Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Lauren
My jaw drops. I can only imagine how that letter must’ve made Jax feel. Putting all my focus on him, I squeeze him tight. “When did you find out?”
“I found the letter right before the festival.”
This explains everything! That’s why he was acting weird.
“Why didn’t you tell me right away?” I have to rein in my frustration, knowing this isn’t the time. Jax needs my support more than anything.
He rakes his hand through his hair. “I needed time to process everything. Plus, I didn’t want to ruin the festival by telling you about the letter and making you worry.”
I open my mouth and then close it, processing. I have so many questions.
Sensing the tension, Bella gets up from her spot on the floor, scampering over to us.
I grab her before she has the chance to hop up on the couch and break her stitches.
She immediately wiggles between us, setting a paw on my leg and her head in Jax’s lap.
It’s like she knows precisely what we need.
I scratch Bella’s back in the spot she likes. “I thought you said the drug charges would lock him up for a while.”
“They did. He was there for over nine years, but he’s out on parole now.” Jax sinks his fingers into the soft fur behind Bella’s ears. She must be in heaven.
“What’d the letter say?”
“He claims he’s in Gambler’s Anonymous, and that he wants to make amends.”
I assess him carefully. “You don’t believe him.”
“How can I?” He shoves his empty bowl on the coffee table, throwing his arms up in the air. “He’s never been someone I can rely on. He always said he’d do better when he sobered up, but that didn’t stop the cycle.”
“So what are we going to do?”
“We?”
“Yes, I want to be here for you.”
He gives me a half-hearted smile before returning his attention to Bella. “We aren’t going to do anything. He’s on parole in Oklahoma, so he can’t come to Texas.” By the tone in his voice, he’s trying to convince himself more than anyone.
“What’d your mom say?” I rub my hand gently on his knee “How does she feel about it?”
“She doesn’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t tell her about the letter. She’s been through enough because of that asshole. She doesn’t need to be stressed out more.”
My stomach sinks. I’ve seen Jax do a lot of growing over the last couple months, but this doesn’t feel like a step forward for him.
“Are you sure that’s what she’d want?”
“That’s what she deserves.”
This doesn’t feel right. I don’t think Aimee would want to be kept in the dark like this. “Jax—”
“It’s the right thing to do.” He tenses up. “My mom doesn’t need to worry about this.”
I lean toward him, keeping my voice soft. “And you’re not at all curious about what your dad would have to say? You don’t want to hear his apology?”
“Hell no!” His face turns red. “He only wants to do it to make himself feel better. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. I hope his guilt rots him.”
I draw back, not sure what to say. I want to be supportive, but it’s a lot harder to do when I disagree with him.
Regret flashes on his face at his harsh words. “I’m sorry. It’s a sensitive topic. I’m trying to do right by my mom this time around. I won’t repeat what I did to her before.”
“Jax, you did nothing wrong. You don’t need to fix anything.”
“You weren’t there.” He shakes his head. “I need to do this for her.”
Swallowing down any argument I have, I rub his back gently. “Then I’ll do my best to support you. If you ever change your mind and decide you want to tell your mom about the letter, I’ll support you in that too.”
“Thank you.”
Silence washes over us for a little while. Bella takes it as her sign to nuzzle her head under Jax’s palm to get more pets. He grants her wish, and I watch him soften before my eyes. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I called her a therapy dog.
Bella crawls all the way into Jax’s lap as he says, “That’s enough difficult conversations for one night, don’t you think? Finish your ice cream and we can just sit on the couch together while you read.”
“That sounds lovely, but I want you to do something you enjoy too. We came here this weekend so you could do something for you.”
He nuzzles into me. “I’ve already told you being with you makes me happy.”
“Grinchie.” I do my best to sound stern.
“Fine. How about I play some music in the background, maybe a little John Michael Montgomery?”
I roll my eyes at his predictability, but a smile crosses my face.
Jax, Bella, and I lie on the couch like nesting dolls. Jax’s back is pressed against the armrest with me propped between his outstretched legs as I read. Bella’s happily curled up between my knees, breathing deeply.
I revel in the feeling of Jax’s arms wrapped tightly around me as he leans his head back against a pillow. His eyes are closed, but I can tell he’s still awake because he’s been softly humming along to the music.
