13
When the night draws to a close, the words I should’ve said to you grow brighter.
The sun baked against her skin as they trudged along the long barren road, the earth welcoming them in a scalding embrace. Elise kept lifting her gaze to the brightly lit sky, shielding her head with one hand, her mouth open. Khalani remembered what it was like her first time on the surface.
“Do you ever get used to it?” Elise voiced her wonder.
“Not really,” Adan remarked, walking beside her. “The heat’s a real bitch, though. I honestly don’t know how humans handled it before the Great Collapse.”
“They had cool air blowing constantly in their homes. Some even built pools of water in their backyards to cool off in, or so Winnie has read,” Winnie announced with joy.
“Seems like a lot of water to waste,” Serene clipped.
“That’s what happens when you have too much of something, and you think it never goes away,” Winnie said.
Brock snorted in agreement. When they stopped at the first water well, Khalani drank so fast, a huge gulp of liquid sailed down the wrong pipe. She doubled over, heaving and aggressively coughing, when a pair of black boots entered her vision.
A large hand thudded against her back several times until she inhaled roughly, finally able to breathe. She glanced up to say thank you, but the words died on her tongue when it was Takeshi Steele who blocked the sun, his face taut with annoyance.
“I know what you’re doing,” he said.
She slowly straightened, wiping water from her mouth. “What exactly am I doing?”
“You’re trying to die to force these reactions out of me. Putting yourself in danger so I start to care and believe your lies about…us.” He spat the last word like it was a disease.
Her mouth dropped open at the sheer audacity.
Khalani took back every wonderful thing she said about the male species. They were stupid, aggravating, and only survived by driving everyone else around them insane—to make themselves look like the normal ones.
“You think I nearly fell off a ladder and choked on water to get a reaction out of you?”
Even saying the words out loud made Khalani want to smack him. She vaguely noticed the others had stopped talking.
“Absolutely. There’s no other reason why I would be responding this way.” Takeshi puffed up his chest, so used to being in control of his emotions that the possibility of his heart betraying him never occurred.
“Maybe you’re right,” Khalani whispered.
Perhaps she’d been going about this the wrong way.
“If I say sorry, will you forgive me?” Her voice rose innocently.
“No.” Takeshi’s entire body tensed as Khalani shifted closer.
“Not even if I say please?”
“Especially then.”
She was inches away, and when Khalani placed her hand on his shoulder for balance, he growled, “Get your hand off me.”
But she ignored him and with her other hand, she lifted her shirt to wipe the sweat from her face. She felt Takeshi’s hot gaze sweep her exposed skin, completely distracted.
That was when Khalani slammed her knee between his legs.
Takeshi doubled over, his face turning an unhealthy shade of green as he cursed loudly.
“When I want a reaction out of you,” she seethed, “you’ll fucking know it.”
She turned without another word and marched toward the well to fill her flask, ignoring the wide stares and open jaws from everyone.
Brock’s low chuckle broke the silence. “Remind me to never get on your bad side.”
“You’re already there,” Serene chimed in with a grin, glancing at Takeshi. The vein in his neck throbbed as he straightened, slowly marching toward the well like an encroaching prophecy of doom. But Khalani lifted her chin and glared back with equal fire.
With his jaw still clenched, Takeshi calmly grabbed his canteen and bent to the spigot, filling it with water. The others watched him warily, waiting for a response as Khalani mentally braced herself for a new round of threats.
“Word of advice.” He slowly lifted his gaze and locked onto her. “If you put more force in your knee, it will knock your opponent down longer.”
“Giving me tips for the next time you’re an asshole?”
“I’m merely giving you a head start.” His eyes sparked menacingly. “Do that again and you’ll be drinking sand instead of water.”
They glared at each other, aggression filling the air like a bomb waiting to go off.
Serene broke the deafening silence.
“Look at you, Captain. Using your words instead of a knife. That’s what I call character development right there.” Serene raised her hand for a high-five.
Takeshi’s expression twisted in disgust as he stomped away.
“That’s him, all right,” Serene smirked, filling her canteen to the brim.
Khalani caught Brock gazing at Serene longingly before following Takeshi. Adan and Elise marched behind him.
And when Winnie reached over and gave Khalani’s hand a gentle squeeze, a strange warmth spread through her chest that had nothing to do with the sun.
For the first time in weeks, it felt like their dysfunctional family was slowly coming back together.
