14. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Elsie
April 2 — 13 Weeks 3 Days, Lemon
E lsie,
Made it to the rig and got settled in. Just wanted to let you know I arrived safely.
Reception is non-existent out here, so we mostly email to keep in touch with people. Occasionally, depending on my schedule, I’m able to do video calls. I’ll let you know next time. I think I can make one work so we can catch up.
Marshall
P.S. 26 days until I’m back.
April 3 — 13 Weeks 4 Days, Lemon
Elsie,
Hope you’re doing well.
Getting back into the swing of things is always a bitch. So is sleeping on a rig. Your apartment is always so peaceful, and here, it’s just loud all the time. The food is alright, but I miss cooking for you.
Are you keeping up with your vitamins? I hope the pill containers I put them in help.
I hope work is going well. Let me know if there’s a good time we can do a video call. My shift is 8 to 8, so I’m free to talk in the evenings. I hope that isn’t too late for you. I read that pregnancy requires more sleep than normal.
Marshall
P.S. 25 days.
April 4 — 13 Weeks 5 Days, Lemon
E, (Hope you don’t mind me calling you E in these...)
The guys noticed the dragon yesterday and have been teasing me about it relentlessly. They keep asking if I need a fucking night light too.
Still... it’s worth it. I love having our little girl’s heartbeat with me. I hope she’s doing well.
Let me know when you have some time. Would love to call and talk.
M
P.S. 24 days.
April 5 — 13 Weeks 6 Days, Lemon
E,
Everything is good here. Boring, but good. Rig work is long and hard, but I like the physicality of it. It’s hard to explain .
Oliver sent me an email asking about my schedule when I’m back but wouldn’t tell me why. Are you planning something?
I would love to see your face. Let me know if we can do a call.
M
P.S. 23 days.
April 6 — 14 Weeks, Nectarine
E,
Our baby girl is the size of a nectarine today. How are you feeling?
I hope everything’s okay. You’ve got me a little worried out here.
Just an email back would be great if you’re too busy for a call.
M
P.S. 22 days.
April 7 — 14 Weeks 1 Day, Nectarine
Gunnar,
Elsie hasn’t answered a single email I’ve sent her since I left, which is weird considering how attached she is to her email.
Can you or Selene stop by and check on her? I’m starting to worry.
Thanks,
M
April 8 — 14 Weeks 2 Days, Nectarine
Every time my phone buzzes with another email, I jump.
I know I should respond to the messages from Marshall, but I can’t bring myself to reply.
I open them, read them, and immediately delete them.
They just bring up too many memories.
A single postcard mailed from a foreign country while my father was on a business trip for weeks back when he was just a regular attorney.
Phone calls mere minutes before my school activities, letting me know my father’s flight got delayed or he was stuck in traffic coming back from Austin and he wasn’t going to make it in time.
The box of pre-signed birthday cards I found when I was a teen because my father could never make it home for my birthday for this reason or another .
Flowers and gross boxes of chocolates meant it was one of my graduations from high school, college, and my master’s program.
Emails with links to articles about my achievements with notes about what I should work on next.
My father was never a parent to me—and this is the one thing I am determined to change. He never knew how to show up. He just never could.
He provided for me, but that’s not the same as parenting me. My nannies, sitters, and tutors did that for him.
This? With Marshall?
The emails are too much, too close to all of those wounds I thought I healed a long time ago.
Every email reminds me that he will eventually leave and will not be back.
Then I’ll be on my own.
Again.
Which is fine. It really is. I’m prepared for that eventuality. It was my plan all along, after all.
But there’s a part of me that craves the feeling I had when he was here.
Like a weighted blanket settling over me, there’s a calm reassurance about having him around, much as I loathe to admit it.
So, instead of answering his daily emails, I’ve thrown myself into work.
I’ve taken to working from home, and I’ve informed the front desk that I don’t want visitors. I don’t need anyone stopping by.
I tell myself it’s not to avoid anyone per se. It’s more like a measure to ensure I’m focused throughout the day.
Oliver has already filtered through the emails I respond to, which helps me avoid unnecessary tasks, but my to-do list grows longer with each one I open.
That is why I haven’t responded to Marshall’s pleas for attention.
Not because I’m scared.
I’m sitting in my office, reviewing another report for a meeting tomorrow, when my doorbell rings.
“The fuck?” I say, and then the pounding starts.
