Chapter 58
A Kind Gesture
JESSICA
Six Years Ago
Ireplay Odyssey’s account of Reggie’s memories in my head over and over. Even though Elias reassured me that, if anyone can survive an attack, Shadow is the one. I know he was trying to comfort me.
I’m not so sure. I can’t feel him in my heart. The bond we developed over the past several months has disappeared.
I rub my puffy eyes as I walk down the hall to my dorm room, and I accidentally bump into a solid body. “Shit. I’m sorry,” I mumble.
“Jess, you look awful. When was the last time you ate something?”
I blink up at Owen, looming over me. Then, I blink back tears. “This morning?” It comes out more as question than an answer.
“No. You barely ate breakfast, and you missed lunch. Last night, you picked at dinner and barely touched your lunch before that. You were at home for breakfast, so I didn’t see you eat then, either. Don’t tell me the last time you ate was your birthday dinner.”
I shrug.
He grabs my arm and pulls me down the hall. “Come on. Let’s find you some food.”
“The dining room is closed,” I grumble under my breath.
“I’m still on kitchen duty for a couple more days. I have the keys.”
I wince at the reminder, and memories of my last conversation with Tyler resurfaces again. Tears threaten to spill all over my lashes, and I rub my eyes with my jacket sleeve.
“I know that everything going on is on a need-to-know basis.” He stops walking and turns to face me. “I can keep a secret, if you need to talk it through. I know as the Princess, Shadow’s your guard. He’s missing, and that guy showing up close to death must weigh on you.”
I avoid looking at him. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone. If anyone discovers that Shadow and I were secretly dating for the past several months, he could get into so much trouble, not to mention the disappointment of my parents, the Leads, and Anders. Especially Anders.
He warned me before I started the program that if he found out we did anything behind his back, Tyler would lose his position among the guards. I can’t do that to him. I bite my lip, contemplating how much I can tell Owen.
“You can talk to me, Jess.”
Tears slide down my cheeks. “About a year and a half ago, I was kidnapped and missing for several days. Shadow… he… went out of his way to search for me.” My voice breaks, and the tears fall harder.
“He practically searched the entire world for me. He was the one who found me when my body washed up on shore near one of the piers.”
“Shit,” he breaths out and envelops me in a hug. “I’m sorry you went through that.”
“I feel so useless,” I sob. “I’m just standing around, doing nothing, while he’s missing. I need to find him. I need to know he’s okay.”
He rocks me softly in his embrace. “The Leads will find him,” he murmurs against my hair. “In the meantime, you need to eat. You’re not going to be useful if you starve yourself to death.” He releases me from his embrace, wipes my tears with his thumbs, and leads me to the dining hall by the hand.
The kitchen hosts a walk-in refrigerator and freezer.
Industrial-sized ovens grace the walls. Stainless steel counters and a large commercial flat grill adorn the opposite side of the kitchen.
It is designed to feed an army. With the way the recruits eat, it makes sense to furnish a kitchen of this capacity.
Owen releases my hand and moves around the kitchen with ease, grabbing dry items off the shelves and placing them on the counter before disappearing into the walk-in fridge.
When he returns, he blushes. “I only know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Unless you want me to reheat some leftovers from dinner?”
“Grilled cheese sandwiches sound perfect.” I could use the distraction, even if I don’t feel hungry. Owen is right. I need to eat. If Tyler was here, he would make me eat something.
He slides a glass of water in front of me and offers a shy smile. He cuts an apple and arranges the slices in a bowl. “Start with this.”
I smile down at the bowl. He remembers I like to eat my apple cut into wedges.
“You caused quite a commotion earlier today, showing up in the foyer flashing that fancy thing.”
“Oh, you mean the bralette? Yeah. That wasn’t exactly planned. I’ve been a little off lately.”
He butters several slices of bread. “Is something going on between you and Odyssey?”
I nearly choke on my slice of apple. “What?”
“I mean, I know that after you were accused of murdering that man at the bar, the two of you argued less, and he hasn’t picked on you as much. You didn’t tell me that he knew you were a girl.”
“He doesn’t, or didn’t, until today.”
“You don’t have to lie to me. It’s fine that he knows.” He turns away from me to warm up the grill.
“Why do you think that something is going on with me and Odyssey?”
“When the guy showed up, asking for you, I was heading to your room to get you. I saw you and Odyssey coming down the stairs, followed by Darwin, and he looked upset.”
“Who looked upset?”
