Chapter 54
Shiftless
JESSICA
Six Years Ago
According to Alpha Agnus, during the Victorian era, a debutante ball was a way to present a fully transitioned young woman at the age of eighteen to society in hopes of finding a suitable mate or a true mate. But, in the LS, instead of a debutante ball, they held hunting parties.
Sounds horrible, right? That’s because it is.
During the summer, the Alpha of the pack would gather all the eligible young female shifters between the ages of eighteen and twenty and force them to stand naked in the middle of nowhere.
Then, they would release the unmated eighteen-and-older male shifters to hunt for their mates.
In my case, though, I didn’t shift at the age of sixteen like most girls, and now that I am eighteen, I still haven’t shifted.
Now that I have refused to take all hormone replacements, I’m not sure I ever will.
I guess it’s a good thing that we are no longer in the Victorian era because the pack would cast me out and label me as a human—non-shifter.
I would be forced to live a life as less than a rogue shifter.
Despite my inability to shift, Tyler still loves me and has accepted me for who I am.
With his love and encouragement to help me to discover my purpose in life, he has boosted my confidence.
I am grateful to the Moon Goddess for blessing me with his presence in my life.
Together and with Alpha Agnus’s nudges, we have been slowly discovering my strengths and what career path I would like to navigate.
My confidence has been growing by leaps and bounds.
I no longer feel like that lost, homeless girl, left with scars sitting on that clinic bed.
Tyler's voice fills the quiet of my bedroom as I replay his voice message again. I also reread our text message exchange. He said he would be here when he was done, but he never came.
Maybe I’m overthinking it. He has a life outside of the guard and me. It’s just not like him not to send a message. Even Emily hasn’t heard from him, and she blew up his phone throughout dinner.
Emily fell asleep on the opposite side of my bed, her phone resting on her chest. She’s worried about him too.
I reflect on our time together in the early morning hours. Did I push him too far? Say or do something that made him uncomfortable? But if I did, would he have called me and left a message after Peaches’s trial?
I replay his voicemail message for the hundredth time. There are no changes in his voice or tone that would make me feel that my paranoid thoughts were true.
I think back to Sixes’s experience with the guy who dumped her after they had sex. We didn’t have sex, but we were more intimate than we ever had been. I shake my head, refusing to believe Tyler would do that to me. He’s not like that—he wouldn’t hurt me.
Pushing that thought away, I place my phone on my chest and stare up at the ceiling and pray that I will hear from him soon.
My phone buzzes, and without looking at the caller ID, I answer it. Jumping out of bed, I rush to my bathroom. “Hey, how are you doing? Everything okay?” I rush out in one breath. Trying to sound calm and collected like I wasn’t worrying about him the whole time.
“Uh, yeah... everything is great. How about you?”
I frown at the voice on the other end of the line. This isn’t Tyler. I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the caller ID. It’s Luke. Oh, shit, it’s Luke! I clear my throat and answer him. “Good. Great. And you?”
He chuckles. “You asked me that already. You didn’t know it was me. Right?”
I laugh awkwardly, trying to calm my racing heart. Perceptive punk. He still gets a rise out of me, even when he’s nice. “Yeah. I thought you were someone else. Guilty.” I try to say it in a confident yet joking way to avoid a fight. But who knows with this prick?
“Who calls you after midnight?”
Why are you calling me after midnight? “I don’t know—my music producer, Charlie, or a friend. You know with the time difference and everything…”
“You have friends outside of the guards and recruits in a different time zone?”
I scrunch my face and shake a fist toward the phone. Agitation quickly replaces my tentative calmness. “What do you want, Luke?” I say on a sigh, letting him know that he’s getting on my nerves.
He sighs. “Right. The reason I’m calling—”
“Yes. That would be helpful, unless you called just to piss me off.” Like you always do. Usually, he calls one of the twins or dad. We bicker back and forth between one of them. He never calls me directly.
“I’m calling to wish you a happy birthday,” he says softly, almost apologetically.
I instantly regret that last snarky comment. “Oh, well, thank you.”
He clears his throat. “Did you get my gift?”
Gift? My brain was so preoccupied with worry when Tyler didn’t show that I was a little distracted. I asked everyone not to get me anything. I just wanted a nice family dinner to enjoy their company. I don’t remember opening anything from Luke.
“I don’t think I did.”
“Wait. The twins didn’t give you my gift?”
I received some cards, and my mother gave me a coupon for a mother-daughter spa trip. Owen gave me a necklace, which I need to remember to talk to him about.
“Was it a card?”
“No. You didn’t get it. It’s hard to miss. A card was with it, though. They must have forgotten. I sent it last week. Do me a favor and check my room.”
His room? Ugh, this must be a setup. “Nah. Pass. I don’t want to be accused of stealing something.”
“Jess, please. Just go to my room and check. I won’t accuse you of anything,” he pleads.
Guilt crawls up the back of my neck. “Fine,” I huff and step into the hallway. Before I walk in, I switch our phone call to video. His handsome face flashes on my screen. Gods, he’s not wearing a shirt. He smiles. Ugh, that dimple. Why must he be so stinking good-looking?
“Okay, go inside.”
I roll my eyes and tentatively open his door.
“Stop.”
Before crossing the threshold, I freeze.
“Why do you still look like that?”
I frown. I look down at my clothes. Earlier, I changed into a simple cotton camisole and matching boxer shorts.
