Chapter 41 - Lily
Lily
Icouldn’t be upset with my father for speaking with Dean alone.
Whatever relationship they’d have, it started with them; without me in the middle, mediating between two obstinate personalities. Hope, stronger since the impact, thrummed in my body. The comet promised new beginnings for those who knew to look for them.
In the school cafeteria, I checked out the oatmeal on offer and changed my mind. Dean was sick of oatmeal.
“There she is.” Mrs. Willoughby greeted me with a sunny smile. “Aren’t you a pretty thing this morning? Come sit, come sit.” She led me to a far table before I picked up Dean’s breakfast. “They hung him last night,” she started in. “Julian himself told me.”
My throat tightened. “That’s in the past. He can’t hurt us now,” I said, unsure how else to respond.
“How’s your man?” she asked.
My man. My skin tingled. If Dean heard it, he’d consider it a public proclamation.
“He’s with my father.”
“You found a decent one, and don’t let anyone tell you different.” She made the sign of the cross and kissed her lips.
“Dean would appreciate knowing that.”
“It’s strange how it works out.” Mrs. Willoughby placed an elbow on the table to lean in close. “After he joined up, I never expected to see him again. Most men are like my worthless husband, may he rot in hell. You have a keeper, Lily, and don’t you forget it. He won’t leave you.”
My stomach clenched. The stiff muscles around my mouth worked, but my lips drooped before a smile formed.
She didn’t notice. “We’re lucky to have each other.
” Dean left me before. No one knew that except my roommate, Violet.
The man who devoted himself to me today wasn’t the same man from a year ago.
“We found each other, even if it took longer than it should have.” I managed a smile.
Impatient to find Dean, I mentioned his name and received a couple of precious breakfast bars from the staff before flying out of the cafeteria.
I found him in the middle of the street as he finished speaking with my father.
Their body language suggested an understanding, if not outright friendship. Dad patted his shoulder, nodded at me, and left for City Hall.
“You two cleared things up?” I couldn’t stop the grin on my face. A relationship between them, even a thin, newly sprouted one, was more than I hoped for.
“We understood each other, and…yes.” Dean’s lips tightened as he hesitated.
My stomach sank with the same fear as when the comet landed. The helplessness while it tossed me around, and all I could do was wait for it to end. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m leaving.”
Instead of a note on a pillow, Dean spoke to my face. Was it an improvement or a crueler act?
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m foraging.”
“Foraging?”
“I spoke to Bill, and we agreed I should go.”
“I don’t get it.” My ears rang like they did when the comet landed.
I covered them. A few minutes with my father, and Dean’s devotion twisted into this standoffish attitude.
What happened to his gentle touches and his joking references to our fake marriage?
“He threatened you, didn’t he? What did my father say?
Banishment? Is that it?” It was the only explanation that made sense.
“What do you mean? Lily, that’s not it.” Dean’s question evaded mine. His confidence and ownership of me disappeared; faded into an awkwardness I didn’t recognize. “Everyone is waiting for me. Talk to your father. I wouldn’t go if you weren’t protected. I always put you first. You know that.”
Did he? Putting me first didn’t explain how a few minutes with my father created the man in front of me.
Dean tackled problems; he didn’t stand in front of me, offering vague explanations I didn’t understand.
“I don’t want your protection. I want your partnership.
That’s what we agreed. Be honest with me. ”
“I am honest. This isn’t some weird trick. Your dad is right, and I won’t force you to leave here.”
“Don’t say that like I don’t know my own mind.”
“That’s not my point, and you know it. Everything I’ve done is for you. Like I once said, you’re the one who controls me because you come first.”
That was an improvement from a year ago, when he offered no explanation at all. He owed me an answer for that, and I was done telling myself it didn’t matter. My heart threatened to burst.
“Why did you do it? Why did you leave me a note before? You’re telling me in person this time. Why not before?”
