29. Blake
29
BLAKE
I was too late.
Guilt and desperation weigh heavily in the pit of my stomach as I make my way back to my office.
I’ve looked everywhere on campus, and Kat is nowhere to be seen. Her office door was shut, with no answer when I knocked.
There’s been no answer to the text I sent asking where she is. Finally, I stopped by their department admin office. Their secretary, a round gray-haired woman named Wilma, let me know that Kat hadn’t been feeling well and left after her lecture, cancelling her office hours for this afternoon.
Bullshit. Kat’s hiding. I’d bet anything.
But my plan for getting her to talk to me has stalled, at least for now. I was banking on the fact that she wouldn’t yell at me at work. Plus, if there were students and other faculty around, she’s unlikely to blow me off because it would look bad. All of that setup is gone now.
If I go to her house, I don’t have that angle. She can just ignore me and refuse to answer the door.
And I honestly don’t know if I can take that.
Pushing the door shut behind me, I lean my back against it. My shoulders are heavy.
I should have known that getting into this in the first place was a mistake. It wasn’t something I thought out, and from the minute the words flew out of my mouth— I’m dating Professor Milas —I’ve regretted them.
Honestly, though, that’s not entirely true, even though I’ve been trying to convince myself. There have been good moments. Great, even. Kat is funny, intelligent. Beautiful. She’s the whole package.
I guess what they say is true: you can’t have everything.
A knock at the wood behind my head makes me want to groan.
“Just a minute.”
It has to be Jeremy. He’s the most frequent visitor to my office, and while he’s been a voice of reason through this whole harebrained scheme with Kat, I need to be alone right now.
“I can wait.”
It’s not Jeremy.
It’s a familiar voice.
A clear, sweet voice I’d know anywhere, one that goes straight to my cock.
“Kat?” I turn around, pulling open the door to find her standing there.
She laces her fingers together in front of her, looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen her. To anyone else, it would be an innocent move, one that doesn’t mean anything.
But I know better.
I know everything about this woman. The way her voice changes when she’s excited, how her eyes dance when she’s teasing. The way she plays with her fingers when she’s nervous.
“Can I talk to you?” she asks, finally meeting my gaze.
I move to the side so she can enter my office. “Of course. I was trying to find you earlier to talk, actually.”
“I…had to leave campus for a bit.” Kat steps past me into my office.
I don’t miss the way she gives me a wide berth. It stirs up my regret.
This isn’t how she’d be acting around me if I hadn’t kept the whole poker thing from her.
Or were we always destined to end up like this, dancing around one another at a distance? If I’d told her about my past as a pro poker player, maybe we never would have gotten to that point in the Bahamas. Would she care if the guy she was in an arrangement with had a past with gambling, rather than the guy she was really dating?
Either way, I need to make her realize that’s what poker is for me. The past. I’ll give it all up right now. It started out of need, and I grew to love the thrill of winning, the challenge of trying to guess who has what hand based on how they play, the puzzle of estimating the chance of winning based on the cards I can see.
But now, there’s something I love more.
It’s too soon to tell her I love her, but it’s what I’ve realized. She’s grown on me the past couple months, getting deeper into my heart every time we shared gelato in the student center or threw ourselves into planning this course or walked across campus together. She’s become an inextricable part of my life.
Poker I can live without. Kat, I can’t.
I close the door behind her, giving us some privacy. There’s a window in my office, but I pulled the curtains earlier, so the light is just a warm glow from the lamp on my desk.
“Lawton came to talk to me,” she starts, standing by my desk but not taking the seat nearby.
I stiffen, wondering what my brother would have told her. He’s the only person who knows the full story of what happened when we were younger.
I don’t mind Kat knowing. Of everyone I know, she’s the one I want to tell everything. And honestly, she deserves to understand why I’m fucked up.
“He told me about your dad dying, and about how hard your mother took it.” Her eyes meet mine. “I’m so sorry, Blake. That must have been so tough on you.”
I can’t get words past the lump in my throat, so I just nod. There’s concern in her gaze, caring, but no judgment or pity.
“I’m sorry about the way things…ended.” Her gaze goes to the floor as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t know about your mom or everything from the past. I hope you can forgive me.”
The only thing she needs forgiveness for is thinking that we’re done. It’s going to take a lot more than that for her to get rid of me.
“Kat.” I deepen my voice to get her attention. “I don’t care about all of that. Did seeing the way my dad’s death affected my mom fuck my views on relationships for a while? Yes. But being around you… It’s changed all of that. You make me want to try, even if it hurts sometimes. I don’t want to give up on us.”
Her eyes are bright with tears. “The gambling thing is hard for me. I’m working on it. I texted my dad today. He’s been trying to talk to me about things for years, and I haven’t been ready to listen. But…now I am. Even so, it’s not just the gambling. It’s that you kept it from me.”
If I could go back in time and undo anything in my life, I’d tell her about poker the minute I met her. I’d give up any kind of gambling just for her. It would be worth it.
