Chapter 11 #3
She first saw it before the girls arrived, but there was no time to fret over it.
I kept it wrapped to hide it from the girls and Ms. Barnes, but now it’s exposed.
Violet doesn’t wait for me to respond but gets up and goes to the bathroom.
I hear the faucet run. Shortly, she’s back and climbing back on her side but sliding over toward me, taking my hand, and placing the cold cloth over it.
I hiss at the sting, but a few seconds in, relief settles into my skin.
“Thank you,” I rasp.
“I probably would’ve punched a wall too if Sanford told me what happened.”
I give a weak chuckle. “I’d beat the wall after for daring to hurt you.”
Her face sharply looks up at me. Those blue eyes flicker with colors and expressions. My other hand runs over the back of her head.
“What’s been going on in that head of yours lately?” I whisper.
Her eyes water, but she looks down and focuses on patting the cloth over my knuckles.
“Are you worried about having the girls full-time now?” I ask.
“No,” she shakes her head and looks at me again. “I love that they’re finally home, with you.”
“With us,” I remind her. “Even if it’s only for another five months.” My mouth tastes acrid saying the words, but she needs to know she has options. The decision is hers. She’s free to live her own life. Even if I bleed secretly every day she’s gone.
“If that’s what you want, yeah,” she says, and I’m confused.
“If what’s what I want?”
She sighs and removes the cloth. “It’s been a long, heavy day. We should go to sleep.”
When she turns back from setting the cloth on her nightstand, I gently pull her chin over to face me.
“Talk to me, Goldie. We’re essentially co-parenting three girls who will need a lot of sunshine to heal. So, I need to know what you’re thinking. If we’re doing this, we have to be honest about where we stand and where this goes.” I'd rather know now.
“Exactly, those three beautiful angels have had enough instability in their lives. Maybe I should start staying at my mother’s house some nights. Get them used to…you know.”
I drop her chin and lean back, trying to decipher her thoughts from her facial changes. “You want to end our marriage already?”
“No,” she rushes, taking my hand. “But, I think, we need to think about my leaving, and how that will affect them if it’s sudden.”
I nod, staring down at her hand holding mine.
“Of course,” I grunt, my throat closing in.
“You have a whole lifetime to live still. You being a mother figure wasn’t part of the deal.
You need to stay true to who you are, Goldie.
I won’t be like your father and hold you back from living your dreams.”
“What?” she whispers. I look up. “You’re nothing like my father. You have never demanded anything of me that I haven’t been willing to do in partnership with you.”
“And I lo–” shit.
She stares, wide-eyed. “You what?” she asks, her voice shaking.
Fuck it. If this is where things change and we start the road to the end, I’d rather she know.
“And I love you for that.”
She gasps. “Hud,” she breathes out.
“I do, Goldie. That may be the last thing you want to hear. This was not supposed to happen, but how the hell was I not going to fall in love with you? It’s so easy to love you.
You’re remarkable, and the girls and I are so damn lucky to know you.
I know, they’ll always have your love, even when you walk away. ”
“When I walk away?” she asks, looking bewildered.
“You’re young, Vi. I can’t ask this of you.”
“Ask what?” I don’t want to voice it out loud. “Ask what of me, Hudson? Tell me,” she states firmly. “Please,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
“Don’t cry, angel,” I whisper back, taking her face in my hands and resting her forehead against mine. “Letting you go will be the hardest thing I will ever do, but I will, for you. I love you enough to be happy that you’ll go out there and discover life and all you dream of.”
“But I dream of this,” she chokes on tears. “I dream of you and the girls and this beautiful house that feels more like home than my mother’s, which I fought so hard for.”
I pull back, searching her misted eyes, brushing tears off her cheeks with my thumbs. “What are you saying, Goldie?”
She takes my face in her hands as well. “I love you, Hudson Wilder. I’m telling you that I’m in love with my husband.”
My heart restarts, pounding against my chest. “But you’ve been so distant these last two weeks. I thought you wanted to leave.”
She shakes her head, releasing more tears. “I thought you’d want me to leave, and my heart was already breaking knowing I’d be so in love with you and those girls in five months' time, it would literally and violently rip a piece of my soul out to walk away.”
“Fuck, baby, I don’t want you to walk away. Ever.” I lean in and kiss her.
I pour every desperate plea and emotion into that kiss. “I love you, Violet Wilder. You’re my wife. I want forever with you.”
She kisses me deeper, whimpering and climbing into my lap. “I love you, Hudson Wilder, my husband. I want this. For real. Forever.”
“You sure?” I ask against her lips, leaning back enough to see her eyes. “This is a big ask. Loving me comes with three girls–”
“I love those girls,” she says.
“And they’re not going to have their mother for potentially a long time. They’re going to look to you, and love you more and more each day like a second mom.”
“I’m honored. I want that. I love that you’d trust me to step into that role for all of you.”
I dig my fingers into her short hair, causing a shiver to run down her body that almost feels like my own. “Marry me?” I ask.
She laughs softly against my lips. “I already did.”
“For real this time. I promised the girls they’d get to be there this time if we had a redo. I didn’t know then–that’s a lie–I didn’t admit to myself then how much the idea of that was a secret hope. So,” I kiss her, then pull away to bring her left hand between us.
I rub my thumb over her stacked rings that glisten in the low light. “Marry me for real this time, Violet Wilder. Be ours, forever.”
Violet brings my left hand up and kisses my black and onyx ring. “I’m yours, Hud. And you're mine. Yes, I will marry you.” She smiles through renewed tears. “Again.”
Smiling, I kiss her again, slow and deep.
I slowly peel her out of her PJs as she pulls down my pants.
Quietly and slowly, I make love to my wife.
This connection I’ve been overcome by from the moment she showed up at my door late November has only fused deeper into my cells.
She feels like a part of me, which is wild to grasp logically.
It’s been such a short amount of time, but feels like we’ve been on this path far longer.
Together, we’re going to give my girls so much love. I vow to keep this home a constant, for all of us. A safe space of peace, refuge, joy, and so much love.
But first, we all must heal and navigate the next few months. Us from this custody battle, and Violet and her dad as they decide the future of her family home. But we don’t have to figure it out alone anymore. We get to do it together.