“What are you talking about?” Dean’s brows shot up as frustration entered his voice. “I apologized a long time ago. I admitted it was wrong, that I shouldn’t have done that.”
He grabbed my hand, and I wrenched it away before he could touch the ring on my finger.
“You said you shouldn’t have done it that way, not that you shouldn’t have done it. Those aren’t the same. One would think you’d remember such a grand apology. You didn’t bother with an explanation then either.”
Dean left a simple piece of hotel stationery folded in half with two sentences on light yellow paper.
I enjoyed our time together. Take care of yourself.
I forced myself to forget that. Told myself it didn’t matter. To forget the humiliation and pain. To concentrate on our future.
“You planned it from the beginning. Tell me the truth this time. You knew how our last night ended beforehand, didn’t you? Be honest with me for once.” The bitterness crept out, and I didn’t care. I preferred it to reliving that morning’s humiliation.
“Yes, I knew from the beginning.” At least he put some hurt in his voice.
“Our first night?”
He stared at the road beneath us and nodded. “I planned to leave you from the beginning.”
“From the beginning," I repeated. "You know, you act brave, but you’ve been a coward since you left Deer Lake all those years ago.” I heard the sting in my words and didn’t care.
He’d hurt me a year ago, and it was my turn.
A man who couldn’t be honest with me now, after all we’d been through, deserved some pain thrown back at him.
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s the fairest thing I’ve ever said. Bravery is easy when it’s physical.
You’re fearless in a fight. You’ll kill and die for me, but not risk your heart, and that makes you a coward.
Don’t deny it. You’ve held back from me since the beginning, and I don’t know why. What are you so afraid of? Is it me?”
“Lily, stop.”
“No, you hurt me. It’s my turn now because I told myself that what you did to me wasn’t important. Why dwell on our past when we live in this horror, the one surrounding us right now? Except it was important.”
“Lily-I..” Dean rapidly blinked. He wiped his eyes and stared past me. Taking the deserved accusations.
“And here we are. How did my father convince you this time?”
“You don’t understand,” he said. At least the pain in his expression matched mine.
“I understand more than you think.”
“No, you don’t. Lily, will you stop?” Dean leaned into me, using the voice designed to frighten people. It worked the night he kidnapped me. It failed now. “Let me explain. About all of it. I deserve that.”
“I deserved a man brave enough to be honest with me, and instead, I found a coward who broke my heart. You should go.” I wrapped my arms around my waist, shrinking myself into a smaller target.
“No, I’m not leaving us like this. Shut up and listen.” Dean’s jaw twitched. He’d never done that before, not for me.
“Not now. I’m not in a place where I can hear what you say. Maybe it’s my fault for bringing it up. Maybe I hurt you, but you hurt me first. You’ve avoided relationships your whole life, Dean. That’s what you do.”
He didn’t move. His lip quivered.“Everything I’ve done is for you. It may not seem like it, but it’s the truth.”
“Yes, you’re fond of telling me that, but from where I stand, you’re the one causing me pain.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” I always found judgment in his dark eyes. Not now.
“I love you, Lily. I have my whole life.”
His eyes pleaded, and my heart responded. I’d give in if this didn’t end soon.
I stepped back. “You should go.”
Weston noticed us and waved. He ran over, calling Dean’s name. “Everyone is ready. They sent me to come get you.” He stared at me, then at Dean, before swallowing. “Um…”
“Thank you, Weston,” I said on Dean’s behalf. “We’re done here. You can leave now.”
“No. Move away, Weston, and wait for me by the trucks.” Dean gripped my arm to prevent my escape.
“You can’t hear what I have to say? Fine, it’ll wait, but we’re not done.
We will never be done. We’re forever, so be ready to listen when I get back.
Talk to your father. Force him to explain.
” His brutal lips touched mine, and my helpless body responded.
I melted against him, leaning into the kiss he took from me.
“I love you, Lily. We’ll finish this when I get back. ”
Dean left me alone in the street, as my lips burned with frozen fire.