“Darwin. His face was all flushed. He kept giving Odyssey the side-eye, and you looked just as flustered.”
I bark out a nervous laugh. I can’t exactly tell him that I shot a stupid ball of magic out of me and made Odyssey telepathic.
Owen’s face falls.
I blow out a breath. “I have a habit of wearing my girly underwear in the privacy of my room. It’s the only chance I have to feel like a girl, and the bindings hurt.
Anyway, I forgot to lock my door, and Odyssey barged in, looking for me, because Reggie showed up and demanded to talk to the Princess. Darwin showed up shortly after.”
“Reggie?”
“He’s Shadow’s personal assistant at the firm.”
He clears his throat. “Yeah. You have a habit of not locking doors. That’s for sure.” He blushes and resumes collecting items on the counter.
“I would have told you if Odyssey knew. I told you about Skunk and Elijah.”
He lets out an audible breath. “Sorry. I just liked knowing that I was the only one of the recruits who knew. Elijah is practically family to you, and Skunk knew because of his brother from the previous class. I liked keeping your secret. It was like my secret, too.”
I nod and munch on the rest of the apple. Tyler’s warning pops into my mind. We’re just friends. Right? Should I ask Owen? The necklace he gave me the other night is something a man would give to a girlfriend. How do I bring it up?
“I’m not sure if you know this, but Alexis is quite observant and has been studying your fighting moves for a while now. The recruits sneak out after curfew so that they can practice and keep up with you.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. It’s how they’ve all been staying on top of the scoreboard. So, when it came out that you were a girl—the Princess, actually,” he laughs, “it was quite a shock.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Nah. I think it put a lot of things in perspective, like how you were a bit standoffish from the beginning. Some of the guys made comments about how you put them to shame with your mad skills. I think for the most part, you really earned their respect. I mean, you have been motivating them to work harder, even if they all hated it. But now, I think it’s different, for some of them at least.”
“Different how?”
He shrugs. “You can’t expect to protect the royal family if the Princess can kick your ass. I get the sense that some of them want to work even harder now. And I, uh, think I should warn you that some of them may want to date you now.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing that it’s against the bylaws for a royal family member to date one of the guards.
” Gods, in some way, I hope he hears the underlying message, but at the same time, I’m a hypocrite.
I’m dating a guard. Guilt settles in my throat, making it hard to swallow the apple.
“Right, the rules, except a royal can date a guard if he’s on inactive duty. Or if they have a title, like Young Alpha.”
“How do you know that?”
“I looked into it.”
“Oh.” I don’t know what else to say. We fall silent while he cooks the sandwiches.
“Can I ask you something?” he asks, breaking the awkward tension between us.
“Sure,” I mumble around a bite in my mouth, bracing myself for his question.
“When you were kidnapped, is that when you got all of those scars on your back?”
I set another apple slice back in the bowl.
“I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. It’s… I’ve—”
“You were wondering about it since you saw the scars?” I finish for him.
He nods, focusing intensely on flipping the sandwiches on the hot grill.
I clear my throat and pick at my nails. “I was found two years ago, near the boundary of Emerald Territory, practically beaten to death. My brothers and Anders, I think, were the ones to find me. I don’t remember what happened to me or the life I had before I was found.
Doc says it’s dissociative amnesia, most likely due to the trauma I experienced.
I have nightmares—bits and pieces of being chased by wolves in the forest—and sometimes, I remember being beaten and a group of people shouting over me.
Sometimes, something will trigger a reaction, and I’ll hear these voices in my head, saying these horrible things.
Other than that, nothing—no memories. I didn’t even know my real name.
The only clue I had was the letter G written on the tag of my clothing I was found in. ”
The knife in his hand clatters to the counter. His hand starts bleeding.
I rush toward him, grabbing a nearby towel. “Let me see.”
“I guess my career as chef is out,” he jokes. His hands shake.
I apply pressure to stop the bleeding.
“How are you still alive?” he mutters under his breath.
I look up into his brown eyes. I can’t decipher the emotion I find there. Maybe fear or worry.
He takes the towel with his free hand and peeks at the wound. “I… uh… should have this looked at. It’s pretty deep.” He takes a step back. “I need to… uh… go.” He moves quickly to the door.
“Owen? Did I say something wrong?”
“No. I’m just going to the clinic. I’ll be right back. You should eat while I’m gone.” He leaves me alone and confused because he’s a transitioned shifter. His hand would heal without medical attention.