16. Kat
16
KAT
I know I should hate this.
Letting a man take the lead, even my supposed boyfriend. I’ve spent so long striving to be seen as a professional. Some days it seemed like everything was working against me to get that recognition. It seems like as soon as I think I’ve made it, someone does something to knock me down a few pegs.
Like last semester, when I walked into the lecture hall for the first day of class and one of the students raised their hand to ask if the professor was running late and had sent his TA instead.
I’m pretty sure the student dropped the class. I introduced myself and started class, and after that first day, I never saw him in that lecture again.
So maybe I should be pushing back, making sure Blake and Adam and everyone else know that Kathleen Fucking Milas is here and that she doesn’t need to lean on anyone. That I can hold my own in gatherings like this.
But as soon as we moved on from the course proposal, they started discussing the most boring topic you can imagine.
Golf.
I’ve tried golfing once. Driving the little cart around was fun, but the fun ended there.
And Adam knows I hate golf because he’s in charge of organizing the annual golf fundraiser, which of course means his secretary does the work and he takes the credit. I’ve been asked every year if I’ll participate, and after that one time I tried, I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in trying again. In fact, I’ve tried to get him to consider ideas for the annual fundraiser other than golf, without any success.
I also don’t know much about golf because the extent of my knowledge is that you hit a little ball with a stick. My one foray into golf taught me that there are many sticks with which to hit the ball, none of which worked particularly well in my inexperienced hands.
I start to zone out as the conversation veers toward which of the local courses is best. What I should be doing is wandering away, finding another conversation to join in, one that I can actually follow. Networking to take advantage of this evening.
But Blake’s hand on my back, the warmth that emanates from his palm and spreads through my entire body, makes me think of other things entirely. And when his fingers gently trace circles, I relax even further into him.
Butterflies rise in my stomach at the casual contact, and a trail of goose bumps makes its way up my spine. With every slow caress, my body heats. Arousal starts to—
“Kat?”
I snap my head to Blake so fast I almost give myself whiplash. What the hell was I thinking? There’s no arousal. None . Jesus, we’re at a work function.
Adam and Blake are both looking at me expectantly.
Crap.
I clear my throat with a smile. “My mind was focused on some ideas for our upcoming course. Could you repeat that?”
Never apologize. Men don’t.
“Do you play golf?” Blake asks, apparently for the second time.
I sip at my wineglass. “No, I don’t. ”
Pretty sure Adam could have answered that one for me.
Blake tilts his head. “You ever want to learn, I’ll take you. The season is over for this year, but maybe in the spring.”
He’s really committing to this fake relationship, and I appreciate it. Adam may rub some people—most people—the wrong way, but he’s a smart guy. If we slip, he’ll sniff it out immediately.
And then any chance I have at promotion is gone.
I step even closer to Blake and lean my head against his shoulder. “That would be amazing, babe.”
His eyebrows lift for a fraction of a second, but he recovers quickly.
I look at Adam to see if he caught it as well, but he’s focused on me.
“Do you enjoy other sports, Kathleen?” Adam asks.
Thankful to be back in the conversation, I bring my head upright. Leaning on Blake felt good. Too good, honestly. I’m trying to sell this relationship to everyone else.
I don’t need to convince myself.
“Yoga is my go-to exercise. Part of the reason I love working at Ardmore. The classes in the fitness center are always fabulous.” That may have been a little much on the I-love-Ardmore front, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
Adam drains the last of his wine. “They do have some great programming. Does anyone need a refill?”
I look down at my nearly full glass of wine.
“I think we’re good, Adam. Thanks,” Blake says.
Adam wanders off, and Blake turns to face me. I miss the warmth of his hand on my back immediately.
“I didn’t know you liked yoga.” He lifts his cabernet to his lips.
“It’s good exercise, and I enjoy it.” Shrugging, I take a sip of wine.
I limit myself to one alcoholic drink at work functions. Partly because I usually need to drive home after, but more importantly, because every work function is a chance to promote myself.
Blake’s eyes are trained on mine. It’s intense, the way he focuses, making me feel like I’m the only person in the room. Almost too intense. Those bright-blue eyes seem to look into my soul.
“I’d offer to join you, but…yoga’s not really my thing.”
I love the blend of strength, flexibility, and soul-centering I get from yoga. If I’m not taking a class, I like to be alone in a quiet space for my practice, but something tells me I wouldn’t mind Blake being there .
“You should join me anyway. You don’t have to be good at yoga to get benefit out of it.” I nudge his foot with my toe. “You try it out, I’ll go golfing with you.”
Adam is still at the bar, and everyone else is at least five feet away, so I’m not sure why I’m keeping up this ruse.
