Chapter 4
Biting the Bullet
Elizabeth
I didn’t know what I had been expecting, but when I walked into the kitchen to help with breakfast, it was complete chaos.
The club girls were running back and forth, setting out the serving pieces.
JR was sitting in his bouncer, his little feet dangling, and Grace was in the middle of it all, directing.
I’d lived alone most of my adult life, and I wasn’t sure if I could ever go back to the silence. Every time I thought about it, it seemed suffocating, and if there was anything I’d learned from the club, it was that there was no point in stifling yourself.
My house was a bullet-riddled mausoleum.
I hadn’t been strong enough to deal with the mess the drive-by shooting had left, and now that I was, I wanted to burn the whole place down.
In fact, I’d been thinking about selling it and asking the club if they would allow me to build in their neighborhood when it was ready.
“Good morning, Auntie,” Grace said, popping out of the pantry with her hands full. She shut the door with her hip before she handed off the supplies to the nearest club girl.
“Morning. What…can I do?” I asked. My hands were weak, and my mobility was questionable, but I didn’t sit. I’d never been someone with idle hands, and I wouldn’t start now, when everyone had a function.
She was about to say something when her phone rang on the counter.
Picking it up, she checked the screen before her eyebrows rose.
“Dad’s rehab center is calling,” she said to me before answering.
“Oh, you did?” she said into the phone, her hand draped over her stomach.
“Okay, well, we’ll let you know as soon as possible. ”
Her eyes clouded over, the sadness clear, but I didn’t move from my spot. There was nothing I could sputter to make any of this better.
She hung up the phone, setting it back on the counter before checking on JR. “Sabre didn’t tell me they called this morning.”
I shuffled across the kitchen until I could wrap my arms around her from behind. “There’s always…a reason.”
“Yeah, I know.” She turned to hug me tightly. “I’m glad you’re here.”
A slow roar rumbled through the clubhouse. The men must have been done with their meeting, and now wasn’t the time to discuss Gerry. He could wait until after breakfast. “Later.” I pulled away from Grace, swiping my thumbs under her eyes.
“I just thought we’d have more time to be…normal.” She shrugged, reaching down to pick JR up. I followed them out to the tables in the main room, suddenly not hungry.
“This is my favorite part of Monday,” one brother said as he reached for my shoulders, sidestepping where I’d exited the kitchen. Fearing punishment, the brothers wouldn’t knock me over, but the smells in the main room were too much for them to handle.
“Are you alright?” I heard Thunder before I saw him sidle up to me.
“Miss this.” I waved a hand around, hoping he understood. I’d been here almost a year, and while I’d been healing, no one had expected me to leave, but that couldn’t last forever.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tipped my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look at him. “You’re not going anywhere.” He said nothing else as he strutted toward the buffet line.
My cheeks heated, but I didn’t dare reach up to touch them. He had meant nothing by it.
I made a small plate, shoving the interaction to the back of my mind. No one would question the piddly amount of food I got, and I could pick at it over breakfast. Sitting next to Meredith, I asked her where she’d been.
“Pumpkin had a bad blowout, so I had to stop and clean her up.” She shrugged as if it were an everyday occurrence. It was, but I didn’t poke fun at her. “Why aren’t you eating?” she asked Grizz on the other side of her.
“I will. I’m bonding with my favorite girl.” He slid his pinkie underneath Pumpkin’s palm and guided her little hand in a wave as she sprawled against his shoulder.
“Daddy can take the next shitstorm,” Meredith laughed, picking her fork up.
Conversation flowed around the table, and I sat back in my chair, letting it wash over me. I hated to admit it, but their one-liners were too quick for my speech pattern. By the time I said something, the brothers had already moved on. I didn’t mind as I picked at my breakfast.
It was towards the end when Grace asked about Gerry. “When were you going to tell me about my dad?” Her eyes were on her plate as she held JR in one arm and used her fork to move her eggs around with the other.
“I got $10 on Prez.”
“Nah, he’ll cave when the tears start. I got $10 on Flo.”
“My money’s on Buster when she figures out what the fuck is going on.”
I didn’t even bother trying to connect which brother had said what.
“What’s going on with Dad?” Meredith dropped her fork onto her plate. She watched Grace, but when Grace’s eyes didn’t leave her plate, Meredith’s head pivoted towards Sabre.
