24. Kat
24
KAT
M y eyes prickle with tears as Cam and Addie read their vows. They wrote their own, which is what I’ve always wanted to do for my own wedding, and they were beautiful.
And yes, before you ask, I’ve planned my entire wedding out in my head. Plenty of people do.
It’ll be small, classy. My dress will be a simple strapless dress with a full skirt. Bouquets and decorations of dusty lavender and yellow roses, accented with lavender and veronica. My cousins as bridesmaids.
I always pictured my daddy walking me down the aisle, but we don’t always get the wedding of our dreams.
But in all of it, the only thing I’ve never actually pictured when it comes to my wedding is who the groom will be.
I lock eyes with Blake as Addie and Cam kiss, and something rises in me.
Hope, maybe.
Or maybe it’s a combination of lust, champagne, and the fact that we’re surrounded by so much love it could make you sick.
It’s also terrifying. Things between me and Blake are real now. What’s going to happen when we get back to Ardmore? And more importantly, what happens if this doesn’t work out? Do we break up publicly? How will we work together or teach a class?
It was stressful enough when it was fake.
Blake gives me a wink as he walks down the aisle, his arm hooked in Annika’s, and a sense of calm rushes over me.
Annika gives me a small wave, which I return.
It’s like instant friends. Despite how nervous I was to hang out with Addie and Holly, the two of them accepted me instantly, making me feel like I belong without having to change anything about myself. And meeting Becca today, along with seeing Josie, Chris, and Annika again, is making me feel like I have a whole new group of people around me.
I cross my fingers that I can keep these friendships going once we get back to Pennsylvania. I’ve never been good at keeping in touch with people that I don’t see on a daily basis. I get so wrapped up in my work, and suddenly I realize months have gone by, and I haven’t reached out.
The small crowd makes its way into the resort, most of us stopping to dump sand out of our shoes just before we enter.
One of the event spaces is set up for us with a cocktail hour on one side of the room, with waiters passing trays of champagne, mocktails, and small bites, as well as a bar in the corner. The other side is set for dinner, with a dance floor in between.
I take a glass of champagne and a conch fritter from two of the trays and sip at my drink slowly as I take in the space.
It’s magical, all fairy lights and sparkling accents. I note with relief that there’s one table set for two, clearly Cam and Addie’s. I was worried that Blake would be stuck at one of those wedding-party-only tables, and I’d be sitting alone, but it looks like I’m safe.
Out of curiosity, I wander to that side of the room and peruse the place settings, looking for my name. I find it quickly, at one of the tables closest to the dance floor. I’m sitting next to Blake, which I expected, but it’s nice to confirm. The other six seats at our table are designated for Miller and Becca, Holly and Maddox, Lawton, and someone named Kristina.
Hmm. I wonder who Kristina is. This is a fairly small group, only about forty or fifty people, and I haven’t met anyone with that name just yet.
You never know, though. Holly and Maddox have a baby, and they’re often pulled away to change him, or so Holly can nurse. Maybe Lawton also has a kid with this Kristina, and she’s in the hotel taking care of it.
I’ll have to ask Blake about it. I haven’t spent enough time with Lawton, even though he is Blake’s brother, to feel comfortable asking personal questions like that.
I dart a glance around the room before I snag Becca’s name tag and swap it with Miller’s, leaving them still sitting next to one another but with Becca sitting next to me instead of Miller, for a couple of reasons.
First, I like Becca. She’s in her final year of medical school, and we bonded over the similarities between grad school and med school and our shared love of biology. Plus, she’s sweet. Quiet at first, but after a couple of hours, we were laughing together like old friends.
Second, Miller loves to pull pranks, and I’m not what you would call the best audience for jokes like that. I don’t love being the target of anything, even harmless pranks. So a little space between us is a good thing.
“Ooh, are we sitting together?” Holly asks, coming up behind me.
I point to her seat. “Yeah. Me and Blake, you and Maddox, Miller and Becca, Lawton, and someone named Kristina. Do you know her?”
Holly’s brows furrow. “I think that’s Lawton’s girlfriend, but I’ve never met her. I started dating Maddox after Lawton had already moved to go to the police academy, so I haven’t had a chance to get to know him well.”
“He seems fun,” I say.
I haven’t interacted a ton with Lawton, but he’s always been nice to me and seems like he’s always smiling.
“Oh, they all are,” Holly says, studying the name cards. “I’d love to be a fly on the wall at one of their tournaments, you know? I bet they all get super intense when it’s a real game of poker.”
I swear the blood drains from my face, my heartbeat rushing in my ears. “They play poker? For money?”
