Chapter Eleven #2
He runs his nose along the column of my neck, and I can barely hold in my groan. Want coils low in my stomach, and this cannot be happening.
“What the hell, Luca?” I yell and shove him harder. He rears back, giving me enough space to slide out from under him. I don’t shift back. I can’t trust my wolf will leave right now because she is purring at how close we just came to our mate. She fucking loved that display of possessive dominance.
And that’s how I find myself running through the forest, naked as the day I was born.
My life is a disaster.
I can’t believe I got so easily pulled in by that stupid territorial show. It’s complete bullshit. I do not want him. My wolf whines, and my pussy would too, if it could.
Ugh, this isn’t fair. He is way too attractive. His messy jet-black hair, his piercing blue eyes, his lean, muscular build, and the tattoos that cover his chest and snake down one of his arms.
But I’ve been around beautiful people before and never felt this attracted to them. It’s the stupid mate bond. It’s fucking with my head, and I need to get rid of it. I need to reject him and be done with how drawn to him I am.
I grab a shirt and a pair of shorts from the basket outside our house before storming inside. I’ve lived here my whole life. This house used to hold so much love. We used to be such a happy family before everything went to shit.
Dad lost the will to live after her rejection.
He practically went rogue, moving to a cabin on the very outskirts of the pack and checking in as little as he possibly could while still staying sane.
I haven’t gone to see him in two years, and he’s never made the effort to visit me.
Not for my high school graduation, not for any of my birthdays, not to teach me to drive the way he did for Ryan. Not for anything.
We stopped celebrating the human holidays like Día de los Muertos, and he never came to the Solstice celebrations again. Ryan goes to see him once a month or so, enough to ensure that Dad is still technically part of the pack and doesn’t get lost to moon madness.
But he’s not pack to me. I don’t see him as my family anymore. It stopped feeling like a relationship when I was the only one making an effort.
And then there’s Ryan. I’ve done everything I could over the last few years to help out with the pack, and it’s brought us closer.
But I’m not sure how I can listen to him right now.
He never said a thing to Luca about how he excluded me.
He stepped in when Luca talked down to me from time to time, but even though he’s the alpha—and should be able to connect to all pack members' feelings—he never seemed to notice how much Luca was hurting me. And now he expects me to simply accept the mate bond. It’s making me question everything about our relationship.
“Ryan,” I call out, anger evident in my tone. “Ryan, I can’t do this!”
“What’s going on? What are you talking about?” he asks as he joins me in the living area, concern etched all over his face.
“You can’t make me accept him. It hasn’t even been a day, and I’m losing my damn mind!” I yell as I pace back and forth. I run my hands through my hair, finding twigs and leaves from my stupid, sexy scuffle on the ground with Luca.
Not sexy. Just stupid.
“Maybe it’s this hard because you’re fighting it so much?”
I scoff. This is ridiculous. What, now that the Moon Goddess has decided to put us together; I’m supposed to forget that I hate him? Forget he has trampled all over me for years?
“Of course I’m fighting it! I need to reject him, Ryan.
It’ll be fine. I’ll get a second chance mate, and everything will be fine.
” I’m rambling, but I can’t think straight.
I need to break this bond and be able to move on with my life.
Ryan grabs my hand and pulls me over to the couch, and sits me down beside him.
He keeps holding my hand as he stares at me.
“I need you here, Fia. You saw what the rejection did to Dad. I don’t want that for you or Luca. I’m aware Emily came out of it okay, but we don’t know what will happen. You and Luca make sense.”
“No, we don’t! He has been awful to me. He doesn’t even like me.” My voice cracks, and I hate that. I hate that after all these years, it still gets to me. He still gets to me.
“That’s not true.”
“What are you talking about?” Of course it’s true. Why else would he have turned on me the way he did?
“Ever hear that thing about how little boys pull the hair of the little girls they like?”
“You are not serious?” I gape at him as he smirks and raises an eyebrow. I can’t believe my big brother is spouting this patriarchal, misogynistic bullshit at me.
