Chapter 60
The Old Me
SHADOW
Present Day
Ihave about twenty minutes to freshen up for my second-chance introduction.
I am absolutely livid. If Dimitri wasn’t in the room with me, Owen—that asshat—would be dead right now.
It took all my will and control not to end his fucking life.
I knew it back then, and I know it now. He was always in love with my Princess.
I place my hands on the bathroom vanity and take several deep breaths. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I grumble to my reflection. I’ve come such a long way from the twenty-two-year-old kid who couldn’t handle all the different emotions reintroduced to me.
Since then, I built a reputation that scares anyone who even thinks about me.
I’m a ruthless, fearless Alpha of the Obsidian Pack.
If anyone can afford my services, I’m merciless, cutthroat in court.
When it comes to Jessica, though, I can’t seem to rein it in.
This jealousy I always harbored toward Owen brings out the worst part of me.
I splash water over my face and grab the nearest towel. “What if she doesn’t choose me? What if everything I did to keep her safe ends it all?”
Do you believe that she doesn’t love you anymore? Based on the intense sex, I think she still has feelings for you.
“She’s afraid of me. I felt her fear.” In every encounter I have had with her through the years, she’s always been afraid of me. The knot sitting low in my abdomen tightens with that reminder.
I remove my shirt and lay it on my untouched bed.
Standing before the full-length mirror in my room, I inventory every single one marring my skin—constant reminders of that nightmare I survived six years ago.
I finger the fading scar in the crook of my neck, the only scar I didn’t receive during that time in hell.
A soft knock on the door breaks through those memories. Sixes stands in the threshold, and I move to the side, letting her in. Her smile indicates she holds some kind of secret, but it fades as she sees my scars.
“I brought you an outfit to wear. I think it will meet Carmen’s approval,” she explains.
I take the garment bag from her, expecting her to leave.
She crosses her arms. “What snuck up your ass?”
I huff. She sounds exactly like Emily.
She raises a brow waiting for my answer. “Well?”
Just tell her. Otherwise, she won’t leave. Besides, if she’s an ally, it might improve your chances at winning Jessica back.
I turn away from her and rub the back of my neck. “I saw Jessica kissing Owen Kaminari.” I wince at how juvenile I sound, like I’m tattling.
She snorts, covering her mouth, and clears her throat. “You realize that this is a dating game, and she has the right to explore how she feels about some of the other contestants. That may or may not include kissing.”
My right eye twitches. “Forget it,” I mumble and hang the garment bag on a hook on the closet door.
In the reflection of the mirror, she holds up both hands. “Alright. Fine. But you needed to hear that because that’s how it’s going to be for the next several weeks. I’m sorry you had to see that, though.”
I turn around to face her.
Studying me with her eyes, she continues. “Now use your words and tell me exactly how you saw them kissing, where, and what about it made you twist your panties in a knot.”
Now she really sounds like Emily. I miss her so much. I wish she was here to help get me through this like she always had.
“I know I’m not Emily, but I know your secrets. I’m still your friend,” she says softly.
“Fine…” I sigh in defeat. “I ran into Dimitri, coming in after his introduction. Truth is I was a little pissed he was here.”
“Why? Because you thought that little loophole your brother discovered in the betrothal contract was enough to keep him away?”
Why do people ask questions when they already know the damn answer? “Partly. He’s also one of my closest friends, and he knows how I feel about Jessica.”
“So you were hurt, but let’s not talk about your real feelings. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I pulled him to the side to talk, but we both saw Marcus and Wills walking down the hall. I transported both of us into a room so we could eavesdrop on their conversation. But it didn’t take long before someone else entered the room.
Dimitri used his shield so the other person couldn’t detect us. The room was also dark enough to hide.”
“That person was… Owen?”
I nod.
“What were Marcus and Wills taking about?”
“Nothing important. Marcus was bitching about one of the Northern A Alphas boasting how he didn’t need to try very hard because he already felt a connection. They were just Alpha shaming a bunch of the smaller territory Alphas and the Northern A group. That’s when Jessica snuck into the room.”
“Let me guess. She didn’t notice the audience already waiting in the darkened room.”
“No, not until Owen made himself known… and kissed her.”
“Okay. So he kissed her. What’s the problem?”
“She kissed him back. She allowed him to touch her.”
“I see. He always did like her, maybe even more than like her. I told her, all those years ago, on her eighteenth birthday when he bought her that infinity necklace.”
“Infinity necklace?”
“Yeah. Back then, it was equivalent to an engagement ring for teenagers. Not that they could afford it. The stupid thing costs an arm and a leg.”