I had an inkling that I already knew where this was going, but I refused to take a side. The girls needed me to be their support system. There would be plenty of people at the table who would crucify their father.
“The rehab center called before church this morning. There was an altercation on Friday, and Gerry is being asked to leave.” Sabre raised his coffee cup to his lips, taking a sip.
“I have until the end of the week to move him.” He sighed, reaching for JR. The baby willingly went to him.
“His behavior is his choice, but the club won’t take him in.
” Sabre reached for Grace’s hand and rubbed the top of her knuckles.
“He’s going to another facility, right? You won’t put him out on the street.” Meredith was jumping to conclusions, but they ignored her. I placed my hand on her arm, trying to provide comfort.
“Well, they called me when they couldn’t get a hold of you again, asking if you had made plans.
You should have texted a heads-up.” Grace lifted her head, trading a look with him before something clicked.
She shifted in her chair, putting me in the hot seat.
“Why didn’t you tell me Dad picked a fight with you? ”
“Why is Dad picking fights with Aunt E?” Meredith’s eyes were getting wider, and if I didn’t defuse this situation, it wouldn’t be long before she exploded.
“Not…like this.” I had told Grace we would talk about this later, but she hadn’t listened to me.
“Why am I always the last person to know?” Meredith screeched, waving her hands around. “What else are you withholding from me?” She directed that at Grace.
Grizz flipped Pumpkin to his other shoulder before wrapping an arm around Meredith. “Hey, this all just went down this morning. No one’s hiding anything from you.” He tried to smooth it over, but she jerked her head in his direction.
“You knew, and didn’t tell me, Jonathan?”
“Told you. My money’s always on Buster.”
I needed to step in before something was said that none of us could come back from. “Your father…not healing.” I coughed, taking a sip of my orange juice. “Mean.”
“Dad’s not bothering to listen to the physical therapists,” Grace filled Meredith in. “They said he sits in a chair and snaps at them…” She shifted her gaze towards me. “…and at you.”
“Why the fuck is he yelling at you?” Meredith forgot Grizz for a minute, turning to face me again. “I’m going this week. You can’t stop me.”
Grizz’s mouth dropped open as if he was going to say something, but I held up my hand. “No. He’s mad...at the world.” I waited a minute. “We heal…” I waved my hand between us.
I tried to keep talking, but my mind wouldn’t process.
My lips moved, forming incoherent words, but no sound escaped.
Gerry’s behavior had already crossed into dangerous territory, and there was nothing I could say to smooth it out, but as I stared at my niece, it was my sister’s sorrow staring back at me.
The room curled in on itself, leaving a black cloud in its wake.
“No,” I whispered, gripping the edge of the table to ground me. It didn’t last long. My fingers went numb, and I was no longer aware of my surroundings.
My sister’s voice floated through the darkness. “I wanted to be the first to tell you, Lizzie.”
Madalyn had called on a Monday morning, asking if she could stop by, and I had thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until she walked in the door by herself that my stomach knotted.
“I’m pregnant, and I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else but me.”
This was the moment my heart sank. My knees buckled as my stomach rumbled. I wasn’t sure I could make it to the restroom in time before I lost my breakfast.
“I thought you didn’t want more.” The words sounded more like an accusation. “After what happened with Peter.”
“I don’t know how you do it. If something happened to Grace, my heart wouldn’t be able to beat.
It’s bad enough that sometimes I sleep in her room, making sure she’s still there.
” Madalyn slid to the floor in front of my refrigerator.
She tilted her head back against the cold stainless steel, closing her eyes.
“I tried to explain all of this to Gerry, but he said I was being unfair. I stopped sleeping with him, and he became unbearable, so I gave in.”
I braced for the next part of the conversation that would break me all over, but the dark quickly faded, and I was staring into a pair of concerned brown eyes—Madalyn’s baby.
“Hey, give her some room to breathe.” Thunder.
“Where did you go?” Meredith whispered, holding my hand in hers.
“Your mot…th…ther…” My hand reached up to touch her cheek.
“Why does he keep doing this? Doesn’t he love us?” Tears welled at the corner of her eyes, and all I could see was the little girl she’d been when Madalyn had left this world—lost.
I was angry at Gerry all over again. “This has nothing….to do…with…y…y…you,” I told her, knowing it wouldn’t matter. She’d still question his behavior, trying to find where she could have done something better.
I would take a bullet for them and not ask who had pulled the trigger.