Chapter Forty-Seven
Forty-Eight
Elsie
Two Weeks Later
If it were possible for me to feel any emotion through the numbness that had settled around me, it would be hate. Loathing, to be exact. Loathing for this city. Everything about Los Angeles annoyed me.
Calvin had tried to make me like it, but I didn’t like anything.
I had no desire or want to care. My days were spent walking mostly.
It got me away from his constant worrying and the four walls of his apartment.
Which I would also hate if I could. But it was too much to feel. I preferred the numbing indifference.
When I closed my eyes at night, the nightmares returned.
This time more graphic and painful. Calvin always woke me up and tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t stand the touch of anyone.
I would cringe and pull away. He had tried to get me to see a therapist on Monday, but I refused.
I couldn’t tell this to anyone. They’d never understand, and I might possibly be admitted because of it.
What sane person would grieve over the loss of a man who had almost killed her best friend in front of her?
None. Or refused to sleep in anything but the oversized sweatsuit that no longer smelled of him, but it was all I had of him.
None. That was the issue. I was a wack. Clearly unstable.
I missed Forge so bad that it was physically painful.
And how was that okay? It wasn’t. I should hate him.
But instead, all I saw was the way he’d looked at me before I left.
And my arms ached to go comfort him. Assure him I was staying.
Sure, I needed help, but seeking it would get me put in a padded room, so I wasn’t doing that. I preferred walking. Eventually, I would have to find a life. Do something other than sleep, eat, and walk, but I didn’t have it in me just yet to do more than that. I was surviving.
Taking the stairs to Calvin’s apartment, my legs felt like heavy lead.
I had no idea how many miles I’d walked, and it didn’t matter.
But returning to this place, facing another evening of him begging me to eat and trying to make me smile, was exhausting.
I wanted to be left alone. But seeing as he’d almost died because of me, I felt guilt when I pushed him away.
I was trying to be better. At least act like I wasn’t drowning in an abyss so that he wouldn’t worry about me.
When I reached his door, it swung open, startling me enough that I stepped back.
Calvin was smiling brightly, which made my head hurt. That meant he was about to annoy me with something. I was too tired mentally and physically for this.
“We are going out for dinner,” he told me, closing the door behind him.
Oh, no, I was not.
I shook my head. “I don’t—”
“We have to. Rog has a date coming, and he called dibs on an empty apartment,” Calvin said, taking my arm and turning me around. “There is a pub I go to that has live music. You’ll like it.”
“I’m not dressed to go out,” I argued. I was probably stinky from sweat.
“You are fine. Besides”—he nodded toward the door—“we aren’t welcome in there. Let’s go.”
Awesome. My headache was a throb now.
I let him guide me back down the stairs while he prattled on about things, but I zoned out on him. He was too chipper. I couldn’t listen to that. I’d learned to cope by tuning out the world around me.
“It’s a block away. We will walk. You probably passed it on your way back from wherever you went,” he said, still sounding entirely too optimistic.
If I had it in me to care, I’d be concerned about my appearance, but nothing mattered. Getting through this meal was my only concern.
“They’ve got the best cheeseburgers and peanut butter and jelly shakes,” I heard him say.
I thought I nodded. I wasn’t sure. We continued on our way, and he said something about local brew on tap and onion rings. If he would take a breath and shut up, that would be nice.
Ah, and there came the guilt. I did my best to shove it back, but it was a fierce creature.
We were slowing, and I glanced up to see the door to the pub we must be going to. Calvin stepped in front of me and opened the door. I went inside and waited on him to talk to the hostess. She beamed at him as if she knew him.
“Right this way,” she said, glancing at me with curiosity.
I was used to that. Women would see him, then try and figure out if we were together or if they were free to flirt. It used to bother me. That seemed like someone else. A girl I no longer remembered.
She brought us to a table almost in the back of the room. At least I could be thankful for that. Farther from the stage and whatever music was going to be played up there. My headache wouldn’t enjoy the noise.
“Thanks,” Calvin told her, clearly pleased with this spot.
I had almost expected him to ask for something closer, but then all the other tables seemed full. This place was busy. Guess the food was as good as he said. I just didn’t care.
Sitting across from me, he slid a menu over to me. “I think you’ll want the cheeseburger and milkshake, but you can look and see if there is something else you prefer. I’ll get the onion rings as an app for both of us.”
I picked it up, with no interest as to what was in it, but for his sake.
“The ultimate nachos are good too,” he told me.
I continued to stare blankly at the items, then closed it and set it down. “The cheeseburger will be fine,” I told him.
“And milkshake. You gotta try that,” he added, looking hopeful.
“Sure,” I agreed. Although I knew there was no way I was going to be able to stomach all that. Eating was a chore.
“You’re gonna eat for me, Els,” he said. “You’ve lost too much weight. All the walking and not eating.”
