15. It was love, wasn’t it? – 1979
Ursula was shattered. Normally when she’d been out clubbing with Andi she slept until lunchtime, but not today.
They’d crashed in her single bed at around four that morning and didn’t wake up until the alarm very rudely broke their sleep at nine.
They’d set it early to give themselves plenty of time for sewing.
It was Andi’s first visit to the flat, her first time in the sewing room, and while Ursula was ready to crawl back into bed, Andi was wide awake and absolutely buzzing.
‘I think what would work well for you would be something with some structure between the bust and the hips. Something like this.’ Ursula’s mum drew a sketch on her pad and turned it round to show Andi the top half of a bustier dress with a sweetheart neckline.
‘You have such lovely curves, it’s a shame to hide them.
You could either have the skirt as a pencil line or more full and floaty but with a punkish twist.’
Andi did a happy little shrug. ‘Or I could make one of each.’
When most people talked of libraries, they meant a place to store books, but not her mum.
Ursula opened the door to the library which was actually a walk-in cupboard where the boiler lived.
There’d been only two shelves when they first moved in, but more had been added to hold all the patterns her mum had collected over the years.
Andi gasped. ‘It’s that kind of library. Oh, Urs, you lucky, lucky cow.’
Ursula smiled. With a horrible father like hers, she’d never thought of herself as lucky, but actually, she was. She took down three boxes marked 1950s.
Andi took two of them from her. ‘Do you think if I was on my very best behaviour, your mum might consider adopting me?’
Ursula snorted. ‘You’re not an orphan. You already have a mum.’
‘Yeah. But she doesn’t have a sewing room or a pattern library. And she can’t sketch out a beautiful dress as easily as making a cup of tea.’
‘I pity your poor mother. I bet she does all sorts of lovely things for you that you just take for granted,’ said Ursula’s mum. Neither of them had realised she’d come back in the room.
Andi covered her eyes with embarrassment, but when they came out of the library, Ursula’s mum was smiling. ‘I’ll tell you what. If you’re the best friend my daughter could have, in time, I might consider making you an honorary daughter. Would that be acceptable?’
Andi looked at Ursula who nodded her agreement. ‘That’s easy, so it’s a deal, Mrs Fry.’
‘Gillian. I only use Mrs Fry when I have to. Do you have a boyfriend, Andi?’
‘Just dumped him. Too dull.’
Ursula began to sort through the boxes. ‘She hates dull men. That’s why she hates Anton.’
Andi slapped her arm. ‘I don’t hate Anton. I just think he’s really boring. He’s like an old man, the way he acts and dresses. Honestly, Urs, I don’t know how you stay awake when you’re out with him.’
‘Well, he’s gone away for a while, so I’ll have plenty of time for excitement now.’
Her mum stopped what she was doing. ‘Where’s he gone?’
‘Back to Sweden. Family business. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be. Could be ages.’ Her mum and Andi both raised their eyebrows and Ursula just about resisted the urge to say: ‘Yeah, who’s boring now?’
Anton was back. She hadn’t seen him yet, but he’d written to tell her when exactly he’d be returning and asked her to take the day off work.
He’d been away for two months and during that time, he wrote to Ursula every week.
They were strange letters that only ever talked about the difference between Gothenburg and Birmingham, or the progress of his own house.
He never wrote a word about his family and the only time he mentioned the business that had taken him there, was to say that it was taking longer than he’d hoped.
Except for his last letter which said the business had been concluded.
He hadn’t given her his address in Gothenburg so she couldn’t write back to let him know she’d been able to book a day’s holiday.
Instead, she’d called his flat and left a message on his answerphone to say it was all on and she’d see him at eleven o’clock on Wednesday, as he’d asked.
And now it was almost eleven and she was at the window, watching for his car, feeling apprehensive.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about him anymore.
Two months was a long time and she’d got used to him not being around.
Her double life had become a single one and any gaps that had been left by him had been filled by Andi and her mum.
Andi had become part of the family now. It was like having a sister, because she didn’t count her father’s other daughters as her sisters.
Maybe she didn’t need Anton anymore. Maybe she never needed him.
