Chapter 10 #3
‘She’s gone through some of the same things you went through with an ex.
She has a lot of bad memories. Ones she wants to erase.
She’s…she’s given me consent to do things to her.
Things he did. She wants me to replace all those bad memories with good ones, but I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.
I also just don’t know if I can tie her up or fuck her while she’s unconscious knowing those were the things that sick fuck did to her. ’
‘Oh wow, yeah okay. Look at the end of the day only she knows what she needs to move past that trauma. Everybody processes things differently and if this is her way, then you need to put your own feelings aside and give her what she needs. And look this might help her, it might not. But at least she will know you will listen to her, you’ll try anything to help her.
Just know it will hit her randomly regardless—five years from now, without a trigger in sight, it will all come flooding back.
Sometimes it’s not so easy to fully escape it, but you can outrun it for a time.
Help her in any way that you can and don’t overthink it.
Just be there however she needs you to be and give her the control.
Show her, she’s the one with all the power in this dynamic and she will always feel safe. ’
Sighing, the tension left my body. I knew those words to be true, but I needed to hear them from someone else for them to truly sink in. The idea of ever taking control away from Sunshine the way he did made my blood run cold.
‘Thanks, Ash. I don’t know what I would do without you two.’
‘Anytime. And V, cherish her. Truly cherish her.’
‘I will. I got to go, give my best to Matt.’
‘Will do but call him, he’ll be mad knowing you called me and not him.’ I laughed and hung up the phone. Letting out a tense breath I didn’t know I had been holding on to, I exhaled deeply. I would be anything my Sunshine needed me to be.
‘I have something for you.’ I said pulling Sunshine onto the bed beside me.
She looked at me with apprehension like all of this was too good to be true and she needed to be ready to run like she had her whole life, already churning through every worst-case scenario due to my serious tone.
I watched the gears in her mind turn as she talked herself down from that edge and reminded herself, I’m not him, I’ll never be him.
To give me a chance and breathe though that instinct that pulled her into fight or flight.
‘What is it?’ she asked curiously but cautiously. Slowly I dragged the box that was lying on our bed closer lifting the lid. A small gasp left her lips. She didn’t know how to react, I could see the hesitation.
‘It’s not for you. Well in a sense it is. I want you to use it on me.’ Her eyes widened in shock.
‘Um, I’ve never.’ She said biting into her lower lip, eyes dropping back down to the black leather harness and matching dildo.
‘I wanted you to know my words aren’t empty.
That I am wholly and completely yours. You own me Sunshine.
You hold all the power. You hold all the control.
So, let me submit to you.’ Heat flushed up her neck as her eyes narrowed in on me.
That worrying bite of her lip turned sharper as it morphed into one of arousal.
She liked when I handed her the reigns and I made note to get on my knees for her every chance I could get.
She responded with a searing kiss, one that had pure desire throbbing between my legs. We clawed at one another pulling at our clothes until there was nothing left, each of us laid completely bare. She pulled back panting with need, my own breaths heavy as I took in her beautiful form.
Her eyes dropped down to the box but there was uncertainty swimming in them. It was an intimidating contraption all black leather and metal buckles.
‘Here, let me.’ I said kneeling on the ground before her as she stood above me like the absolute Goddess she was.
As she stepped through, I dragged the harness up her supple legs, taking my time as I caressed her.
A shiver raked up her spine. Once it was on and she got used to the feel of it, her demeanour completely changed.
Hands on hips she looked down at me still kneeling at her feet.
A mischievous amusement lit her eyes as a smirk laced her lips.
‘Get me nice and wet for you.’ She said throwing me the lube that had been sitting in the box.
My insides clenched at the command. Her owning her power was quite possibly the sexiest thing I had ever seen and I would kneel before her until my knees were bloody if I got to catch a glimpse of her like this.
I did as I was told, coating her plastic cock with lube, never breaking eye contact. Her gaze heated my skin from the inside out.
‘Get on all fours.’ Oh, Fuck.
Scrambling onto the bed, I sunk down onto my elbows for her, arching my back and giving her a piece of me I had never given anyone.
The delicate touch of her fingers as they trailed down to the tight ring of unused muscle had me flinching in anticipation.
The cool liquid of the lube dripping on me and sliding down had me waiting on bated breath.
A single finger nudged against me, lightly, easing against my hole.
She pressed a little harder each time until I felt my muscle give way around her.
I sucked in a breath as pain lanced through me, and it wasn’t the fun kind.
‘Oh, fuck that hurts.’ I ground out barely above a whisper, not wanting her to stop. But she either heard me or saw the tension in every muscle of my body. She leaned forward kissing up my spine until I felt her breath against my ear.
‘I’ve got you baby. Relax for me.’ She whispered as she kissed my temple and stroked my hair.
I melted against her touch, our dynamic completely changing.
I had been the one to take care of her through the raw emotional pain she had just been through but here she was supporting me though an acute physical pain.
I nodded once, still tense and not trusting my voice.
I felt her push incrementally deeper. Bit by bit my hitched breathing eased.
Once the pain turned to pleasure, she added another finger bringing back the pain but stretching me wider, getting me ready for her.
She coated me in more lube as she added a third and final finger.
Entering me in a steady rhythm that had me panting.
‘That’s it.’ She said stroking my hair reassuringly.
She twined her hand in my hair and began to pull.
She waited to read my body language assessing if I was still there with her.
Seeing what she needed to, she began pulling my hair back, instinctively I arched my back creating space as she slipped her fingers out of me.
She hovered just outside of my entrance, the tip of her pressed against me.
‘Now take it like the good fucking girl I know you can be for me.’ She breathed into my ear before slamming into me.
There was pain but so much pleasure as she pulled back out then drove home once more keeping a steady and firm pace.
Not allowing me to take pause. I was immersed in her.
Drowning in the sensations she was evoking with her hands and the snap of her hips.
My moans built as did my pleasure the more I pushed through the sensations to take in the traces of her pleasure that seeped into the space around us.
Her shallow pants, her nails digging into my hips, her hold on my hair tightening as she braced trying not to lose herself, the uneven rhythm of her hips as she got close to her own climax as the toy rubbed against her clit over and over again.
‘You’re mine.’ She breathed as her grip tightened one more time, her hips faltering as she let out a low but rich moan that matched my own as she sunk into me deeper.
Gone was the edge of pain this had started with, now it was pure pleasure, but it wasn’t enough.
She reached in front of me fingers finding my clit as she ground into me and rubbed her middle fingers against my clit over and over again.
Up and down until my thighs jerked, muscles tensed and white exploded in my vision that radiated throughout my body. I slumped forward, limbs giving out.
Sunshine, pulled out of me, trailing her fingers over my back, laying sweet kisses between my shoulder blades.
‘Thank you.’ She breathed, tilting my head to the side so that I could face her as she laid down beside me.
‘I should be the one thanking you, that was something else.’ I said. She let out a light laugh.
‘You know what I mean, thank you for giving me this. Giving me you. All of you.’ Her soft supple lips pressed against mine, lingering there. Not forcing herself in, just basking in the moment and my presence. She took a deep inhale as she pulled back.
‘You’ll have all of me, always, Sunshine.’