My brows pull together. Why does that sound familiar? “I’m fucked. I’m so fucked.” I run a hand through my hair.
“Why don’t you just tell Jessica what you’ve been doing for the past six years?”
“I’m in too deep. There are things I still can’t tell her. Not yet… I just want her back.”
Her mouth sets in a thin line. “What I say next might hurt, but just hear me out. You realize that she has been with other men. Right?”
“Yeah. Thanks for the reminder, Sixes. I already know that. At one point, half of her life was posted on every news channel and social media outlet.”
She holds up her hand. “My point is that it’s been a long time since you two were together. I’m sure you had other women, too. So just tell her the truth. Start with a clean slate.”
“You know better than anyone that my marriage to Emily was a piece of paper honoring our contract, and our children were brought into this world through surrogacy. There were no other women. Just her!” I snap, disgusted at her insinuation that I would ever lay a hand on anyone else but Jessica.
Her eyes widen in surprise. “No one else? Oh, Shadow, now I understand why this is so hard for you.” She tilts her head and studies me for several seconds. “I miss the old you.”
“The old me?” I scoff. “The cardboard cutout version of me?”
“No. I mean the version of you that hung out with us for a week after Jessica’s seventeenth birthday, the one who used to sneak around to meet Jessica at night when you thought everyone was asleep.
You used to lurk in the shadows near the music room to listen to her sing.
You made her smile, and her eyes brightened whenever she talked about you. ”
“Hate to disappoint, but that version of me is gone.”
She frowns and shakes her head. “I think he’s still in there, tucked away.”
“He’s gone, Sixes. I don’t want to be him, not anymore.” Because it hurts too much.
“Well, that’s too bad because I think that version of you would give the rest of the contestants a run for their money. I also think that’s what Carmen asked of you to stay in the game.”
I groan in irritation and turn away from her to finish getting ready. That damn interview put me in a mood, and I still need to do this second introduction. “Sixes, as much as I like you, I don’t want to get dressed in front of you. As I already told you, I’m a one-woman kind of man.”
“Yeah, I know. I caught your scent all over her bedsheets. Fucking savage. Fucking alone won’t get you points in this game.
She might have an ulterior motive, but at the end of all of this, she still needs to choose a mate.
So, you need to jump on this bandwagon or eat dust because the men she’s meeting tonight will be your biggest competition. ”
I stop, absorbing what she just said. My Alpha energy starts to leak through my pores. I spin around, ready to bite her head off.
“Sixes,” I growl.
She lifts her head in defiance. “You aren’t my commanding officer, Shadow.
Don’t forget I've known you practically my whole life. So don’t pull that Alpha shit on me.
If you want to go on pretending that you’re not her lawyer, or that you didn’t have a hand in directing some of the things that occurred in her life, or the fact that you have always protected her, then that’s on you.
What are you going to do when she chooses a mate who is not you?
You still plan on sneaking into her room when you think everyone is asleep or meet her at the club for a secret rendezvous?
You still plan to be a part of her life, lurking in the shadows? ”
I take a threatening step forward, curling my lip as another growl vibrates in my chest.
She doesn’t cower like most people. She stands her ground, and I’m not used to it.
“All I’m saying is that your story doesn’t have to end the way it did.
It doesn’t have to continue the way it has.
I believe a part of her is still in love with you, even if it has been years.
You’ll never truly know unless you try.” She holds out her hand, and a familiar jewelry box sits in her palm.
I don’t need to open it to know what’s in it. I stare down at the box and hesitantly pick it up. “How? I tossed it after I...”
“I know. I was there. I knew you would regret it when you sobered up. And I was right because a few days later, Emily and I returned to your apartment to find it trashed because you went looking for it.”
I turn the box over in my hand. In truth, I don’t remember everything during that time. I resorted to drinking my ass off to drown out the mess in my head. If it wasn’t for Anders, Emily, and Sixes, I don’t know what shape I would be in right now. “Thank you.”
She smiles and gives me a curt nod before heading for the door.
“Sixes.”
She stops but doesn’t turn around.
“Thank you for being there for me when I hit the lowest point in my life. And thanks for keeping my secrets. Apparently, you know a lot more than I thought you did. You’re a good friend, and I appreciate your honesty.
Emily was always the one to call me on my shit.
It's been a long time since anyone else had the balls to do it.”
She flashes me a wide smile over her shoulder. “You didn’t hear? My balls are much bigger than most people’s. It’s just been a while since you and I talked.” Without another glance, she’s out the door.
I glance down at my watch. It’s been more than fifteen minutes. I guess I better make it good.
It's time, Tyler. Time for me to step back completely and let you take over again.