I’m not wearing a bra so I raise the phone to focus on my face.
I catch the image of myself in the upper corner of my phone.
I’m still wearing light makeup and my short hair is still styled in a girly way.
I tuck my hair behind my ear and frown at him. “Were you planning on meeting someone?”
“No! I looked like this at dinner, and I haven’t washed my face yet.” I reach for the door handle and forcefully close the door. “Forget it, Luke.” I bring the phone down to hang up.
“No! Wait! I’m sorry. You look very pretty. I’m sorry if I insulted you, again.”
My finger hovers over the End button. His eyes are squeezed shut as if he regrets what he just accused me of. Why does he do this to me all the time?
“Please, just go in my room and check if your gift is in there.”
Without answering him, I open his door, turn on the light, and walk in.
His room is neat, neater than mine and a hell of a lot cleaner than the twins’ room.
Luke hasn’t been home for a few months, but his room still smells like him.
I hate that I like it. It makes me feel.
.. safe. Quickly, I scan his room and find a long box on his bed. I turn the camera pointedly at the box.
He confirms, “Yeah. That’s it. Open it.”
“Okay. I’ll call you back.”
“No! Just set the phone on the nightstand. I kind of want to see you open it.”
Sighing, I situate the phone and realize I need to put a shirt on or something. A hooded sweatshirt hangs on the back of his desk chair. I rush over and pull it over my head. It smells like him—beragamot, freshly cut grass, and cool water. I love wearing his stupid hoodies.
What the hell is wrong with me? I have a boyfriend whom I am madly in love with.
“Not exactly dressed for public viewing,” I mumble as I stand next to his bed and start to open the box.
It's heavier than I expect. Within the cardboard box is a lacquered case with a geisha sitting near a water’s edge.
The reflection staring back at her is not her own but of a white wolf instead.
“A white wolf shifter,” I whisper, running my hand over the painting. “This is beautiful. Why a white wolf?”
He clears his throat. “Open it, first.”
I gently lift the lid. Inside is an archery set, a katana, a tanto, and a pair of sai—traditional Japanese and Okinawan weapons. I remove each one and admire the craftmanship. Surprisingly, the tanto is lighter, and shorter than our training blades. It fits my hand like it was made for me.
I flick my gaze over to the phone, checking to see if he’s still there. He watches me intently. I bite my lip as I hold the tanto, loving how it feels. These are beautiful and fit me so perfectly.
“There’s a place in the village near the school that makes traditional Japanese and Okinawan weapons.
I heard you struggled in the beginning because the weapons are a bit heavy and large for you.
Thought this might help when you test out for the finals next month.
The swordsmith’s wife is the artist. He forges the weapons, and she paints the case based on her visions for the one who will wield them. The card should explain a little more.”
I return everything to the case and gingerly close the lid. I trail my fingers over the painting. “Thank you,” I whisper. “This means a lot to me.”
“Happy birthday, Jess. I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.” Tears well behind my lids. I don’t want him to see just how much this gift affects me.
“I hope that this could be, umm, a sort of peace offering. I know that you and I, well, I... I started things off on the wrong foot. I just want you to know that I’m in your corner. I want to see you succeed.”
The tears begin to fall, and I turn my face away from my phone and just nod briskly. Using the sleeves of the hoodie, I wipe my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Jess. I really am. I would like to come home in a couple of weeks, without you leaving just to avoid me.”
Crap. He knew. I wanted to be subtle about it, so no one else felt they had to choose.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but I’ll do my best to make it up to you.”
I nod again, wiping my face.
“Hey, please look at me. I feel like I’m talking to myself.” He laughs nervously.
I face the phone, looking down.
“Jess, look at me.” I look up with just my eyes, and his expression holds so much pain. “I’m sorry.”
I watch him sit there. “I don’t know what to say,” I whisper
His face falls. “Just tell me that you will give me a chance to start over. You will at least try.”
I know that the animosity between the two of us hurts our parents and the twins.
I’m not sure I can trust him completely.
If I give in, will it seem like I’m a pushover?
He accused me of so many things that I didn’t do.
He also hurt me, when I could have used his support.
All the memories resurface, and doubt creeps in.
He closes his eyes as I remain silent.
“There are two conditions,” I tell him.
His eyes fly open, and he leans forward. “I’m listening.”
“I can’t guarantee that my mouth won’t get the best of me, especially when you irritate me.”
“Okay, I can handle some snark.”
“If you ever lay a hand on me again, I will fry your ass so that all that remains are ashes.”
He lets out a long, shaky breath and runs a hand through his golden-blond hair. “If I ever touch you like that again, which I won’t, you have my permission to fry my ass. Do your worst. I would deserve it.”
I study him, assessing his sincerity. The emotions reflect in his eyes. What he did bothers him. My gaze flickers back down to the lacquered case. He put a lot of thought into this gift. “When you get home, I’ll be here. It’s the only thing I can promise right now.”
Relief washes over him, and he gives me a big smile. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for my gift. I’m gonna kick ass during the finals.”
“I have no doubt that you will.”
I flash him a mischievous smile. “Oh, and this is mine now.” I pull at the front of the hoodie. “I admit to theft because I’m stealing it.”
He smirks. “Help yourself to all my hoodies, especially if it makes you smile like that.”
I blush. “Good night, Luke.”
“Good night, Jess.”
I return to my room with my new gift in hand, content that Luke and I will work past whatever started our feud.