Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
Lauren
I should be spending Sunday morning breakfast enjoying the beautiful meal Mom prepared and basking in the fact that Dad is home safe and I have a new cowboy to help out on the ranch, but instead, I pick at my food as I run my conversation with Dad through my mind a million different times.
He stands from the table as the meal winds down. “Before everyone goes their separate ways, I want to say how happy I am that we can all be here together for breakfast on this lovely Sunday morning. We’re really looking forward to having you work on the ranch, Zach.”
Dad holds up his nearly empty glass of water with a cheesy grin, and I share a knowing glance with Mom. We were talking this morning about how he’s been extra sentimental since he came home yesterday.
Everyone raises their glasses to follow suit, and then we quickly disperse.
“I’m sad Jax couldn’t join us this morning,” Nana says as the two of us head into the kitchen with empty dishes. “Your second hire should’ve been here.”
I don’t look her in the eye as I pass her a dish to clean. She knows something is going on, and I really don’t feel like talking about it now.
I texted him to try to find a time to talk, and he blew me off, giving some lame excuse about needing to help Carol with new puppies that came to the rescue this morning.
The worst part is, I know Jax was lying about helping because Olivia confirmed there are no new dogs at the rescue right now.
My stomach flip flops again at the thought.
“Yeah, too bad.” I finish drying a dish and put it in the cabinet. “What’d you think of Zach?”
Nana pauses her scrubbing to narrow her eyes at me but answers my question anyway. “He seems nice. I’m glad he was able to join us so I could meet him.”
“Me too. I know it helped Dad feel a little more involved in the ranch. He has such a hard time letting go.”
Nana pauses with the dish she’s cleaning, glancing up at me. “That bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“What does?”
“Your dad’s inability to take a break.”
“Doesn’t it bother you?” I take the next clean plate to dry. “Papa literally worked himself to death, and Dad is following in his footsteps.”
“Of course it bothers me, but I learned a long time ago that the Rhodes men don’t like being told what to do, especially not by their wife or mother.”
“So, what do we do?”
Nana spins around, heading toward the dining room. “Bennett, your daughter wants to talk.”
“Nana!” I drop my jaw, feeling more than betrayed.
“You’re our best hope, dear. I’m sorry.” She presses a quick peck on my cheek. “Speak from the heart and don’t overthink it.”
“But—”
“I watched you struggle at the hospital. It’s clear something is weighing on you, and I know a conversation with your dad will fix it. He may have had a heart attack, but he’s still here. Talk to him like you used to. You’ll be glad you did.”
She’s right. Be brave. This is how I grow.
Dad glances up at me with a smile on his face as I come back into the dining room, pulling up a chair next to him. I can still see reminders of his heart attack from the way his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and the exhaustion etched into his face.
“What’s going on with my favorite girl?”
I glance at Mom, who is still at the table with Zach.
“Zach, have you gotten situated in the bunkhouse yet?” Mom rises from her seat. “I can help you.”
I give her an appreciative nod as Zach takes the hint, thanking us for breakfast and following Mom toward the front door.
I sit, taking my time settling in. I’m not sure how to start this conversation.
“What’s bothering you?” Dad lays his hand on mine.
I take in a sharp breath, building up the courage to say what I need to say and quickly realizing I’m never going to be more prepared for this discussion.
“I need you to know I love you.”
Dad smiles, swiping his thumb over my hand. “I love you too.”
“You’ve been my best friend since day one. It was terrifying getting the phone call that you were in the hospital, and it was completely unbearable to just sit there, waiting, while they ran their tests.”
I take in a deep breath. Here it goes. “I’ve been in this weird place lately because there’s a part of me that blames myself for taking time off for the hunting trip and making you feel like you needed to step in and take over.”
I trace a dark spot on the table, unable to meet his gaze.
“I’m also mad at you because you’ve refused to rest even though the doctors tell you it will help you live a longer, healthier life, and yet I understand what it’s like to love this ranch, and the work that comes with it, with your whole soul.
So I find myself in a tough spot.” I glance up at him, meeting his hazel gaze.
