Chapter 6
SUNSHINE
Iwaited all of five minutes before texting V after she dropped me off.
My hands were still shaking with the adrenaline from that kiss and the way she gripped my thigh as she sped through the streets at night.
I was dripping with need now as I laid in bed, rubbing my thighs together, while I typed out the perfect message, then deleted it, and retyped it again and again, finally settling on something completely unoriginal.
Sunshine: Thanks for tonight V.
Was my message pathetic? Yes. But nothing I could say was good enough, and my mind was a turbulent ocean right now, with crashing waves of confusion. It took thirty minutes for V to get home and reply to me.
V: I should be thanking you Sunshine. How are you feeling about my declarations? I know how your body felt, but I want to know how your mind is feeling about us.
Us. It was beautiful—terrifyingly beautiful.
Everyone I had ever been with always said “mine”, never “us”, and I loved it coming from V.
Could I trust it? I wanted to. I wanted to free fall into whatever this was and have no cares.
To be swept away, leaving my past dead and buried, but that’s not how my life had ever worked—especially not since I realised tonight that we came from very different worlds.
We may have both started from humble, if not traumatic, beginnings, but I was still stuck in that world, whereas V looked like she owned it and more.
Sunshine: It may be too early to start talking about us.
You barely know me. I barely know you and if I’m being honest I’m slightly intimidated after tonight.
We live in two very different worlds, V.
I don’t see how this works. Is there a connection?
Yes. Do you make me feel things I never have before?
Yes. Do I want you? Yes. But life isn’t that simple, my life is anything but simple and you seem to have it good right now.
I don’t want to drag you down to my level when you’ve transcended it already.
I fought sleep while waiting for her reply, but it seemed I had scared her off; soon, the heaviness of my eyes won out. This was for the best.
In the morning when I woke, there was still no response from V. It was a good thing, but some twisted part of me unfairly felt disappointed. I tried not to overthink my message and to avoid flinging myself against a wall due to the self-doubt and embarrassment that were itching at my skin.
A small part of me hoped I would see her at the shop again today, that she would need another brush or some paint. My contradictory feelings were making my head swim but I didn’t bother rationalising it.
I was slower getting ready, constantly checking my phone, but when I stepped outside my apartment to catch the bus, there she was. Leaning against her car in the cool morning air, smoking her cigarette between leather-gloved fingers.
I stood there staring at her for a few minutes, not quite understanding what was happening. Had I not sent that message last night? Was it all just some sick dream?
Her piercing gaze held mine, watching and waiting. Allowing me to take my time.
‘Jump in, I’ll give you a ride to work,’ she said, holding the door open as her shoe crushed the cigarette butt into the pavement when I approached.
‘Why are you here?’ I stammered, stepping forward but refusing to get into the car. ‘You didn’t even respond to my message last night.’ The moment I said the words, I wanted to take them back; they even sounded desperate and grating on my nerves. She owed me nothing.
‘I thought that conversation was better had in person. Let’s talk in the car, where it’s warm, Sunshine.’
I hesitated once more, but the way she said my name melted me a little. She said it with reverence. V pointed to a steaming hot cup of coffee sitting in the cup holder, waiting for me.
Her heated leather seats wrapped me up in a warm hug that set my nerves at ease.
‘Sunshine, I want to make this clear. I have no fucking idea what we are doing. I don’t know where it’s going or how it will work.
What I do know is I want to explore this, I want to know you and my God, I want to fuck you.
So fuck every excuse you can think of for us not to work.
There are a million more reasons we will.
As for your concerns about us living in different worlds, they’re unfounded.
I live in the same reality you do. We may live a little differently, but that doesn’t mean we can’t live this life together.
What are you so scared of? Tell me. Because I won’t leave you alone for reasons as flimsy as those. ’
I didn’t even realise I was smiling until her thumb traced my jaw, pulling me in and holding me until we were just millimeters apart from each other’s lips. I breathed in her scent, tinged with jasmine tea and the double shot long black she had been drinking, mixed with the dark aroma of tobacco.
