Chapter Thirty-Two
Thirty-Two
Elsie
I unfolded the letter that someone had slid under my door while I was in the kitchen.
Elsie,
I’ve got good news and bad news. Let me get the bad out of the way first. I had been planning on surprising you this weekend and coming for a visit.
But we ran into a snag in taping with one of our leads coming down with a stomach virus and putting us behind.
So, we are now working throughout the weekend.
Onto the good news! We will be done before next weekend, and I’ve already bought my plane ticket. I can’t wait to see you. I know we get to correspond, but hearing your voice and seeing you in person—it’s something I need right now.
Your last letter sounded like you were struggling. I’m worried about you. Depression is understandable, but it can be dangerous. If you think you need help or some medication, let me know. I can talk to Oz. He can get you what you need.
How is the sleeping? Are you resting well?
Things are going smooth here, but I hate to talk about all that. I’m more focused on you. Write me back ASAP.
Love ya,
Calvin
Sighing, I laid the letter down on the bed and sank onto the mattress beside it. I wasn’t depressed. Not the kind that needed medication anyway. But I wasn’t happy either.
I knew the meeting was over because I’d seen a few of the others downstairs. But Forge wasn’t there, and he’d not come to find me for the swimming he had mentioned.
I couldn’t tell Calvin about what I’d done with Forge so that I could get his advice.
That was a line we had never crossed—talking about sexual things.
But I needed someone to talk to. My other friends were out of reach for me.
I couldn’t contact them. This was something I’d have to figure out on my own.
Knowing Calvin would be coming to visit soon did lighten things in my chest a little, but not much. He couldn’t fix this for me. I had to deal with it. Manage whatever I was feeling for Forge and not let it get any stronger.
Sitting around and dwelling on it wasn’t going to help me.
Noa had given me two of her books yesterday.
Getting up, I walked over to the nightstand to pick up the first one in the series.
It had been a while since I’d escaped into a book.
Mom used to tell me it was the perfect place to go when the world was troubling.
“Choose a different world and get lost inside its pages.” She used to do it often.
There was a library of books she loved at our house.
Possessions I wanted. Memories of her sitting with one in her hand while she drank from her blue china teacup with the bright yellow flowers painted on it.
The deepest ache was back, taking precedence over the confused emotions I had for Forge.
The one of loss that I feared would never heal.
What I wouldn’t do to have that teacup with me.
“I hope this world is a better one to get lost in, Momma,” I whispered, tucking my feet beneath me and opening to the first page.
I wasn’t sure I could ever look at Ransom Carver again without turning beet red.
Steeling myself in case he was in the great room, I took a deep breath and hoped I wasn’t awkward.
Winslet had told me that Noa’s books were spicy, but I had not realized they were going to be that level of heat or that the man in it was described to look exactly like Ransom.
Even down to his facial expressions. I felt as if I’d been given a sex ed class with Noa and Ransom as my teachers.
Walking into the great room, I was relieved to see Halo and Hawkins, along with Winslet and Cressida, all sitting around, visiting with each other. The only male in sight had toys scattered around the floor and was currently working on a Lego set with his brow furrowed in concentration.
“Elsie,” Halo said brightly when she looked up to see me enter the room. “I was wondering where you had gone off to.”
“I thought you might be out at the pool with Forge, so I didn’t want to interrupt,” Winslet told me. “Have you been up in your room this whole time?”
Forge was here? Swimming? I didn’t ask that, but if he was, why hadn’t he come to get me?
“I was reading,” I explained.
Winslet’s grin grew bigger. “One of Noa’s books?”
I nodded.
All of them giggled knowingly.
“That will keep you entertained for hours,” Cressida said as she patted the spot beside her. “Come sit. Tell us which book and how far you’ve gotten into it.”
Going over to sit down on the sofa, I tried not to think about Forge being out at the pool.
Had he been expecting me to join him out there?
What if he had and I’d not gone? Hesitating, I glanced at the double glass doors, thinking how I should ask about this, when I saw Lula Mae walking toward the patio in a white string bikini that didn’t cover much.
A brick was lodged in my throat, then fell to my stomach.
She was smiling, oiled up, and looked stunning.
Understanding as to why Forge hadn’t come to get me sank in. He’d invited her to swim instead. How could I blame him? She looked like a supermodel.
Taking a seat, I didn’t glance toward the door again. Trying not to appear sick was going to be hard, but I could manage.