“I want to blame myself, but I don’t. I want to be angry with you, but it’s only coming from a place of love and fear because I want you to be here for as long as you possibly can.
You still have so much to teach me. You still need to walk me down the aisle someday and teach my kids bad habits that annoy me. ”
I sniffle as tears form in my eyes. I think I broke the dam when Dad went to the hospital, and I might not be able to put it back up.
“I need you here with me.” My voice cracks.
” I’m so sorry if I’m the reason you almost weren’t.
I’m trying really hard to keep the ranch afloat and to make it better, but—”
“I’m sorry, Biscuit.” His words shock me, but when he drags me into his arms, I soak up his gentle caress paired with his use of my childhood nickname, which melts me every dang time.
“You’re sorry?”
“I’m sorry I put you through that and that I haven’t set a good example.
You deserve time to take breaks and enjoy life.
I promise I’m going to work on stepping back.
It’s just so difficult to let go of this ranch.
The thing that brings me life is the same thing that almost ended me, and it’s heartbreaking. ”
His eyes shine with tears, and seeing my idol break down in front of me is like a knife to the heart.
He quickly plasters on a smile, some of the light returning to his eyes when he says, “I guess it’s time to find something new to love, like supporting you from the sidelines.
Some grandchildren soon might not hurt either.
” He smiles, placing his hand over mine.
“I heard about you and Jax. It’s about damn time that boy made a move on you. ”
“What?”
“He’s been looking at you like he loves you since he came to town all those years ago.”
“I—” I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know where Jax and I stand right now.
The last twenty-four hours of our relationship haven’t been good ones.
I know Olivia said I need to fight for him, but how do I know it’s worth it?
Heartbreak sucks, and all of my instincts are screaming at me to get out while I can.
Dad gives a sheepish smile. “I don’t mean to embarrass you. You had to have known this was going to get back to me though. Your Nana can’t keep her mouth shut.”
“No, she can’t.” I laugh, swiping at the tears in my eyes.
“He’s a good man. It’s good for you to have someone else in your life to look out for you because I’ve clearly done a crappy job.
I should’ve noticed the way my diagnosis was putting pressure on my girl.
You’ve been through so much over the last few months, and I’m used to you handling it with such grace and strength that sometimes I forget I need to check in on you.
” He pauses, taking my hand and looking me in the eyes.
“You’re doing an amazing job, Biscuit. You’re running this ranch better than I did in the thirty years I had control of it.
Your regenerative ag shift is genius. I have no doubt you’re going to take Copper Hill to new heights. ”
My heart clenches, and new tears form in my eyes. I had no idea how badly I needed to hear those words from him.
“Thank you.” My lip quivers as I drag him into a hug. “You know, you don’t need to give up every part of the ranch. You could horseback ride for the joy of it again. I recently started doing it for fun, and I highly recommend it.”
He flashes me a genuine smile that warms my heart. “That sounds amazing. Will you go with me?”
“If you’re there, I’m there. You already know that.” I squeeze him firmly but not too tight.
“Come on. I know I had a heart attack, but you can give me a real hug.” Dad pulls me tighter to him.
When we pull apart, he looks me in the eyes, concern lining his face. “Does Charlie know about you and Jax?”
“Yeah, I guess we royally sucked at keeping the secret. He figured it out before we could tell him.”
“How did he handle it?”
“Surprisingly well.”
“We should have Jax over for dinner soon. You know I love the kid, but I still need to have my ‘Dad Talk’ with him.” He sits up straighter, puffing his chest out. “I didn’t have it with Austin, and it’s one of my biggest regrets.”
“We can probably arrange that, but I have some things I need to sort out with him first.”
“What happened?” His prideful smile turns into a frown.
“I don’t know. He’s been acting weird.”
“That probably makes you want to run for the hills.”
I shrug. “Kind of.”
“I can tell you love him.” There’s a bittersweet look on Dad’s face. “I didn’t see that love in your eyes when you looked at Austin, but I’ve seen it between you and Jax, and darlin’, that’s the kind of love you fight for.”