Chapter 4
SUNSHINE
The lights were dim as I stepped onto the stage, covered in a vintage dress that looked like it had walked off the set of Bridgerton, but would inevitably become skimpier and skimpier until I was completely bare before the audience.
I had wondered for a long time if there was something wrong with me for finding comfort and power in this line of work after everything I had gone through.
However, it wasn’t until I started seeing one of the onsite counsellors across the road, despite opting to stay in my own apartment downtown, that I truly understood why.
It was because I never processed my trauma that, as an adult, I reenacted it to gain some semblance or illusion of control.
I was stuck in an unconscious cycle of revictimisation, but I wasn’t quite ready to pull myself out of it yet.
I still needed this. I’d spent so long viewing myself in a particular way, living in shame and confusion.
Stepping out of that was terrifying, but these moments were when I felt peace, when things made sense and when I held all the control.
The music transformed into the melodic and sultry tune I had chosen as the lights slowly came back on in time with the crescendo of the song.
I raised my head, looking at the end of the stage as I walked forward, swaying my hips and dragging my feather duster against me, but then I saw her.
I stumbled briefly, missing my cue as I stood still, completely struck.
My mystery girl was back; not only that, but she was sitting at the end of the stage, front and centre, watching me with a devious smirk on her lips and hunger in her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to keep moving and dancing, engaging with the crowd.
But, for some reason, I was too scared to approach her the way I did the others who lined the stage.
My eyes kept drifting to her though, more times than they should have.
My heart wasn’t in this dance, as my mind was consumed by thoughts of her trying to figure out what she was doing here.
I hoped she was here for me but that was a naive thought.
Every time our gazes met, I saw the slight tug of her lips.
She liked it when I looked at her while I danced for the others.
It wasn’t long until my set came to a close.
I stood at the end of the stage, breathless, as I posed while the lights faded to black.
Mystery girl stood and nodded towards the back, as if asking me to meet her there.
Was I perhaps reading far too much into this, or was that, in fact, an invitation? There was only one way to find out.
I hurried off the stage, changed in our employee lounge and then headed back onto the floor. I had to decline a few propositions and requests for private dances as I walked through the throng of people; there was only one person I wanted to dance for tonight.
Just before the entrance to the back private rooms, I found her leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking almost bored in all black.
She wore badarse leather lace-up boots, skintight jeans and a mesh long-sleeved crop top.
Joining her, I leaned on the wall next to her, taking in her long brown hair and sharp features.
‘What are you looking at?’ I asked, turning my body so that my breasts just grazed her crossed arms. She was a vision. Slowly, she turned her body towards me, raking her eyes over my body, from my toes, over my purple lace underwear and up my body.
‘Nothing, I was just waiting,’ she said in the most delicious tone.
‘Waiting for what?’ I asked, hoping the answer would be me.
‘My little ray of sunshine,’ she said, uncrossing her arms as she reached for my hand. My heart stuttered as a grin escaped me without warning.
‘Care for a dance?’ I asked, pulling on her hand as I pushed off the wall and led her to the back rooms. I took her silence as she followed obediently as a yes.
I found the most secluded room down two halls. It was strictly reserved for our VIP clients who booked at least an hour session, but tonight was slow, and no one would mind I was occupying it for a single dance.
I watched her eyes take in the details of the room.
On the far wall was a wide couch that could honestly double as a bed; there was a pole in the corner and a large TV on the wall beside us.
The walls were a crushed red velvet. It was a bit on the nose, considering the name of the club, but I did like the feel of it and the atmosphere it created.
‘What do you want?’ I inquired as I pushed her down onto the couch and circled to a stop in front of her.
‘You. All night,’ she breathed as she rested back onto her elbows, taking me in. I felt powerful.
‘Our longest dance is an hour. If you’re looking for someone for all night, I can find one of the girls from upstairs to come get you,’ I tested.
I wanted her—God, how I wanted her—but I wasn’t about to lose the only good job I had ever had by giving in to my baser instincts.
Besides, I wanted to see what she would do with the option.
If this was purely physical. Because for me, it insanely already felt deeper.
‘I’m not interested in anyone else or what goes on upstairs. I’ll take a dance, though. Do your worst,’ she challenged.
So that’s what I did. Moving in time with the rhythm of the music.
Like last time, she didn’t spare a glance at my body; instead, she stared right into my soul and shredded me to pieces.
