8
I looked the monster dead in its eyes.
And it smiled back at me.
Khalani held her breath as she crossed the threshold into Takeshi’s room. They no longer held him in a cell. The gray, muted space was roughly the size of her bedroom, maybe even smaller.
Jericho shut the door and stood firmly in front of it. She stepped forward, but Takeshi wasn’t lying on the bed. Her mouth fell slightly open when she found him sitting on the floor, staring at the stone wall.
His legs were pulled up, elbows resting casually on his knees.
But he was anything but calm.
His shoulders were rigid, and his forearms bulged as he gripped his hands in a viselike hold, as if he was barely holding himself together.
“Takeshi,” she whispered, afraid to raise her voice any louder against the chilling silence.
He flinched.
She waited for him to turn. But Takeshi stayed right where he was, eyes still locked on the wall as if it held the answers he couldn’t reach.
Khalani swallowed, glancing back at Jericho, but he looked away, giving her some privacy.
Five minutes. That’s all she had.
She maneuvered around the bed, her heart thundering in her chest. Takeshi’s eyes were glazed over and he looked utterly lost. Like he was trapped in a never-ending loop with no way out.
She trembled, resisting the urge to throw her arms around him. To tell him she was there. That everything was going to be okay.
But she forced herself to stay calm.
“Is it okay if I sit?”
He flinched again, clearly hearing her, but he still didn’t respond.
She bit her bottom lip and waited.
A full minute ticked away.
When Khalani realized she wasn’t going to get an answer, she sat beside him anyway. Their shoulders didn’t touch—a good few inches apart—but his jaw tightened, and he angled his body away from her.
“Takeshi… Do you remember me at all?”
The doctor had confirmed he didn’t have his memories, but she needed to hear the heartbreaking truth spill from his own lips.
Takeshi’s ruthless energy crackled in the air. She could barely breathe. Hardly even think as she waited a lifetime before he finally answered.
“No.”
Khalani nodded, staring at the wall next to him. If she melted into the concrete, he probably wouldn’t even notice.
But she needed to hold it together.
For her.
For him.
“Are you here to kill me?” he asked with more interest.
“Of course not,” Khalani nearly sobbed at the disappointment in his gaze. “Why would you think that?”
“I’m missing something.” His deep voice bled across the room, drowning her in its grief.
“It’s there…on the edge of my mind,” he whispered, his eyes flaring. “Something or someone so important to me. It feels like a piece of my soul was tethered to it. And now there’s just this gaping hole in my chest. I’d rather rip it all out.”
He reached for his shirt, crumpling the fabric, as if he were about to do just that, and she immediately covered his hand to stop him. Takeshi jerked his head, but she still saw it.
A single tear sliding down his face.
Takeshi never cried. He was always the one holding everyone together.
He tried pulling his hand away, but she clutched his fingers tighter, refusing to let go.
“Takeshi, look at me.”
He shook his head, staring at the ground as if it could save him from the turmoil.
“Takeshi!” she screamed. “Look at me.”
He finally did.
His gaze bore into her, and the agony within was so haunting, she had to blink back her own tears.
“Please,” she pleaded. “Tell me what I can do to fix this.”
Takeshi turned away, snatching his hand back.
“You can leave me alone.”
“I’m only trying to help!”
“I don’t want your fucking help.”
“Why not?” Her chin quivered.
“Because it hurts more when I look at you!”
Raw anguish dripped from every word he spat.
His breaths quickened, like he was on the edge of losing control and throwing her out of the room. Khalani’s gaze flickered to Jericho, and his hand rested on his gun, but he made no further movement.
She didn’t know what to do. The chasm between Takeshi and her was so vast, jumping the distance seemed impossible.
But maybe she could build a bridge.
“I lost something, too.”
At her words, the outright loathing in his expression faded but his muscles remained tense. She didn’t think he’d break the silence, but after a minute, he spoke.
“What did you lose?” he bit out.
“Someone really important,” she whispered. “I was alone for so long. I used to think about ending my life.”
Takeshi’s frown deepened, but she kept going.