His car pulled up outside and he got out. She noticed the red scarf tucked into his grey coat, all neat and tidy. Too tidy. Too formal. Too much. Seeing him again had made her realise he wasn’t right for her.
Within a few minutes he was at the door. Ursula was on the other side, her heart pounding. She didn’t want to open it but she couldn’t just hide in here until he went away. She’d have to let him in, even if it was to tell him they were over.
‘Ursula.’ His smile was the biggest, brightest smile she’d ever seen on him.
It almost took her breath away. He put his hand on her chin and kissed her.
Her lips tingled. Her whole body tingled.
He might not be right for her but she wanted him.
She wanted the irresistible wholesomeness of him.
She grabbed his hand and pulled him along the hall to her room.
‘But I was going to take you to my apartment,’ he protested.
She pulled off his coat. ‘I don’t want to wait that long. Do you?’
Anton shook his head, his hands faltering as he unbuttoned her blouse.
Ursula unzipped her jeans and let him unhook her bra and slip off her panties.
He stood in front of her, taking in her naked body for the first time.
Then he kissed her again. The gentleness of it made her insides throb.
She couldn’t wait another minute. She helped him out of his clothes and dragged him onto the bed.
He pushed himself away and sat back on his knees.
‘You have no patience, my love.’ He pressed his finger against her lips to quieten her protests.
‘Ach, this bed is so tiny. But, Ursula must have what Ursula wants.’ He kissed her once more, and again and again, his lips grazing every inch of her, and Ursula began to realise just how inexperienced she was.
It wasn’t until afterwards, as they were lying together in her bed that she remembered he’d called her his love. ‘Am I really your love?’ she said.
‘Yes you are. Am I yours?’
She didn’t know for sure. She only knew that when she was with him she wanted him. Was that love? ‘I think so.’
‘You only think so? Again, you disappoint me, Ursula.’
She sat up and looked at him properly. He was teasing her, wasn’t he?
He met her eyes. ‘Get dressed. We’re going out.’
‘Where to?’
‘To see my other love.’
At first they drove towards town, but then he turned off and went through Moseley. Shortly after they passed a sign for Edgbaston, he stopped outside a large house that seemed to be all windows. ‘We are here.’
‘It’s your house. Is it finished?’ She’d seen the model in his office, but she hadn’t imagined just how much it would resemble a great big box of concrete and glass.
‘Not yet. There’s still much work to do. Be careful not to slip on the mud.’
He held her hand and she felt a flush of heat surge though her.
It was mad to think that a few hours ago she was going to end it.
But that was before they’d made love. Proper love, not awkward clumsy sex.
He’d shown her his true feelings. He loved her, and she loved him too.
It was love, wasn’t it? This need for him. This desire.
The inside of the house seemed twice as big as it had looked from the outside.
That was probably because it was an empty space with bare brick walls, where there were walls.
The ground floor had very few. In fact, part of it had no ceiling.
It went all the way up to the roof. Ursula stood under this part and shouted out: ‘Yoo hoo.’ She was sure she heard it bounce back at her.
Anton frowned. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Listening for the echo. Is it supposed to be like this, with no ceiling and rooms?’
‘Yes. You don’t like it?’
‘I didn’t say that. I’ve just never seen anything like it before.’
‘That’s because you have no experience of these things. It’s more common in Europe. When the interior is finished, you’ll be able to visualise it more easily.’
‘Do your parents live in a house like this?’
‘No, nothing like this.’
‘Will you bring them over to see it when it’s done?’
‘My father died. That was the family business. I have no one now.’ The way he’d said it was so matter of fact she thought at first she’d misheard him.
‘He died? Oh, Anton, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say?’
‘There was no point.’ He looked out of the wall of glass that separated the high ceiling-free space and the garden. ‘Is it possible that you could live here?’
‘I suppose. Why do you ask?’
‘Because I want to marry you.’
Ursula’s mouth dropped open. Anton was full of surprises today. ‘Was that a proposal? Did you just propose to me?’
‘Yes.’ He said it so quietly she almost didn’t hear, but she noticed that his ears had turned as red as his scarf. And if there had been any doubt left in her mind at all, that one single thing determined what her answer would be.