Chapter 60
ALARIC
The pounding in my skull is incessant. It takes several seconds for me to realize the sound is not in my head. Bleary-eyed, I roll out of bed.
How I managed to fall asleep is beyond me.
I stumble through the living room, hope ratcheting up tenfold as the banging starts up again.
What if it’s her?
With my heart lodged in my throat, I yank the door open.
“I’m not a baby.” Luca pushes past me, stumbling into the living area. “But I’m going to have a baby. Fuck.”
Disappointment ravages my mind as I close the door and trail after him.
He’s drunk, that’s obvious. But he came to me. Despite our fight and the way he stormed off earlier, he came back.
“Let me get you a glass of water,” I suggest, heading into the kitchen.
“I don’t want your water, Ric.”
A huff works its way out of me. Apparently, he’s not drunk enough to forsake brat mode.
“Okay. What do you want, then?” I ask, planting my feet wide and crossing my arms over my chest.
He falls onto the couch, burying his face in his hands, and groans. Then his shoulders are shaking and his body is racked with sobs.
I stalk across the room and drop to the cushion beside him. Forget my line of questioning. Forget our argument. Forget all the ways I’ve fumbled so badly. Forget everything else, because despite the animosity between us, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my son.
“Start at the beginning.” I place a steady hand on his back and rub small circles between his shoulder blades like I used to do when he was little.
He’s quiet for a minute, then another, his breathing evening out.
Just as I worry he’s fallen asleep, hunched over like this, he sits up and looks me in the eye.
“I fucked up, Dad. So many times, in so many ways.” He scrubs the tears from his face.
“I can’t do anything right, and I’m so damn tired of disappointing everyone.
” His body shudders again, his emotions building.
“Everyone expects me to be perfect. To have it together, just like you. I don’t ever fucking measure up, and I’m so fucking tired of feeling inadequate. ”
“I don’t have it all together,” I tell him. “I never have.”
He snorts. “Yeah, okay. You don’t have any idea what it’s like to live in your shadow. To be constantly compared to another person. To know that no matter what I do, I won’t ever be enough.”
He flops back, his body deflated. With his eyes closed and his hair a mess, he looks like the boy I raised and still love so much.
After a moment, he lifts his head. “I stopped trying. I gave up, content to be the antithesis of the great Alaric Steele,” he rasps.
“At least then I didn’t have to manage other people’s disappointment all the damn time.
But now I don’t know what to do. I can’t be someone’s dad.
I’ve never taken care of anyone else. Ever. ”
Understatement of the fucking year.
I keep that response to myself and temper my frustration.
“You’re scared,” I say softly. “And that’s okay. Anyone in your situation would be. But despite what you’ve done in the past, you have the power to change and move forward.”
He grunts, his attention darting to the patio. “You’re talking about her, aren’t you?”
Sighing, I shake my head. “I’m talking about you, Luca. You’re my one and only priority right now.”
Almost imperceptibly, he scoots closer. “I fucked up big time with Evangeline,” he says quietly. He shifts forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head between his arms. “I wasn’t a good boyfriend. I’m not even a good person.”
I stay quiet, allowing him to process this rather than giving in to the urge to brush his misdeeds under the rug.
“I’m going to be an awful father.”
That’s where I draw the line. I can’t let him believe that.
“You don’t have to be,” I tell him. “It’s never too late to do the right thing.”
On a quiet, broken whisper, he asks, “Will you help me?”
We talk for another hour. Or rather, Luca talks, recalling his transgressions in sordid detail while I listen, letting him get it all out in the open without casting judgment.
He really has made a mess of so many things.
As he shares, it occurs to me that I’ve played a much larger role in his poor self-image than I realized. He’s deeply insecure, and for the last several years, he has been carelessly bounding through life without any sense of moral structure or guidance.
When faced with our own unexpected pregnancy, Sophie and I grew up quickly. I was determined to shoulder every responsibility and consequence I faced. One single, uncontrollable situation led to years of course correcting and grasping for control.
I’ve been the epitome of rigid discipline his entire life.
He’s never seen me falter. I’ve hidden any missteps from him.
And I’ve done a poor job showing any sort of vulnerability.
I’m an expert at maintaining unwavering composure, both in business and in my personal relationships.
But with that skill, I robbed my son of the opportunity to witness the way I dealt with my struggles and learn how navigate the inevitable pitfalls and upsets of life.
Eventually, he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder.
I pull a blanket over us, soaking in the gentleness of the moment. As my eyelids grow heavy, I kiss the top of his head and issue a silent promise: I’ll help him through this. I’ll teach him that it’s never too late to do the right thing.
The pounding returns.
This time, I trudge to the front door slowly, panic niggling at my gut. Earlier, I wanted nothing more than to find Evangeline standing in the hall. Now, I’m terrified that she’ll show up and find my attention set on Luca. Again.
If it is her, I won’t allow Luca to berate her. He’s hurting and scared. I understand that. But I refuse to expose her to more pain. I’ll choose her, even if it costs me all the headway I’ve made with my son.
Holding my breath, I pull open the door a few inches and peek into the hall, then exhale loudly.
Leslie.
She pushes against the door and bulldozes into my entryway.
