Chapter 25
I’m Not Leaving Her
SHADOW
Seven Years Ago
An angry text message from Anders wakes me from a deep, restful sleep. I can’t remember the last time I slept in this late. I’m usually an early riser, even if I only manage a couple of hours. I smile, remembering last night.
Jessica was so happy. I love the way she interacts with Emily and Sixes and playfully banters with the twins and Ean.
She always includes me and Elijah. No one is left out when she’s around.
Most of all, I love seeing her smile, the way her face lights up when she experiences new things for the first time.
These past couple of weeks, I learned so much about her—she’s smart, observant, and kind. I can’t help falling more in love with her, so much more than just the bond between us.
For the first time since I can remember, I feel alive.
I feel free. Even the stupid voice in my head is quiet, and I haven’t had the urge to drink to keep my emotions under control.
Jessica is the antidote to my plastic existence, my roiling inner turmoil.
I plan to make myself a permanent fixture in her life and her in mine.
On his command, I enter Anders’s office.
The smell of aged books wafts in my direction, so different from the Alpha King’s office, which usually smells of parchment and pen ink.
He doesn’t look at me when I arrive. I didn’t use my magic, my mind too preoccupied with daydreams of Jessica in my life, possibly in the recruit program, and after.
My mind wanders to us exploring outside of the LS and the career options she could pursue.
No doubt my delay pisses him off since I usually show up at the drop of a dime.
“You requested to see me?” I ask, helping myself to a seat in front of his desk. I cross my legs, fold my hands in front of me, and school my face—well, to what my face looked like before. I wait for him to address me.
He sighs and throws his pen down on his mahogany desk, identical to the King’s. “What the hell has gotten into you?”
His dangerous tone should cause me concern, but I don’t let it deter my good mood. “Can you elaborate? I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Stop fucking playing games with me!” he shouts. “You took Jessica out of the territory, and last night you took her to a concert. A fucking concert!”
“Chris ensured there were fifteen guards present.”
Anders clenches his jaw. “You took my daughter out of the territory without my approval. You know damn well that you put her life in danger!”
“I had permission from her legal guardian.”
His face contorts in anger, and the temperature drops in the room. “She was on stage, singing! You put her life at risk by exposing her!”
“Charlie introduced her to the crowd as ‘little bird,’ his muse. As I mentioned, fifteen men were on standby, not to mention that Charlie and half of his band members are also guards. She wore a hat and sunglasses to disguise her identity, so no one recognized her,” I reply matter-of-factly.
He glares at me.
I should be afraid, but I’m not. He needs to understand that he can’t lock her up and isolate her from living life.
“I honestly don’t know what the hell has gotten into you,” he murmurs. Resting his elbows on the desk, he places his head in his hands. “First, the subtle changes, uncontrolled emotions, and rage. But this is like dealing with a defiant teenager.”
“I’m not trying to be defiant. I wanted to take her and our friends out for her birthday, which was ruined by that Powers girl.
She never asks for anything. She never asks to leave the territory or to go to Emily’s roller derby tournaments, or even the movies.
It’s good for her to see Charlie living his dream, a dream she helped him achieve.
If you saw Charlie’s face when we all went backstage to surprise him, you would understand that last night meant as much to him as it did for her.
I never experienced friendship like this before.
I wanted to do something with all of them.
They had a good time, and experiencing their excitement made me feel things I never have before. ”
Anders lets out a frosty breath and lowers his hands to the desk. “Explain to me the sudden decision to remove yourself from being Young Alpha?”
“You heard about that?”
“Yes. Your father called me last night.”
I need to toe the line, to be careful on how I respond, or I might end up dead.
But I won’t lie to him either. Shrugging my shoulders, I lean forward in my seat.
“I turn twenty-two soon. I haven’t experienced life the same as most young men my age.
Being Young Alpha prevents me from living a life I never thought I wanted before. ”
He studies me for a few minutes. “And when did you come to this realization?”
“Since I started to feel… feelings and no longer function as a walking, talking robot on autopilot. I want to live my life, and I want to enjoy it.” Enjoy it with Jessica.
“What does all of this have to do with my daughter?” And here we are. Nothing gets past this man. I don’t answer right away.
“I’m not an idiot, Shadow. Stepping down from the title of Young Alpha also changes the betrothal agreement. So not only are you free to live a life outside of your pack and territory, it also means you can freely choose your own mate.”
I shift my gaze to the floor, unsure how to navigate this conversation.
Tension radiates off of Anders. “Is Emily aware?”
“No. I haven’t spoken with her yet. But Troy assures me he will take care of her, and I will still be a part of her life to make sure of it. Troy is more afraid of me than he is of our own father.”
“Troy isn’t a natural Alpha,” he insists.
Neither was I before the accident. “He’s the second-born. It is rightfully his responsibility.”
Anders sighs and massages his forehead. “I don’t know what to do with you.”
“Did my father call you to change my mind?”
“No, nothing like that. He called to update me on the decision you both made. I think he mostly called to inquire about a little friend you’ve been spending quite a bit of time with recently,” he sneers.