“She’s not staying here,” Winslet said to me, and I realized she’d noticed me looking. “She’s staying at Linc and Luther’s, but Forge is the one tasked with entertaining her today.”
Tasked? I seriously doubted he saw it as a task.
What male wouldn’t jump at the chance to spend the day with her, dressed like that?
Reading a romance novel wasn’t helping me with this either.
I’d always thought those novels were unrealistic, but after reading almost an entire book, I felt perhaps it wasn’t.
The couple sure seemed like Ransom and Noa. Was she writing her reality?
“Which book are you reading?” Cressida asked in a singsong voice.
“The first one,” I replied, not sure what the title was. I had picked it up and not really paid attention.
“Recognize the man in it?” Winslet asked, grinning.
I nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t warned about that.”
All three of them started laughing again. The sound caused a smile to tug at my lips. The heaviness in my stomach was still there, but this was nice.
“They’ve been together a long time, huh?” I said. I’d glanced at the publication date to see how long ago it had been written.
“Almost a year,” Halo replied.
What? I scrunched my nose, confused.
“They were friends in high school,” she continued. “It was an accidental dinner that Noa had with her editor and fiancé at the time, who had just become Opal Carver’s editor as well. Ransom was in town, visiting his sister, and she took him with her to the meal. It got a little crazy after that.”
I blew out a small breath. “Wow. That sounds like a book itself.”
“Oh, it is now,” Winslet replied. “It’s called All Jacked Up, just released last month.”
As curious as I was to know their story, I wasn’t sure I could read sex scenes that had for sure been inspired by them. This was probably because I was a virgin. While they all laughed and didn’t feel awkward about it, I sat here, trying my best not to blush.
For so long, it had been about Calvin being my first and my only really.
I’d seen love, forever, everything with him.
Even after I’d moved on and accepted he wasn’t going to see me that way, deep down, I’d still be waiting.
But here we were. Him in LA, living his life, most likely dating and falling for the new girl.
And me here, in Mississippi, getting attached to his cousin, who, like him, wasn’t going to want more from me than friendship.
Okay, so that wasn’t entirely true. Forge had wanted something more last night, but it hadn’t come with deep emotions or feelings. Just pleasure. Many people had sex just for pleasure, and after the orgasms he’d given me last night, I completely understood it.
“I have to go potty,” Hawkins announced, standing up and holding on to his front, as if he may have waited too long to make this decision.
Halo sprang up from the sofa. “Let’s go!” she said, waving him toward her.
He ran over to her, and then they headed for the powder room just around the corner.
“I hope he makes it,” Winslet said, wincing. “He already had one accident today. Halo has tried everything to get him to use the potty. At least he doesn’t think his penis is broken anymore.”
“Why did he think that?” I asked, smiling already without knowing the story.
“The slit at the top,” she replied, pressing her lips together. “Halo had to get Bane to go in there yesterday and show him that he had one too. That it was supposed to be there.”
Cressida started laughing. “I’m sorry. It’s still funny, and I was here for it.”
Winslet nodded, stifling her own laughter.
At that moment, the patio doors opened, and Forge came striding inside. His hair wet, a towel wrapped around his waist and his chest bare. I met his gaze and wished like hell I hadn’t been looking his way. But I was, and he’d caught me.
“Sounds like a good time in here,” he drawled with amusement.
Winslet nodded. “It is. We were telling Elsie about Hawkins thinking his penis was broken.”
The corners of Forge’s mouth turned up. “I heard about that. Y’all laugh, but that was traumatic for the little dude.”
When his gaze shifted back to mine, the flutters in my stomach went wild.
God, why him? Why was I doing this to myself?
He seemed like he was going to say something or explain possibly when Lula Mae came sauntering in behind him and placed her hand on his bicep.
“Ready?” she asked, gazing up at him.
Forge didn’t look at her, but nodded his head once. “Yeah. Let me grab some clothes.”
“Okay, I’ll come with. I need a shower anyway.”
I dropped my eyes to my lap, not wanting to watch this any longer. Picking at a string from the rip in my jeans, I mentally fought to block out their voices. Think of anything else.
My eyes were stinging, and I refused to freaking cry. No one would know that I cared. I’d hidden this with Calvin most of my life. I should be a pro. If only it didn’t cut deeper with Forge. Which made no sense. None at all.