
“I was 20, babe. Horny and high-on-the-feeling. I felt like I could conquer it all, and I frankly didn–”
“Please don’t justify anything.” I lift a shoulder. “You don’t have to.”
“Why are you being so fucking impossible?” he hisses.
I get in his face. “Am I?”
He fists my hair and pulls, resulting in a delicious kind of pain to zap through my scalp. “It’s a good thing I’m mad for you, otherwise I’d have shoved my cock so deep down your throat that you’d have no other choice but to shut the hell up.”
“Fuck you.”