Normally any kind of noise while I’m reading would be a distraction, but I’m not bothered. It might also help that the character in my book is about to walk in on his best friend making out with his sister, and I’m very emotionally invested in what happens next.
As the song on the speaker reaches the chorus, Jax picks up his soft humming, pulling me in tighter to him, which I didn’t think was possible.
“This is nice,” he whispers, his lips brushing against my ear.
“You could turn the music up louder, you know.”
“I don’t want to disturb your reading. Besides, it’s late. We can’t risk waking Charlie and sending him into papa bear mode.”
An easy laugh slips from my lips. “You’re being ridiculous. We both know he sleeps like the dead.”
“Yeah, but he seemed off today. It’s not worth the risk.”
I scooch a dozing Bella to the side as I sit up to face Jax. “Do you think he’ll be okay with us being together when he finds out?”
“I don’t know for sure.” He bites his lip. “I hope so. If he isn’t, we’ll get him there.” He kisses my cheek, setting loose a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
A new song drifts from the speaker, and Jax’s attention shifts from me to the music in the air. “I love this song. It makes me think of you.”
I wrap my arms around his neck, moving in to kiss him. He accepts it, but he quickly draws away from me, slipping off the couch. “You have to listen.”
“You just pulled away from me while I was trying to kiss you!” I drop my mouth open in disbelief.
“Because I’m constantly trying to figure out how to tell you what you mean to me, and all the words that tumble out of my mouth feel utterly worthless every single time. Maybe this song will do a better job than I can.”
He pulls his phone off the table, sitting in the recliner across the room as he starts the song over. “The song is called ‘I Love the Way You Love Me.’ Will you listen this time?”
“I can do that.”
He joins me on the couch again, draping his arm around me.
I try not to let his touch distract me, focusing hard on the lyrics as John Michael Montgomery sings about how he loves every little thing about his girl, how she’s managed to get him to start living his life for the little moments, like dancing in the rain, and how he ultimately loves how easily she loves every part of him.
The final soft note of the guitar plays, and one thought runs through my mind: Jax loves me.
He may not have said it, but the song did.
It fills me with a nervous energy, and the only way I know how to deflect it is with humor, so I turn to him and ask, “Was it the line about the two-hour baths that made you think of me? I’m sorry I stayed in so long that night, but you drew a really nice bath. ”
His lips quirk. “Is that all you got from the song?”
“No, I hung on every word.” I cling to his arm. “It’s beautiful, Jax. I want to listen again.”
“I’ll listen to it a hundred times if that’s what makes you happy.”
I’m quickly realizing Jax would go to the ends of the earth for me. With him by my side, I know I’m stronger than everything that’s plagued me over the last several months.
Jax starts the song over then gets up from the recliner, holding out a hand. “Will you dance with me? No fancy swing dancing. I just want to hold you and sway to the music.”
I take his hand in answer. With his hand on my waist and the other lacing our fingers together, I say, “I hope you know I’d do anything to make you happy. In fact, I want to tell Charlie about us tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?” He looks hesitant, but there’s a spark of hope in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to feel like my dirty little secret. Besides, my best friends know about you and me. It’s only fair your best friend gets to know about us too.”
“This is different.” He glances in the direction of Charlie’s bedroom. “My best friend is also your brother.”
“That’s even more reason to tell him. Plus, I feel bad hiding it from him.”
He grimaces. “Me too.”
A combination of excitement and fear swirls in Jax’s eyes as he processes what I just said. Finally, he mutters, “I might need to go home and grab my old cup just to be safe.”
The laughter that escapes me is more like a cackle, and when Jax spins me around unexpectedly, it only grows louder. Bella wakes from her spot dozing on the couch, wagging her tail and letting out a bark of excitement.
“You think that’s funny? You try getting kicked in the balls.” Jax crosses his arms.
“Charlie won’t kick you in the balls for dating his sister,” I say, still giggling as I scoop a barking Bella into my arms and nestle her between our chests.
Despite the chaos in the room right now, Jax doesn’t try to quiet me. He watches me, his eyes soft as he radiates his own happiness that’s beautiful to see.
“I hope you realize how much I care for you, Freckles. I’m going to risk my balls for you tomorrow.”
“You’ll be fine. Charlie won’t touch you.” I hope.