15. Alaric
ALARIC
“Ollie, no. Put your sister down,” Sophie scolds, hustling over to the corner of my office to pry her little girl out of her son’s arms.
I chuckle. Damn, the kid is clever.
My ex-wife’s children are rascals, but I love them.
Once Soph has rescued Lily, she sits both kids down on the floor and pulls out sticker pages and coloring sheets. When they’re finally settled, she circles my desk so I can show her the official race intro video for this year.
The familiar music builds, and pride swells in my chest when Ferris and Heath appear, sporting Granata red.
Sophie clutches my shoulder as our son’s face appears on screen. In the video, Luca lifts his hand to his chin, stares into the camera, and tips his head.
“Ugh,” she groans. “That’s awful. Why didn’t he smile? He’s so handsome, and he has the best smile.”
I stifle a laugh. “Spoken like a true mother.”
When I swivel in my chair, I’m eye level with her protruding stomach.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this again,” I tell her, shaking my head.
She’s pregnant with her fourth; about five months along. Despite my teasing, the sight of her baby bump warms my heart in a tender, nostalgic way.
The two of us met as teenagers. I was making a name for myself on the Texas Star Karting circuit, and she was always around because her father owns Lutero RM, a Formula 1 team based in Austria.
We started seriously dating when we were eighteen and nineteen. Within a few months, she was pregnant with Luca, and my entire world shifted.
We got married, and I applied for full-time jobs with benefits. I was determined to provide for my little family. That’s how I ended up on Lutero’s culinary team.
The hours were long and I traveled a lot, but I squeezed in online classes in business administration and earned a degree on Lutero’s dime.
I was quickly promoted and worked my way up the ranks.
Before long, this sport became one of the most significant aspects of my life, my obsession nearly tied with my love for my son.
The three of us were okay for a while. Sophie’s father ensured she and Luca attended a few races each year.
But I was rarely home when Luca was little, constantly traveling with the team, and when I was physically present, I was jet-lagged and exhausted from the grueling pressure.
My dedication to this sport meant I didn’t always show up emotionally for my family.
The demise of our romantic relationship was natural. We grew up and grew apart. Sophie learned more about herself and what she liked, while I was doing the same thing in my career.
Turns out she loves being a mom. She thrives on routine. She runs a successful organizational consulting business and would rather spend a cozy night at home than be anywhere else.
Her desires for a big family and a quiet home life were at odds with my dreams for the fast-paced lifestyle working in the pinnacle of motorsport.
Neither one of us was willing to yield. Though there was plenty of tension and frustration throughout the process of splitting up, we worked to remain respectful and amicable, centering Luca’s well-being as our priority.
Looking back, I’m grateful for how it all played out. I could have never been enough for this amazing woman. I wasn’t willing or able to prioritize her, and that’s what she needs and deserves.
She rubs her belly, surveying her two littles, who are covering each other in stickers, and sighs wistfully. “Rodger always wanted a big family.”
“So did you,” I remind her.
“I honestly don’t think we’re anywhere close to being done.” She cringes, but there’s excitement in her eyes.
As if I hadn’t already assumed as much.
Rodger Callahan is a great guy. The three of us get along well. We spent a lot of time together at various races and even on vacation when Luca was a boy.
“Speaking of family,” my ex muses, giving me a pointed look, “I’m going to go see our son while I can.”
Sighing, I lean back in my desk chair and shake my head. “I’d tell you to send him my love, but he’d only think there was a double meaning behind the well wishes, and I don’t want to mess with his mind before the race.”
She cocks one eyebrow. “He’s still keeping up the cool guy, icy act?”
“It’s worse than before,” I mutter, digging the heel of my hand into my eye socket. “He’s been fucking arctic.”
“Ric said the fuck word.” Ollie jumps to his feet and points a stubby finger at me.
Groaning, Sophie lifts a hand to her face to hide her smile. “He did. And he’s very sorry to have said that in the presence of little ears.”
I do my best to look contrite, pressing my lips together and nodding. “Sorry, pal.”
Apparently easily appeased, he sits and refocuses on his coloring.
Sophie grips my shoulder and squeezes. “Every stage of parenting is different. You’re just going through a rough patch right now.”
I study her, both concerned that she doesn’t understand just how acutely Luca loathes me and horrified by how bad my relationship with our son has gotten.
For a moment, I consider telling her about Evangeline.
About Luca’s cheating and how he left her with all that debt. About the disrespect and disdain he’s clinging to toward a woman he dated for more than two years.
But so much has changed so quickly, and after our disaster meeting earlier this week, I think better of airing my son’s dirty laundry to his mother. He’s twenty-three years old, after all. He’s a grown man.
I’m equal parts ashamed of his actions and embarrassed by my reaction to Evangeline.
I’ve taken it upon myself to course correct where Luca messed up, but I may have gone a bit overboard.
So far, I’ve hired her and cooked for her.
I’ve had my head chef add her to the VIP meal list. And I’ve obsessively looked for her around the paddock every chance I’ve had.
Shaking my head, I refocus. “What if it’s not just a rough patch?” I whisper, pain bleeding in and distracting me from daydreaming about Evangeline.
“It is,” Sophie assures me.
But what if it’s not? I’ve never been good at prioritizing relationships over work. I’m finally living my dream, and my son resents me for it.
My next words come out soft and timid. “I chose this life over a life with you.”
She hums thoughtfully, then sighs. “You chose what was best for you, and I chose what was best for me. We were never going to work in the long run,” she reminds me.
“We would have been miserable; we would have resented each other if we’d stayed together.
And I’m grateful for the relationship we have now. ”
Her assurance gives me little comfort.
Surely noting my scowl, she goes on. “It’s not fair to who you were then or the man you are now to carry guilt from our split into this rough patch with our son. We were kids. We did our best, and for the most part, we did a damn good job.”
“Mommy.” Ollie jumps up, shaking that little finger at us again. “You can’t say the damn word if Ric can’t say the fuck word.”
“Oh my god.” Sophie buries her face in both hands as her shoulders shake in silent laughter. “Rodger is going to kill me.”
I roll my chair back, waving Ollie over. He eagerly crosses the room and climbs into my lap.
I give his hair a little ruffle, noting how much his eyes and nose look like Luca’s when he was a kid. “Tell ya what, Ollie boy. I’ll buy you anything you want if you don’t repeat those words.”
It’s a solid offer. But it does nothing to focus the small child.
Leaning precariously far forward, he grabs the bright red clicker fidget off my desk. “Oh. Can I have dis?”
With a sharp inhale, I snatch back the gift Evangeline presented me with earlier.
“Anything but that,” I promise.
Frowning, Sophie peers down at the item in my hand. “What is it?”
“It’s…” I trail off. Fuck. How the hell am I supposed to answer this question? I can’t exactly tell my ex that this is a gift from our son’s ex-girlfriend—a woman I can’t get out of my head.
“It’s a lucky charm. From a friend.”
“It looks like a toy,” Ollie says.
“It’s a fidget,” I correct. “Which is a really helpful tool for grown-ups,” I add, remembering Evangeline’s explanation.
I kept it in my pocket through qualis, reaching for it every time our guys started a hot lap. I quickly found that clicking the button was a soothing exercise that kept my mind focused.
Sophie crosses my office and scoops Lily into her arms. “I’ll buy you one next time we’re at the shops, love,” she assures Ollie. “Come clean up your stickers and say bye to Ric. We’re going to go find your big brother.”