I had no argument for that. I had lost weight, but I needed to walk. It was the only way I was making it through each day.
The strum of a guitar came over the speakers. I winced and pressed my temple with my fingertips. It was already starting. Maybe I should order something with alcohol.
“You’re just too good to be true,” a familiar deep voice sang, and I stilled.
Calvin was watching me nervously. I was hallucinating. I had to be. I turned my gaze to the stage to end this sudden moment of crazy, and my eyes met with a pair that would have buckled my knees and sent me to the floor had I been standing.
Forge held a guitar in his hands as he strummed and continued to sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.”
He was here. Or had I truly lost my mind?
“Am I,” I asked, then hesitated as his voice filled the room, “hallucinating?”
“No,” Calvin replied.
Forge stepped down from the stage while the rest of the place seemed to be as entranced as I was. There was no distracting noises or talking as he passed the first row of tables. He was coming this way.
Why was he here? I had to be dreaming.
The entire row of people he’d just walked past stood up at the same time. Although I didn’t want to look anywhere but at him, I had to tear my gaze off him in order to see what they were doing. Tables and chairs were shoved away as all six people began to move—no, dance, choreographed.
“What?” I whispered, looking back at Forge, whose lips quirked into a small smile, as if he was aware of what was happening behind him.
When he met the second row, they all shot up from their seats, moving their tables and chairs and joined the others. Moving in sync.
Forge’s voice brought my attention back to him, and the closer he got, the more people joined in.
It was a flash mob. Holy crap.
I stood up as he closed the space between us. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. I must have blacked out while walking and hit my head. At least this was my dream and not some horrific nightmare. I much preferred this.
He lowered his guitar as he reached me. The music stopped, and the dancers all stepped away.
He sang the words, “I love you, baby,” and then we stood there in silence.
“Seems I didn’t come through on a promposal you once wanted from me,” Calvin said, and I was suddenly reminded of his existence.
I swung my eyes to his, panicked. Was this about to turn into a nightmare? One where I watched Calvin die?
“I’m sorry,” he said with a shrug. “I was an oblivious, blind kid. That’s my only excuse. I’m guessing this was better than anything I’d have ever done anyway.”
What? I shook my head, not following what he was saying.
He nodded toward Forge. “Hear him out. This shit couldn’t have been easy for him to pull together.”
I turned back to Forge. What kind of dream was this?
“I fucked up,” Forge said thickly. “And I will spend forever wiping that moment from your memory and replacing it with better ones. Starting with this one. Hopefully,” he said, taking a step closer to me while holding his guitar out toward Calvin, who moved to get it.
“I love you, Elsie. I need you with me. I’m fucking messed up without you.”
I reached out and touched his face. It felt real. The warmth beneath my fingertips.
“This is real?” I said, needing some assurance.
He nodded. “Yeah, Pickles, it’s real.”
“You … you … set up a flash mob in a pub, for me?”
He smirked. “I was trying to get your attention.”
My attention?
A startled laugh burst out of me. “This was a successful way to do it.”
“Go big or go home,” he drawled.
This made it so easy to forget the reason I’d left. All of it. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and not let go. But I looked back at Calvin. I couldn’t say what I was thinking in front of all these people.
“I get why he did it,” Calvin said. “It’s, uh”—he glanced around—“not normal, but it was because he loves you to a level … well, I hope I love someone like that one day, just maybe a little less intense.”
He loved me. He’d said it, but until Calvin repeated it, that hadn’t sunk in.
Forge was watching me. The desperate pleading in his eyes was impossible to ignore.
“Are you sure?” I asked him, afraid to believe something that might crush me to a point I couldn’t come back from.
Forge reached out and took my hand, tugging me to him. “I’ve never been so fucking positive about anything in my life. You came into my world and changed everything. All for the better. You’re my light, my source of air, and I will do whatever you ask of me if you will just come back home.”
Home. A place I’d lost. That had been ripped from me.
My eyes stung as emotion clogged my throat. I had a new home now. I’d always mourn the one I’d lost, but there was happiness in the one I’d found. Peace and safety. Also more excitement and thrill than I’d ever considered. But I wanted it. I wanted him.
“I’m not leaving without you, Pickles. I’ll sleep outside your door, follow you, haunt you, whatever I gotta do.”
“He’s not lying. He slept outside the apartment door the past two nights,” Calvin said.
“You did?” I asked.
He nodded. “Calvin wasn’t ready to listen to me just yet. Took some convincing.”
A giggle slipped past my lips, followed by a sob. My emotions were all over the place.
“Let’s go home.” I whispered words I’d never expected to say again and mean them the way I did right now.
My feet left the ground as Forge picked me up and covered my mouth with his. I heard the cheers and clapping around us, but none of that mattered. Not when my soul felt whole and my heart was beating once again.