“I thought that maybe in death, someone would value my life. But that someone was always…faceless. The truth is, I had no one left to mourn me.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped and he glanced away, like he didn’t quite understand why her words made him so angry.
“But then, I met someone who showed me just how strong I was. That I was worth more than the bad things happening to me. And if the world still wanted me to die, then I could make living my rebellion.”
“What happened to this person?”
“He doesn’t know me anymore.” She wrapped her knees closer to her chest. “We might as well be strangers.”
“Do you still think about ending it all?” He studied her closely. “To get rid of the pain?”
“No,” she answered honestly. “I’ve learned that if life smacks you in the face, you kick back even harder. You never let the bad win.”
He tilted his head, taking renewed interest at the obstinance staring back at him.
“You can’t give up either,” she added, praying that of all things he remembered, it was that. She’d rather be a stranger to Takeshi and watch from afar than for him to remember, but lose himself.
“I do recognize you,” he whispered.
Her body locked in place, afraid to even move.
“You were in the cell with me. You tried giving me food. Khalani,” he breathed, savoring her name on his tongue. “That’s what you said your name was.”
“Yes.” Her shoulders sagged, realizing he was only talking about what had happened a few days ago.
“But everything else is a blur,” he hissed, pure malice overshadowing his expression as he gritted his teeth. “Other than last week, I can’t remember the past three years of my life.”
Sensing his rising emotion, she cautiously placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He stiffened but didn’t move.
It was progress, but Takeshi refused to look at her, as if her face truly did cut him deep inside.
“It’s okay,” she whispered for both of them.
“It’s not fucking okay.”
“You’re right.” She gave in to the sad truth. “It’s not fucking okay. You don’t have all of your memories, but you’re still here. You’re Takeshi Steele. The man who criminals fear, the one no one wants to fight, and the man who”—I love—Khalani swallowed the words before they slipped out.
“The man who never quits. If you don’t get your memories back, it’s not the end of everything,” she continued, ignoring her screaming heart. “You can create new ones. Better ones.”
Words have power, and if her actions couldn’t make a difference, she’d write a thousand-page story detailing the wonders of him.
Takeshi stayed quiet.
He didn’t smile, didn’t even come close to smiling.
But some of the shadows in his eyes receded. He no longer looked at the wall like he wanted the stone to bury him alive. He stared ahead like he was considering carving a new path.
She opened her mouth to say something else, but Jericho’s loud voice spoke behind her.
“Your five minutes are up.”
Khalani’s lips formed a grim line.
She didn’t want to leave. She would’ve gladly sat with Takeshi for days if it helped him find his missing pieces.
But she wasn’t strong enough to fight Jericho, and she needed the Aces on their side. Khalani shifted to stand, but Takeshi gripped her wrist.
It was the first time he’d touched her out of his own free will.
“I’m sorry,” he quickly said.
“For what?”
“For what I did back in the cell.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not,” he argued. “I might not remember much, but I wouldn’t have killed you.”
He frowned as if that realization startled even him.
The corner of her lips pulled up in a sad smile, but Jericho spoke again.
“It’s time to go.”
Takeshi’s expression shifted into a snarl as he glanced at the guard, like he was one breath away from committing murder.
She stood, not wanting to cause any more trouble. “Trust me, you don’t have to worry about me. It’s not the first time you’ve threatened my life,” she remarked in amusement, remembering the countless times Takeshi said he was going to kill her in Braderhelm.
The lines on his forehead deepened as she moved toward the door. But before she exited the room, his voice stopped her.
“Then why did you come and see me?”
Khalani froze before slowly turning.
Takeshi stared straight at her, chin raised, shoulders back, looking more like the deadly Captain she met in prison.
Lane specifically instructed her not to overwhelm him with memories he couldn’t access. If she revealed the depths of her emotions, it might do more harm than good.
But he deserved nothing but the truth.
“You were the only person who ever made the darkness feel like home.” Khalani swallowed. “You saved me more times than I can count, no matter the risk. So I don’t care how high the odds are stacked against us. I’ll be here to do the same for you, even if you don’t remember me.”