Chapter 2
Chapter Two
Jax
She’s like a drunken deer in the headlights when she looks back at me. Both her hands are braced on the couch from when she caught herself after my swift retreat.
As she straightens and finds her balance again, a blush paints her cheeks and horror fills her eyes, making me feel bad for how I reacted.
Not only did I reject the woman I’ve been in love with since I was fifteen, but I rejected her right after she had to hear awful things said to her by the man who was supposed to marry her in six months.
I plop myself back down on the couch. “What was that?”
She presses her face into the palms of her hands, groaning. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to feel good again, to feel wanted. Obviously that backfired.” She laughs, but the sound is coated in embarrassment.
“What are you talking about?”
“When I first broke up with Austin, I felt relieved because it was an end to the pain I’d been feeling while our relationship fell apart.
It was nice to stop pretending I was happy, and seeing new possibilities for my life was exciting for a little bit, but now that the excitement has worn off, reality has set in. ”
Noting the flush still in her cheeks, I rise from the couch and head into the kitchen to grab her a glass of water. When I hand it to her, she gives me an appreciative smile before taking a sip.
A lock of her golden hair falls over her face as she stares at the glass in her hands, not meeting my gaze.
“I miss being in a relationship. Plus, now, I have to go through life not only knowing that it’s possible for someone to say ‘I love you’ and not mean it, but also knowing I’m the type of girl that someone would say those three words to without meaning them. ”
I reach out my hand, placing it on her thigh in a lame attempt at comfort.
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes as she continues.
“Toward the end, Austin made me feel like something was wrong with me, and that only got worse when I found out he was cheating on me. Because of him, I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know what I enjoy doing in my free time, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m unlovable.
” She pauses, releasing a sigh. “For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around me holding everyone I love together, but now my life is blowing up, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to fix all this.
I certainly wasn’t enough to fix my relationship with Austin. ”
I hate seeing Lauren torn down. She used to be bold. She used to know who she was and what she loved. She wasn’t afraid to take what she wanted out of life.
Twisting the glass in her hands, she glances up at me. “I know it was stupid to think it would fix anything, but I thought kissing you would relieve some of the pain I’ve been feeling and make me feel wanted again, at least for a little bit.” She drops her gaze to her lap.
I sling my arm over her shoulder, leaning my head against hers. “It’s not silly to have all these emotions after everything you’ve gone through, but kissing me isn’t going to make any of it better.”
“I don’t know what will.” She bites her lower lip, looking defeated.
I open and close my mouth as I take her hand and let silence wash over us. I want to make this better, but I don’t know how.
Finally, I say, “I don’t know what it’s like to have your heart broken, but I’ve seen people fall in and out love in my lifetime.
So many lose themselves when they love someone who isn’t right for them, but now you’re free.
” As I say the words, I think of my mom when she came to Roots.
She blossomed into the best version of herself once we escaped my dad.
“You should learn what you like and what you want in life. You’re strong—you can handle anything life throws at you.
I promise you’re better off without that asshole.
You just need to learn how to believe it again. ”
She throws her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t. Then, we’ll make sure you do everything on it.”
She crinkles her brows. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly, it sounds scary. I don’t want to do everything alone. I like people.”
“Which is why I will help you.”
Her eyes go round. “You will?”
“Of course. Now get some sleep. We can revisit the list another day.”
“No.” She grabs my wrist as I get up from the couch. “I want to do it now. This is probably the boldest I’ll ever be, and there’s no way I’m falling asleep anytime soon.”
“Are you sure? It’s late.”
“Yeah, I already have a few ideas.” She gets up from the couch to grab a pencil and a pad of paper, her hazel eyes sparking. I love that she’s biting back a smile instead of fighting off tears.
When she jots down her first idea, I immediately glance over her shoulder to read it.
1. Take swing dance lessons at the Long Neck
“I always wanted to take lessons, but I’ve been so busy, and the few times I could’ve gone, Austin shot the idea down. He said he wasn’t good at dancing, but I didn’t care. I just wanted someone to dance with me because I enjoy it.”
I have to fight back the urge to remark on how much I hate that man or how I would’ve done anything she asked just to see a smile on her face because that’s what you do when you care for someone. Instead, I opt for, “That’s a good start. What else have you been holding back from?”
She writes down two more.
2. Cut my hair
3. Go to a ranching conference
She twirls the pencil in her hands. “I’ve wanted to cut my hair for two years, but I always chickened out.”
“What about the ranching conference?”
“Austin went to plenty, but always alone. He argued that someone needed to stay back at Copper Hill and that he was better at talking to strangers. I kind of wonder if he just didn’t want me to realize I could manage without him.”