Holly gives me a strange look. “Well, yeah. I figured you knew. Blake doesn’t do much now that he’s teaching at the college, and Lawton doesn’t have much time for tournaments. But that’s how they all met, mostly. Maddox and Cam in college, and the others formed a little group because they were all playing professionally.”
Hold it together, Kat.
I swallow hard, setting my nearly full glass of champagne on the table. “Interesting. It hasn’t come up before, but I’m interested to learn more.”
I’m always amazed when I can lie this smoothly.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Blake heading toward us. “I’m going to run to the restroom. Be right back.”
I manage to keep a neutral expression as I make my way as fast as I can go without arousing suspicion to the door to the hallway. Once I’m sure no one in the reception can see me, I squat against the wall, focusing on my breathing.
In…
Out…
In…
Out…
“You okay?” Blake’s deep voice cuts through the haze.
Spots still dance in my vision. But as they clear, red takes their place, fury filling my veins.
I push myself up to stand. “How could you lie to me, Blake?”
The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. He knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Kat, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to lie to you or hide—”
“I told you about my dad. About how I didn’t want to be around gambling or anyone who gambles. It’s not a joke to me, Blake. It ruined his life. It almost ruined mine .”
I’m hyperventilating, on the verge of tears. The fact that not only is Blake involved in this world, but that he used to gamble professionally ?
“I just didn’t want to bring it up. I know you don’t like to talk about it.” He reaches for my hand, and I flinch.
“It’s not just that he had a gambling addiction, Blake.” A tear escapes from the corner of my eye and traces a path down my cheek. “He gambled away my college fund. I was going to go to Yale. It was where he went, and I was going to follow in his footsteps. We even went together to look at the school.”
I swipe at my cheek. “It was only when I got the acceptance letter that he told me that there wasn’t any money for college. That I’d have to take out loans or finance it myself. And Yale isn’t cheap.”
“Kat.” Blake traces my face with his hand.
My body wants this man. That much is obvious. I was starting to have feelings for him, too. Maybe even starting to fall for him a little.
But I can’t let myself fall for someone who has this in their life. I know what gambling does to a person and to their family. We’d be doomed before we even started.
“I have to go.” I try to step past Blake, but he blocks my way with his broad body.
“Kat. Wait.”
“Let me go, Blake.” I shove at his chest, but I may as well be pushing at a brick wall for all the good it does.
“Please, Kat. We need to talk. But not here. This is Cam’s wedding. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
A pang of guilt hits me because he’s right. No matter how betrayed I feel right now, I’m not going to be selfish enough to ruin their wedding reception.
I have plenty of practice putting on a brave face.
I grit my teeth so hard I’m surprised I don’t crack a molar. “Fine. I’ll put on a good show. Just like old times.”
He winces at that, and I know it cuts deep. Old times. Like when it was all pretend.
“And then tomorrow, I’m leaving. You can stay here with your gambling buddies and have fun.” I don’t give him a chance to respond as I spin on my heel and head back into the reception.
Holly is still at our table, so I head there first to do a little rearranging.
“You okay?” she asks, her eyes wary.
Leave it to the social worker to sniff out trouble.
“I’m good,” I say, surprising myself with how easily the lie comes across my lips. “Just chatting with Blake for a minute. I was thinking, though, what if we girls sit together?”
Holly doesn’t argue, and soon the two of us have the table arranged perfectly—the boys on one side, girls on the other, with my seat flanked by Holly and Becca.
I head for the bar to grab another glass of champagne. Or maybe a whiskey. It’s going to be a long night.
Sitting between Becca and Holly seemed like a good idea.
But it’s done nothing to insulate me from Blake’s glare.
Even a few hours ago, that dark stare would have had my stomach fluttering, my core pulsing. It’s that dominant look, the one that says he owns me. The look that makes me want to ignore all the impulses that said not to get involved, that there could be a future for us.
But now I know there’s no chance of a future. And I’m too pissed off to be turned on.
I meet his gaze across the centerpiece of wild sage and yellow elders, the vivid orange and yellow hues warm in contrast to the pain I see in his eyes.
I’ve got patience. I’ve sat through plenty of things that were long, boring, or just painful.
But none as bad as this.
Because it’s not just putting on a brave face and bullshitting my way through a faculty meeting or even a funeral.
My heart is ripping into shreds.
I thought sitting away from Blake would help, but seated like this, I have a clear view of his face. It’s even worse.
A waiter places a salad in front of me. I stab a tomato with my fork, lift it to my mouth, and chew.
This is going to be a very long reception.