Chapter Twenty-Four
Who doesn’t love math?
Will
Eavesdropping is wrong. Obviously. Very, very wrong. Dishonest even, one could argue.
Except, you know, is it really ?
Say, for instance, you’re in the back of your best friend’s car. And then say – just as an example – that your best friend’s little sister, who happens to be the love of your life, is in the passenger seat of said car. And then – hypothetically, of course – that they think you’re asleep, possibly because you have been tempering your breathing in order to pretend to be asleep for the past twenty minutes. Not to lure them into a false sense of security or anything. That would be wrong… so wrong…
Unless?
Haha. No, no. Very wrong.
So I guess it’s a good thing I’m definitely, totally not doing that.
Ahem.
“-blue all around her mouth. I’m telling you. They were in there making out right over our Strange Buns.”
“A benefit of being unable to see is that I never had to know that information,” Ruby gags. “You could’ve kept that all to yourself.”
“If I had to see it, you have to hear it,” Roman says, echoing a motto he adopted the first time he saw his parents lip-locked. According to Roger, he’d run out of the room screaming for Ruby, wasting no time in sharing his trauma.
“Blegh,” Ruby replies.
Roman grunts in commiseration.
Silence follows, only broken by the sound of tires on a snowy highway and Roman’s fingers tapping a steady rhythm on the steering wheel.
A few minutes later, bored to death, I shift, preparing to oh-so-naturally awaken when Ruby’s soft sigh halts me. I still, anticipation racing through my heart.
That wasn’t a normal sigh.
That was a leading sigh.
I guess it’s true what they say; patience really is the key to success. I settle back down.
“I just wish they didn’t live so far away,” Ruby mutters. “A two-hour drive doesn’t seem far in the grand scheme of things, but in practice it really sucks.”
Roman hums. “I think we’re the ones who live far away, Rubes. We’re the ones who left.”
The pout in her response has me cracking an eye open to catch a glimpse of my favorite expression. Sure enough, her bottom lip juts out, plush and enticing. The corner I can see is turned down in a frown that can only be described as the cutest thing anyone has ever seen, her crossed arms shooting the look into leagues of adorable this world has never seen.
“Well, they could’ve followed us,” she grumbles.
Roman snorts. “I know something that would make them move closer.”
Ooh, Roman with the mischievous voice. My favorite!
“What?” Ruby asks, cautious in the face of her brother’s tone. Smart girl. Does a fiancé proud.
“A grandchild,” he deadpans.
She groans. “Then give them one.”
He tsks. “But, Ruby, you’ve already got part two of the equation. I’m stuck on one.”
Ruby’s head turns toward me, and I slam my peeking eye shut, arranging my face into serene slumber. Then, I remember that she can’t see my face anyway, and perhaps I am actually as stupid as she thinks I am.
Opening my eyes fully, I find that she was, in fact, turning toward her brother, and not me. My acting skills have been wasted double-fold.
“Oh, yes, my man. Will. Irritant extraordinaire. Bane of my existence. My barely friend.”
Friend? Friend! She said we’re friends!
“Friend?” Roman asks. “That’s progress. I bet he’s thrilled.”
He bets right! My skin buzzes, a fire lit beneath it. Electricity tingles in my chest, threatening to burst.
“Friend,” she confirms. “Barely. Meaning that even if he were serious about being in love with me, I’d be nowhere near baby-making with him.”
“Ew, don’t say baby-making,” Roman yucks. “Gross.”
Ruby snorts. “You’re the one who brought it up.”
“Yeah, as a concept . I don’t need the details of how you and Will’s child comes to be. As far as I’m concerned, the thing just teleports into your belly.”
“Nothing is going to be in my belly, because, again, Will and I are barely friends.”
“ You’re barely friends,” Roman retorts. “Will’s married.”
I knew I loved him. Observant king.
“Oh, not this again,” Ruby grumbles. “Do you and Elodie have secret meetings to discuss this? A schedule for tag-teaming me about it?”
“Or – and really consider this – we both have working eyes. I know you don’t know what that’s like, so it can be a little bit confusing, but, see, the rest of us use them. We see things. Very clear, obvious things, like when our best friend is in love with our sister.”
I bite my cheek – hard – to stop from laughing. Oh, how I love that man.
She scowls. “Har, har, har. You’re hilarious.”
“Have you considered that maybe we’re right?” he asks, softer. “That maybe he truly is gone for you and just waiting for you to give him the sliver of a chance to prove it? He’s a good man, Ruby. You know he is. He’s not any more annoying than Elodie, and you love her.”
“Elodie is never annoying,” she snaps.