I became a ball of want and need as I danced against her body, breathed in her sweet tobacco-tinged scent and touched her bare skin.
Once I had pulled off the last of my lace, she sat up straighter, eyes raking over the curves and planes of my body, drinking me in.
But her eyes didn’t linger where the others did.
Instead, she took in the planes of my skin—the dips and the grooves.
Not the tantalising things on full display.
Raising her fingers, she placed the tips of her nails on the outside of my thigh, dragging them ever so slowly up and over my hip.
I stilled, forgetting about the dance and tuning out the music as my breath became shallow, panting with each inch of skin she set alight.
She dragged her nails over my stomach and up my sternum, between my breasts, until her fingers curled around my throat.
She pulled me close until we were just a breath away.
If I only moved forward slightly, our lips would touch.
But instead, she held me in place, staring at them as she bit down on her own.
I couldn’t help licking mine as I salivated, wanting to taste her.
The movement set her eyes ablaze with desire.
Her fingers clenched my throat tighter, but instead of that familiar fear, it sent a rush through me.
There was no pain, just pleasure. I was in control of every moment of this game, and we both knew it.
Her left hand woke me from my trance as it trailed up the inside of my other thigh— slowly, ever so slowly—as my insides churned with need.
I couldn’t stop myself from squirming. I wanted to rub my thighs together and scratch this infernal need that was building and that I wouldn’t be able to sate.
She paused right before she met my opening; my breathing had got ragged but so was hers.
At least she wasn’t completely unaffected as she drove me further towards insanity.
Without warning, she gripped the inside of my thigh tightly, as her body shuddered. She was on the cusp of losing her own tenuous thread of control and something in me wanted to push her further.
Leaning forward, I whispered a moan into her ear, letting her know just what she was doing to me.
As her grip tightened on me, I spread my fingers into her hair then pulled, bringing her closer to me as our bodies collided, no longer hovering in this unspoken threshold that couldn’t be crossed.
As I clung to her and as she held me, her left hand now moving to the small of my back pushing me further into her as our bodies moved as one, we ground on each other.
I moved each of my legs on either side of her thigh and knowing exactly what I needed, she moved her thigh against me.
She held it there, allowing me to take control of my own pleasure.
I moved up and down her thigh, harder and faster as I gasped for breath.
Her hand let go of my throat and wound to the back of my hair as she pulled my head back, wanting to see my face; instead, I pulled her closer, burying her face in my breasts.
I needed to feel her against every inch of my body, since I couldn’t have her inside me, and I chased my pleasure against her leg.
My body wound tighter as I pulled her back and sunk my teeth into her shoulder.
My breath left my lungs and I crashed over the precipice of biting through my orgasm and the scream I wanted to release.
We sat like that for a few moments as we caught our breath and the ringing in my ears faded.
‘I think I’m in lust with you,’ I breathed, not comprehending what I had just done. I had broken so many rules but right now I didn’t care.
‘I can tell. So much for biting being against the rules.’ She chuckled.
‘Oh my God, I am so sorry!’ I stammered, reality hitting me in waves; I had just crossed so many lines and without her consent. What was wrong with me?! I stood, reaching for my lingerie, ready to bolt in humiliation.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ she asked as she gripped my wrist, pulling me onto the couch beside her.
‘I wasn’t complaining, Sunshine. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,’ she said so certainly, and sure, it almost made me believe her.
But I had heard those words from clients before as they got swept up in the moment.
This was the first time I had been as equally swept up and wanted her to feel how I felt.
Hope was a dangerous thing, though, and only led to disappointment and pain.
‘I should get back out onto the floor,’ I stammered, picking up my purple lace and fleeing without even putting them back on.
‘Scared? I didn’t peg you for the type,’ she called after me.
But she was dead wrong; I wasn’t scared.
I knew what it was to feel real terror, and this was a touch of embarrassment and nervousness at best. There was only one man I feared, and it’s why I had taken a job under Zane and the De Luca family.
I had heard the rumours of how he had created this safe haven, how he protected his girls and how he was the only man in the country who instilled blood curdling fear in everyone he came across.
No one dared to cross him or the people who worked for him unless they were asking to die.
No, what I felt now was disappointment in myself for wanting something, or someone. Least of all, someone I barely knew. I just couldn’t. My feelings had fooled me before, and they had nearly broken me in the most literal sense of the word.