35. To London again – 1992
Thanks to Solly, she’d managed to get Andi’s address without too much explanation.
Her mum had been pushing for more, but Solly had stepped in and suggested they should just let Ursula say as much as she wanted to.
So Ursula didn’t let on that she’d spent the night in her car, although the state of her might have led them to guess that.
The other thing she kept to herself was that she wanted a baby so much now, it was almost a craving.
And she certainly didn’t tell them Anton had asked her if she wanted a divorce.
Mainly because she still couldn’t believe he’d said it.
Although the more she thought about it, the more it made sense.
They were incompatible. Poles apart. It was obvious to her now.
Except they loved each other and loving each other topped everything. Didn’t it?
As she’d hoped, Anton had gone to work by the time she arrived home.
She showered and put on clean clothes, then tried Andi’s contact number.
It turned out to be the place she worked.
A man informed her it was a bit early for Andi and she should try later.
‘Can I leave a message? Can you tell her Ursula said she’s coming to see her and I’ll call again when I get to London? ’
‘Yeah, sure,’ he said, then put the phone down, leaving her doubtful the message would be passed on.
She packed a suitcase and called a taxi to take her to New Street. On her way out the door she scribbled on the back of Anton’s latest list: ‘Going to Andi’s.’
Halfway through the train journey, she wondered why she’d told Anton where she was going.
Force of habit maybe. Yes that was probably it.
Because she was so used to accounting for her day to day movements, the lists, the phone calls to check up on her.
She’d done it without thinking. It was past midday.
He would have already called home. Another thing he’d started after she lost the baby that had become a part of her daily regime.
At Euston, Ursula found a phone box and called Andi’s work again. A woman picked it up this time. ‘Andi? Yeah, hang on.’
‘I don’t have much change left,’ she said, as someone else came on the line.
‘Urs, is that you?’
Ursula shoved her last ten pence in the slot. ‘Yes, I’m by Euston. I’ve run out of coins.’
‘Okay, this is what I want you to do. Go down to the underground and get the Northern Line for one stop to Camden Town. Got it?’
‘Northern line to Camden Town.’
‘I’ll meet you there.’
Back inside the station, Ursula fell in with the hordes of people jostling to get onto the escalator taking them down to the underground. One stop hardly seemed worth it. She could have walked it if she knew where she was going.
At Camden, she scanned a sea of faces, so many of them and none looking like Andi.
It had been seven years since they’d last laid eyes on each other.
Ursula had been busy travelling with Anton, and Andi had been so hard to pin down, moving from one house to another, one job to the next.
What if they didn’t recognise each other anymore?
But then she saw her. Andi was here. Different but the same. It was going to be okay.
She launched herself at Ursula. ‘I can’t believe you came to see me.
’ Her hair was long and straight now with a fringe that nearly touched her eyelashes.
She was wearing a faded black T-shirt under a black biker jacket, a blue tartan mini skirt, above the knee socks and heavy, clompy shoes.
She looked unbelievably amazing and standing next to her, Ursula felt dowdy and frumpish.
‘Did they mind you coming out for me?’
‘Nah, all fine. They’re pretty relaxed. Are you here for today or you staying longer?’
‘Longer. I’ve left.’
‘Left?’
‘Done a runner.’
Andi screwed up her face until the penny dropped. ‘Right. Where are you staying?’
Ursula shrugged. ‘Haven’t worked that out yet.’
‘You can stay at mine, if you don’t mind sleeping on the settee. I warn you though, it’s a bit of a shithole.’
Andi lived over a bakery on the corner of Leyton High Road. The name of the other road had been painted over but all Ursula needed to know was that the door to upstairs was on this nameless road.
‘We’re on the top floor. The bathroom’s on the first floor.
Just here.’ Andi pushed open a door to a grimy bathroom that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months.
Probably longer. ‘There’s a separate toilet here as well.
’ She pushed at another door but it didn’t give.
‘Someone must be in there. We share it with the other flat.’
‘Oh right. How many live in that one?’
‘Er, two I think. I haven’t met them. Then there’s me and Pab. To be honest I usually wash in the kitchen and just use the shower in the bathroom.’
Ursula could see why but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to sound like she was judging.
They climbed the next flight of stairs which led straight to a door.
‘Home sweet home.’ Andi pushed it open to reveal a room that was divided by a screen wall that stopped two-thirds of the way up.
To the right of it was a kitchen diner with a Formica table and some basic cheap cupboards painted orange.
You had to go through a gap in the screen to get to it.
The rest of the room was the living room.
There was a sash window in the kitchen and two in the living room that looked out onto the High Road and rattled as a bus went past.
The furniture was old. There was a sideboard just like one Ursula’s nan used to have, and the settee and armchair were more than a decade out of date.
An electric fire in a wooden surround was switched on, its two bars just giving out enough heat to raise the temperature a notch above chilly.
The only parts of the room that hinted they were in the present day were the posters on the walls of bands Ursula had never heard of and a big, shiny stereo with huge speakers.
Andi opened a door that Ursula hadn’t noticed before. ‘The bedroom’s through here. It’s a mess at the moment. It’s full of Pab’s decks and stuff. He’s a DJ.’
‘Wow! Exciting.’
‘I suppose. If you’re into that kind of thing.’
Ursula sat down on the settee. ‘Since when did you stop being into that kind of thing?’
Andi sat next to her. ‘Since when did you start running away from home?’
‘I asked first.’
‘Yeah, but I asked the more important question.’
Ursula sighed. ‘Smart arse. We had a row. Well, the closest me and Anton will ever get to a row. I want a baby and he doesn’t. He said if I want someone who’s going to give me kids, I should divorce him.’
‘He said that? Shit. Does he want a divorce then?’
‘No, but he thinks I do.’
‘Do you?’
‘I haven’t made up my mind yet. He had a vasectomy without telling me.’
‘Jesus, Urs. Look, I’m just gonna say this, right. Don’t be angry at me or anything but don’t you think you might be better off with someone else?’
‘Maybe. I need to think about it. Listen, Andi, you must not tell Mum this. I told her I don’t want kids.
If this came out she’d be worrying about me all the time.
Solly’s daughter’s having a baby, and I don’t want her feeling bad about enjoying that because Anton refuses to have them. Promise me you won’t say anything.’
‘Cross my heart. I’ll take it with me to the grave. And you can stay as long as you want. If you want a job, I can ask at work. The guy I’m working for, you spoke to him this morning, he’s just on the verge of making it big. He might have room for someone with your skills.’
‘I can’t sew anymore.’
Andi laughed. ‘You’ll soon get back to where you were.’
‘No, I can’t. I really can’t. It’s a mental thing. I haven’t been able to do it since the baby.’
‘Oh, Urs, I didn’t realise. It’s okay, mate. We’ll find a way out of this crap.’ She put her arm around Ursula, and Ursula rested her head on Andi’s shoulder.
Suddenly the door burst open and a man came in from the stairway.
He wasn’t particularly tall but tall enough, with black, wavy hair and huge brown eyes.
He was so good-looking Ursula had to stop herself from staring at him.
He glanced from Andi to Ursula and his mouth split into a big wide grin.
‘Hello, hello. Have I just walked in on something?’
Andi let out a loud tut. ‘Fuck off, Pab. We’re having a private moment here.’