Chapter 11 #2
His hunter green Henley was pristine, his jeans crisp, and the golden retriever energy rolled off in waves.
Everything about Joe was likeable. Maybe even loveable.
“Something along the lines of, ‘Damn. Came here looking for a snack and found a five course meal on aisle ten’ would have worked better”
“Seriously? That’s what would have worked?”
“No,” I scoffed in mock offense. “I said it would work better. Sure as hell would have beat ‘come here often?’”
“Touché, Ivy.”
Joe watched me through an awkward beat of silence. When I sucked my teeth and turned back toward the refrigerator, he snapped out of whatever wet dream he’d fallen victim to and cleared his throat.
“I was going to buy a filet and a pint of ice cream to eat alone in the dark, buuut,” he drew out. “If you’re free, I’d love the company.”
My first thought was Jesus fuck this guy doesn’t quit. But, then again, I really didn’t want to be alone.
I was worried about Caramel, stressed about the red band circling my wrist, spiraling about my place in this stupid world...
Fuck it.
“Oh?” I answered slyly. “And where would we be dining on your dollar?”
“How does a walk through the park with a chili dog sound?”
“If I had to rate your plans for our date, I’d give it a ten out of ten on the cheap scale, but at least a six on the cuteness.”
Okay, so it was probably an eleven out of ten on my cuteness scale. Cheap dates in my world was a five dollar fuck in an alley. But chili dogs and a scenic view? Was this real?
“What did you say?” He asked, his voice more level and serious than before.
I eyed him suspiciously, completely thrown off guard. “I said you’re cheap as shit but it’s pretty cute?”
“No, you said date.”
I froze and ran through the rolodex of bullshit I kept in my brain, trying to recall the exact moment I let the word ‘date’ slip. “I, uh, I didn’t–”
“Yes,” he nodded enthusiastically.
Wait– “What?” I asked, my brain failing to catch up with what the fuck was happening.
“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”
A date? With Joe?
I wanted to say no. Jesus was waiting for me to turn on the Breakfast Club while he chowed down on chicken and livers whilst I slurped down a can of SpaghettiOs beside him.
Or, maybe I wanted to say no to see if he could give me a reason worthy enough for yes. Would he chase me like Prince Charming? Or tuck his puppy tail and leave me behind like everyone else?
“Sorry, Batman. I have a date with Judd Nelson and Jesus.”
“Well, it’s a Saturday night. Sunday’s are for Jesus, and Judd Nelson will only break your heart. I figure if you let me buy you a subpar dinner while treating you to some high-quality company, you won’t even know what you’re missing.”
I picked up some random piece of beef to inspect while secretly throwing glances his way. What did I really have to lose? If he turned on me like every other man in my life, I’d just kill him and put his eyeballs in my refrigerator… like every other man in my life.
“Fine,” I acquiesced. “But you’re buying and I want to be home before midnight.”
“Deal, Cinderella.” Joe tried to wink casually, however, I could see the giddy excitement past the mask. The shine in his baby blues definitely helped his case.
“Whatever,” I swatted the air and walked away knowing he would follow like a lost puppy. “If you’re hoping for Cinderella, turn back now. I’m definitely the step-mom lounging in bed with her grumpy ass cat.”
***
“Two chili dogs with Diet Coke to go.” Joe pulled a few bills from his wallet and slid them across the stand’s counter top.
Memories soured the air around us. It smelled of chemically sweetened soda bursting over my skin as the full weight of the can exploded against my cheek. My heart pounded, silenced only by the sound of tires flying over gravel and the roar of drunken laughter.
“Hold the train.” I slapped my hand on top of his, pulled another ten out of his wallet and threw it on top of the pile before the silver can could touch me. “I’ll take my dog sloppy with a full calorie Coke. Thanks, Beef Daddy.”
My wink and air kiss combo was met with a nod and, “You got it, toots.”
I hoped it was dark enough that he couldn’t see the old anxiety glossing over my eyes.
“Let’s get one thing clear, Batman. I don’t need you to save me, and I certainly don’t need you to order for me.”
“I’m sorry,” he admitted with a nervous chuckle as he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess gentlemanly charm isn’t your style.”
Typically, no. But every time he treated me to it, I thought that maybe it could be.Could I be a Dany who got used to being treated like a princess?
“Have you ever seen Wreck-It Ralph?”
Stunned and a bit leery, he answered, “The Disney movie?”
“Yup.”
He was kind of cute when clueless.
“I can’t say that I have.”