“Elsie!” A deep voice comes down the hall as I approach my front door. “Open up!”
Tapping on the screen beside the door, an image of Gunnar, dressed in combat attire, appears.
“Elsie! I know you’re there.” Gunnar says a little quieter. “Let me in, or I’m forcing my way in.”
“He wouldn’t dare,” I mutter .
“One.” He counts. “Two.”
“Fuck.” I curse, reaching for the door handle.
“Three.” He says, just as I swing the door open. “Oh. Good.”
Gunnar looks smug, which I hate.
“What are you doing here?”
“What does it look like?” He shrugs, his massive frame towering over me. “I’m here to check on you.”
“So, you threaten to break into my apartment?” I squeak.
“You weren’t opening up.” He says blandly. “You gonna let me in, darlin’?”
“Ugh. Fine.” I say, stepping to the side to let the blonde Viking of a man inside. “How did you get up here, anyway? The front desk was supposed to shut down the penthouse elevator. Only I have a key to that.”
He gestures over his shoulder to where the elevator doors are, wide open.
“Not the first elevator shaft I’ve climbed up.” He chuckles. “Might be the tallest one yet, though.”
“You did what ?” I ask, mouth agape.
“No big deal.” Suddenly, he looks a little uncomfortable. “Maybe just don’t tell Selene?”
“If I’m keeping secrets from my best friend, then you’d better hurry up and tell me what the hell you’re doing here,” I demand, turning to go back inside and letting Gunnar follow behind me to the kitchen. When I turn around, Gunnar looks at me with genuine concern.
“I already told you that part.” He says softly. “Checkin’ on you.”
“Why?” I demand with a little too much bite.
He sighs. “Because Marshall said you haven’t responded to any of his emails, and he’s worryin’ about you. ”
“Well, tell Marshall to mind his own business.” I snap defensively.
Gunnar gives me a look that says he’s not putting up with my icy demeanor today.
“You are his business, Elsie.” He reminds me. “You’re literally having his kid. He’s gonna be involved much more than just makin’ your breakfast every day.”
For the first time, I realize that I’ve made a mistake.
I could have kept this to myself, kept Marshall out of all of it. Now, it’s not just me and the baby, but all three of us.
“He’s going to want to be a part of all of it, isn’t he?” I say, realization dawning.
“Part of what?” Gunnar asks. “Mind if I grab some water. That was kind of a workout.”
In a daze, I go to the cabinet, pull out a glass, walk to the fridge and fill it with water, and hand it to Gunnar. Then, on autopilot, I find myself walking over and sinking into the couch.
“Elsie?” Gunnar asks, coming around the couch and sitting across from me on the coffee table. “Elsie, when was the last time you took a break?”
“I took a nap after my meeting earlier,” I reply, my tone flat.
“No. Like a real break. A vacation even.” He pushes.
“I don’t...”
“Don’t give me that bull about not needing a break. Selene tries to pull that shit on me every week, but it’s not gonna work.” He says, cutting me off.
“Fine.” I huff and admit. “I haven’t had a real vacation since before I started Crude Coral. ”
“You should consider it.” He says, reaching out and putting his massive hand on my knee. “Take Marshall and go to The Playground for a few weeks. Get to know each other.”
I look up at him and only find genuine concern in his gaze.
Selene is my best friend, but I never really thought too much about my relationship with Gunnar. He’s just her fiancé.
Right now, though, I realize he cares quite a lot about me, more than I would have presumed previously.
“Get to know him.” Gunnar continues. “If you don’t want to be with him, like in a relationship, that’s fine. But figure out how you can work together. You’re gonna have to eventually.”
Silence fills the room as Gunnar sits with me while I process.
Deep down, I know he’s right.
I chose this. I chose to bring Marshall in on all of this.
I could have not told him anything and gone through with this on my own.
The guilt of keeping that kind of a secret and eventually having to lie to my child about their father might have crushed me, though. I would have caved eventually. But that never crossed my mind in the first place.
He deserved to know. He deserves to be a part of this and deserves the chance to be a dad.
I’m keeping that opportunity from him.
“Okay.” I acquiesce, and hope shines in Gunnar’s eyes. “I’ll make the time.”
“I don’t think you’ll regret this one, Elsie. Marshall’s one of the good ones.” He says, giving my knee a squeeze.
“I know,” I say simply.