Chapter 16 #2
He drew in a deep breath, forcing his heart rate to calm.
Anger warred with confusion, and his fury won out.
He’d missed almost an entire year with his daughter, and he wanted to punish Adalyn for keeping her from him.
One thing was for certain though. He was never going to miss another day in his baby’s life, whether Adalyn wanted him around or not.
His hands paused in the act of shuffling the chip.
The monotonous act wasn’t nearly satisfying enough.
Still too pissed to think clearly, he did the only thing he could do at the moment.
Spinning on his heel, he headed down the street to where his truck was parked and hopped behind the wheel.
He needed to channel some of his negative energy, and he didn’t want to be alone.
Steering onto the main road, he headed toward headquarters.
Thirty minutes of navigating through bumper-to-bumper traffic later, he turned into the parking lot behind the large brick building and cut the engine. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back against the seat and remained there for a long moment.
A thousand thoughts flitted through his brain.
He traveled back in time to those first few months after they had parted.
She’d emailed several times. Why hadn’t she given any indication then?
She asked to talk, but nothing more. How could she keep something like that from him? Why hadn’t she said anything?
Rationality slipped away as anger took hold again.
His jaw clenched and his eyes popped open as his fingers gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white with tension.
He forced them loose and took a deep breath before climbing out of the cab.
He jiggled his keys anxiously as he rounded the building and shoved the front door open.
Knox’s little sister, Vivi, sat behind the reception desk to his right, and she pasted on a smile as he stepped inside.
She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again upon seeing his expression.
Dismissing her without a thought, he strode down the hallway toward their offices.
He made his way to the very end and stopped at the last door on the left.
Knox sat at his desk, head bent as he watched something on the tablet in front of him.
His eyes lifted to Jaxon as he walked inside and shut the door.
Steepling his fingers together, Jaxon pressed them to his mouth and leaned against the cool wood of the door.
He took a deep breath before meeting Knox’s expectant gaze. “Hit the range with me?”
Barring the rifle that had been an extension of himself for the past twelve years, he needed the familiarity of a weapon.
He needed the weight of it in his hands, needed to feel the recoil, the smooth coldness of metal.
It was the only stress reliever he knew, and it grounded him in a way nothing else could.
As if sensing something was not quite right, Knox nodded silently and stood. Jaxon followed as he moved to a door on the wall to his left, which housed Vantage’s small armory. Knox tapped in a five-digit security code, and the door let out a soft beep as the lock disengaged.
They grabbed their guns and ammo, then locked up. They remained quiet until they made it out the back door and climbed into Knox’s truck. The silence pressed in on Jaxon, the weight of it like lead over his shoulders, the words clawing at his throat, desperate to be let loose.
He wasn’t particularly close to Knox, but he needed to vent to someone and get this off his chest. Knox was a Marine, but they’d served together on a couple of different missions overseas, along with another member of Vantage, Lucas Stone.
While working together, they developed a sort of kinship and had stayed in touch.
Though they’d conversed through dozens of emails about him forming Vantage, Jaxon really knew little about him.
Still, he knew he could trust his opinion.
He knew Knox would listen without judgment.
Blowing out a hard breath, he pushed the words from his lips. “I have a kid.”
Knox’s face remained impassive, and he just waited for Jaxon to continue.
Jaxon shook his head, still trying to wrap his mind around the thought of the little steely-eyed blonde he’d held for the first time that morning.
It had taken a moment for him to process exactly what he was seeing, but looking at that little girl was almost like being transported back in time.
Packed away in a box somewhere, he had baby photos that looked identical to Adalyn’s daughter. His daughter.
He started from the beginning, telling Knox of his stupidity in Las Vegas.
A few minutes later, they sat in silence, absorbing the information.
There wasn’t much to the story, since Adalyn hadn’t shared much with him.
In her defense, though he hated to admit it, he hadn’t stuck around long enough to really listen.
He planned to rectify that in the near future, but he wanted to do so with a clear head.
His mind was still in a bad place, and her betrayal hurt his heart more than he thought it could.
A look at Knox told him he wasn’t surprised in the least. Jaxon knew Knox was jaded from a previous relationship, though he didn’t know the whole story.
He sat there quietly, the only indication of his agitation the slight drumming of his fingers on the steering wheel.
Taking his eyes off the road for a second, he threw Jaxon a look. “And?”
Jaxon’s lips curled up in a smirk, though he felt no humor. “I didn’t choke the life out of her, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he remarked dryly.
Knox cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why?”
Jaxon read between the lines. Why had Adalyn not said anything? That same question had played on a loop in his mind over the past half hour. “I have no idea. It’s—she’s—a kid, for Christ’s sake. That’s not something you should keep from someone.”
“That’s pretty low,” Knox agreed. “How old?”
Jaxon had no idea. “Young.” He thought back to how long ago that’d been, mentally calculating the months between his cousin’s wedding and now. “One, maybe?”
Knox didn’t say anything, only nodded. The gesture pissed Jaxon off. “What?”
“Nothing. When did you get back?”
A little over a week ago. “Doesn’t matter. She still should’ve said something.”
“Not arguing. What kind of woman keeps a father from his kid?”
Hearing Knox’s disapproval was both gratifying and unsettling.
Part of Jaxon wanted to speak up in Adalyn’s defense, while the rest of him still wanted her to hurt, too, just the way he did.
Still, he’d liked her at one point and was still technically married to her.
He couldn’t stomach the thought of anyone speaking badly of her. “She emailed a couple of times.”
“Hmm.” He shot Knox a glare, and Knox’s gaze flicked to his before meeting the road again. “So, maybe she tried?”
“Trying isn’t the same thing as doing,” Jaxon snapped. “She should have tried to call or email every day until I answered.”
Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he was being unfair. He should have reached out to her before now. If he had, maybe they could’ve avoided this whole ordeal. He tried to see the situation from her point of view.
It couldn’t have been easy for her to find out that she was pregnant while he was half a world away.
Would he have told someone that kind of information via email or phone call?
He would’ve loved to say yes, but he seriously doubted his conviction.
How could you drop that kind of bomb over the phone?
Knox turned into the range, and they hopped out of the car.
Dark thoughts plagued Jaxon’s every step, dragging him down.
He didn’t know who he was more pissed at—her or himself.
He was furious at Adalyn for keeping the baby a secret.
But, like the idiot he was, he’d ignored her emails, scared of what she had to say.
While he’d reluctantly signed the papers to annul their marriage, he’d never dreamed something like this could have happened.
He didn’t like to admit it, but as a man, his word was everything. He took pride in accepting responsibility for his actions, and he’d let her down by being a coward. It was one thing he had always promised he would never do, yet he had when the most dire opportunity presented itself.
A few hundred rounds later, he felt better both mentally and physically. The exertion had helped to focus his mind and release the tension he’d been carrying in his muscles all morning. They’d both made mistakes, and now they needed to be accountable for their actions.
Tomorrow he would go speak with her, and they would have a rational conversation about everything that had transpired. He couldn’t take back what had happened—but together, they could change the future.