I bite the inside of my lip to stop myself from grinning. Now I understand why I am here. In speaking with my mother, I let it slip that I was spending time with a new friend, a special female friend. Of course, my parents were nosy and interrogated Anders. Shit.
“She’s my daughter, Shadow!”
“I know. I tried to stay away. I can’t fight the pull, not anymore. She’s my true mate.”
His eyes narrow to slits.
I beseech him again, “She’s my true mate, Anders. She makes me feel alive, feel normal.”
“No. This ends now. Do you hear me?! This ends now!”
“I’m not you. I can’t just walk away and pretend that she doesn’t exist to me.”
“You think I did that on purpose!” he roars.
“Everything I did, every choice I made, was to protect her. You think it was easy for me to fight the bond, to fight my instincts to stay with her? It wasn’t, but I had to.
To. Protect. Her! I made so many fucking mistakes because I wasn’t strong enough.
I refuse to sit back and watch our blood curse destroy you both! ”
“I don’t believe in curses!” I spit back.
“Curses are made-up bullshit to control their victims! They instill fear to prevent an individual from living their lives to their fullest potential. Have you ever once sat down and thought about what your life could have been if you hadn’t let that bullshit curse influence the decisions you made? ”
Anders closes his eyes. Frost billows out from between his lips on his breath as he tries to regain control of his temper.
For generations, Anders’s family members experienced a tragic death of their true mate, and sometimes, it included the death of the family member themselves.
Alpha Agnus lost her true mate to death after being ambushed by an unknown gang.
Both of his parents and his sister were murdered during a home invasion by the Resistance.
It’s why he swore that he would never become mated to another for fear that this family curse would take away the one person he loved the most. But the Moon Goddess still matched him with a fated mate.
Even though he tried, he could never truly fight the bond that tied them together.
After I told Anders what I had learned from Sodie about his mate, instead of taking some accountability for his decisions, he swore it was the curse working against him. And now it’s pretty evident that he believes this curse will affect his daughter as well.
But I don’t believe in all of that.
“If you ask me, from an outsider’s perspective, you're miserable because of the choices you made out of fear, over something that doesn’t really exist.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” he grits between clenched teeth.
“From what I do know, every decision you made—the ones regarding you and your mate—boiled down to incidents that had nothing to do with your bond. The Resistance and the White Hunt existed before you were even born. They had nothing to do with you or the fact that you found your true mate. Everything that occurred, you believed it related to the curse. That’s why curses carry so much power—they infect into your brain until you start weaving isolated incidences into some supernatural bullshit, affecting every aspect of your life. ”
His hands clench into fists on his desk. The temperature drops to near freezing. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he repeats in a low, threatening tone.
“You know I’m right. Every decision you made was of your own doing and had nothing to do with a supposed curse. I’m not going to let what-ifs and some hovering, bogus curse rule my life.”
“I’m warning you, Shadow. End this. Don’t let it progress beyond friendship.”
It’s too late. I’m already in deep. I’m not going to let him know that. I respect what he thinks he’s doing for her, but I won’t stop living my life. “Curses don’t exist. I will prove to you that this one doesn’t.”
We glare at each other in silence. After a few moments, I stand from my seat. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Anders snaps.
“Is there anything else to discuss?” Frankly, I’m done with this conversation. He won’t listen, not today anyway.
“I don’t approve of your relationship with my daughter. If you want to keep your position among the guards, I suggest you straighten your priorities.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I wait for the rest of his lecture.
“It’s against the bylaws for a guard to enter into a relationship with a member of the royal family. If you continue this relationship, I will have no choice but to terminate you. Since you are no longer a Young Alpha, you do not have a title to exempt you from that rule.”
I grind my molars together. Does he honestly think removing me from the guard will stop me from being with my true mate?
His glacial blue eyes practically burn a hole through me.
Then, a thought occurs to me. Jessica needs training, whether it’s here among the recruits or in Ryukyu. If I play this right, I could sway his decision in Jessica’s favor.
“Fine—on one condition. You either allow Jessica to enter the recruit program, where she can be trained in self-defense and magic, or send her to the Academy in Ryukyu.”
It’s only a couple of years. I can still maintain my relationship with Jessica in secret, and once the new recruit program is established, I can step down to inactive duty or pull out completely if necessary. Leaving Jessica is not an option.
“Don’t play games with me, Shadow. I see the wheels turning.”
“I’m not playing games. I’ll quit if that’s what you want. I’m thinking about what is best for Jessica.”
He wipes his hand down his face. “Elias and Chris have been up my ass about Jessica’s entrance into the recruit program.
” He pauses. “Get it done, before I change my mind. The program starts on June first. That’s ten days.
I expect to conduct her second interview in a few days. ” He waves his hand, dismissing me.
I dip my head in acknowledgement and turn to leave. Just before I reach the door, he clears his throat.
“Shadow, if I catch you touching my daughter, if I receive word that anyone suspects something going on between the two of you, I will rip off your dick and make you eat your balls for breakfast. So help me, Shadow, do not take my warnings lightly. Your relationship ends now.”
I don’t turn around to face him when I answer, “Yes, sir.”
For the first time in all the years I have known him, I want to salute him with my middle finger before I slam the door closed.