Chapter Twelve
Twelve
Elsie
While everyone was busy celebrating, I slipped away and went back to my room.
I’d been able to keep busy helping so that I didn’t dwell on reality for several hours.
But as the evening began to creep in, it was all there.
Waiting to haunt me in my dreams. I had come to dread going to sleep.
Being alone wasn’t ideal, but I’d felt out of place.
I’d just met them all, and while they’d been welcoming, even when they didn’t have to be, I was still the outsider.
Sitting back in the window seat, I pulled my knees under my chin, wrapping my arms around my legs, and stared out at the sunset.
The days were getting longer. My mom had loved that about the spring.
She had hated when it got dark early, and Dad would complain that she would turn every light in the house on to brighten things up.
A faint smile tugged at my lips as I thought about it. I missed them.
It was the deepest ache. To miss someone you wouldn’t ever see again. To know you would never see them smile, or hear their voice, or feel their arms around you. I missed the way my mother had smelled of lavender and whatever else was in her favorite perfume.
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I wiped it on my knee.
She had been planning for us to take a cruise together this summer. While Dad was away at work, she wanted to cruise up the coast and into Canada. Planning trips was what got her through the winter. Mom had loved the sunshine and warmth.
Sniffling, I wiped at my face with my hand this time. I wanted to talk to Calvin. This was worse than I’d imagined. Not having anyone around me who loved me. Who knew me. Who had known my parents.
A knock sounded on my door, and I jumped, not expecting it.
Dropping my legs to the floor, I stood up and used the shirt I was wearing to dry my face completely.
I didn’t want to answer it, but I was a guest in this house and felt as if I had to.
This wasn’t my room. I didn’t have a place of my own. Not here. Not anywhere.
Walking over to the door, I hesitated, then opened it.
Forge stood there, and his eyes scanned my face. I hoped it wasn’t red and splotchy. I wanted to grieve alone.
He held up a paper. “Got something for you,” he told me.
I stared at the paper, unsure what that would be.
“Calvin sent you a letter through the private server.”
Oh! I reached for it then, desperate for some contact.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. The party get too much for you?”
I nodded. “I, uh, just thought …” I stopped, not sure how to tell him why I had left.
“You wanted to get away from a crowd of strangers being loud as fuck because you’re grieving.”
I swallowed. “Yeah,” I replied softly.
“Understood. I don’t blame you.”
While I wanted to read the letter, I also wasn’t in a rush for Forge to leave.
“I’ll leave you to your peace,” he said, then turned to walk away.
The urge to call out something to stop him was there, but I didn’t. He should be downstairs with his family. I wasn’t his concern.
Closing the door, I went back to the seat and got comfortable before reading Calvin’s letter.
Elsie,
I’m not sure how long these emails will take to get to you. But I hope it’s fast.
I’ve been worried about you since I left. Keeping my focus on this set is difficult. I wish I could hear your voice. That would help. But your safety is more important.
Things are going smoothly for the most part here. You’d love it. I can’t wait until you can visit. Hopefully, that day comes sooner rather than later.
Oz and the rest of the family will do what they can to get your life back. Trust me on that. This might not be what you wanted, but it’s better than the alternative.
In other news, Miley and Ned broke up. You were right. They were having issues on the trip. Seems Ned accused Miley of cheating and has proof. I don’t know. They always had drama anyway. Sucks though since they were such good friends before they hooked up. It’ll make the friend group awkward now.
Eh, you probably don’t want to hear all that. But I wanted to give you a little distraction. Information from the outside.
Everyone misses you. They are worried about you and send their love. Hettie and Jojo planted a tree at the park your mom loved in your parents’ memory. They wanted me to tell you.
Their funeral will be closed to the public and heavily guarded. I thought you’d want to know. It’s at an undisclosed location, and I’m not sure when it is happening. The media doesn’t have any more information than that.
I sucked in a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly before continuing to read.
I miss you, Elsie. More than you know. I think about you all the time.
Write me back as soon as you get this. Let me know how you are.
Love ya,
Calvin
Placing the letter in my lap, I lifted my gaze to stare at the darkening sky.
My chest felt hollow. The void crept in on me.
My parents were gone. Dead. They would have a funeral that I couldn’t attend.
They’d be lowered into the ground, and I wouldn’t be there to tell them goodbye.
Yet another goodbye I was being robbed of.
I would write him back, but not tonight. I couldn’t right now. I tried to think about the other things he’d said in the letter. I tried to care about my friends and their breakup, but I just didn’t. I was numb.
“I miss you too,” I whispered to the empty room.
I missed the life that I’d had. The people in it that I loved.
It would never be the same. Not without my parents. I would never be the same.
Who was I now? Without the three people in my life who defined me.
The three people I could always count on.
Calvin wasn’t dead, but we had both known his life was about to change.
He’d been given an internship, working on a set for a television show coming to Netflix.
I was still trying to get my degree in finance. Or I had been.
The harsh reality of abandonment wasn’t something I’d ever considered. Yet here I was, wading in its trenches.