Blake winces. “I, uh…” He tugs on the back of his neck. “Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise you won’t judge.”
“Pinky promise.” Holding up my right hand, I extend my pinky finger and hook it together with his.
“I’m not flexible,” Blake mutters, so low that I don’t hear him at first.
“What?”
“My body doesn’t bend in those ways. I always look like a flamingo trying to stand on its head when I try things like that.”
The image has me laughing to the point that I almost snort.
I cough to cover it up. “We can start with the basics. You’ll like it. I promise.”
“Maybe.” Blake doesn’t look all that enthused.
I lightly shrug. “You try yoga, I’ll learn to golf.”
In my peripheral vision, I’m vaguely aware of another couple making their way toward us, but I can’t tear my gaze away from Blake as one dark eyebrow arches.
“You’re on, Milas.”
I tap the pen against my lips as I read through the answers on this week’s exam. I know, I could get my TA to grade these, but I like to know how the students are doing and who needs more help grasping certain concepts.
My phone buzzes from where it’s face down on my desk. I mark an answer wrong in red pen before I pick up the phone and swipe it open to check the text that just came in.
Unknown number
Hi, this is Addie, Blake’s friend. Well, kind of Blake’s friend’s fiancée, but Blake is cool too. Did he tell you I want to meet you and hang out? Get to know you before the wedding? I’m going to be at the bar with the guys on Saturday if you’ll be there. And I was thinking we could go shopping, maybe this weekend or next. I’ve got a wedding dress, but you can never have enough sundresses for the Bahamas! If you’re up for it we can meet at the mall. I’ll bring Holly. She’s married to one of Blake’s friends. Also she’s my sister-in-law. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you the whole thing when we meet!
I stare at the phone in my hand, leaning back in my desk chair and doing my best not to stereotype based on one text message.
But holy cow, that’s one long message. Kind of a stream-of-consciousness thing, which makes me wonder if that’s what she’s like in real life.
Chatty. Bubbly.
She reminds me a lot of Angela, actually.
Shopping isn’t my go-to hangout, but she’s right. You can never have enough sundresses. Or bikinis.
Hi Addie !
I throw in the exclamation point, trying to match her excitement.
I’d love to meet up! I have plans this weekend, but maybe next weekend, or some evening if you want?
The reply comes back immediately.
Yayyyyy! So excited to meet you. Can’t wait to tell you all sorts of stories about Blake. I want to hear what he’s like at work! He must be so different than he is with the guys.
Sounds great!! Talk soon.
After hitting Send, I drop the phone on the desk and sigh. I’m not trying to be someone else with Addie. I just know it’s important that she likes me, or at least tolerates me enough that I don’t ruin her wedding.
When Blake first asked me, I figured we’d have “broken up” from our fake relationship by then. But as the wedding date is creeping closer, we’re still committed to our ruse, so much so that we now have plane tickets to Nassau.
I’m actually looking forward to the wedding. It’s in the Bahamas, after all, and who doesn’t love a Caribbean vacation? And more than that, it’s a chance to spend time with Blake. We get along well. He’s fun, and he’s become a good friend.
I’ve tried to keep my attraction to him to myself, at least mostly. He doesn’t need to know that I’m picturing him when I take care of my own needs.
I head up the stairs to Angela’s office, needing some advice.
She’s at her desk, a massive water bottle next to her while she writes something with a red pen.
I knock on the door frame and step into the office.
“One sec!” Angela calls, scribbling furiously for another few seconds before she sets down the pen and looks up at me. “Hey. What’s up?”
Angela is outgoing, the type of person who can walk into a room full of strangers and suddenly be best friends with half of them. I’m hoping she has pointers for me, both on how I managed to land her as a friend when we’re so different, and how to win Addie over.
“I’m supposed to meet one of Blake’s friends next weekend. It’s the girl whose wedding we’re going to next month.”
She studies me, her brow furrowed. “Okay?”
“I need them to like me. This is important to Blake. And it’ll be super awkward at this wedding if everyone hates me. ”
Angela erupts with laughter. “Jesus, you’re neurotic sometimes. I love you.” She wipes her eyes, finally gathering herself. “First, Blake likes you, so not everyone will hate you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Second,” she says, continuing as though I didn’t interrupt, “it’s easy to make friends. Just be yourself.” She sets her elbows on the desk, folding her hands and leaning forward to rest her chin on her fingers. “Kat, you’re an amazing woman. You’re a badass professor and one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that Addie is going to like me.”
“Who?” Angela furrows her eyebrows.
“The bride. Blake’s friend’s fiancée.”
“Ah.” She stands from her desk. “Well, if she has any common sense, she’ll love you. But let’s go get some gelato to calm your nerves.”