‘Tell me,’ she whispered, holding my jaw in place so I couldn’t push forward, leaning into that kiss I so desperately wanted to feel again. It took a moment to unscramble my brain and remember what she had asked.
‘I can’t be hurt again. My ex, he hurt me. He broke me, and the moment he finds out I may be happy with someone, he’ll hurt you. I can’t be with anyone, not seriously, anyway. I can’t risk his wrath again.’
‘Oh, sweet girl, a man acting like a petulant child and treating people like toys is not something I have ever feared. You don’t know this about me yet, but there is no safer place for you than by my side.
I think it’s time you met my brothers.’ She smirked, radiating a confidence that made me relax a little.
‘Don’t you think that’s a bit rushed? I don’t even know your real name.’
‘It’s Valentina, sweet girl, but you can call me whatever you please.
Anything that comes out of those lips will be my favourite thing to be called.
’ Leaning into me, she kissed me deeply, slowly, exploring the corners of my mouth.
My concerns faded—that was what I had felt from the first moment I was in her presence; it was peace, it was safety and I was desperate for it.
‘There’s that smile again,’ she breathed against my lips. ‘Let’s get you to work.’
This car ride felt more comfortable than the last, but instead of relaxing I was overwhelmed with need as V’s fingers made their way up my thigh, searing my skin.
I wore skinny jeans, and I could feel everything as though my legs were bare.
This time she drew her fingers higher, grazing her knuckles over my slit.
I sucked in a breath which drew V’s gaze to mine.
She had a wicked grin and her eyes were aflame with a desire that I’m sure matched my own.
‘Tell me what you want.’ Her voice caressed my ears as her fingers lightly trailed over me.
‘You. I want you,’ I breathed, struggling for control until she pulled back slightly.
Our surroundings faded back into light, and we were sitting out front the art supply store.
‘Fuck!’ I huffed, slamming the back of my head against the seat and closing my eyes, trying to calm my mind.
I had work. V laughed at my frustration and that sound was entrancing.
‘When will I see you next?’ I asked. I was falling—hard and fast—and I wanted to spend more time with her.
I was infatuated with this woman, and minute by minute, I stopped caring about the things that had held me back with her.
I wanted something good in my life, and my God, was she a slice of heaven.
‘Tonight. I’ll pick you up at the end of your shift. Now go, before I lose my grip on the little restraint I have to let you go.’ It did things to me, to know I wasn’t the only one so affected right now.
Kissing her on the cheek and flashing her a smile, I left, stealing one last glance as I stepped into the store. She didn’t leave until I was safely inside. That gesture alone gave me hope. I felt safe, which was something rare for me.
A folded piece of paper lay on the floor as though it had been slid under there. Picking it up, I placed it next to the register to give to the owner.
The day was a blur, I kept thinking about the feel of V’s tongue, lips and fingers on me.
I wanted to feel more. I decided tonight that I would, so when she picked me up, I bounced over to her, leaned against her car, and flung my arms around her, kissing her cheek.
I would no longer be afraid to grab hold of what I wanted.
I had done that for so long that I was tired of it.
I hadn’t heard from Jason in months. Surely he had moved on after Z threatened him at the club when I first started.
Even Jason wasn’t stupid enough to cross my new boss.
V wasn’t surprised by my sudden change in demeanor; instead, her arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me in closer as she nuzzled into my neck, breathing in the scent of me.
‘V, can we grab some takeaway and go back to mine? Maybe snuggle up and watch a movie?’ I asked coyly.
V nodded but laughed, knowing there would likely not be much eating of food or movie-watching given the way I was plastered against her body, all but grinding on her. She never felt close enough. I needed her under my skin and inside of me.
My apartment was a rundown shoebox, probably nothing like the luxury she lived in given the price of her car.
But she had started where I had been, so I knew there was no judgement as she took in the mismatched furniture, most of which I had bought from garage sales or found on the street and cleaned up.
It was a small studio where everything, except for the bathroom, was in one big room.
The only saving grace were the high ceilings and large windows behind my bed.