“Yeah, well, Will isn’t either,” he snaps back.
Tense silence follows, during which I add buying Roman his favorite fancy chocolates to my to-do list.
“Look,” Roman breaks the tension. “All I’m saying is that I couldn’t think of a better man for you. He’s loyal. He’s thoughtful. He’s kind. He’s proven that he loves you to a point that is above and beyond what I could’ve ever wished for you. He’s already my brother. He’s already our parents’ son.” He sighs. “Ultimately, it’s up to you what you want. It’s just… I guess I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want Will.”
Oh, sure, just cut through my heart. I love that.
Not.
I open my mouth to end this train wreck, but Ruby beats me to speaking.
“There’s nothing wrong with Will,” she says.
My mouth snaps shut.
“I mean, he’s definitely annoying, and irritating, and he could stand to gain quite a bit of work ethic.”
Well. Don’t be gentle or anything. My mouth reopens.
“But overall – and if you tell him I said this, I’ll deny it until the day I die,” she threatens.
My mouth shuts.
I feel like a hungry, hungry hippo.
“Overall,” she repeats. “He’s a good guy. All those things you said, except…” She sighs.
“Except what?” Roman asks, impatient. “Get to the point, so I can tell you that you’re wrong, and then you can fall madly in love with him and make him the happiest man alive.”
Two boxes of chocolates for Roman. Heck, maybe even three.
Ruby huffs. “ Except , I think you guys take him a little bit too seriously. His jokes about being in love with me… they’re just that. Jokes. I know you guys love him and want to bring him officially into the family, but I think you should temper your expectations. A lot.”
“You’re wrong.” He doesn’t even pause to think about it. Four boxes of chocolate for him. “Now, fall madly in love and entice our parents closer with your cute little babies.”
Ruby grunts, then laughs. “You’re incorrigible.”
“And you’re an idiot. You think he’s been, what, joking for fifteen years? Ruby, he’s never been with anyone else. He’s never even looked at anyone else. He’s built his life around you, to the point where when he was buying a house he took you into consideration. He had contractors come and move an entire staircase so that it would be safer for you. What part of that feels like a joke?”
“He also chose a house with a giant kitchen for you. I don’t see how that’s any different. We’re his family.”
Roman groans, and it’s all I can do not to groan with him. Of course it’s different. Roman got an already-spawned kitchen. Moving the stairs took a huge chunk out of my savings and cut me off from the top floor of my house for a week. The top floor being where my room is. I had to see a massage therapist for the crick in my neck I developed from a week of couch-sleeping.
And I’d do it again. In a heartbeat. Because why? Because I love her.
Why can’t she see that?
“Ruby, as his best friend, don’t you think I have a little more insight into the situation than you might?”
“Do I think you have more insight into a situation that directly involves me, and not you?” she asks, dry as the desert. “No, shockingly I do not.”
But he does! I hold my breath. Come on, Roman, tell her she’s wrong.
He huffs. “Do you have a reason to believe he’s perpetrating an over-a-decade-long joke, or is this just something you’ve decided?”
Ooh, good one. Let’s get to the crux of the problem. Smart.
“I have many reasons,” she answers. “How many would you like?”
“All of them. I’ll negate them one by one until you agree to marry him. He’ll have to give me my oceanfront suite then. He’ll owe me.”
He can have twelve oceanfront suites for this conversation alone.
“Well, first of all, he’s never once exhibited any signs that he’d want to partake in any sort of baby-making activities with me.”
What?
“What? Ew! Ruby!”
“Oh? You want to stop talking about this now? Excellent idea!”
I bite my lip to stop from laughing. What a little brat.
I’m so proud.
“No,” Roman grunts. “I do not.” He clears his throat. “I’m sure that Will thinks about… that… with you.”
Well, he doesn’t have to sound quite so disgusted. Doesn’t he want little nieces and nephews running around? How’s he think I’m going to make that happen?
“Very much he does not.”
Very much I do!
“So,” she continues. “Incompatible on many fronts.”
“I’m starting to think he’s too smart for you,” Roman retorts. “When did you get this dumb? He’s a man – a man unrelated to you. You like math – do it.”
Her jaw sets, and I know that she is not going to do the math. Not my stubborn girl.
“I think we should turn the radio on,” she says.
Roman sighs, but acquiesces, and we’re soon being serenaded by a woman haunted, begging for a chance to be known.
My attention strays to the window, and I stare unseeing at the blur of landscape flying past.
Hmm.
If Ruby isn’t going to do the math herself, I’m going to have to do it for her.
A grin stretches across my face, and my eyelids lower.
Lucky for me, I’m excellent at math.