31
Selah
A fter a blissful weekend at the Kade cabin, I felt like a new woman.
On Sunday, Beckett asked me to spend the day with them again, even though my stay had already been extended longer than I expected. We spent most of the day in the backyard, and I read my Kindle while Dragana did some crocheting, and Beckett played with Edison.
It was such a peaceful day, and every time I looked at Beckett my mind kept drifting off to all of the private time we spent together, and what an amazing ability he has to make my body explode.
I’ve never had a man understand me emotionally, or physically the way Beckett does. Even though the sexual chemistry between us is incredible, I didn’t miss the look of adoration in his eyes during our intimate time together that told me he truly treasures me for more than just my body.
I felt refreshed and ready to start a new week after being with him, feeling like I was floating on an untouchable cloud.
It’s the last week of school in Upwood, and there are lots of things to complete for my students, and activities going on in our little elementary school. I spend my days focusing on wrapping up our math, reading, and getting the kids final assessments completed.
Beckett checks in on me every day while I’m working to see if I’ve had my lunch, and see how my day is going. I look forward to his sweet messages, and I love that he shows me how much he cares even when we aren’t together.
Every evening he insists that I have dinner with them at the cabin so that we can all spend time together. He tries to convince me to stay the night each time I'm leaving, but despite his excellent persuasive skills, I knew that I didn’t want to overdo it.
Things are going well between us, but I still need to be careful with my heart. I don’t want us to be practically living together and then have it be that much harder when everyone leaves. We’ve talked more about what the future could be like for us beyond summer, and my heart still sinks every time I think of all of them being in Manhattan while I’m still here.
I’m trying to not let negative thoughts overtake my good ones, but some days it’s still difficult.
The last day of school arrives on Friday, and all of the kids are so excited. My class is at lunch with the first-grade students and their teacher, so I’m sitting at my desk finishing up a few certificates.
My phone pings, and I eye it wearily. This week my mother has been blowing up my phone with texts, and I don’t have time for any more of her negativity. I feel like the past few weeks I have been slowly rewiring my brain, and teaching myself that it is ok to have a healthier relationship with food, and value my own opinion of my body above everyone else’s.
This is what I wanted when I moved here, to be a more confident version of myself, and form real connections with people who truly care about me, and understand me. I’ve achieved that with my friends who have become like family, and now I’ve even met someone so unexpectantly who sees me in a way that no one else ever has.
I’m not going to go backwards from all of the progress that I’ve made.
My phone pings again, and I sigh, going into my top drawer to take it out. My heart speeds up when I see it’s not actually my mother.
Beckett: Have you eaten, angel?
I smile at his thoughtfulness, but my mouth falls open when I see his next message:
Beckett: Do you need to be eaten?
I laugh out loud at his audacity, and heat rises up my face as I recall for the 100 th time this week just how amazingly talented he is with his tongue. The man has skills I didn’t even knew existed in that arena.
I type out a response:
Yes, Beck. I’m eating lunch right now. But I’m not opposed to being dessert for you later..
I bite my lip and watch as the dots dance across my screen and I wait for his response.
I’ve never said these things to anyone before I met Beckett. Even though I knew my sexual desires were a bit different ever since I was a hormone fueled teenager, I never felt safe expressing them.
The one time I let something slip to a boyfriend that I had years ago, he looked at me like something was wrong with me, and I began to wonder if maybe something really was.
But Beckett makes me feel safe and comfortable enough to be myself. I can tell that he has no inhibitions when it comes to expressing his sexual desires.
He made that very clear when I was down on my knees in front of him and he called himself that five letter word that made me go damn near feral..
My phone pings and I jump at the sound, coming out of my fond memories:
Beckett: It’s been far too long since I enjoyed some..dessert. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.
My skin tingles realizing that he will be here in just an hour for the awards ceremony. I put my phone away and finish up the certificates so I can go check myself in the mirror one more time, and go get my students.
One hour later, we are all filing into the Gymnasium for the last assembly. I look around the gym as we go in, glancing over the bleachers until I spot Dragana and Beckett sitting side by side right in front.
Dragana sees me first and waves, nudging Beckett, who slowly turns his head towards me. His eyes move over me as he pockets his phone. He’s wearing a nice navy suit, and has his hair stlyed perfectly My heart melts recalling how he looked just like this the first time he came to my house.
I wave at them and I hear all of my kids talking excitedly to each other as they spot their parents and loved ones.
“That’s my Uncle Beckett and Gana!” Edison announces, standing a few kids behind me.
“Who is Gana?” I hear Franklin ask.
“She’s like my grandma. You can meet her after the assembly!” Edison responds, and I smile, turning to see him waving wildly towards them.
Beckett gives him a thumbs up, smiling proudly as Gana blows him a kiss. It makes me so happy seeing him have people who care so much for him now, and are willing to show up for him on special days like today.
I get my class settled on the floor, and soon the assembly begins. Principal Harold gives a short speech, and the small school choir sings two songs. Soon it’s on to the awards for academic performance, and attendance.
I see Edison watching as a few of his classmates go up on stage to get awards, and I know he must feel a little disappointed.
He struggled this year in a few subjects due to the chaos that was going on in his personal life, and he also missed quite a bit of school. I’m confident that next year he will be getting awards for all of the same achievements that these children are now that he has a caring family in his corner.
Our librarian comes up to talk about the summer reading program, and soon, students are being dismissed to enjoy refreshments and go home with their families. I have my students stay together as their adults and siblings come over to find them one at a time.
Beckett and Dragana come right over to get Edison and give him a hug. Beckett winks at me and I smile, giving him a brief wave. Once all of my students are off with their families, I make my way over to the refreshments area to talk to a few parents.
Twenty minutes later, I find Dragana and Edison eating cookies together. I give them both a hug, and look over at Beckett who is standing with his hands in his pockets. I want to give him a hug so badly, but I shake his hand instead, trying to keep things professional in front of my peers, and the other parents.
“ I didn’t get any awards today,” Edison mutters, looking up at Beckett.
Beckett frowns, taking Edison’s hand in his. “It’s been a hard year, little man. You still finished out the year strong, and we are all proud of you,” he says, rubbing his hair. “Next year you will get so many awards, we might need to bring two cars to get them all home.”
Edison laughs, moving to wrap his arms around Beckett’s waist. “You’re the best, Uncle B. I love you,” he responds happily.
Beckett freezes, and his eyes move over to mine, as Dragana and I stare at them both in surprise.
He recovers quickly, clearing his throat and smiling down at Edison, “I love you too, Edison. And I’m very proud of you, ok?”
Edison nods, his attention turning to Franklin as he runs over to us with his mother. Edison introduces him to Dragana and I speak to his mother for a moment, before excusing myself. I feel a hand on my arm when I’m halfway across the gym.
Beckett stands behind me, and lets go of me, looking around. “Thank you sweet- Ms . Lansing, for everything you’ve done for Edison this year. He wouldn’t have made it through this year and be moving on to the next grade without your help.”
I fold my hands together in front of me, hoping it’s not obvious to anyone around us how flustered I am. “You’re welcome, Mr. Kade. It was a pleasure having Edison as a student,” I respond politely.
Beckett holds my gaze for a moment before stepping closer to me, like he just can’t handle there being any space between us. He leans down, lowering his voice.
“I’ll see you tonight for dinner, Ms. Lansing. And I’ll be expecting you to bring that dessert you offered me earlier,” he says, lifting a dark eyebrow.
I stifle a laugh, watching as he turns and strolls back over to get Edison and Dragana, before leaving the gym.