Chapter 32
Most of my clothes were completely destroyed, so I wrapped myself in the sheet from the bed and headed back to the bedroom.
Now, of course, the entire mess that I had left was gone.
Like it had never even happened.
Even the Tiffany lampshades had been replaced.
I didn’t know how I felt about that.
On one hand, I was glad nothing I had done had been completely irreparable.
On the other hand, it felt like all of that effort, all of the catharsis that came from destroying this room, was just gone.
I headed to my closet, and it was almost bare. But I was able to put together an outfit with a mid-length black skirt and a blouse that was in a gorgeous deep red.
Not the colors I usually wore, and I’d have to replace everything. But I did decide I wanted to start picking out my own clothes. Not just dressing in what had been expected of me. It was far past time for me to develop my own signature style and figure out what I wanted to say to the world when they saw me.
Thankfully, my tirade hadn’t quite made it to the bathroom, so all of my cosmetics were still perfectly usable. I did something a little different with my eye makeup, trying to play off the new pink hue of my hair.
I looked at my jewelry, all of it, and didn’t see anything that I really wanted to wear. I did, however, leave the engagement ring on.
A lot of things would need to be considered if I was going to keep the engagement, or still work to try and break it and run.
The fear I had before, the claustrophobic feeling of the walls moving in on me and being trapped, wasn’t nearly as prevalent as it was before. But it also wasn’t gone.
I took the ring off, then put it back on, taking it off and putting it back on several times before I just decided to leave it.
There was no reason to make Lucian mad until I knew one way or the other. When I was finally satisfied with my appearance, I went downstairs for breakfast.
Lucian was already sitting at the table, reading the paper with a cup of coffee in his other hand. My seat at the end of the table did not have a place setting.
Instead, my place setting was right next to his. A warm blush rose on my cheek as I realized that he had asked for the staff to move my plate next to his.
He wanted to have a more intimate breakfast than having me across the table. I liked that. I like that he wanted to be near me and talk to me during breakfast, not have to shout over the massive table.
I took my seat, and immediately Hamilton poured my coffee.
“Thank you,” I said as I gratefully picked up the cup and took a sip.
“So, there is a lot to discuss,” Lucian said, setting the paper down.
“Oh?”
“You have a wedding to plan,” he said as he grabbed my plate and filled it.
“I wanted to talk to you about that.”
“Did you change your mind already?” There was a slight edge to his voice that made me think he was expecting me to change my mind.
“No, but I have a lot to consider. And I think it is better to wait at least a little bit before we announce our engagement. There are some things that I need before I can commit to you completely.”
“What’s that?”
“Independence,” I said.
“Married women are not independent. I will not have my wife living separately, or?—”
“I am not saying I want complete independence,” I said, placing my hand on his arm and calming him. I kept my voice low and slow, trying to emphasize how I was not upset. I was not starting a war. I just needed to be heard. “I want my life to mean more than just being a trophy wife.”
“What do you mean?”
“First of all, I’d like not to have an allowance. I’d like at least access to my money. I have plans. Big plans. I want to be a mover and shaker in this city, a power player when it comes to policy and helping others. I plan to make some big donations with my inheritance.”
I raised my chin ready for his challenge.
He chuckled. “I removed the purchase limit on that black Amex card. Spend what you like, and I already told you I don’t care what you wear. I don’t care what color you dye your hair next or what other piercings you get.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And the donations?”
The corner of his lips lifted. “Give every fucking penny away for all I care, baby girl.”
“Thank you, but it’s more than that.”
“Oh? What other demands does my soon-to-be wife have of me?”
“I want a life outside of this house. Meeting people. Making deals. I plan to be active on those boards, not just a checkbook.”
“Be more specific,” he said between clenched teeth. “Because if you think I would ever let another man?—”
“No, I don’t want anyone else to ever lay a finger on me,” I assured him.
“Then what?” He pulled me from my chair into his lap.
I liked sitting like this, leaning my head against his shoulder, and feeling the warmth of his arms around me. Even if it made eating breakfast a little awkward, I was infinitely more comfortable like this.
I took a deep breath, needing to work up the nerve to tell him what I needed. Then, I took another long sip of coffee to give myself another minute to figure out how to express my feelings of uselessness and pointlessness.
“Of course, you realize that as my wife, you would be managing our social calendar, which includes throwing the occasional ball or gala. Those are charitable events, and throwing them can often be a full-time job.”
“For some. For others, it’s hiring the appropriate event planner. Most married women of our class don’t work. They might sit on a few boards, and they might throw the occasional gala, but that may occupy one or two days a month. I need something more. Something more fulfilling.”
“We could always just start a family right away,” he said, squeezing my side.
“You have three grown children. Do you really want more?”
“I have four children. Maybe we can discuss that later. But you want something to do while I’m at work.”
“I thought I knew all of your children. Luc, Olivia, and Charlotte?” I ignored his comment about something to do while he was at work. I was more curious about why I hadn’t met the missing Manwarring.