I wince. This was supposed to be empowering for Lauren, but it feels like it’s just empowering me to beat the crap out of Austin. Thankfully she still looks upbeat, so we keep going.
“Can I add something?”
She hands me the pencil and paper, watching over my shoulder while I write.
4. Eat out alone
5. Do something that’s only for me and no one else
“I like mine better,” she says as she snags the pencil from me, flipping it around to erase what I just wrote.
“You can’t do that!” I slip the pencil from her grasp, but she grabs it back.
“It’s my list.”
I chuckle. “But you’re not going to grow if you only do things you come up with on your own.”
“Fine. But I have more to add.”
“Be my guest.” I gesture to the notepad.
She writes down two more items.
6. Go to a concert
7. Regenerative Agriculture
“What’s that?” I point to number seven.
She assesses me for a minute, as if she’s trying to decide whether she can trust me.
Finally, she sighs, admitting, “The ranch isn’t doing well.
Our profits have been down, and the cost of maintaining the ranch continues to creep up.
We need to do something different, or we aren’t going to make it. ”
There’s fear in her eyes, and it spurs me to wrap my arms around her without hesitation. She allows me to do so, even leaning into me in a way that makes my heart melt.
Talking into my chest now, she continues. “Regenerative agriculture, or ‘regenerative ag,’ is supposed to not only be better for soil health and the environment, but it’s been proven to cut costs and improve yields. I think it could work for Copper Hill, but I’ve been afraid to suggest it.”
“It sounds like a great idea. I think it could work for your family’s ranch, especially with someone passionate like you leading the charge.”
“I think so too,” she says softly.
She turns back to the notepad, jotting down another idea, and curiosity has me peeking over her shoulder.
8. Kiss someone new (when I’m ready)
I can’t help the grin that curves on my lips as I watch her add the little note in parentheses. I look over the list once more.
“What about hobbies? Are there any you want to pick up again?”
“Well sure, but I don’t have time. Now that Austin’s gone, I’m the one in charge, and I’m managing the ranch with one less cowboy. If I’m being honest, I already don’t know how I’ll manage to get away for a weekend to attend a conference or find time to research regenerative ag.”
“What if I helped you?”
“When would you have the time? I thought you just took an ownership stake in the bar. You’re probably just as busy as me.”
“It’s only a ten percent stake. If anything, it’s given me more time because I’m starting to supervise and cutting back my late shifts. I can help you in the morning with whatever you need, whether it’s an extra set of hands or help with admin work.”
She worries her lower lip. “When are you going to sleep?”
“I’ll take naps.” I smirk.
“This sounds like a terrible idea. You need to take care of yourself.”
“So do you,” I counter, pinning her with a look. “Let me help.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. Add some hobbies on there.” I tap the notepad. “You need to let yourself enjoy life again.”
She stares me down for a while, and I feel her gaze on every inch of my skin, but I hold it, determined to show her I’m not going to change my mind.
I’ve watched Lauren lose herself over the last several years of her relationship, and I’ve had to bite my tongue because she said she was happy.
Now that I know she isn’t, I’m going to make sure that changes.
She lifts the pencil.
9. Start reading again
10. Ride Lucky for fun
I point to number ten. “When was the last time you took Lucky out for a trail ride?”
“I honestly couldn’t tell you. The poor guy needs a break just as much as I do. He’s always working.”
“That’s going to change soon.” I give her an encouraging smile. “I like this list. You can always add more to it later if you come up with something, but for now, you should get some sleep, and I should go.”
She pouts. “I’m too tired to go all the way to my room.”
Sighing, I scoop her up and carry her down the hall, setting her on her bed. “There.”
She’s still pouting.
“What’s wrong now?”
“I’m too tired to get ready for bed.” A small smile spreads on her face, like she’s testing me more than anything.
“All you have to do is brush your teeth.”
“Nuh-uh. I have to get the bar smell off me, and then I have to do my full face routine. I don’t get clear, youthful skin like this by neglecting crucial steps.”
“Then do it.” I turn to leave, knowing I’ve already overstayed my welcome.
I’m not used to spending extended periods of time with her alone.
It’s been years, and even when she didn’t have a boyfriend, I knew better than to let myself get attached.
I don’t protect the people I love, as evidenced by my fantastic failure at doing that for my mom nine years ago.
Being with Lauren isn’t going to change that.
She glances down at her floral bedspread. “Will you stay here tonight? Please.”
When she looks back up at me with her hazel eyes, I can tell she needs this, and if I’m being honest, it’s impossible to say no to Lauren.
“I’ll stay.”