* * *
The majestic ball of fire dipped below the horizon, ushering in the peaceful dark. Brock said it was time for them to sleep, and they settled on the road between abandoned cars.
Khalani leaned against a metal door, staring up at the clearest night sky. She studied the dozens of specks sparkling like distant lamps.
Stars.
That’s what Winnie had called them.
She continued gazing up at the heavens when Winnie huffed out a deep breath, sitting beside her.
“They don’t warn you about your knees when you get older,” Winnie exhaled, snuggling close to Khalani.
“They don’t warn you about a lot of things when you get older,” she whispered, her gaze growing distant as cooler air swept through the desert.
She fell into a pit of her own memories, recalling a time when she stared at the night sky with a different person.
Someone who’d chosen to sleep farther away from all of them.
Takeshi’s back was propped up against a black car, legs stretched out. His eyes may have been closed, but Khalani knew better.
Even though Brock was the one taking watch, Takeshi wasn’t sleeping.
She felt his bottomless gaze roving over her body, probably cataloging all the ways he could make her suffer on the long road.
She didn’t stare back at him. It hurt too much.
Khalani didn’t want to witness the beautiful angles of his face. To stare at his deeply corded muscles but not feel his arms wrap around her.
Loving someone who didn’t remember a sliver of your existence was a torture she wouldn’t inflict on her worst enemy.
“Khalani,” Winnie whispered.
“Yeah?”
“You know it’s not your fault, right?”
She tensed. “About what?”
“What happened to Takeshi,” Winnie answered.
Khalani picked up a lone rock resting on the gravel and twirled it in her fingers, seeing if she could reshape it, remold it to be stronger.
“I know,” she said quietly.
“Winnie doesn’t believe you.”
Khalani instinctively wanted to end the conversation and run away. She put on a hard front, but inside, she was like a ball of yarn slowly being unraveled.
Pulling.
Pulling.
Pulling.
Until nothing was left.
Just empty space and useless memories.
She kept twirling the tiny rock, not realizing she was shaking until Winnie placed a steady palm over hers, anchoring her in that dark moment.
“You deserved to be saved, too,” Winnie breathed, and Khalani’s brows pulled together.
“I don’t know what you—”
“You told Winnie that Doctor Strauss had tortured you first. It was Takeshi who rescued you. He set you free.”
The invisible pit inside her widened. She swallowed, trying not to unwind further.
Her gaze drifted over to where Takeshi sat in the shadows. So close and yet so far.
“Do you wish you were the one left behind?” Winnie whispered.
“How could I not?” she responded without thinking, the emotion surging forth like rocks tumbling down a hill. “He’s been through so much. Saved us so many times. It should’ve been me that stayed. It should’ve fucking been me.”
Khalani bit down on her lip, trying to contain the tears that were ready to return to the earth.
“Do you see those stars?” Winnie asked, and Khalani frowned at the abrupt change in subject, but she tilted her head, following her gaze to the deep black sky.
“Let’s find one that moves.” Winnie’s forehead knitted in concentration as she searched the vast space.
“They move?”
“The old scholars called them shooting stars. Great big giant rocks that fly—there!” Winnie enthusiastically pointed up. A bright white streak cut across the sky. Her mouth parted, and Winnie hummed in approval, shutting her eyes.
“There. Winnie did it.”
“Did what?”
“She made her wish.” Winnie gave a coy smile and squeezed her hand tighter. “Her wish is for you to see yourself as others do. Maybe then you’ll realize how necessary you truly are.”
Her chin trembled as Winnie held her tighter. Letting her know that even if Khalani didn’t truly believe the empty pieces of her mattered, the important part was that someone else did.
And maybe one day, when her life shuttered to a close, she’d overflow with her own self-worth.
“Can I…” She sniffled. “Can I make a wish too?”
“Of course. Let’s find another one.”
She stared up at the sky as her second mother held her. They waited for a while, the world silent with them, until they saw it. One tiny streak of hope soaring across the universe.
Winnie turned to her and whispered, “Keep this wish for yourself.”
Khalani nodded, thinking hard about what she wanted. For her family to be safe. For them all to make it to Apollo and return alive. But one face kept returning to her.
I wish for Takeshi to have it all. His memories. A life full of hope, love, and happiness that makes up for all the pain he’s suffered.
Even if it’s not with me.