Chapter Nineteen
Delusion, thy name is Elodie.
Ruby
Will and I make it to Sweet & Salty just after they open, which means we get our pick of the delicious goods in the display case. Sol lists them for me while Will drools beside me over his man crush.
“Seriously, Rubble, his hair ,” he whispers as Sol goes over the different types of danishes they have today. “It’s luscious. Luscious! Hair models envy him. And his eyes.” He sighs. “He’s literally an angel come to Earth. There’s no other explanation.”
“Angels have thousands of eyes and feathers and are terrifying,” I inform him quietly. “Congratulations, you’ve just insulted your one true love.”
“And then, of course, we have the blueberry muffins!” Sol finishes while Will competes for the world record for the most dreamy sighs given in one minute.
“I’ll have a grapefruit tart and a green tea, Sol. Thanks,” I order.
“Throw in another tart and a blueberry muffin, you beautiful, beautiful man. Also, a certificate of marriage, freshly signed by you. I will handle the other signature, don’t you worry.”
“Subtle,” I mutter, eyes rolling.
Sol laughs. A pity laugh, I can only assume.
“Two tarts, a blueberry muffin, and a green tea,” he rattles off. “You want a drink, Will?”
“Say my name again,” the desperate man begs.
“No drink for him,” I cut in. “He does not deserve one when he’s harassing you at work.”
Sol laughs again. Probably he’s used to this type of thing, being perfect as he is. Probably he does not know that harassment in the workplace is not normal.
“That’ll be $16.54,” he says.
I lose the scuffle to pay, and Elodie appears as I’m angrily shoving my card back into my tote bag.
“Ruby!” she squeals, slamming into me from the side.
I stumble but recover quickly, patting her shoulder as she squeezes me.
“Come help me stock while you wait for your food!” She grabs my arm, giving me no choice as she drags me away from the counter and down what I know to be a hallway that leads to the staff area – where I am absolutely not supposed to be. Not that Elodie has ever cared.
“I don’t think pulling a few pastries out of the display is going to take all that long, El.”
“Oh, it’ll take as long as it takes,” she says. “Will can find something to entertain himself while you’re gone. You’re here early. Plenty of time to give your dear, neglected friend some much-needed attention.”
I pull out my phone. “Text Will: ‘Going to be a minute. Get stickers. Meet after.’”
He replies straight away. “Anything for you, my love. I’ll have Sol bring back your yummies.”
I snort. “His love. Right. With the way he’s mooning over Sol right now, I’m shocked he even remembers I exist.”
“Ooh, you’re sounding a little jealous there,” Elodie sing-songs. “Don’t like it when your man is giving someone else attention?” She laughs. What she does not do is make any sounds that would indicate she is actually doing any stocking on this backroom mission.
“I’m not jealous,” I sniff. “There’s nothing to be jealous of. And aren’t you supposed to be working back here? Are all my friends layabouts?”
The swish of cardboard against cardboard accompanies her giggle. “You have other friends?” she asks. “I’m offended!”
I grunt, picking at my nails. “Will is my friend.”
Slam.
“Elodie! You’re going to break the product!”
“Who cares about the product!” she squeals. “You and Will are friends now? What happened? Did he kiss you? Tell me everything !”
I wince. Is the human body supposed to emit noises that high-pitched?
“What ‘friends’ do you know that kiss?” I ask. “ We’ve never kissed.”
“Unlike previous you, I have other friends,” she retorts. “So? Did he?”
“Elodie, are you kissing your other friends?” I ask. “That’s like… the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”
“Ruby!” Her hands land on my shoulders, shaking me. “Stay focused! Did. He. Kiss. You?”
“Of course he didn’t kiss me! Nobody should be kissing their friends!”
“If you don’t kiss your friends, how will you know that you’re in love with them?” she asks, genuinely sounding like she does not know the answer.
I fear for every man my sweet, perfect Elodie has ever interacted with. They’re probably out there, dazed and confused, pining for her after she’s experimented on them to see if they’re her soulmate. Poor fools.
“By feeling in love with them?” I counter. “How should I know? I’ve never been in love.”
“Aha!” she yells, gotcha-style. “Lying! You were in love. Once.”
My eyes roll. “Elodie, a middle school crush does not count as love.”
“Normally, I’d agree with you,” she says. “But that middle school crush landed you a whole husband, which sounds like one-true-love magic to me.”
“Will’s not my husband,” I grumble. “He’s barely even my friend.”
“Yeah, and what’s with that? Spill! You went from full-on love denial to friendship. This is a huge step in your love story, and you’re casually mentioning it to me in the Sweet & Salty stockroom? And then evading my quest to get more info? This was dinner-at-a-fancy-restaurant news, Ruby. This is spill immediately to your bestie news.”
“What is there to spill?” I ask. “Will was nice to me, I realized I’m the worst person on Earth, and now we’re friends. Total bore-fest.” Huh. My nose itches.
“What do you mean you’re ‘the worst person on Earth’? Did Will tell you that? I’ll kill him right now,” Elodie growls, sounding more like a puppy than a lion.
I reach out, snatching her before her cute little stomps can make it past me.
