Chapter Twenty-Nine
SLOANE
THE NURSES come in to check on me at about the same time every hour.
The sweet one who told me she asked the doctor if she could get an ultrasound machine in the room just left.
I feel bad about sneaking out on her, but I have to get out of here before news gets back to that man that I’m at the hospital.
She brought in a pair of crutches and told me I would need them when I discharge tomorrow. When I asked her if she had seen any of the people who brought me to the hospital, she shook her head and I could see the sadness and pity in her eyes.
I’m not sure how long I had been here before I woke up, but with each passing hour, my heart sinks just a little bit more as the reality of the situation extinguishes my hope.
He left me here.
Trying not to get bogged down with thoughts and the weight of my heart breaking, I try to focus on my next move. Before I started working at the ranch, I was managing okay, I’ll just have to find another job.
He left me here.
Swiping the tears that keep breaking free to run down my cheek, I carefully and slowly swing my legs over the side of the bed. The pain in my chest is begging me to lay back down and cry into my pillow. Damn it. I let myself love him. I knew better, but I did it anyway.
For nearly two years, I have avoided all attachments, it was easy with men since they only made my skin crawl, but I let myself get attached to the entire Harlow family.
Taking care of them in the background, not one of the family but still included, blurred the safe line I was supposed to stay behind. They made it easy.
Then Mason had to come along. The part of me that wishes I would have continued to ignore him at the bar is shadowed by the part of me that looked forward to him tapping on my door at night.
Being kissed and held by him was more affection than I have gotten since my parents passed away, no, since they were killed. My own flesh and blood took them from me and left me completely alone in the world.
Shaking my head, I take a deep breath and pull my thoughts out of the past to focus on what I’m going to do now. I have to get out of this hospital before anyone finds out I’m here.
Hobbling over to the little closet that has my clothes in it seems to take forever, with each movement dull pain shoots up my leg.
Since the jerks took my coat and gloves when they drugged me, I leave the hospital gown on under my clothes as an added layer against the cold outside.
I don’t even know where I’m going to go.
The giant, plastic brace on my leg helps some, it takes me a minute to get used to the crutches but as long as I take my time and I don’t jostle too much, it’s bearable.
It takes forever to get outside, I had to wait for the nurse’s station to clear out so I could get around to the elevators, the last thing I want is to answer a bunch of questions and see the look of pity on their faces. I don’t want to be pitied, damn it.
This damn life makes anger swell inside and I curse myself for believing in something, that I knew on the inside, wasn’t real. I believed in him.
The cold air hits me in the face like an arctic blast and I tie the belt around my sweater tighter.
I’m close to the center of downtown so there are a lot of homeless people hanging around the hospital looking for warmth and any scraps they can get.
Then I remember there’s a homeless shelter about a mile away from the hospital downtown, so I start to hobble in that direction.
The tears are threatening with each step, not only because I feel lonely, deserted, and ignorant, but also because everything hurts, I think the pain meds from my IV are starting to wear off.
To make it worse, people are staring at the state of my face which scared even me when I looked in the mirror.
Half of my face is black and blue, and my eye is swollen shut, they probably think I’m a domestic abuse victim.
My father always used to tease me that I was too passive, and I needed to be tougher, I would laugh and roll my eyes because a young girl’s dreams of her knight in shining armor are a far cry from my current reality.
With each step, I tell myself that I don’t need a knight, I just need to smarten up and look out for myself. Well, now I have to look out for my baby, too. I can do this, I won’t be sucked under by my emotions, which I think may be jacked up because of hormones.
I’ve never slept in a homeless shelter before, but as I get closer to the front doors, there is a diverse crowd of people all around me.
Some look like they are just down on their luck and don’t really pay any attention to me, and some look at my crutches like they would push me over to steal them to sell for drug money.
Squeezing my crutches tighter under my arms, I hobble to the front desk.
“Can I help you honey?” The scratchy voice comes from the lady behind the counter who looks like she’s had a rough life.
The worry lines on her face are deep, her oily hair is falling out of the loose ponytail she has it pulled into, the concert t-shirt she is wearing has an 80s band on it and is full of moth holes, and the tips of her fingers on her right hand are yellow from cigarette smoke.
When she looks up at me, she has the kindest eyes, and I swear I see them get glassy with tears just from looking at me. Shame licks up my spine and I try to stand up straighter if only just to prove that I can stand on my own two feet. I don’t need anyone’s pity.
All the people milling around the room are loud and I have to lean in closer to her to talk, “I’ve never been here before, I don’t have a place to go and I’m not sure how this works.”
She stands up from her squeaky desk chair and says, “If you need a place to sleep tonight, I’ve got a bed for you, honey, you got here just in time, though, I was about to lock the doors.
” Her Oklahoma accent is thick, and she looks at my crutches, “But if I were you, I would sleep with those in the bed with you. Have you had any dinner; I think we have a few plates left.”
I nod, I ate the tasteless dinner they gave me at the hospital, “If you don’t mind, I would love to get off my foot, it really hurts.”
“Of course, honey, come this way.” She walks to the end of the long desk which has broken and cracked laminate on top of it and holds her arm out for me to follow her.
She opens a big double door to a giant room that reminds me of a high school gym full of cots, most of them are already taken and she leads me to an empty one closer to the doors. My aching body almost sighs in relief when I sit down, and I suddenly feel exhausted.
“Okay, honey, I’m going to leave you here. Lights out is in about thirty minutes and no one is allowed in or out after that.” She points at my crutches, “Make sure you put those on the bed with you.”
I nod, “I will, thank you.”
She unfolds the blanket at the end of the cot and helps me to cover up. Staring at the ceiling, I think about what I am going to do. Sleeping here isn’t ideal, but it’s not the worst thing I can think of, I can sleep here for the next week or two while I heal and try to get another job.
I can do this.