“As the great Sergeant Calhoun said, ‘flattery don’t charge these batteries, civilian.’ Chivalry is dead, Batman.”
“I– hmm. Noted.”
Our food was passed along the counter with grumbled salutations.
I gave Beef Daddy an air salute and followed Joe toward the paved walking path that led through Forest Park.
Though I knew every serene avenue and secret gem the park had to offer, I let Joe lead, casually wondering which one of my murder spots we would pass.
Our walk was silent save for the sound of me going to fucking town on my favorite late night snack.
My mind was blissfully blank, the processed meat and cold acid in a can propelling me to another dimension.
I was in the middle of licking chili off the back of my hand when I heard him say, “You’re such a curiosity.”
My tongue froze, and I couldn’t decide if I was mortified he was watching or couldn't care less.
“Well,” I said after deciding to proceed with my cleanup. “I’ve been called worse.”
“It wasn’t an insult, Ivy.”
“In that case, I’ve definitely been called better.”
His sudden burst of laughter echoed into the night and I could feel the dimples appearing on my cheeks from the stupid smile it encouraged.
Why was it so easy around him? We hadn’t been together for even an hour and my safeguard was nowhere to be found. The thought made me a little queasy. The last time my guard was down, I died.
An old, Victorian style bridge came into view along with the trickling sound of water.
“This is the true test of our date, Batman.” I forced a lightness to my tone, hoping he wouldn’t be able to sense the honesty behind my words.
“Oh? How so?”
The wooden boards creaked under our weight. When we got to the center of the bridge, I stopped and leaned over the railing.
“Well, this is either the part where you tell me you’re a psycho killer and try to throw me over the side of this bridge, or you tell me one of your deepest darkest secrets so we can bond over shared trauma.”
Please be number two, Batman. Don’t make me kill you.
“Deepest darkest secret?”
“Yeah. Like your old man used to hit your mom, or you were so bullied in high school that you now work twice a day on your washboard abs to fill the void your prom date left when she told you you were ugly. You know, try to get on my level so you can gain my trust through trauma bonding.”
“Why would I assume you have trauma for us to bond over?”
“Seriously?” I stepped back and gestured to myself as dramatically as I could. “Did you miss the part where I was a stripper? Daddy issues are required on the application form.”
“Huh,” he chuckled again and shook his head. “Seems like you’ve got me all figured out then.”
“Ask me about the third option,” I said, a little lighter with a mischievous smirk.
Will you take the bait?
“What is your third option, Confucius?” Joe picked pieces of bread off of his untouched meal and tossed them into the water.
“The third option is that you tell me your priest used to touch you in your no-no square, I don’t believe you, then you kill me and throw me over the railing.”
Though concern etched his brow, an amused twitch lifted the corner of his mouth. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I was sexually assaulted?”
“Oh, I would absolutely believe you. Especially if a priest was involved.”
“Just when I think I’ve got you nailed down, you pull something out of left field and make me question everything. Your morals, especially.”
“Always question my morals, Batman, because I can guarantee you’ve only scratched the surface.”
I took a big swig of Coke and stared at the moon’s reflection on the water. He’d run screaming if he knew just how true that statement was.
Lucifer wouldn’t, my stupid brain intruded.
The intrusive thought promptly caused a mass exodus of Coca-Cola out of my mouth and nose.
“Shit, are you okay?” Joe patted my back as the carbonation burned at least fifty percent of my orifices.
“I’m fine,” I gargled and coughed. “I only saw the light for a few seconds.”
Careful, dearest Dany.
“Sarcastic even in the face of death.” He gave my back one last pat before leaning back over the rail. Amusement sparkled in his eyes as he watched me try to shake the sticky shit off my hands. “I bet half a can came out of your nose.”
“Yeah,” I agreed with a sniffle. “Funny. Coke usually burns more on the way in.”
Joe began to smile, then did a double take. “Wait, are you serious? Do you do drugs?”
“That’s definitely not first date material, Batman. You’ll have to apply for a second and get me drunk.”
My cheeks flamed and I turned my face away so he couldn’t see it in the lamp light illuminating the park paths.
I was dead, inside and out. Sometimes that meant I did anything to try and feel alive again.
Drugs included.
I pursed my lips and stared out over the water again. Am I being too much? Was he finally coming to the conclusion that my lifestyle didn’t match that of a heroic vigilante?
Probably. You did, after all, have to have some sort of moral code to want to save people.
Especially filth like me.
My palms began to sweat. Without second thought, I blurted, “So why are you such a savior? People usually give up on me by now.”