“Boys will be boys? Really Ryan? Ugh, this is un-fucking-believable!” I mutter, pushing up from my seat and pacing away.
“First, he is not a little boy. He’s a grown-ass shifter.
Second, how are you okay with that? Do you think that’s all I deserve?
Someone who treats me like shit because he can’t cope with his feelings? ”
I push the heels of my hands into my burning eyes.
My heart feels as though it could burst out of my chest. Every emotion I've bottled up over the past few years threatens to bubble up and overflow.
Is this really all he thinks of me? That I should settle for someone who can barely spend five minutes in my presence.
“What? No! No, of course not! But you’ve always given back as good as you got! Honestly, I thought you both enjoyed the banter, but if not, can’t you tell him that? It’ll change if he knows it’s upsetting his mate.”
“He is not my mate!” I yell as a hot tear rolls down my cheek. Ryan recoils, his eyes widening as he takes in the pain behind my tears. He pulls me into a side hug and rests his head on mine like he always has. But I don’t want his comfort right now. I push him back and pace the room.
“I never realized it bothered you this much. You always batted everything right back at him. I had no idea he was hurting you so much. I can normally feel strong emotions in the pack, but…” he trails off and shakes his head.
“Fates, I’m so sorry, little sis. I’m sorry that this isn’t what you wanted.
And you’re right, of course you are. You deserve better.
You deserve the sun, moon, and stars. I’m so sorry, but this isn’t just about you. You need to think of the pack, too.”
I pull back to look at him, trying to understand what he means.
I shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything I’ve ever wanted for the pack.
I can't figure him out. Yeah, I help out a lot with pack stuff, especially because Ryan hasn’t found his mate and Luna yet, but that’s temporary, and it’s not anything special. It could be done by anyone.
I have things I want to do for myself. Things I’ve been holding back on while prioritizing the pack for the past three years.
And as much as Lunar Eclipse is everything for Ryan, it’s different for me.
This was always temporary for me. The Luna role, while important to the pack, doesn’t suit me.
It’s meant for someone softer. An omega, like Emily.
It’s about balancing the alpha, not competing with them.
And I want to help Ryan, but the truth is, being the acting luna chips away at me. It’s not who I am.
Maybe that’s part of why Mom left. She couldn’t settle as Luna.
Even after all those years. She was an alpha female.
The former alpha was her father. But she had to stand by while her mate got all the glory because he was the male alpha wolf.
I don’t want to be miserable and unfulfilled like she was.
“I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness and my entire future for the pack. I understand you would—you do. But we don’t both need to do it.”
“But what if we do?” Ryan asks with a sigh.
He slowly runs his hands through his hair and closes his eyes.
I take in the dark circles etched beneath them.
He looks weary. Like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
It makes me doubt myself. Because even if the pack doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it does to him, he’s my only family.
“What’s going on?”
“Just promise me you won’t reject him yet? Please?” he asks quietly.
“Why?” I ask. Ryan has been acting weird for a while now, and it keeps making less and less sense.
Ryan gazes into space for a long moment before finally answering me.
“Because of the omegas. We’re coming up to the date Emily suggested the event would most likely be.
I need Luca fighting fit for when we get the go-ahead.
It won’t be much longer, and once we get them out, I promise I’ll drop it.
I’ll support you in whatever you want to do. ”
The reminder hits me like a bucket of ice water. The omegas. How could I have been so selfish? A sobering weight settles in my stomach. Here I am worrying about mate bonds when those omegas are still out there, having goddess knows what happening to them.
I won’t accept Luca as my mate, but Ryan’s right. I can’t reject him yet. Not when there's so much on the line. “Yeah, okay. Of course. I can wait.”
“Thank you. I know I’m asking a lot. I realize it’s not fair to ask this of you, and that I’m doing it anyway. If there weren’t so much at stake… I wouldn’t ask this of you. But there is.”
I nod before squeezing my eyes shut and wishing I could just skip to the next few weeks being over.