“I can’t let you do this,” she chides. “This sort of announcement will destroy everything we’ve worked for.
You wouldn’t just be torpedoing your career; you’d be reversing all Granata’s progress and stunting our ability to grow. There’s got to be another way.”
I blow out a slow breath, resting one arm on the still-open door. “Keep it down, please. Luca’s sleeping on the couch.”
“Did you hear what I said?” she hisses, heading for the kitchen. “You can’t do this. You’re not throwing away your life’s work for a girl.”
Defeated, I close the door quietly, then follow my second-in-command.
“She’s a woman,” I correct. “And lucky for you, she broke up with me, so the announcement won’t be happening.”
Leslie wheezes, her eyes going wide in surprise. “She broke up with you? Wait—No. I thought you’d already broken up with her.”
“It’s complicated.” I clear my throat. “And utterly heartbreaking. But rest assured, we’re through. There’s no chance Evangeline will take me back now.”
Eyes softening, she takes me in. I’m sure I look wrecked. I’ve barely slept all week.
“You’re upset.”
I bark out a laugh. “I’m completely devastated,” I admit. Resting my forearms on the island, I bow my head. Fresh tears press behind my eyes. I’m too exhausted to hold them back. With a long exhale, I peek up at Leslie, allowing her to see the evidence of my despair.
She emits a quiet gasp. “God, Ric. I wanted to believe I could talk sense into you. That I could shake you out of this spell. But you were really fucking gone for this girl, weren’t you?”
I peer up at my friend, my pulverized heart taking yet another beating.
“Woman,” I remind her. “And I was in love with her. I am in love with her still. There’s never been anyone like her, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that there’ll never be anyone like her again.
” Emotion clogs my throat, making my next words thick.
“Granata has always been my life. And that was okay, because I never wanted anything more than I wanted to lead this team to victory. I didn’t mind the sacrifices.
I was okay prioritizing work above everything else.
“That all changed when I met Evangeline. For several weeks, my life had new meaning. For the briefest time, I was a better, happier, more whole version of myself.”
As earth-shattering as it was, it’s also the most painful, rotten reality of this entire situation.
“I’ll never be the same, and I have no interest in dating or pursuing anyone else. It’ll only ever be her.”
“Ric…” She sighs, sorrow settling into the creases of her eyes as my words sink in. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say—”
“Is that true?”
I startle, jolting upright as Luca stumbles into the kitchen, squinting against the lights.
He gives Leslie a small wave but doesn’t stop until he’s standing by my side.
His face is gaunt, dark circles like bruises under his eyes. He searches my face, swallowing hard. “You really love her that much?”
I hold my breath, considering how I should answer.
The truth has the power to sever the delicate connection we’ve barely started to rebuild. But I’ll never heal from losing Evangeline. I love her now. I’ll love her forever. I can’t lie to myself. I don’t want to lie to my son either.
“Yes, it’s true,” I admit. “I’m sorry for falling for her. I’m sorry for not being up-front with you, and for all the discord it’s caused between us. But I’ll never be sorry for loving her, even if it was only for a little while.”
Luca blinks up at me, expression unreadable, as noxious silence fills the room.
I glance over at Leslie, who’s watching us, brow creased, then force my attention back to my son.
With fresh tears welling in his eyes, he lunges forward, wraps his arms around me, and sobs.
Several minutes pass. Luca settles eventually, his shoulders relaxing in my hold.
He sniffles when he finally pulls back. “You don’t need my blessing…
Fuck. I don’t think I could give it if I tried…
” Sighing, he drags one hand through his already messed-up hair.
“But I won’t interfere or get in your way again.
If you really love her…” He trails off, leaving the permission unstated.
It’s enough.
The conflict inside me eases as I blow out a slow, fortifying breath.
“That doesn’t solve the inevitable PR nightmare we’re going to face,” Leslie grouses.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I consider her words, trying to reckon them with the soul-deep desire I couldn’t lock away if I tried.
“Evangeline was prepared to quit,” I confess. “Earlier tonight, she stopped by my office with a resignation letter in hand. She doesn’t care about working in Formula 1 long term. She has a thriving business and only accepted the job to cover some extra expenses.”
I give my son a weighted look.
Luca hisses through his teeth. “Which I’ll be taking care of.”
Another modicum of relief rolls over me.
Leslie sighs. “Regardless, that doesn’t change what people will say about her. Can you imagine all the pictures they could dig up? She’ll be dragged through the media and torn apart by commentators once they realize—”
Luca clears his throat. “I, uh. Well. I put a lot of effort into never being formally photographed with Evan. We didn’t attend many events together, and I was careful to keep her name unlinked from mine.”
Because he was cheating on her.
I grind my molars, quelling the urge to smack him upside the head. At least his indiscretions had some sort of positive impact on the situation.
“What I said earlier remains true,” I remind them both. “Evangeline and I are not together, so there’s no immediate concern about public perception or potential fallout.”
I level Leslie with a no-nonsense glare.
“I will respect her request for space for now, but I’m not giving up. It might not happen quickly, and I might fail a dozen times before I make a sliver of progress, but I’ll stop at nothing to make her mine again.”