Charlotte, Olivia, and I had been friends for years.
“I have another son, Thomas. We don’t hear from him much. But tell me more about what you are looking for. Something more fulfilling than shopping or going to high tea?”
“I’m not saying I’m not going to shop or that I won’t go to the occasional tea service, but I need more. I need a purpose in my life, something more than keeping your bed warm.”
“I understand. Olivia has her magazine, and Charlotte has her cello. You need something to occupy your time, something productive.”
“Exactly. Are you okay with me pursuing something like that, looking into my options, and coming up with a few ideas?”
“No,” he said, setting down his coffee cup. “I don’t want you to pursue anything. I have something already that’ll be perfect. Are you finished with breakfast?”
“Yeah, I’m full.” I had only eaten half of a Danish, some cut fruit, and a cup of coffee, but honestly, I couldn’t have eaten another bite if I wanted to. I didn’t even taste any of it.
“Good.” He held my hand as he guided me off his lap and stood. “Hamilton, have the driver pull the car around. Stella and I are heading into the office.”
“It’s waiting for you at the door, sir.”
Hamilton didn’t even look at me, just stared disapprovingly at the ring on my finger before turning and walking away.
I wondered if the ring meant that Hamilton would actually have to treat me like a person. Judging by the scowl on his face, I doubted it.
The sun was warm the second we stepped outside, and Lucian led me to the car.
“Why are we heading into your office?” I asked as soon as he slid into the back seat next to me.
“Because I have the perfect job for you. You can put as little or as much effort into it as you like. You will have staff and people depending on you, but you will have the option to choose how busy you really are.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
He lifted the back of my hand to his lips and left a kiss. “Trust me, you are going to love this.”
He didn’t say another word until we pulled up to the massive high-rise, and I saw a mask almost slide over his face. He was mentally preparing for whatever war the day was going to bring.
A moment before, his posture had been relaxed, his fingers intertwined with mine. But by the time I was standing next to him on the sidewalk, his posture was rigid, his expression was intimidating, and all hint of the man who had held me in his lap was gone.
I thought for a moment that he was staring down someone, but when I looked, no one was there.
It was kind of sexy. I liked knowing that people feared my man, and more importantly, the softer side of him was for my eyes only. It made those very few tender moments all the sweeter.
Moments like when he’d washed me in the shower above the stable, how he’d held me after we made love last night, and how he’d teased me at breakfast.
He straightened his tie and walked into the building.
I had to practically jog to keep up with his long strides. It wasn’t until he hit the lobby that he slowed down and allowed me to walk beside him.
The lobby was covered in sleek marble and refined touches that screamed wealth and class. Even the security guards were dressed in black suits with red ties and were really only set apart by the earpieces they wore and the badges clipped to their breast pockets.
Lucian nodded to one of the guards as he escorted me past them to the elevators and hit the button for the top floor.
“Will you please tell me where we are going and what is happening?” I asked.
“Where is the fun in that?” The very corner of his mouth lifted in an almost half-smile. The second the doors opened, it was gone, and he was back to the cold, hard tyrant that I was sure all his employees knew and feared.
He marched straight into a conference room that already had a meeting going on.
Immediately, the energy shifted, and the man who was sitting at the head of the table moved and sat at the seat just to the right.
“Mr. Manwarring, I do apologize. I didn’t expect you to attend this meeting. We are going over some of the finer points of the day-to-day agendas, lower-level stuff that you need not concern yourself with?—”
Lucian held up a hand, and immediately, the other man stopped talking.
“I know very well what this meeting is about and everything that goes on in the day-to-day operations. Just because I may not attend the meetings doesn’t mean that I don’t read the minutes. In fact, Brian, there are some things we need to discuss privately in detail about what is and isn’t covered in the scope of your responsibilities. Taking new business to the board without running it by me will force me to relieve you of your duties.”
Brian’s face paled so quickly that I was expecting him to pass out on the floor. His mouth opened and closed a few times as if trying to find the right words.
“The rest of the people in this room, however, are doing a great job staying in their lanes and making sure everything runs smoothly. Brian, however, has decreased productivity, so Mrs. Miller, if you don’t mind, I think it’s best if you take over these meetings so Brian can attend to his other duties.”
“Yes, sir,” a middle-aged woman with a severe bun pulling at her face and cat-shaped glasses said.
“I am interrupting your meeting today to make a quick announcement. This is Miss Stella Deiderich. She will be taking over the Manwarring charitable fund. If you have any questions or concerns about galas or other fundraising events, or even how your department could make an effort, or in Brian’s case, save a little face, please discuss this with her. This is effective immediately. Now, please, Mrs. Miller, continue your meeting.”
I waved a little before Lucian took my hand and led me out of the conference room and back to the elevator.
“What did you just do?”
“I gave you a job that will give you purpose. Now, let’s go see your new office so you can get ideas on how you would like to decorate it. I suggest we start with a very large and sturdy sofa.”