“Will did not tell me I’m the worst person on Earth,” I ease her. “I deduced that all by myself with my mighty big brain powers.”
“Stop that,” she hisses. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
I huff. “Elodie, you’ve seen how he treats me. Literally seen it, meaning you probably know even more than I do how much he does for me, all the while I’m just… awful to him. Mean. Hurtful for no reason.” I groan. “Yesterday? He went into work early to do his door decorating, then he left to come pick me up. In the snow and slush and ice. And what did I do? I got onto him for being late.” My head shakes. “Late! When he doesn’t even have to pick me up in the first place. He goes out of his way to do me a favor, and I yell at him. And I’m absolutely positive that’s not the first time something like that has happened, considering I’m mean to him all the time .”
“Nobody likes to be late,” she replies, ever on my side. “Especially you, and he knows that.”
I swear, I could kill a man in cold blood and she’d say he deserved it.
“El, I appreciate you so much, but it’s not just that one instance. It’s… it’s all of them, all together, you know?”
She sighs. “Yeah, I know what you mean, but… Rubes, honestly, I think he likes it when you’re a little bit mean to him.”
“That’s perfect then! Maybe this friendship will be the end of his ‘I’m in love with you’ nonsense.”
“Uh-huh,” she says, sounding definitely fully convinced. “So… it’s going well? You’ve been able to be nice to him?”
Ah. That.
“Well,” I hedge. “I was nice to him for a while last night?”
Elodie’s tinkling laughter fills the air. “How long is ‘a while’?”
I sniff. “I’ll have you know,” I start, prim. “We had a friendly sleepover last night. It was very reminiscent of the sort you and I used to have, back when you loved me and didn’t laugh at my earnest attempts to make friends.”
Her giggles peter out. “You had a sleepover ? I’m scandalized!”
“It was perfectly innocent, gutter brain.” I swipe my cane lightly in her direction, giving her a chastising tap.
“That’s too bad,” she mutters. “I was hoping for a spring wedding.”
She was…
“Elodie!” I whine. “Why does everyone think Will and I are getting married?” It’s enough to drive a girl to madness.
“Probably because he keeps telling everyone the two of you are getting married?”
Right. There is that.
“I think everyone needs to stop taking Will so seriously.”
“I think you need to start taking him more seriously. If you’re not going to let him off your hook, you need to reel him in.”
“I thought we agreed he’s not on any hook,” I remind her.
“No, I’m pretty sure I said he was, and you said he wasn’t, and then you went back into your denial hole – a hole you’re still somehow in even though you guys are having comfy cozy sleepovers and being friends and kissing and stuff.”
“Nobody’s kissing!” I groan.
“Oh,” Sol’s voice coughs behind me. “That’s good, because I’m pretty sure it’s a health code violation to do that here.”
I grimace. “Hi, Sol.” I turn until I see the shadow of him lit by the bright light of the hall spilling through the doorway at his back. “Sorry about that.”
“Not a problem, Ruby Red,” he responds, amusement thick in his tone. An amused Sol has the same sort of magic about his voice that his sister’s takes on when she laughs. Where El tinkles like a fairy dancing in a golden sunray, Sol’s voice boasts a melodic, deep timbre that brings forth visions of wooden wind chimes in a soft forest.
Will once told me, “He sounds like sunlight peeking through the trees.” I’d have to agree.
“I have your tea and your tart for you. Will wanted me to let you know that he’s ‘commenced the mission’, and he assures me that you’ll know what that means.”
My nose wrinkles as I take my goods from him. Will is ridiculous. “I do know what that means, thank you. And thanks for bringing me back my breakfast. You’re the second-best big brother a girl could ask for.”
Elodie snorts. “You think Roman is a better big brother than Sol? Got-his-sister-a-job Sol? Literally-a-golden-child Sol? Saved-a-child-from-a-burning-building Sol? That big brother Sol?”
“Aw, Ellie,” he says. “I love you, too, you little squirt.”
Her shadow joins his, squishing into one big blob as they hug.
So cute.
I still think my big brother is better.
“All right,” Sol announces, his blob of darkness breaking off from Elodie’s smaller blob. “I have to get back. It’s going to be mayhem out there as soon as the rush hits, and I want to double-check that we’re all set for it. Finish up in here, then I’ll need you out there, okay?”
Elodie confirms that she’ll be out “lickity split!” and he heads back to the front.
“So!” she chirps the second the door shuts behind him. “About kissing Will.”
I groan. “Nobody is kissing Will.”
“Somebody should be,” she retorts, moving around me to get back to her boxes. “And that somebody should be you. You’ll be his first kiss,” she sighs. “It’s so romantic.”
“I’m not going to be his first anything,” I protest. “I’m barely managing the whole friendship thing.”
“Hmm,” she hums. “I suppose we’ll see who’s right in the end, won’t we?”
“You’re as delusional as you are wonderful, you know that?”
Her fairy laugh permeates the air. “Yeah, Rubes. I’m the delusional one. Sure.”
I glare, but don’t respond.
She’ll see.
Everyone will see.
I’m not marrying Will.
And I’m certainly not kissing him, either.