Chapter 10 #2
The tears flowed more freely as I stared at something that likely seemed so insignificant to others. Little did they know, it marked the night of my biggest shame.
Hot breath ripe with beer heated my ear along with the echo of long forgotten whispers.
“Stop,” I demanded through gritted teeth. The memories didn’t stop, though. They just flowed more freely.
Piercing blue eyes shot through me like an iron stake.
His voice, measured and commanding, ordering the others to hold me down–Allen was practice.
Callen was the architect that built this demon I’d become from the ground up.
He still lived in the fractures that never healed in my bones, the torn fibers of muscle that never quite knew how to knit themselves back together.
Any time I felt like I was getting close to sealing my bargain with Lucifer, to being free, my past loaded the gun and Callen pulled the trigger
Bile churned in my stomach and I stood in a fit of rage.
“Fuck you!” I screamed, hands trembling as I swiped everything off of the coffee table before grabbing two of the legs and slamming it against the wall. “You don’t own me anymore, do you hear me?”
More shit went flying through the air, a physical manifestation of the vitriol melting my insides, fueling the self-destructive path I’d been hell-bent on since the night I made that stupid bargain.
“I sold my soul and for what?” I cried out to the universe. “Nothing. I. Am. Nothing!”
The words ricocheted off my apartment walls and slammed back into the empty space where that stupid fucking soul used to be. They drained everything I had left, banking the fire and leaving nothing behind.
I was a demon. Eternal life, inhuman strength, and a get-out-of-jail free card that never expired.
But more than that?
I was empty. I was alone. And I was filled with more shame than any mortal was capable of holding.
A gentle swipe of fur against my calf drew my attention down toward the one thing I could count on.
“Sorry, bud,” I whispered. “I’ll clean it up before I leave.”
My phone dinged from the counter. I wiped away the angry tears and picked it up.
Vinny DeVito
Unread Message
Don’t forget, you’re starting Caramel’s shift tonight. The twins never showed, so you better leave that shithole of yours in less than thirty.
“What?” I dialed his number immediately, giving him zero time to bite into me when he answered. “What do you mean Trinity and Lola never showed?”
“I meant what I said. Twins. No shows.” He spelled it out for me like I was a child.
“Did they text? Call? Anyone heard from them?”
A beat of static, and then, “No. Phones off. Caramel says they were hyped to work doubles this week. Jamal saw ’em leave together last night and that’s it.”
My chest squeezed. Something wasn’t right. “That’s not like them.”
“How do you know?” he huffed. “Just hired the broads a couple weeks ago. I never thought they’d last even as long as they did, and now here I am, right, and fucked.
Whaddya’ want from me?” I took two deep breaths to contain every smart ass remark I wanted to insult him with.
My response was an unsatisfactory screen tap.
“God I miss the good ‘ole days when I could slam down the hand-held.”
A cloud of steam puffed on my exhale against the sudden cold. I didn’t turn to look at the heavy presence behind me.
I didn’t need to because I would know the feel of him anywhere.
“Dany.” Lucifer’s voice was like a caress that stroked down my spine.
I closed my eyes and silently asked Lilith for strength to fight the weakness he caused in my knees. “Luci.” He didn’t respond, and I couldn’t stand the silence. “If you’ve come for your peepers, Jeepers Kreepers, they’re in the fridge.”
Still, no answer and it set my anxiety on edge.
I turned to see his one green iris glowing underneath thick blonde lashes. All of the sharp angles that were so uniquely him seemed softened, and something about it made it impossible to put on the armor that both protected and imprisoned me.
“I…” My throat thickened and trapped the words.
I’m so tired, I wanted to say.
But I didn’t.
If I said it… If I gave those words life, then what?
Something would crack—me, the rules, maybe both. He’d shown me the beast when he made me crawl. What would the beast do if he saw me slip?
Lucifer took one slow step toward me, almost as if he were approaching a wounded animal. And maybe he was. Judas knew how much I felt like one.
He kept coming until we were toe to toe and, in one unspeakable moment of vulnerability, I pressed my forehead against his chest. And he let me.
“My dearest Dany.” His voice was a low rumble in his chest. Cool hands cupped my shoulders, tempering the heat always threatening to consume me.
I clenched my jaw and waited for his speech, stomach churning in sick anticipation to hear the disappointment weighing his words about the man I was too weak to kill. The bargain I was too craven to fulfill.
But they never came.
The ice in his veins tempered the lava in mine, and Lucifer held me in silence until the ache eased.
Later, I’d wonder if I imagined the way it felt like he siphoned away my burdens, lifting them off of my shoulder to carry on his own. In his arms, I could breathe in a way I hadn’t been able to since the night I died.
When I was strong enough to stand on my own, I pulled away and looked the Devil in the eyes. We didn’t say a word, and like a mirage in the desert, Lucifer disappeared from my living room, taking the eyes and the three black bands on my wrist with him.
My phone screen lit up on the counter with two new messages. Snapping back to reality, I dusted myself off, wiped the mascara from under my eyes, and scrolled through my notifications.
“Vinny,” I mumbled. “Hope you’re on your way, yada yada. Carm…”
Can I be the worst friend and ask you to cover my whole shift? Our third date has been amazing Ives and I’m not ready for it to end!!! I might even let him take me home.
I smiled at the excessive use of emojis at the end. Devil love her.
Sure, Carm. Jesus will be upset that I had to cancel our movie night, but I think Johnny Castle will understand.
With that, I tossed the phone in my bag, made quick work of showering off the lingering pieces of Allen Kravinski, and left my apartment in a hurry.
I could still feel the burn of that red line on my wrist. I couldn’t let it stop me, though.
Because if I stopped now, if I slowed down…
I’d have to start asking what comes next.