“I never meant to lie to you or keep anything from you, Kat.” I swallow hard, hoping it’s enough. “It’s not a big part of my life anymore. It’s not a part of my life at all now, actually. The friendships I have with the guys started that way, but those relationships are deeper now. They don’t need that common thread anymore. And I don’t need gambling in my life. But I do need you.”
She draws in a deep breath, her eyes fixed on me.
I take in a breath, too, as I get ready to lay it all out on the line. “I promise you, Kat. I’ll never keep anything from you ever again. Starting right now. It’s too soon for this, but…I’m falling for you, baby.”
Her lips part softly, her hazel eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “This is real, isn’t it?”
I can’t wait any longer to touch her. “This is more real than anything I’ve ever known.”
I pull her toward me and crush my lips against hers.
She meets me with the same fervent need, our kisses demanding. She bites down on my lip, causing me to groan before I take her mouth with my tongue, savoring her taste.
Kat presses her body against mine, and fuck, I don’t care that we’re at work right now. I have to have her.
In one movement, I spin her around and move us until we’re standing next to the desk. “Bend over.”
She looks over her shoulder at me. There’s a question in her eyes, but her pupils are dilated with lust.
“Over the desk,” I say again, giving her ass a light smack.
Office sex isn’t the reason I keep my desk clean with very few things on top, but it’s coming in handy right now.
Kat presses her upper body against the dark wood as I shove my pants and boxers down in one movement, only pausing to grab a condom from my wallet. I usually keep one in there, but the way Kat and I are going through them, I may need to find a way to have more available at any given time.
I sheath myself, then I lift Kat’s skirt, taking in the shape of her gorgeous ass. The black thong she’s wearing doesn’t cover much, but I don’t want anything between us now.
I take hold of the lace and yank, ripping it off her body.
Kat gasps, but I don’t care. I’ll buy her a new pair. Hell, I’ll buy her a hundred of those thongs, if I’m the one who gets to look at them.
I reach between her legs, finding her center hot and slick. Fuck .
“This is real, babe. This is so fucking real.” I surge forward, driving all the way home in one movement. “Don’t ever. Fucking. Doubt. It.”
I punctuate each word with a hard thrust.
I can’t get enough of this woman.
She matches me thrust for thrust, pushing back against me to take me deeper.
I grip her hips, pulling her as close to me as I can get her.
I’m never letting this woman go.
After one of the best orgasms of my life, we lie on the floor of my office, staring up at the ceiling, both of us still breathing heavily.
“You should have someone paint over that water damage,” Kat says, pointing.
“Mmm?” I pull her closer to me.
The carpet may not be the most comfortable, but it beats lying on the hard linoleum. Next time, though, I’m having her in a bed. My bed, preferably. Every night from now on. Or her bed, for all I care. As long as I’m with her, it doesn’t matter.
“There’s a water spot on your ceiling.”
This time, I follow where she’s pointing. There’s a brown spot in the center of the white paint.
“Huh. I never noticed that before.”
“You missed it all those times you fucked someone else on your office floor?” she asks, a teasing lilt in her voice.
“You’re the only one I’ve ever fucked in my office, Kitten.” If I have my way, she’s the only one I’ll fuck ever again, in my office or anywhere else.
“Huh. Well, missed opportunity. This carpet is pretty nice.” She runs a hand over it. “Did you see where my underwear went? ”
Folding her thong wasn’t exactly high on my list of priorities at that moment, and it’s destroyed now anyway. I tossed it somewhere, but after looking around, I don’t see it. The black could be camouflaged against any shadow, though.
I sit up to look for it as the squeak of the doorknob turning makes Kat gasp.
The door pushes open before we can react, and in that moment, all I can do is thank my lucky stars that we were in too much of a rush to actually take our clothes off.
“Oh!” Randi lets out a startled gasp. “I, um, brought your mail. I was going to put it on your desk, but, uh…”
She looks from me to Kat and back again, crimson staining her cheeks.
I climb to my feet. My pants are up, but my belt is still unbuckled. There’s no point in pretending she didn’t just walk in on us, so I buckle it as I walk toward the door to take the pile from Randi’s hand.
“Oh, and, um.” Randi stoops down to grab something from the floor and adds it to the mail pile. “You might need this. Sorry again.”
She hands me the pile of interdepartmental envelopes with Kat’s thong on top.
“Thanks. ”
She rushes away without another word. As soon as I close the door, Kat dissolves into giggles, and I start laughing, too.
“A few minutes earlier, and she would have…” Kat says, getting to her feet. “I’m betting she won’t bug you anymore about going on a date with her. That was about as much proof as we could offer her that we’re dating.”
I snort with laughter. “As long as the gossip doesn’t spread all over campus, it’ll be fine.”
She adjusts her skirt, takes the thong from me, and stuffs it into her purse. “Ready to work on that course outline?”
As long as Kat is next to me, I’m ready for anything.